DCUM archetypes I'm very, very tired of.

[Anonymous]

NP here. I haven't read more than just the first page of this thread, but I also don't understand women who find themselves in this situation. Unless you husband changed after you had a child, then you just need to stop whining and moaning and deal with it.

Everything changes after having kids. I fall into both categories and it really is having kids that makes these things bigger issues. My DH isn't lazy but he is not high energy or organized enough to keep up with all the stuff that needs to get done. I used to work 80-90 hours a week before kids and now I only work about 45-50 (with 10 hours being on-line at home) but now I have absolutely no down time or time for any of my previous pursuits or social activities that I did when I was single working 80-90 weeks.

People want the best for their kids and there is much more stress to be able to stay in a neighborhood filled with kids and a good school, be able to save for college, and save for retirement so that you don't become a burden to your kids. If I was single I wouldn't give a crap about living in small apartment, not having a maintained safe car, visiting relatives across the country, eating healthy food or all the stuff that I spend money on or save towards.

[Anonymous]

I am always amazed at the SAHMs in my neighborhood that brag about sleeping in on the weekends and making their DH get up early to take kids to all the activities. so many use the weekend as a personal vacation in my neighborhood.

WTF? The man worked all week--let him have some downtime. I WAH and have a more flexible, lighter work schedule than DH so I am always cognizant of giving him some downtime. His hours are much longer and the nature of his work is much more stressful-- Fed vs independent consultant. We both love watching our kids sports' games so we are both up for those--but I'll give him a break and do the bday party runs, mundane chores, etc.

It is give and take and nobody said it was going to be 50-50 all of the time. True partnerships evolve/change in in very different ways. I found when I stopped trying to look at it as 'I do X, Y, Z and so much' and started realizing the ways DH contributed--- I was much better off.

I agree. Ball-busting and moaning and complaining does nobody good and turns partnerships sour. If the housework is causing all the problems- hire a cleaning lady and cut back on other expenses if needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's all relative. Do people that make $250,000 sometimes feel like they are just getting by? Yes. Do most of us realIze this is a first world problem? Yes. We have not lost perspective, we realize we are lucky, but we still post about our problems because they are OUR problems and that is what these forums are about. You are welcome to share your issues whether you make $25,000 a year or $250,000. The real assholes re the people that think money solves all problems so they resent those that make more than they do. It doesn't. And we know it as well as you do, so stop criticizing because we feel scared from time to time the same way that you feel scared from time to time. Or, as Jay Z said, mo money mo problems.

I'm out.

Here's the thing:It's not that you can't complain, but there's a tone-deaf, sort of entitled attitude that seems to come along with it. Like people feel because they work hard and they've "made it" but they don't have enough money for their vision of a luxurious lifestyle, they're being deprived. Whatever $ I make, I don't feel the need to complain about it on this board. Why? Because I actually do not have a problem with it. Would I like to have more money, sure, why not, but wouldn't everybody like to have a little more money? If you can take care of your needs and some of your wants, there is actually nothing to complain about. It gets old, that's all.

[Anonymous]

"I don't think telling someone their laziness makes you unhappy is good negotiating. Don't do his laundry. Leave the dishes unwashed until he does them. Cook the same meal every single day, or don't cook at all, if he doesn't want to help. Designate a room for his crap and throw it all in there if he won't pick up after himself. Do what you need to do to send him the message. Is it sort of immature? Yes, but so is acting like your working wife is your mommy/maid."

Do you have children? Do you think it's good/safe for children to live in a house with unwashed dishes and the same dinner every night? And do you think we all have a spare room we don't use regularly in which to throw his crap?

[Anonymous]

DH is so lazy that he will eat a candy bar and leave the rapper out (on the floor, table, entertainment unit, wherever) instead of throwing it in the trash. The same goes for everything he touches. I've found all sorts of unsafe items laying around the house: small blue tooth headsets, the plastic bag that the daily newspaper comes in, old batteries that he's removed from the remote and just left laying around, loose change, finger nail clippers, the metal hooks that the dry cleaners use to keep your clothes attached to the hanger...I think you get the point. I got so tired of always rushing over to my infant to stop him from choking on one of these objects that DH carelessly leaves lying around. I also got tired of asking DH to not leave these items around. So I told him. If there is anything that I find on the floor or in the babies reach that does not belong there and is a choking hazard it's getting thrown in the trash. I was serious.

Fast forward...the other day I went to lay down in the bed (we co sleep with our baby) and there was a double A battery laying in the bed! Seriously, a battery, in the bed. I was so pissed. I picked it up and threw it away. Turns out that the TV remote had died and he was planning to use that as the replacement battery for the remote. He asked me if I had seen the battery. I said oh the one that was on the bed. Yes I threw it away.

Take actions ladies. Let's get our points across!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH is so lazy that he will eat a candy bar and leave the rapper out (on the floor, table, entertainment unit, wherever) instead of throwing it in the trash. The same goes for everything he touches. I've found all sorts of unsafe items laying around the house: small blue tooth headsets, the plastic bag that the daily newspaper comes in, old batteries that he's removed from the remote and just left laying around, loose change, finger nail clippers, the metal hooks that the dry cleaners use to keep your clothes attached to the hanger...I think you get the point. I got so tired of always rushing over to my infant to stop him from choking on one of these objects that DH carelessly leaves lying around. I also got tired of asking DH to not leave these items around. So I told him. If there is anything that I find on the floor or in the babies reach that does not belong there and is a choking hazard it's getting thrown in the trash. I was serious.

Fast forward...the other day I went to lay down in the bed (we co sleep with our baby) and there was a double A battery laying in the bed! Seriously, a battery, in the bed. I was so pissed. I picked it up and threw it away. Turns out that the TV remote had died and he was planning to use that as the replacement battery for the remote. He asked me if I had seen the battery. I said oh the one that was on the bed. Yes I threw it away.

Take actions ladies. Let's get our points across!

I'm taking action by teaching my 9 & 11 year old boys how to take care of and pick up after themselves. Your husband has the same behavior as they do when they are being lazy. Thankfully they are still young and do not act like this all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH is so lazy that he will eat a candy bar and leave the rapper out (on the floor, table, entertainment unit, wherever) instead of throwing it in the trash.

Man, I just hate it when i come home and find Ice-T and MC Hammer laying around on the floor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH is so lazy that he will eat a candy bar and leave the rapper out (on the floor, table, entertainment unit, wherever) instead of throwing it in the trash.

Man, I just hate it when i come home and find Ice-T and MC Hammer laying around on the floor.

Thanks for that! I wanted to respond the same, but couldn't come up quickly with any rapper names. You done good.

[Anonymous]

My DW likes to take her shoes off when she gets home. The problem is that she leaves them in the middle of the kitchen floor, where I have to step over them all night long, until she puts them on the next morning. We have a shoe rack right by the door into the house, but she does not use it for some reason. Can I just tell her I'll start throwing her shoes in the garbage when she leaves them in the middle of the floor?

Would you all agree that's an appropriate approach?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH is so lazy that he will eat a candy bar and leave the rapper out (on the floor, table, entertainment unit, wherever) instead of throwing it in the trash.

Man, I just hate it when i come home and find Ice-T and MC Hammer laying around on the floor.

LOL you just really dated yourself Ms. 1991. Crap we are old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH is so lazy that he will eat a candy bar and leave the rapper out (on the floor, table, entertainment unit, wherever) instead of throwing it in the trash.

Man, I just hate it when i come home and find Ice-T and MC Hammer laying around on the floor.

LOL you just really dated yourself Ms. 1991. Crap we are old.

I thought it would be funnier if they were washed up rappers.

And yeah, I'm old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's all relative. Do people that make $250,000 sometimes feel like they are just getting by? Yes. Do most of us realIze this is a first world problem? Yes. We have not lost perspective, we realize we are lucky, but we still post about our problems because they are OUR problems and that is what these forums are about. You are welcome to share your issues whether you make $25,000 a year or $250,000. The real assholes re the people that think money solves all problems so they resent those that make more than they do. It doesn't. And we know it as well as you do, so stop criticizing because we feel scared from time to time the same way that you feel scared from time to time. Or, as Jay Z said, mo money mo problems.

I'm out.

Here's the thing:It's not that you can't complain, but there's a tone-deaf, sort of entitled attitude that seems to come along with it. Like people feel because they work hard and they've "made it" but they don't have enough money for their vision of a luxurious lifestyle, they're being deprived. Whatever $ I make, I don't feel the need to complain about it on this board. Why? Because I actually do not have a problem with it. Would I like to have more money, sure, why not, but wouldn't everybody like to have a little more money? If you can take care of your needs and some of your wants, there is actually nothing to complain about. It gets old, that's all.

THANK YOU PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DW likes to take her shoes off when she gets home. The problem is that she leaves them in the middle of the kitchen floor, where I have to step over them all night long, until she puts them on the next morning. We have a shoe rack right by the door into the house, but she does not use it for some reason. Can I just tell her I'll start throwing her shoes in the garbage when she leaves them in the middle of the floor?

Would you all agree that's an appropriate approach?

You could put them somewhere, anywhere, but preferably somewhere she won't easily find them. Then when she says "Honey, did you see my shoes?" You can say "What shoes?" Then when she said "the ones in the kitchen" you can say "Who would leave their shoes in the kitchen? There's a shoe rack for shoes. I bet nobody who puts their shoes in the shoe rack loses their shoes."

After a few times she might catch on. Do I sound like I speak from experience? Because I speak from experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DW likes to take her shoes off when she gets home. The problem is that she leaves them in the middle of the kitchen floor, where I have to step over them all night long, until she puts them on the next morning. We have a shoe rack right by the door into the house, but she does not use it for some reason. Can I just tell her I'll start throwing her shoes in the garbage when she leaves them in the middle of the floor?

Would you all agree that's an appropriate approach?

You could put them somewhere, anywhere, but preferably somewhere she won't easily find them. Then when she says "Honey, did you see my shoes?" You can say "What shoes?" Then when she said "the ones in the kitchen" you can say "Who would leave their shoes in the kitchen? There's a shoe rack for shoes. I bet nobody who puts their shoes in the shoe rack loses their shoes."

After a few times she might catch on. Do I sound like I speak from experience? Because I speak from experience.

That doesn't sound effective, because she'll say, "Why are you being a passive aggressive dickhead?".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH is so lazy that he will eat a candy bar and leave the rapper out (on the floor, table, entertainment unit, wherever) instead of throwing it in the trash.

Man, I just hate it when i come home and find Ice-T and MC Hammer laying around on the floor.

I am literally ROFL!!!