I live inside my head

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:just an update, OP -- this really got me thinking -- I have done this for a looooong time and I am the one doing dark awful stuff -- well, self harming things, and issues people with impulse control have (spending, substances, etc.). I decided to see someone, and it turns out, I have mild borderline personality disorder. Um, eek. I am not stunned -- there have been some things I have done that I am horrified by and don't understand, but I'm of course, well, upset. I am also successful professionaly and have a family. So, clearly its not totally ruining my life, but definitely impacting it severly. identity issues, disassociation, self harm, impulsive behavior, extreme fear of abandonment, and turning emotions off and on, issues with self esteem -- those are the hallmarks. Psychotherapy is recommended. I am at the start of my journey, but hope this helps anyone that was a little startled by confronting their by their identify issues.

pp, good luck to you. You are braver than the rest of us. I think I'm prone to self destructive behaviors too, the only thing that keeps me in check and balanced is my family and my job. But I still tend to keep secrets and do things that I know I can get away with.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm a lot like you too. Sometimes I'm truly surprised that I'm married, have a kid, have a professional job with a good salary -- it's like, how did this happen? I feel like I really, really need to concentrate and focus to participate in "the real world." My imaginary world is fun, but lately I've been really trying to make my "real world" be as fun as the imaginary one, with the hopes that I'd quit daydreaming and start living. I start every morning with the thought that I will live "in the real world" today. That doesn't mean I don't escape into dreamworld, but I do it less than if I didn't make the effort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a bit like this too, OP. For some reason, it just seems like stuff happens more intensely for other people than me, even if it's the same stuff. For instance, I have my own family. But it just seems like other people REALLY have families and I'm just sort of... playing? I also tend to be highly imaginative and just sort of let all sorts of scenarios for various things play out in my head. What if ____ and then ____ and _____? I have an intense memory and will go back and revisit things that happened YEARS ago. Maybe that's it- maybe it just takes stuff that happens to me a long time to sink in. I don't know.

For what it's worth, I've been a writer my whole life too. Nothing published, so I'm not really "a writer" but I write constantly and have a need to do it.

i haven't read the whole thread, but i am a lot like this, too. i think for me it is that I am not living the life i thought I would live, so i'm constantly thinking through how i got where i am, looking for the turn in the road. i'm not unhappy, i don't think, but i revisit and over (my husband would say over over over) analyze situations and conversations in my head. it is sort of dangerous because i think i make some stuff up in there and then i worry i act upon it. i also have a tendency to make up conversations and the like in my head, and then i forget whether or not it really happened -- like e-mail responses to friends, family, or colleagues ("I could have SWORN I responded to that e-mail/returned that call") or thank you notes!

it also sucks because i think i put a lot more effort into some relationships (like my SILs) in my own head and then get frustrated by their lack of effort!

[Anonymous]

This is all really funny to me. Ever since I was a young girl, I had a "dream world" with different characters, personalities, looks that I imagined, like a soap opera in my head. I'm sure this is really common (it's just imagination, after all). I thought I'd outgrow it, but I STILL, almost every night, fall asleep because I can rely on thinking of this soap opera as a way of escaping from the real world. If I thought of "real life," I'd never fall asleep. I think women have a HUGE capacity for fantasy, and this is healthy and creative.

It's reassuring and funny to hear that so many other people do this.

[Anonymous]

I really wish I could understand what it means to "live inside your head". But I will be visiting with my in-laws this week for a week and trust me, I will try to "live in my head".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^ yep, me too, exact same thing. It has really impacted my ability to have relationships. I have searched for narcissistic personality disorder and other disorders to try and understand it. I don't know, its bizarre. I also have a successful outer life, but I've done some dark secret messed up stuff, and I have issues with responsibility/risk that all extend from a kind of lack of self preservation, if that makes sense, or a lack of self respect -- I think because I don't really feel engaged in well anything. This said, I make a relatively large salary, am a professional, have lots of friends, and good relationships with my family, but it is hard, because it all feels superficial/as only part of me is involved in any way. The only time I feel fully "present" is when I am getting to know a new person I am excited about (friend or love interest, in the past). Then I retreat to my head. Odd, I know.

Wow.this is me exactly except ive never done anything dark

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I must say i'm surprised at the response to this thread, I thought I was the only one like this.

How many of you have spouses and kids though and how do you relate to them? Do you ever fear that the way you are will affect your kids? If so how?[/quote

Spouse and kid. Sometimes I get annoyed when he keeps talking to me and it is messing up my daydream. I have to force myself to stay present.

Yes, this me (the underlined and bolded above). If I am occupied with something (real or what is going on oin my head) I feel extremely put-upon to pull my head out of that if I am interrupted by someone else. Extreeeeeeeemly put-upon.

omg yes! Isnt it so annoying to be interrupted.. ppl highly irritate me