DCUM archetypes I'm very, very tired of.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Actually, no, I will not stop posting issues that concern me, even though I'm luckier than you are. What do you want me to say? Go back in time, study hard in school, don't procreate with someone unreliable?


"There but for the grace of God, go I"

You really need a dose of humility.


I have no free will in life at all?


Do you really think that everything you have in life is solely because you "studied hard, was smarter than the rest of us when finding a husband?" No circumstance ever played a role in your life?



No of course not. But I don't think it's 100% luck that I'm not divorced and I have assets. I had asshole bosses but persevered because I wanted to keep the job. My husband can be a jerk but it's better for the kids that we stay married. I'm not going to stop whining on an anonymous forum because my issues are smaller than someone else's.

NP here. I don't care if you continue to whine here, although I find your tin ear about the problems of others as you streamroll with your *right* to whine....amusing, to say the least.

But to the bolded point, yes, it is 100% luck that you aren't divorced. He can wake up tomorrow and walk out and you won't be able to do a thing to stop it. You may not ever know why. Humans are unpredictable. Fascinatingly, frustratingly, interestingly unpredictable. Same thing with your "assets". You are one major disaster or catastrophic illness from a serious challenge. You have no idea if the people you suggest are not as lucky as you are have not experienced catastrophe after studying hard, and procreating with a "good" man.

Pretending that any advantage you have is something you control...well, that's what shows what an immature perspective you have. Honestly, for your sake, hope nothing really bad ever happens to you. I doubt you could handle it.

[Anonymous]

I also fall into both of those categories. I think it's funny you think #1 can be solved so easily. What would your Heiness recommend I do?

NP here. I haven't read more than just the first page of this thread, but I also don't understand women who find themselves in this situation. Unless you husband changed after you had a child, then you just need to stop whining and moaning and deal with it. If he didn't do chores before you had a baby, he's not going to suddenly become more helpful after you have a baby. And for God's sake, if he doesn't help you with #1 and you are miserable, don't have #2. Or if you decide to have another, SHUT THE FUCK UP about your situation. Because you let a man who doesn't help you or value you enough to care about you ejaculate inside you. Your fault.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I also fall into both of those categories. I think it's funny you think #1 can be solved so easily. What would your Heiness recommend I do?

NP here. I haven't read more than just the first page of this thread, but I also don't understand women who find themselves in this situation. Unless you husband changed after you had a child, then you just need to stop whining and moaning and deal with it. If he didn't do chores before you had a baby, he's not going to suddenly become more helpful after you have a baby. And for God's sake, if he doesn't help you with #1 and you are miserable, don't have #2. Or if you decide to have another, SHUT THE FUCK UP about your situation. Because you let a man who doesn't help you or value you enough to care about you ejaculate inside you. Your fault.

This exactly. All of the people with husbands like this now: get counseling. For yourself, if not your husband. Learn to deal with him. For the people not yet married: seriously think about whether you'd be happy with his current level of involvement 10 years and two children or so down the line. If the answer is no, see #1. If that doesn't work, run.

I'm personally very very tired of a few IRL friends who have husbands like this but are currently on baby #2 (or more) with them. HOW can you sit there and complain about him not helping and then turn around and announce you're TTC with him? Does. Not. Compute.

[Anonymous]

+1

For some couples, getting both partners to work together was hard work in and of itself. You have to be willing to negotiate, argue, and put your foot down.

[Anonymous]

It's all relative. Do people that make $250,000 sometimes feel like they are just getting by? Yes. Do most of us realIze this is a first world problem? Yes. We have not lost perspective, we realize we are lucky, but we still post about our problems because they are OUR problems and that is what these forums are about. You are welcome to share your issues whether you make $25,000 a year or $250,000. The real assholes re the people that think money solves all problems so they resent those that make more than they do. It doesn't. And we know it as well as you do, so stop criticizing because we feel scared from time to time the same way that you feel scared from time to time. Or, as Jay Z said, mo money mo problems.

I'm out.

[Anonymous]

People who can't be bothered to read an ongoing discussion and post things that have already been said many times.

People who try to guess if the poster is someone they know. Is that you AR? And the like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I also fall into both of those categories. I think it's funny you think #1 can be solved so easily. What would your Heiness recommend I do?

NP here. I haven't read more than just the first page of this thread, but I also don't understand women who find themselves in this situation. Unless you husband changed after you had a child, then you just need to stop whining and moaning and deal with it. If he didn't do chores before you had a baby, he's not going to suddenly become more helpful after you have a baby. And for God's sake, if he doesn't help you with #1 and you are miserable, don't have #2. Or if you decide to have another, SHUT THE FUCK UP about your situation. Because you let a man who doesn't help you or value you enough to care about you ejaculate inside you. Your fault.

Interesting. Don't complain if your husband turns out to be unhelpful, but it's okay to complain if you have a kid with a man you never married, who neither contributes financially nor watches the kid when the kid is sick and he's unemployed. I guess the point is that women with a high HHI should never whine in any circumstance?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What if a new forum opens that's directed solely to the people we (as a country) have defined as "wealthy"? The "Over $250,000 HHI Only" forum. Would that satisfy those unsatisfied here?

Would this may you happy?

Yes there should be two types of fora: Those with HHI of a certain level, and those for whom threads like, "What do you make yourself to save money" appeal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I also fall into both of those categories. I think it's funny you think #1 can be solved so easily. What would your Heiness recommend I do?

NP here. I haven't read more than just the first page of this thread, but I also don't understand women who find themselves in this situation. Unless you husband changed after you had a child, then you just need to stop whining and moaning and deal with it. If he didn't do chores before you had a baby, he's not going to suddenly become more helpful after you have a baby. And for God's sake, if he doesn't help you with #1 and you are miserable, don't have #2. Or if you decide to have another, SHUT THE FUCK UP about your situation. Because you let a man who doesn't help you or value you enough to care about you ejaculate inside you. Your fault.

This exactly. All of the people with husbands like this now: get counseling. For yourself, if not your husband. Learn to deal with him. For the people not yet married: seriously think about whether you'd be happy with his current level of involvement 10 years and two children or so down the line. If the answer is no, see #1. If that doesn't work, run.

I'm personally very very tired of a few IRL friends who have husbands like this but are currently on baby #2 (or more) with them. HOW can you sit there and complain about him not helping and then turn around and announce you're TTC with him? Does. Not. Compute.

You really don't get it, do you? I had a second child with my unhelpful husband because I wanted two children. DUH. Why do women who'd rationally be much better off working end up SAH? Because they want to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:+1

For some couples, getting both partners to work together was hard work in and of itself. You have to be willing to negotiate, argue, and put your foot down.

We've negotiated, argued and gone to counselling. I told him that his laziness was causing me major marital unhappiness. All that's left is I either put up with it or leave him, and no, I'm not willing to divorce over his laziness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I also fall into both of those categories. I think it's funny you think #1 can be solved so easily. What would your Heiness recommend I do?

NP here. I haven't read more than just the first page of this thread, but I also don't understand women who find themselves in this situation. Unless you husband changed after you had a child, then you just need to stop whining and moaning and deal with it. If he didn't do chores before you had a baby, he's not going to suddenly become more helpful after you have a baby. And for God's sake, if he doesn't help you with #1 and you are miserable, don't have #2. Or if you decide to have another, SHUT THE FUCK UP about your situation. Because you let a man who doesn't help you or value you enough to care about you ejaculate inside you. Your fault.

Interesting. Don't complain if your husband turns out to be unhelpful, but it's okay to complain if you have a kid with a man you never married, who neither contributes financially nor watches the kid when the kid is sick and he's unemployed. I guess the point is that women with a high HHI should never whine in any circumstance?

Who said I never married him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I also fall into both of those categories. I think it's funny you think #1 can be solved so easily. What would your Heiness recommend I do?

NP here. I haven't read more than just the first page of this thread, but I also don't understand women who find themselves in this situation. Unless you husband changed after you had a child, then you just need to stop whining and moaning and deal with it. If he didn't do chores before you had a baby, he's not going to suddenly become more helpful after you have a baby. And for God's sake, if he doesn't help you with #1 and you are miserable, don't have #2. Or if you decide to have another, SHUT THE FUCK UP about your situation. Because you let a man who doesn't help you or value you enough to care about you ejaculate inside you. Your fault.

Interesting. Don't complain if your husband turns out to be unhelpful, but it's okay to complain if you have a kid with a man you never married, who neither contributes financially nor watches the kid when the kid is sick and he's unemployed. I guess the point is that women with a high HHI should never whine in any circumstance?

1) I never said I never married him. Do you know me in real life?
2) The point is that I don't whine (not on here anyway). I stated the facts to point out that when you are married, earn more than $300,000, have your health and your kids health, you really don't have anything to complain about. Stop looking for problems where there are none. Get some perspective! Do I think you run into problems occasionally that you need to deal with? Of course! It's just that money is not one of them unless you are really stupid about it.

[Anonymous]

Problem with divorcing a lazy husband who won't help with housework is that then you are a single mom who has to do all the housework. In a smaller, not-as-nice house because now you're paying for two households.

I'm a single mom and I can see why a woman might stay with a lazy husband - because it's better than the alternative, sometimes. i can also see why they complain. It's too bad everyone can't just do their share! (I don't have much sympathy for SAHMs who complain that dad doesn't do his share. if he's bringing in all the income, he's already doing a share.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:+1

For some couples, getting both partners to work together was hard work in and of itself. You have to be willing to negotiate, argue, and put your foot down.

We've negotiated, argued and gone to counselling. I told him that his laziness was causing me major marital unhappiness. All that's left is I either put up with it or leave him, and no, I'm not willing to divorce over his laziness.

I don't think telling someone their laziness makes you unhappy is good negotiating. Don't do his laundry. Leave the dishes unwashed until he does them. Cook the same meal every single day, or don't cook at all, if he doesn't want to help. Designate a room for his crap and throw it all in there if he won't pick up after himself. Do what you need to do to send him the message. Is it sort of immature? Yes, but so is acting like your working wife is your mommy/maid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I also fall into both of those categories. I think it's funny you think #1 can be solved so easily. What would your Heiness recommend I do?

NP here. I haven't read more than just the first page of this thread, but I also don't understand women who find themselves in this situation. Unless you husband changed after you had a child, then you just need to stop whining and moaning and deal with it. If he didn't do chores before you had a baby, he's not going to suddenly become more helpful after you have a baby. And for God's sake, if he doesn't help you with #1 and you are miserable, don't have #2. Or if you decide to have another, SHUT THE FUCK UP about your situation. Because you let a man who doesn't help you or value you enough to care about you ejaculate inside you. Your fault.

You need a dose of reality - and compassion. Yes, people do change once they're married, once they have kids, and as they get older. DH lost his job, fell into deep, deep depression, and starting drinking excessively. He went from a generally loving, caring, calm, good humored person to being sullen, angry, unpredictable, and verbally abusive. He's threatened suicide. None of which I could have imagined when we were married eight years ago. He's in therapy, seeking counseling, but it's day by day and it is HELL. If you would have asked me four years ago that this would be my reality, I would have said, no way! But here I am. By the grace of God .... You should stop being so smug. You just never know.