When you see someone hitting their kids in public, should you say anything?

[Anonymous]

I was at Tysons earlier this afternoon, and I saw a dad pushing his triplet girls in a stroller. The daughters appeared around 2 years old. One of the girls was hitting another girl, and the dad stopped the stroller, and hit the daughter very hard. It was not a pat or light slap or even a benign hit - it was hard enough to make a very loud snapping sound like a whip, and caused the poor child to shriek out.

No wonder the toddler child was hitting - she learned from her dad that it's acceptable to hit others. I was shocked and horrified. I wanted to say something. It made me so sad.

Do you, or should you ever say anything if this is done in such a public place? If so, what have you said?

[Anonymous]

I would not in that circumstance. If I saw a child being slapped across the face or punched I might try to somehow alert the police. In your situation it depends on the age of the child. I don't agree with spanking but some parents do. Also, you never know when the adult might take it out on the child even worse.

I was abused and I can tell you that comments from bystanders made it much worse for me. If you aren't prepared to go beyond that and really do something more for the child just stay out if it.

[Anonymous]

If I saw someone beating a child or slapping an infant, I would possibly do something. But a parent smacking a 2 year old is how they apparently choose to discipline, whether you agree or not. So no I would not do anything in this situation.

[Anonymous]

I saw a little girl being punched in the head repeatedly by her mother just outside of a subway station in nyc. I got between them and started screaming for the cops who I knew always hung out at that particular station. Wasn't maybe my smartest decision but I don't feel bad about it, the little girl literally clung to my legs in terror when I got between them. I regret that I didn't punch the mother but I realize that's immature and wouldn't have solved anything.

I think most of the time I wouldn't get involved but this situation was just horrendous and I could not ignore it

[Anonymous]

I once watched a woman repeatedly whacking her maybe 3 yo daughter on the top of the head in a grocery store. I was livid and so badly wanted to do or say something, but was afraid the situation would just escalate and/or the woman would take out her anger on her child when they got home. There was absolutely nothing I could do or say for that child to make her situation better. Really sad. I started volunteering and donating to a women's and children's shelter after that in an attempt to do something useful for kids who might suffer from abuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not in that circumstance. If I saw a child being slapped across the face or punched I might try to somehow alert the police. In your situation it depends on the age of the child. I don't agree with spanking but some parents do. Also, you never know when the adult might take it out on the child even worse.

I was abused and I can tell you that comments from bystanders made it much worse for me. If you aren't prepared to go beyond that and really do something more for the child just stay out if it.

OTOH, my husband was abused and whenever we see shit like this go down he tries to intervene, because he always felt alone like the world didn't notice what was going on. This doesn't necessarily mean he confronts the parent, sometimes it is just to engage the kid more positively.

2 might be a bit young for this dynamic though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I saw someone beating a child or slapping an infant, I would possibly do something. But a parent smacking a 2 year old is how they apparently choose to discipline, whether you agree or not. So no I would not do anything in this situation.

So who gets to discipline the dad by hitting him for hitting? It just seems so ironic, and completely futile in terms of discipline - to do the same thing to a child, that they're apparently being "disciplined" for.

[Anonymous]

Just because you don't agree with the form of discipline doesn't mean it's something that requires your attention or the attention of the authorities. Would I do any of those things to my children? Absolutely not but how other people discipline their children isn't my business. 9/10 of the kids you see getting smacked in the street aren't text-book abused; they most likely have parents that only understand one form of discipline.

Most of you who negotiate with your children from infancy to adulthood will probably have more poorly behaved children then those parents who smacked their kids.

[Anonymous]

No, myob.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, myob.

+1,000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, myob.

-1,000,000

[Anonymous]

I have glared at the parents before which usually gets an outburst from them in my direction, but I think it's important for them to realize that other people judge them for slapping their kids around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I saw someone beating a child or slapping an infant, I would possibly do something. But a parent smacking a 2 year old is how they apparently choose to discipline, whether you agree or not. So no I would not do anything in this situation.

So who gets to discipline the dad by hitting him for hitting? It just seems so ironic, and completely futile in terms of discipline - to do the same thing to a child, that they're apparently being "disciplined" for.

Look, I get that you don't agree with hitting to punish hitting. But that doesn't matter because some parents do and unless it really crosses the line, it's not physical abuse. The little girl wasn't hit for no reason; her dad was disciplining her. You don't have to like it or agree with it but it doesn't give you the right to speak up. I don't condone abuse at all and would absolutely intervene if I saw it, but you can't go around bitching out everyone who parents differently than you. He has triplets, maybe it's been a long, tough day. You don't know. But as OP described it it was not worthy of her intervention.

[Anonymous]

I've been told that the best thing to do is to try to redirect by expressing sympathy for the parent (oh, we all get so frustrated, don't we?) and complimenting the child or trying to engage them (but your baby is so pretty). You want to stop the abuse and let them both know that someone noticed without making the parent lose face. No matter how little sympathy you actually have for the parent, expressing judgment of them in public might just make it worse for the kid later.

I have never, however, had to confront this situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I saw someone beating a child or slapping an infant, I would possibly do something. But a parent smacking a 2 year old is how they apparently choose to discipline, whether you agree or not. So no I would not do anything in this situation.

So who gets to discipline the dad by hitting him for hitting? It just seems so ironic, and completely futile in terms of discipline - to do the same thing to a child, that they're apparently being "disciplined" for.

Look, I get that you don't agree with hitting to punish hitting. But that doesn't matter because some parents do and unless it really crosses the line, it's not physical abuse. The little girl wasn't hit for no reason; her dad was disciplining her. You don't have to like it or agree with it but it doesn't give you the right to speak up. I don't condone abuse at all and would absolutely intervene if I saw it, but you can't go around bitching out everyone who parents differently than you. He has triplets, maybe it's been a long, tough day. You don't know. But as OP described it it was not worthy of her intervention.

pp, I agree 100%. If I intervened every time I saw parenting I didn't like/agree with (like obese parents buying supersize meals in a fast food restaurant for their already-overweight kids), I would be the biggest busybody around. Some of the examples given here where people did intervene are much more serious-punching repeatedly, beating, etc. If the dad had pulled the kid out of the stroller and started smacking her across the face, or smacking her repeatedly while screaming at her, that is a different situation, but just smacking a child for smacking her sibling is apparently how this dad disciplines (and no, I don't agree with it either and it would upset me very much if I saw it). You don't have to like it, but getting involved is not going to change anything and may make it worse-if he's truly had a bad day, he may start to take it out on you, or the little girl once you are gone.