When you see someone hitting their kids in public, should you say anything?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:8:48 here. Not going to quote long paragraphs and take up more room but I just want to say, OP, I think you're taking out your anger and frustration that you didn't say anything on me. You're acting like I have said "I personally spank and think it's great" when I've said the opposite this entire thread. If you feel bad you didn't say anything, that's on you, but don't misplace your anger on someone who not only did nothing to you, but doesn't even spank! You're lecturing me like I've said I condone whipping children with belts. As you originally described the incident, no, I would not have intervened, even if I didn't like what I had seen. That doesn't make me a person who likes abusers or makes excuses for them, it makes me a person who is wary to intervene unless I know for sure I just saw something illegal.

You're right - I'm angry that you and others are apologists for using violence on children. I will absolutely not apologize for the distress I feel about attitudes like yours, but there's no need for you to go on and on about you - random person on the internet - knowing full well what exactly went on yesterday. If you feel it's ok to justify hitting children, just say it, and don't pretend like you don't support it while simultaneously saying you can understand why it's justified. Also of course, not providing any concrete support of why you think using violence on children is effective.

New poster, and I just took the time to read this entire thread. Spanking, when done right, is done rarely. My daughter is 4 and has had a spanking probably 3-4 times in her entire life.

But it's always on the bottom, or, a few more times, we've hit the back of her hand. This is just a small part of how we parent. Ask my daughter, and she'll let you know she feels loved, and she certainly does not fear us. She's also well mannered, well behaved and HAPPY. Spare the rod, spoil the child.

That aside though, I don't understand why you're so desperate for sympathy here, OP.. NO one has said "I think it's great IF that guy slapped his kid in the face..". I think that if she was slapped on her face that's terrible. Punishment and discipline (no matter what it is!) should never be done in anger, and from the sounds of it, that was this man's first really big mistake. But you are never going to get your point across, you're never going to get sympathy, or even agreement from the people on this board with your anger filled posts like we were the ones doing something wrong that day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:8:48 here. Not going to quote long paragraphs and take up more room but I just want to say, OP, I think you're taking out your anger and frustration that you didn't say anything on me. You're acting like I have said "I personally spank and think it's great" when I've said the opposite this entire thread. If you feel bad you didn't say anything, that's on you, but don't misplace your anger on someone who not only did nothing to you, but doesn't even spank! You're lecturing me like I've said I condone whipping children with belts. As you originally described the incident, no, I would not have intervened, even if I didn't like what I had seen. That doesn't make me a person who likes abusers or makes excuses for them, it makes me a person who is wary to intervene unless I know for sure I just saw something illegal.

You're right - I'm angry that you and others are apologists for using violence on children. I will absolutely not apologize for the distress I feel about attitudes like yours, but there's no need for you to go on and on about you - random person on the internet - knowing full well what exactly went on yesterday. If you feel it's ok to justify hitting children, just say it, and don't pretend like you don't support it while simultaneously saying you can understand why it's justified. Also of course, not providing any concrete support of why you think using violence on children is effective.

New poster, and I just took the time to read this entire thread. Spanking, when done right, is done rarely. My daughter is 4 and has had a spanking probably 3-4 times in her entire life.

But it's always on the bottom, or, a few more times, we've hit the back of her hand. This is just a small part of how we parent. Ask my daughter, and she'll let you know she feels loved, and she certainly does not fear us. She's also well mannered, well behaved and HAPPY. Spare the rod, spoil the child.

That aside though, I don't understand why you're so desperate for sympathy here, OP.. NO one has said "I think it's great IF that guy slapped his kid in the face..". I think that if she was slapped on her face that's terrible. Punishment and discipline (no matter what it is!) should never be done in anger, and from the sounds of it, that was this man's first really big mistake. But you are never going to get your point across, you're never going to get sympathy, or even agreement from the people on this board with your anger filled posts like we were the ones doing something wrong that day.

I'm not angry at anything, but the constant apologists in this thread who justify using violence against children. Sorry, but I refuse to apologize for that - and yes, being an apologist for using corporeal punishment on children is wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not going to argue with you anymore, OP. You clearly like feel like shit that you didn't do anything. That's your problem, not mine.

If you want to debate or fight for the sake of debating and fighting, I won't be giving that to you. I understand some people like to be contrarians just because they can or they like to stir stuff up, but I don't think that has a place in a discussion about using violence on children.

[Anonymous]

I haven't seen anyone apologizing for anything. The more you post, the less I want to listen to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven't seen anyone apologizing for anything. The more you post, the less I want to listen to you.

If that's the case, then you might actually want to read (or re-read) this post from start to finish, instead of reading what you want to read.

[Anonymous]

I am honestly beginning to think you're a troll, OP. I am not usually quick to call troll, but all you're interested in is people telling YOU what you want to hear, when your post wasn't even about you.

We are all different with differing thoughts, feelings and opinions for a reason, and everyone is not going to always agree with you, and tell you what you want to hear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MYOB. Period.

This attitude is why kids are abused and it goes on for years and then something catastrophic happens (e.g., kids die from abuse) and everyone wonders how come no one stepped in to help earlier on.

I get it. In your book, spanking= abuse. But in MY book, spanking (when done correctly) = discipline. There is a difference between SPANKING and BEATING but you can’t seem to differentiate the between the two so take my advice here….MYOB. Because if you happen to approach ME about the way I disciplined MY child, it would not be a pleasant encounter, I can assure you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those of you who hit your children are pathetic, weak bullies. Take a parenting class for the love of god. This thread turns my stomach.

Agreed. This is not at all like hitting a child's hand as they're reaching for a hot stove - where time is of the essence and the sensory reaction of immediately moving one's hand away, is at stake.

Hitting your child is not only poor parenting, it's lazy parenting. It's not even going to teach your children (or the parent) how to productively deal with their anger. There's a middle ground between using corporeal punishment, and becoming BFFs with your children.

1000% agree. Just because it's "legal" doesn't mean is it right or good. It doesn't teach anything other than it is ok to hit out of anger. And, mommy/daddy can't control themselves or use other means of effective discipline. People who hit their children should be ashamed of themselves. I judge them. Harshly.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know this... If one of you sanctimonious parents EVER comes up to me if I smack my kid and even think about confronting me or, God forbid, intervening, [b]I would take pleasure in giving you a piece of my mind using choice words [b]and perhaps a physical threat.[/b]Beat it with your holier-than-thou attitude toward disciplining children. There is no one size fits all type of discipline out there. The responsive classroom method at our school works on about 1/4 of the kids in any given class. Most of them need a smack in the back of the head every now and then; not time to think about actions and consequences.

Well, this one pretty much sums up the fact that parents who hit their kids, do it for all the wrong reasons. Its not about discipline or what is best for the child. Its about "let me show you how big and tough I am". You are actually laying in wait of someone questioning you so you can belittle them and threaten them. This is just sad and pathetic.

+infinity

Violence begets violence as evidenced by horror of a person above. A physical threat? Who the fuck does that?

These are the same parents of school bullies - like parent, like child. Where do they think they child learns it from??? Children who hit others are almost always hit by their own parents. Rinse, repeat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have glared at the parents before which usually gets an outburst from them in my direction, but I think it's important for them to realize that other people judge them for slapping their kids around.

That is probably the worst thing you could do. Passive aggressive bullshit.

Yup. Just be straight up aggressive and smack the dad to discipline him. Hey, it works for the kids! Or probably not... hmmm...

it amazes me that assaulting an adult is a crime but assaulting a child is "discipline." you know what works to discipline a child? no, it's not smacking them - it's giving them consistent logic

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Those of you who hit your children are pathetic, weak bullies. Take a parenting class for the love of god. This thread turns my stomach.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Those of you who hit your children are pathetic, weak bullies. Take a parenting class for the love of god. This thread turns my stomach.

+1 hitting your kids is lazy at best & abuse at worst. god forbid someone actually take time to teach their kids. i think a lot of people don't know better, but they also don't WANT to know better. ignorance is bliss, just smack the kids because it's easy.

[Anonymous]

Op, I'm on the "parents who smack their kids are lazy bullies" team. I just wanted to say I empathize with your story. I was in downtown silver spring a few weeks ago and I walked by two women and a boy who looked to be maybe 4 or 5 (I have a 5 year old DS and he looked about the same size). The boy was whining, the two women were sort of ignoring him, and then just as I walked past them I heard the.loudest.smack. It was awful. And immediately after that the boy started wailing. It broke my heart. Like you, I didn't know what to do. This was on a crowded street in downtown SS on a saturday late morning so there were lots of people around who witnessed it. I could hear him crying even as I crossed the street to go into the CVS. I was mad at myself then, and still am, for not saying something to those women. For the record, I've swatted my kids maybe 3 times between them, on the butt, in the 8+ years that I've been a parent. I apologized to them each time and said that I made a mistake, that hitting them is no way to teach them how to behave properly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am honestly beginning to think you're a troll, OP. I am not usually quick to call troll, but all you're interested in is people telling YOU what you want to hear, when your post wasn't even about you.

We are all different with differing thoughts, feelings and opinions for a reason, and everyone is not going to always agree with you, and tell you what you want to hear.

That's fine CAA. If you regret being an apologist for child abuse, that's on you. If you want to call people a troll because you're regretting how you replied and (non)-explained your stance, it's your responsibility to not deflect your wavering and inconsistent comments. I guess it's far easier to call someone else a troll, than to own up to your ill replies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, I'm on the "parents who smack their kids are lazy bullies" team. I just wanted to say I empathize with your story. I was in downtown silver spring a few weeks ago and I walked by two women and a boy who looked to be maybe 4 or 5 (I have a 5 year old DS and he looked about the same size). The boy was whining, the two women were sort of ignoring him, and then just as I walked past them I heard the.loudest.smack. It was awful. And immediately after that the boy started wailing. It broke my heart. Like you, I didn't know what to do. This was on a crowded street in downtown SS on a saturday late morning so there were lots of people around who witnessed it. I could hear him crying even as I crossed the street to go into the CVS. I was mad at myself then, and still am, for not saying something to those women. For the record, I've swatted my kids maybe 3 times between them, on the butt, in the 8+ years that I've been a parent. I apologized to them each time and said that I made a mistake, that hitting them is no way to teach them how to behave properly.

Thank you for sharing this. I know that others have been or witnesses similar circumstances, and it's a dilemma that sadly, too many people have faced. It really is heartbreaking. I think it's one thing to swat and butt and then feel regret - at least one catches themselves and recognizes acting out in anger, rather than discipline. But it's amazing to me that people think there's no wide, large, swathe of a middle ground between hitting your kids, and then coddling them. Effective and invested parenting doesn't need to resort corporeal punishment.