Question for thick-skinned, overweight men and women

[Anonymous]

I have been stewing about this post all day. The OP may not be listening anymore, but just in case...

I am about to spend a week with my judgmental in-laws. They are all physicians, all genetically skinny, and all absolutely obsessed with food. My SIL gave us Food, Inc. and Supersize Me and such for Christmas. Food is their religion, their morality. Sneering at overweight people is one of their favorite pastimes.

I am a different ethnicity, and the women have a lot of curves, and the men are broad-shouldered, barrel-chested, football player types. When I was married, almost 20 years ago, I was 36-26-36, size 10. When they were having me fitted for my ceremonial sari, my MIL told the dressmaker "she will need extra extra large." I was 5'6", 140 pounds, in perfect shape for me. But my BMI would say I was borderline overweight.

I also have PCOS, like my sister, my mother, my aunts. When my mother, a crunchy hippie who grew a garden, baked only whole grain bread, and never let refined sugar cross her children's lips, and who exercised daily, began to gain weight rapidly and grow hair in the wrong places and have erratic cycles, her doctors all told her it was because she was having too many kids and probably eating too much without noticing. She ate less and less, exercised more and more, her periods ceased entirely, and no doctor listened to her pleas for help, because they all assumed she was just secretly pigging out. It took her five years to get the correct diagnosis and the correct medications.

My aunt was not so lucky. In addition to PCOS, she had Cushing's disease. Google it, OP. It wasn't until she was diagnosed with cancer that she got the correct diagnosis. She's going to die pretty young. Perhaps, if doctors hadn't ignored her rapid and unstoppable weight gain and assumed she was a glutton, that would not be the case.

For me, I GAIN weight after having babies. While breastfeeding. While starving and exercising every day. While not getting to eat any simply carbohydrates. I am currently a size 14 at two months postpartum, but my BMI is 31.8. I have 50 pounds to lose. At least I carry it well, perhaps? So I don't offend your eyes too much?

Compassion. Empathy. Understanding. My mother sat me down a few years ago when I wanted to give up. She gently told me that I would have to work harder than everyone else just to maintain my weight, and that weight loss would be almost impossible. But she begged for me to not give up, for the sake of my health. Because in her case, it was too late. She has many catastrophic health issues, all related to her undiagnosed PCOS.

So I deny myself and spend hours working out while dealing with my family's needs just so that you can see me and feel disgusted, OP.

Please, please do not inflict yourself on anyone else. Find a new job ASAP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are so many different factors that go into it for every overweight person. Combination of stress, mental well being, job (type, number of hours, stress level), length of commute, on and on.

But I'd say on the whole, it's damn hard to stay thin right now. We are all tired, stressed, and crappy food is relatively cheap and everywhere. We don't get enough sleep. Our jobs, our commutes, everything about our lives is geared towards sitting down. 50 years ago gyms didn't even exist. Humans take the path of least resistance. We only have so much willpower. We all need help.

That's a cop-out. No one is too busy to exercise and lose weight. If you have an hour to watch a TV show, you have an hour to exercise. I need to shed 30 pounds. I'm also the married mom of 4 and I WOHM. I've started getting off the Metro several stops before my usual spot and walking to work; I do the same in the afternoon. Totals 2.5 miles/day. Not much, but it's a start and, combined with eating 1300 calories a day, I'm seeing results.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ha. The point when I looked in the mirror and thought there was something wrong with my body was probably when I was about 12 years old. And perfect. Thanks to people like OP, those of us who look like normal middle aged people have to feel bad about ourselves, because we don't look like Heidi Klum.
Some people are lucky. Good genes, time and money to work out, eat right. Great. Good for them. Some of the rest of us struggle to get out of bed every day and go back to the same old, sit on your ass all day job so you can pay the bills. At some point did I stop eating as much birthday cake and icecream as I wanted because, clearly my metabolism couldn't keep up any longer? Sure. I eat pretty responsibly. But I am never going to be thin unless I starve myself and find a way to ignore my children so I can do nothing but work out. Not a trade off I am willing to make.

come on, that is bullshit and you know it. people are LUCKY to be able to eat right? i just ate two peanut butter sandwiches because they tasted great - not because I was stressed or emotional or anything else - because I was hungry and too lazy to make something healthy. get off your behind and walk at lunch. drink more water instead of diet soda or juice. b

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To all the PP's talking about fit overwieght people: I once had a physician friend point out to me that you rarely see morbidly obese old people, because they don't live long enough. The problem is that people who are oveweight generally keep gaining weight, and eventually they aren't so healthy anymore. Even a seemingly innocuous gain like 5 pounds per year can really add up quick.

The point was OP was wrong. Just because someone is overweight does not mean they can walk up a flight of stairs and are totally unhealthy.

And finally the point is that weight is ONE factor of many in someone's health. It is very possible for someone at a normal weight to be less healthy then someone who is overweight. What you eat is a factor, whether you exercise is a factor, whether you smoke or not is a factor... Etc

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are so many different factors that go into it for every overweight person. Combination of stress, mental well being, job (type, number of hours, stress level), length of commute, on and on.

But I'd say on the whole, it's damn hard to stay thin right now. We are all tired, stressed, and crappy food is relatively cheap and everywhere. We don't get enough sleep. Our jobs, our commutes, everything about our lives is geared towards sitting down. 50 years ago gyms didn't even exist. Humans take the path of least resistance. We only have so much willpower. We all need help.

That's a cop-out. No one is too busy to exercise and lose weight. If you have an hour to watch a TV show, you have an hour to exercise. I need to shed 30 pounds. I'm also the married mom of 4 and I WOHM. I've started getting off the Metro several stops before my usual spot and walking to work; I do the same in the afternoon. Totals 2.5 miles/day. Not much, but it's a start and, combined with eating 1300 calories a day, I'm seeing results.

Again, it's not as simple as you are saying. Everyone goes through bad periods in their lives where they have stress, depression, or lack of sleep that ends up creating a really bad situation that's hard to dig out of. People with that much extra wait often get discouraged when they don't see results. It's one thing to need to lose 10 lbs. But quite another to lose 50 or more. That requires a lot of time and a drama-free life that affords that kind of dedication. Additionally, many people let themselves go so much that exercising is difficult if not impossible. Bad knees, etc from carrying around too much. So this is where is starts to snowball and hard to ever break it.

Congrats on your progress but report back in 6 months to see if you've managed to keep it up. That no other roadblock in your life has come up that's put a stop to your progress. No discouraging plateau reached.

[Anonymous]

Can't, that is

[Anonymous]

20:39, big hugs to you. I have PCOS as well, as does my sister. I used to be much thinner (thinner than the Miley Cyrus photo that some people were agog over) and have noticed that the PCOS, which was diagnosed when I was in my late 20s, has made it very difficult for me to lose weight and keep it off. Some of my weight gain can be attributed to being in my late 30s and not eating as well as I should (though I eat a healthy vegetarian diet) or exercising as much as I should, but I do believe PCOS has made any weight loss that much harder.

And in an ironic twist, my twin's PCOS manifests itself in constant periods and bad acne. She's very slim.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can't, that is

I am 20 lbs overweight (that is, "REALLY" 20 lbs overweight, not 20 lbs away from just being slightly fat). I am 5'10 or 5'11 with a slight build (male) and I should be 175 but I am 195. I like my sedentary lifestyle and like to eat food. No "issues" of the emotional variety. I do think my metabolism is slower than many, but ....

anyways, the only reason I'm going to try to lose weight for the first time in 15 years is for health reasons. I have 2 young kids and my blood pressure and cholesterol levels are too high. I could care less for the most part about how I look at the beach - I look ok enough in baggy shirts. As to how it happened - well I sit on my ass all day and I eat big lunches. so I probably gained 1 lb/month or so for 18 months after my metabolism slowed in my early 30s, and here I am.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I was a college athlete from a family of athletes with a dietician mother. I was never really around overweight people until I began my career and my job is to help people lose weight and get in shape. I understand that once you're at a certain point it is difficult to lose the weight and I also understand how much the extra weight can inhibit your life. That is my greatest motivation to keep myself lean and healthy. I don't want to lose my breath walking up stairs or chasing the kids. I don't want to stress about my dress for my sisters wedding. I don't want to stress about heart attacks, heart disease, or anything else that would take me away from my kids early. By the time I begin interacting with overweight and obese people we have a huge journey ahead of us. I'm just wondering how it gets that far before someone tries to catch it. It's truly not a judgement thing. It's about understanding so I can help my clients better.

Oh, goody fucking two shoes for you, OP. you're using all the fatties as your thinspiration? You don't really want to understand your clients better, you want them to understand how repellant and inhuman they've allowed themselves to become. You don't really understand what it is to do everything right (and pick a philosophy, because no matter how "right" your fatty client is in eating, someone or some philosophy is always bellowing about how they're doing it wrong) and lose no weight. You don't get what it is for your fat to be hanging around you like some hair shirt of shame. For your fat to shake painfully and judgmentally, tallying all your food sins, as you exercise? For clothes to look wrong, all the time, whether you buy them big, small, have them tailored, or make your own. To have the arms of your office chair dig delicately, constantly into your sides. And you, with your college athlete, dietician, and, I'm guessing here, food not laden with emotion family purport to want to understand better? It's called empathy. Read a few fat blogs. Better still, re read your original post and really parse it out for how disgusting you think the overweight and obese to be. And then know that your fat clients already feel bloated and disgusting. And your judgement, I'm sorry, your desire to understand, is bleeding through your faux concerned expression.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:20:39, big hugs to you. I have PCOS as well, as does my sister. I used to be much thinner (thinner than the Miley Cyrus photo that some people were agog over) and have noticed that the PCOS, which was diagnosed when I was in my late 20s, has made it very difficult for me to lose weight and keep it off. Some of my weight gain can be attributed to being in my late 30s and not eating as well as I should (though I eat a healthy vegetarian diet) or exercising as much as I should, but I do believe PCOS has made any weight loss that much harder.

And in an ironic twist, my twin's PCOS manifests itself in constant periods and bad acne. She's very slim.

Thank you, my DCUM friend. I am typing while on my elliptical for the second time today. Just got the kids in bed, so this is what I do...after getting up at 5AM to get my morning session done before the kids wake up...

That's a hard thing about PCOS--it's different for every woman. I suppose I should feel lucky that I was diagnosed in my late 20s instead of early 40s like my mom, and my sister was just a sophomore in college. So we have more hope for a healthier future, theoretically. Metformin completely changed my life.

I'm feeling particularly low right now, because I have been steadily gaining a pound a week since my baby was born. This happens every time. So I shouldn't be surprised. This will continue for about another month, before I turn the corner and slowly slowly slowly start losing. This is WITH two hours daily exercise/strength training, no simple carbs, 1500 calories a day, breastfeeding on demand, Metformin and Armour thyroid. Something about the hormone shift from pregnancy to breastfeeding just immobilizes my already-screwed up metabolism. So goes my metabolic disorder...at least I can HAVE children...

As I work out, I fantasize about wearing a placard that says, "I am trying.". For the sake of the OPs out there.

I went to college at an Ivy where eating dis orders were rampant. I hated my body so much then. I used to wish I could be bulimic, but vomiting is the one thing I hate most of all, so I couldn't do it. Now I would kill for that body.

I know full damn well that not every obese person has an actual physical cause. But I DO know that every obese person is still a PERSON, a child of God, who deserves loving respect for his or her inherent dignity. If you are in a healing profession, you better have that understanding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are so many different factors that go into it for every overweight person. Combination of stress, mental well being, job (type, number of hours, stress level), length of commute, on and on.

But I'd say on the whole, it's damn hard to stay thin right now. We are all tired, stressed, and crappy food is relatively cheap and everywhere. We don't get enough sleep. Our jobs, our commutes, everything about our lives is geared towards sitting down. 50 years ago gyms didn't even exist. Humans take the path of least resistance. We only have so much willpower. We all need help.

That's a cop-out. No one is too busy to exercise and lose weight. If you have an hour to watch a TV show, you have an hour to exercise. I need to shed 30 pounds. I'm also the married mom of 4 and I WOHM. I've started getting off the Metro several stops before my usual spot and walking to work; I do the same in the afternoon. Totals 2.5 miles/day. Not much, but it's a start and, combined with eating 1300 calories a day, I'm seeing results.

Again, it's not as simple as you are saying. Everyone goes through bad periods in their lives where they have stress, depression, or lack of sleep that ends up creating a really bad situation that's hard to dig out of. People with that much extra wait often get discouraged when they don't see results. It's one thing to need to lose 10 lbs. But quite another to lose 50 or more. That requires a lot of time and a drama-free life that affords that kind of dedication. Additionally, many people let themselves go so much that exercising is difficult if not impossible. Bad knees, etc from carrying around too much. So this is where is starts to snowball and hard to ever break it.

Congrats on your progress but report back in 6 months to see if you've managed to keep it up. That no other roadblock in your life has come up that's put a stop to your progress. No discouraging plateau reached.

Again, it's a cop-out. Most of the overweight people out here are not that way because they are depressed, stressed or sleep-deprived. It's because they're lazy, aren't motivated to eat better/work-out and/or just don't really care that much about it.

I actually *lose* weight when I'm stressed, depressed, etc. I overeat when I'm happy. I'm working to shed weight that I packed on after a tubal ligation. I'm concentrating on doing this slowly and making walking a normal part of my life. I would never stick with going to the gym, but I have to walk to work anyway, so making my walk a little further has been no matter thing. But thanks for your "well wishes".

[Anonymous]

Personal trainer PP here again.

Most people are overweight/obese because you just don't suddenly wake up 15lbs heavier.

It's a slow process that won't hit you until it's too late or too difficult to fix.

[Anonymous]

20:39, gift idea for your ILs: Copies of Paul Campos's The Obesity Myth and Eric Oliver's Fat Politics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ha. The point when I looked in the mirror and thought there was something wrong with my body was probably when I was about 12 years old. And perfect. Thanks to people like OP, those of us who look like normal middle aged people have to feel bad about ourselves, because we don't look like Heidi Klum.
Some people are lucky. Good genes, time and money to work out, eat right. Great. Good for them. Some of the rest of us struggle to get out of bed every day and go back to the same old, sit on your ass all day job so you can pay the bills. At some point did I stop eating as much birthday cake and icecream as I wanted because, clearly my metabolism couldn't keep up any longer? Sure. I eat pretty responsibly. But I am never going to be thin unless I starve myself and find a way to ignore my children so I can do nothing but work out. Not a trade off I am willing to make.

come on, that is bullshit and you know it. people are LUCKY to be able to eat right? i just ate two peanut butter sandwiches because they tasted great - not because I was stressed or emotional or anything else - because I was hungry and too lazy to make something healthy. get off your behind and walk at lunch. drink more water instead of diet soda or juice. b

My best friend is 5'7" and a size 4. She naturally craves non starchy vegetables and fruit. Won't eat or serve peanut butter to her kids because it's too fattening. My life experiences and preferences are just not that healthy and clean. Of course, she SAH and has full time help - quit work before she even got pg the first time. I could be a size 4 if I had as little life stress as she does too. Not excusing why I'm 5'6" and 160 pounds, just explaining.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

My best friend is 5'7" and a size 4. She naturally craves non starchy vegetables and fruit. Won't eat or serve peanut butter to her kids because it's too fattening. My life experiences and preferences are just not that healthy and clean. Of course, she SAH and has full time help - quit work before she even got pg the first time. I could be a size 4 if I had as little life stress as she does too. Not excusing why I'm 5'6" and 160 pounds, just explaining.

I'm 5'6" and 160 is my goal weight. I wear a 6/8 at 160 and feel great. I also have a good friend who has f/t help and is naturally thin with a small appetite. I love her but we were just not created in the same mold.