are there any black people on here..?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous[b wrote:]I wish white people would put down their defenses and listen more.[/b] And after listening and trying to understand the other perspective, try to convey that they've learned something.

Most comments are too subtle for some people to understand why they're problematic, like the comment above about the play group. People tend not to realize when they're making assumptions, about race or anything else. That's why they're assumptions. We need to be open to having our assumptions challenged. If you really want to live in a post-racist world, put down your defenses and engage in a real dialogue.

It's painful when someone accuses you of racism or racial cluelessness. It's like you're being told you're ugly in some fundamental way. I know, because I'm white and I've been there. It's often embarrassing, even shameful, and goes against the core of what you believe about yourself. But if you're white and you find yourself in that situation, turn into it and become more informed. Then you'll be more like the person you think you are.

Stepping down from the soapbox now. . .

These are the posts that anger me and I dont understand. I could say the same thing to you. I wish AA people would put down their defenses and listen more. Why are you generalizing an entire race. Its absurd!

I am not this PP but I am the PP that said that color does matter. Here is the thing, you could not say the same to minorities. And that is what you need to understand. Everything is not tit for tat.

If a black person (or other minority) is telling you what it is like to be black, what their experiences are, etc then it is not your place to tell them to stop being so sensitive, get the chip off of their shoulder, etc. You don't know what it is like. You will never walk that path so just be quiet and listen. No one is asking you to do anything except have some respect. You don't need to chime in about how we are all the same and they are just exaggerating. You have no idea, and for that you should be thankful.

So it does not work in reverse. No one is telling you about what it is like to be white and then discrediting any comments or thoughts that are based on your personal experiences. You have nothing to defend, no one is trying to stereotype or oppress you.

You don't have to worry about being seen as the representative for your entire race. If a white person acts foolish, it is seen as a white person acting foolish. There are many other images to balance that out. However, it doesn't really work that way in reverse. Appreciate that privilege and stop trying to discredit the experiences of those who know what they go through.

So maybe that is why a mommy would want a playgroup with other moms who understand that. It must get tiring trying to constantly explain and defend your worldview and experiences. It is nice to be around those who already get it- no words are necessary.

That's not how empathy works. Every person has a valid point of view, a valid set of experiences and beliefs. We are all "biased" one way or another - that's why we need to ask, and to listen. It makes little sense to argue that some people don't get the right to be listened to because their race happens to be _____ A conversation requires two willing partners - otherwise it's just a sermon.

That is not how conversations work. If I am telling you about my chemo, then listen to me. Be quiet. We can talk about your backache and you have every right to complain about your back and the flu you acquired. That is no fun. However you don't have to cut me off in or change the subject to your aches when I am talking about something else. Wait your turn and in the proper time. MOST kids learn that by age 7.

Sadly MANY adults forget that. If I am pregnant and sick and in the hospital then I am not happy. If I am telling you about it, it is not your place to discredit that and then change the subject to how I should be thankful because your sister is infertile. That is not how conversations work with people who would be considered rational and empathetic IN GENERAL.

Therefore if someone is talking about being captured by nazis or watching a lynching, it is really not fair to cut them off and change the subject to how an Asian person didn't like you because you were a white catholic. That is a legit complaint, but bring it up when the subject changes.

Or for the people who are slow, let's be less drastic. If someone is telling you about not being able to get a taxi after work, being followed around each time they go to the store, always feeling ugly because their skin or hair does not represent beauty, and how they worry about taking road trips down south because they don't know what might happen- those are valid feelings. You do not need to respond, "oh yea, well this one time a black girl called me racist and I am offended." That is a valid complaint and you should get to talk about it, but maybe not right at that moment because that wasn't the subject.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous[b wrote:]I wish white people would put down their defenses and listen more.[/b] And after listening and trying to understand the other perspective, try to convey that they've learned something.

Most comments are too subtle for some people to understand why they're problematic, like the comment above about the play group. People tend not to realize when they're making assumptions, about race or anything else. That's why they're assumptions. We need to be open to having our assumptions challenged. If you really want to live in a post-racist world, put down your defenses and engage in a real dialogue.

It's painful when someone accuses you of racism or racial cluelessness. It's like you're being told you're ugly in some fundamental way. I know, because I'm white and I've been there. It's often embarrassing, even shameful, and goes against the core of what you believe about yourself. But if you're white and you find yourself in that situation, turn into it and become more informed. Then you'll be more like the person you think you are.

Stepping down from the soapbox now. . .

These are the posts that anger me and I dont understand. I could say the same thing to you. I wish AA people would put down their defenses and listen more. Why are you generalizing an entire race. Its absurd!

I am not this PP but I am the PP that said that color does matter. Here is the thing, you could not say the same to minorities. And that is what you need to understand. Everything is not tit for tat.

If a black person (or other minority) is telling you what it is like to be black, what their experiences are, etc then it is not your place to tell them to stop being so sensitive, get the chip off of their shoulder, etc. You don't know what it is like. You will never walk that path so just be quiet and listen. No one is asking you to do anything except have some respect. You don't need to chime in about how we are all the same and they are just exaggerating. You have no idea, and for that you should be thankful.

So it does not work in reverse. No one is telling you about what it is like to be white and then discrediting any comments or thoughts that are based on your personal experiences. You have nothing to defend, no one is trying to stereotype or oppress you.

You don't have to worry about being seen as the representative for your entire race. If a white person acts foolish, it is seen as a white person acting foolish. There are many other images to balance that out. However, it doesn't really work that way in reverse. Appreciate that privilege and stop trying to discredit the experiences of those who know what they go through.

So maybe that is why a mommy would want a playgroup with other moms who understand that. It must get tiring trying to constantly explain and defend your worldview and experiences. It is nice to be around those who already get it- no words are necessary.

That's not how empathy works. Every person has a valid point of view, a valid set of experiences and beliefs. We are all "biased" one way or another - that's why we need to ask, and to listen. It makes little sense to argue that some people don't get the right to be listened to because their race happens to be _____ A conversation requires two willing partners - otherwise it's just a sermon.

The problem is that not everyone is willing to listen. Or they listen and become uncomfortable and then try to discount the experiences of others.

Look at the argumentative PP as a shining example. She is not interested in having a discourse, she's only interested in pointing out how ... actually I don't even know what her point is except to say *No YOU'RE wrong*.

[Anonymous]

Pp never told anyone they were wrong. She is making the statement that it was unnecessary to call out a specific race for not wanting to listen to another one. Why is that ok? It's not.

The posters who keeps arguing do not seem to want to acknowledge that this very though fuels the fire in these discussions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous[b wrote:]I wish white people would put down their defenses and listen more.[/b] And after listening and trying to understand the other perspective, try to convey that they've learned something.

Most comments are too subtle for some people to understand why they're problematic, like the comment above about the play group. People tend not to realize when they're making assumptions, about race or anything else. That's why they're assumptions. We need to be open to having our assumptions challenged. If you really want to live in a post-racist world, put down your defenses and engage in a real dialogue.

It's painful when someone accuses you of racism or racial cluelessness. It's like you're being told you're ugly in some fundamental way. I know, because I'm white and I've been there. It's often embarrassing, even shameful, and goes against the core of what you believe about yourself. But if you're white and you find yourself in that situation, turn into it and become more informed. Then you'll be more like the person you think you are.

Stepping down from the soapbox now. . .

These are the posts that anger me and I dont understand. I could say the same thing to you. I wish AA people would put down their defenses and listen more. Why are you generalizing an entire race. Its absurd!

I am not this PP but I am the PP that said that color does matter. Here is the thing, you could not say the same to minorities. And that is what you need to understand. Everything is not tit for tat.

If a black person (or other minority) is telling you what it is like to be black, what their experiences are, etc then it is not your place to tell them to stop being so sensitive, get the chip off of their shoulder, etc. You don't know what it is like. You will never walk that path so just be quiet and listen. No one is asking you to do anything except have some respect. You don't need to chime in about how we are all the same and they are just exaggerating. You have no idea, and for that you should be thankful.

So it does not work in reverse. No one is telling you about what it is like to be white and then discrediting any comments or thoughts that are based on your personal experiences. You have nothing to defend, no one is trying to stereotype or oppress you.

You don't have to worry about being seen as the representative for your entire race. If a white person acts foolish, it is seen as a white person acting foolish. There are many other images to balance that out. However, it doesn't really work that way in reverse. Appreciate that privilege and stop trying to discredit the experiences of those who know what they go through.

So maybe that is why a mommy would want a playgroup with other moms who understand that. It must get tiring trying to constantly explain and defend your worldview and experiences. It is nice to be around those who already get it- no words are necessary.

That's not how empathy works. Every person has a valid point of view, a valid set of experiences and beliefs. We are all "biased" one way or another - that's why we need to ask, and to listen. It makes little sense to argue that some people don't get the right to be listened to because their race happens to be _____ A conversation requires two willing partners - otherwise it's just a sermon.

That is not how conversations work. If I am telling you about my chemo, then listen to me. Be quiet. We can talk about your backache and you have every right to complain about your back and the flu you acquired. That is no fun. However you don't have to cut me off in or change the subject to your aches when I am talking about something else. Wait your turn and in the proper time. MOST kids learn that by age 7.

Sadly MANY adults forget that. If I am pregnant and sick and in the hospital then I am not happy. If I am telling you about it, it is not your place to discredit that and then change the subject to how I should be thankful because your sister is infertile. That is not how conversations work with people who would be considered rational and empathetic IN GENERAL.

Therefore if someone is talking about being captured by nazis or watching a lynching, it is really not fair to cut them off and change the subject to how an Asian person didn't like you because you were a white catholic. That is a legit complaint, but bring it up when the subject changes.

Or for the people who are slow, let's be less drastic. If someone is telling you about not being able to get a taxi after work, being followed around each time they go to the store, always feeling ugly because their skin or hair does not represent beauty, and how they worry about taking road trips down south because they don't know what might happen- those are valid feelings. You do not need to respond, "oh yea, well this one time a black girl called me racist and I am offended." That is a valid complaint and you should get to talk about it, but maybe not right at that moment because that wasn't the subject.

Wow you are just a smug bitch. Seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Im southern Italian and when I tan, people think Im black - does that count??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Im southern Italian and when I tan, people think Im black - does that count??

Only if your ancestors were enslaved by the Etruscans or the Carthaginians.

[Anonymous]

White mom and I don't get why anyone would be offended by OP. People, get real. There are a lot of entitled white women. And there are a slew of white folks who are completely oblivious to their white privilege. Finally, there is no such thing as reverse racism in a society founded on white supremacy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:White mom and I don't get why anyone would be offended by OP. People, get real. There are a lot of entitled white women. And there are a slew of white folks who are completely oblivious to their white privilege. Finally, there is no such thing as reverse racism in a society founded on white supremacy.

You crazy lady.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:White mom and I don't get why anyone would be offended by OP. People, get real. There are a lot of entitled white women. And there are a slew of white folks who are completely oblivious to their white privilege. Finally, there is no such thing as reverse racism in a society founded on white supremacy.

You crazy lady.

+1. Regardless of her race.

[Anonymous]

There's NO such thing as reverse racism. Racism is racism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous[b wrote:]I wish white people would put down their defenses and listen more.[/b] And after listening and trying to understand the other perspective, try to convey that they've learned something.

Most comments are too subtle for some people to understand why they're problematic, like the comment above about the play group. People tend not to realize when they're making assumptions, about race or anything else. That's why they're assumptions. We need to be open to having our assumptions challenged. If you really want to live in a post-racist world, put down your defenses and engage in a real dialogue.

It's painful when someone accuses you of racism or racial cluelessness. It's like you're being told you're ugly in some fundamental way. I know, because I'm white and I've been there. It's often embarrassing, even shameful, and goes against the core of what you believe about yourself. But if you're white and you find yourself in that situation, turn into it and become more informed. Then you'll be more like the person you think you are.

Stepping down from the soapbox now. . .

These are the posts that anger me and I dont understand. I could say the same thing to you. I wish AA people would put down their defenses and listen more. Why are you generalizing an entire race. Its absurd!

I am not this PP but I am the PP that said that color does matter. Here is the thing, you could not say the same to minorities. And that is what you need to understand. Everything is not tit for tat.

If a black person (or other minority) is telling you what it is like to be black, what their experiences are, etc then it is not your place to tell them to stop being so sensitive, get the chip off of their shoulder, etc. You don't know what it is like. You will never walk that path so just be quiet and listen. No one is asking you to do anything except have some respect. You don't need to chime in about how we are all the same and they are just exaggerating. You have no idea, and for that you should be thankful.

So it does not work in reverse. No one is telling you about what it is like to be white and then discrediting any comments or thoughts that are based on your personal experiences. You have nothing to defend, no one is trying to stereotype or oppress you.

You don't have to worry about being seen as the representative for your entire race. If a white person acts foolish, it is seen as a white person acting foolish. There are many other images to balance that out. However, it doesn't really work that way in reverse. Appreciate that privilege and stop trying to discredit the experiences of those who know what they go through.

So maybe that is why a mommy would want a playgroup with other moms who understand that. It must get tiring trying to constantly explain and defend your worldview and experiences. It is nice to be around those who already get it- no words are necessary.

That's not how empathy works. Every person has a valid point of view, a valid set of experiences and beliefs. We are all "biased" one way or another - that's why we need to ask, and to listen. It makes little sense to argue that some people don't get the right to be listened to because their race happens to be _____ A conversation requires two willing partners - otherwise it's just a sermon.

That is not how conversations work. If I am telling you about my chemo, then listen to me. Be quiet. We can talk about your backache and you have every right to complain about your back and the flu you acquired. That is no fun. However you don't have to cut me off in or change the subject to your aches when I am talking about something else. Wait your turn and in the proper time. MOST kids learn that by age 7.

Sadly MANY adults forget that. If I am pregnant and sick and in the hospital then I am not happy. If I am telling you about it, it is not your place to discredit that and then change the subject to how I should be thankful because your sister is infertile. That is not how conversations work with people who would be considered rational and empathetic IN GENERAL.

Therefore if someone is talking about being captured by nazis or watching a lynching, it is really not fair to cut them off and change the subject to how an Asian person didn't like you because you were a white catholic. That is a legit complaint, but bring it up when the subject changes.

Or for the people who are slow, let's be less drastic. If someone is telling you about not being able to get a taxi after work, being followed around each time they go to the store, always feeling ugly because their skin or hair does not represent beauty, and how they worry about taking road trips down south because they don't know what might happen- those are valid feelings. You do not need to respond, "oh yea, well this one time a black girl called me racist and I am offended." That is a valid complaint and you should get to talk about it, but maybe not right at that moment because that wasn't the subject.

Wow you are just a smug bitch. Seriously.

No they're not! They just made an excellent point and you have absolutely nothing constructive to say in response. Ha!

[Anonymous]

I've suffered through this whole thread and would like to first answer OP's question, yes there are black people on here. I am. I love this forum because I have gotten some of the best usable info on here, from private school to vacuum cleaner recommendations.

What I can never understand is the venom that comes from nonblack people whenever black people mention being black. Like its ok if we just shut up and pretend not to be black. Then everything is cool. But let someone seek any type of AA info and the attacks start. Now I just don't know why. But it's sort of like an abused person who can never talk about the abuse to the abuser. The abuser turns the argument around and makes the abused seem like the troublemaker.

Anyway, it should be noted that i think black people seek other black people because in that company we arent black people we are just people. Around white people, most white people,in sometimes obvious or sometimes subtle ways, we are constantly reminded of the fact that we are black and not white. It is absolutely exhausting. But I bet other races feel like that too. Chinese, Indian, Latino......

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've suffered through this whole thread and would like to first answer OP's question, yes there are black people on here. I am. I love this forum because I have gotten some of the best usable info on here, from private school to vacuum cleaner recommendations.

What I can never understand is the venom that comes from nonblack people whenever black people mention being black. Like its ok if we just shut up and pretend not to be black. Then everything is cool. But let someone seek any type of AA info and the attacks start. Now I just don't know why. But it's sort of like an abused person who can never talk about the abuse to the abuser. The abuser turns the argument around and makes the abused seem like the troublemaker.

Anyway, it should be noted that i think black people seek other black people because in that company we arent black people we are just people. Around white people, most white people,in sometimes obvious or sometimes subtle ways, we are constantly reminded of the fact that we are black and not white. It is absolutely exhausting. But I bet other races feel like that too. Chinese, Indian, Latino......

The starting venom in this thread was OP's, who's presumably black. Perhaps your point is that OP is white?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous[b wrote:]I wish white people would put down their defenses and listen more.[/b] And after listening and trying to understand the other perspective, try to convey that they've learned something.

Most comments are too subtle for some people to understand why they're problematic, like the comment above about the play group. People tend not to realize when they're making assumptions, about race or anything else. That's why they're assumptions. We need to be open to having our assumptions challenged. If you really want to live in a post-racist world, put down your defenses and engage in a real dialogue.

It's painful when someone accuses you of racism or racial cluelessness. It's like you're being told you're ugly in some fundamental way. I know, because I'm white and I've been there. It's often embarrassing, even shameful, and goes against the core of what you believe about yourself. But if you're white and you find yourself in that situation, turn into it and become more informed. Then you'll be more like the person you think you are.

Stepping down from the soapbox now. . .

These are the posts that anger me and I dont understand. I could say the same thing to you. I wish AA people would put down their defenses and listen more. Why are you generalizing an entire race. Its absurd!

I am not this PP but I am the PP that said that color does matter. Here is the thing, you could not say the same to minorities. And that is what you need to understand. Everything is not tit for tat.

If a black person (or other minority) is telling you what it is like to be black, what their experiences are, etc then it is not your place to tell them to stop being so sensitive, get the chip off of their shoulder, etc. You don't know what it is like. You will never walk that path so just be quiet and listen. No one is asking you to do anything except have some respect. You don't need to chime in about how we are all the same and they are just exaggerating. You have no idea, and for that you should be thankful.

So it does not work in reverse. No one is telling you about what it is like to be white and then discrediting any comments or thoughts that are based on your personal experiences. You have nothing to defend, no one is trying to stereotype or oppress you.

You don't have to worry about being seen as the representative for your entire race. If a white person acts foolish, it is seen as a white person acting foolish. There are many other images to balance that out. However, it doesn't really work that way in reverse. Appreciate that privilege and stop trying to discredit the experiences of those who know what they go through.

So maybe that is why a mommy would want a playgroup with other moms who understand that. It must get tiring trying to constantly explain and defend your worldview and experiences. It is nice to be around those who already get it- no words are necessary.

That's not how empathy works. Every person has a valid point of view, a valid set of experiences and beliefs. We are all "biased" one way or another - that's why we need to ask, and to listen. It makes little sense to argue that some people don't get the right to be listened to because their race happens to be _____ A conversation requires two willing partners - otherwise it's just a sermon.

That is not how conversations work. If I am telling you about my chemo, then listen to me. Be quiet. We can talk about your backache and you have every right to complain about your back and the flu you acquired. That is no fun. However you don't have to cut me off in or change the subject to your aches when I am talking about something else. Wait your turn and in the proper time. MOST kids learn that by age 7.

Sadly MANY adults forget that. If I am pregnant and sick and in the hospital then I am not happy. If I am telling you about it, it is not your place to discredit that and then change the subject to how I should be thankful because your sister is infertile. That is not how conversations work with people who would be considered rational and empathetic IN GENERAL.

Therefore if someone is talking about being captured by nazis or watching a lynching, it is really not fair to cut them off and change the subject to how an Asian person didn't like you because you were a white catholic. That is a legit complaint, but bring it up when the subject changes.

Or for the people who are slow, let's be less drastic. If someone is telling you about not being able to get a taxi after work, being followed around each time they go to the store, always feeling ugly because their skin or hair does not represent beauty, and how they worry about taking road trips down south because they don't know what might happen- those are valid feelings. You do not need to respond, "oh yea, well this one time a black girl called me racist and I am offended." That is a valid complaint and you should get to talk about it, but maybe not right at that moment because that wasn't the subject.

Wow you are just a smug bitch. Seriously.

No they're not! They just made an excellent point and you have absolutely nothing constructive to say in response. Ha!

Hmmm not so much. I saw no grat point made. And I have a ton to say that is 1) not nice and 2) a waste of my time because this poster is not worth my precious time.

[Anonymous]

^^great not grat.