I just don't like my husband anymore
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Anonymous
| Leave her alone. She is being honest about her feelings. I too do not have a doormat husband like my Mum does and everyone else I know...I am a sahm of 3 under 6. I took my vows seriously.,I changed body shape, breast fed, mastitis x3 times, have up my career, changed names, social life to zilch no big house, car nights out , meals out hair cuts nothing. I got myself a 10 to 2 job part time, wasn't allowed to do it. He said he wouldn't support and no stranger to look after number 3. He,swears at me and puts me,down in front of kids. Won't share bank account, scorns me for food shop bills, if I don't do fajita strips of,chicken perfect he won't eat or throws it in bin that us just one example. I M not patient enough he says, I waited 7 yra to move from 2 bed to 4 with garden, he says I'm not tidy enough or good enough in every area. I hear this,daily. He then expects me to want him all over me. I can't! as dislike him so much. I even had to sort coil out as he can't bear thought of pain. he is good father but embarrasses,me for not wanting anything to do with my family yet we see his every weekend, all 3 families in same village!!! No holidays, I borrow his card once a week for groceries. I buy clothing and family gifts, weekly check on my car, when I had money I spent in his house. He now says if he buys next house his name only on it as I don't contribute. Again I hate him, I therefore don't want sex, he therefore nasty. Why should I compensate for his disrespectful attitude. I agree a nice peaceful non verbal relaxed but single existence would be great thank you. But no I don't want to be another stay. I want a kind considerare husband or friend. I wouldn't let anyone else talk to Me the,way he freely does...I am a freak but traditionAl, sticking for kids,sake,and family rep...so confused I haven't a clue,what to do. There, I've been honest now rip me to shreds! |
Anonymous
| It's natural for a man not to be attracted to a pregnant woman sexually .... Can any of you geniuses figure out why??? What you are asking for is the man to fake it and act like he's into it while running an endless loop of porno in his mind to get hard. Is honesty really so damaging? |
Anonymous
| hi all im new to this website and have a big problem I don't like my husband anymore we have been married 11 years and I cringe when he comes near me I get very nervous around him and I wish I cud just leave but I have 3 young children hes moans a lot and questions me a lot I need to be quick of the mark to answer questions otherwise he would be saying things to me moaning at me for not answering him quick enough I did ask him would he go to counselling but refused I feel like im up against a brick wall |
Anonymous
| Question- how do you make time for dates etc with your husband when you have young children? I ask because BOTH sets of grandparents don't actually enjoy being grandparents they see it as a chore. They have never offered to look after the children for one hour let alone a couple of hours! Our children are with us 24 hours a day apart from when they sleep in their own bedroom or we are in work. We are both only children so don't have any other family we can ask apart from grandparents (who are not interested, they have and will say NO). And I can't bring myself to pay some teenager (who i dont even know, anything could happen!) to babysit our children. Some posters make it sound too simple- make time for your selves, make date nights etc WEll we have no option to do this, there is no choice in the matter of course we would love to go away for a weekend together without the children but that is not a option as we have no one to look after the children. I mean if I had this choice I would not for a moment chose to stay in every single bloody night! |
Anonymous
How old is your kid? |
Anonymous
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My day- get up at about 6.30 am, get both children ready for the day ahead, breakfast etc. husband leaves for work at 6.30 am
7.30 am - drop children off at grandparents, drive to work 8.30 arrive in work 4.30 pm leave work, however on Thursday work until 7.30 pm 5.30pm - pick up kids from grandparents 5.45 pm - make dinner for everyone, husband arrives home 8 pm - bath children, put them to bed 8.30 - mark students work (I'm a lecturer), prepare for tomorrow, iron childrens clothes, prepare their packed lunch, feed pets. 10.30 pm - shower, bed Weekend wake about 7am both look after the children all weekend grandparents are not interested on the weekend as they feel they do enough by taking the children to school in the morning and watching them for one hour after school before I pick them up straight after work. So they are not willing to look after the children during the weekends or any school holidays. How do we fit our own relationship into that? Answer we don't after 20 years together (met when we where 16 & 18) we now have no relationship. There is no sex life, no talking, no laughing, no nothing. EVERYTHING revolves around work and our children. No room for anything else, I've tried to talk to my husband, I've explained the situation nothing ever changes. He sees that this is normal and that this is what it's like for all parents. I have totally withdrawn myself from him, we have not shared a bed in two years, we go months without sex and when we do it makes me feel sad as he says how much he misses me etc but I feel NOTHING. He thinks we are lucky yet I feel like I'm allowing life to pass on by. This slow chipping away of our relationship feels like our relationship is over. I don't love him, I'm not attracted to him, I feel like I'm living with a stranger. I'm so unhappy. |
Anonymous
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I just wanted to express my gratitude and appreciation to prophet salifu on bringing my husband back to me,I was married for 9 years to my husband and all of a sudden, he started seeing another lady at work.he started hailing at me and he was abusive.. and he stop careing for me, but I still loved him with all my heart .the situation made me unsettle and not to focus at work .so someone told me about trying spiritual means to get my husband back and introduced me to a spell caster? i did not listen to her . i kept on hoping that my husband will come back home . after a month it got out of hand and my husband came back home to break the news to me that he want a divorce that he is getting married to the other lady .Hmmm it was so shocking to me ,i felt sad and depressed ,so i contacted my friend again and decieded to try to use spiritual means reluctantly..although I didn't believe in all those things? I never thought in a million years that i will get my husband back to me a again. but I was proved wrong.after 2days, my husband came back and was pleading..he had realized his mistakes..i just couldn't believe it that we are back together. Prophet salifu remained consistent and kind throughout and made the process unbelievable I am deeply satisfied and thankful .if in doubt you should email him at prophetsalifu@yahoo.com or prophetsalifu@gmail.com |
Anonymous
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I have a 10-month old and my husband isn't helping at all since he is in a different State than I am. I am working full time, with my parents & in-laws taking turns to help with child care. I think we both put our career first.
I seriously doubt that I am attracted to him at all at this point. Even if we ended up divorcing each other, my child will always be the best thing that even happens to me. Alas, I am really pessimistic about marriage. I guess having a husband who loves and cares about your children makes him a good companion who merits a second chance. |
Anonymous
I fail to see how does this make your husband a bad father? Is he making no attempts to relocated where you are? What is his rationale for being in a different state? Maybe he thinks that you require the support of the 2 set of grandparents more than you need him? |
Anonymous
This is absolutely terrible advice. If every couple who struggled during early childhood years got divorced immediately, there would be about 3 couples left in the U.S. OP, your story could have been mine and many of my friends, down to the "I don't love or like him" feelings' Don't do anything irreversible during this time. I agree that it's important to try to reconnect, but it's also important to just try and survive this stressful period. I swear it gets better after the kids are sleeping throughout the night and more self-sufficient. A toddler and baby is just really, really hard. |
Anonymous
I'm a guy, divorced now remarried, and this modus operandi (quoted above) is what used to make my blood boil about so many women I was interested in who were of child-bearing age. It's not marrying too young, it's marrying for all the wrong reasons. Marrying for the resume, marrying for the paycheck and lifestyle; marrying for the prestige. Not because you like the actual person, but because he meets a checklist and will gain the approval of friends (even worse: your mother's friends! WTF?!?!?! What do you care what your mother's friends think?). Here's a little thought exercise: reflect on the men who resort to mail-order brides from the 3rd world where they can find a "nice traditional young woman not corrupted by feminism"...that's the male parallel. I used to avoid women under 35 for this reason, because of this shallow shitty thinking. Women are generally, suddenly full of a lot less shit when their prospects of getting pregnant are over. Ultimately, I wanted a family and had to negotiate this minefield, but by then was older and wiser. Seriously: a happy life is not some mailorder shit you pick out of a catalog where suddenly if you choose the right guy, have the right number of kids, house in the right neighborhood or school district, etc., you will be happy. Like the others have said: figure out what you want and let your husband know. Now that you're in it, you should let him know so he at least gets a shot at delivering it. If not, then just accept the relationship is the business contract/agreement you selected and both of you find "friends" to get your emotional needs met elsewhere. On a less vitriolic note: OP, I think the others who advise counseling for depression are giving you some great advice. You might find that a lot of this is due to being miserable and in a funk - he is just the convenient target. The real answer to being happy for all of us is making ourselves happy, you can't get that from another person - there is no soulmate or prince charming who can "make you happy" - you have to make yourself happy. Good luck to you. |
Anonymous
I mean this in the nicest way possible, but if you can't let go enough to leave your kids with anyone but your parents for a few hours, the problem is you (assuming your kids aren't babies). You can try exchanging childcare with a friend, for example. Or look for an older babysitter with a background check and references on care.com or sittercity.com. Get creative. |
Anonymous
DH and I have 2 kids and a great sex life. However, during both the pregnancies neither of us wanted to have sex and so we did not. It was emotionally a very joyous time for us, and we felt close to each other and very blessed. He was very nurturing towards me and the baby. |
Anonymous
| I am curious what happened with the OP. I too am in a marriage I wish I were out of. I have been with my husband since college, married almost 15 years with 2 kids. I'm just not in love with him. I am not a miserable person but I think I would be infinitely happier if we separated. He is a nice enough guy and a decent father but I think we each deserve to be with someone we really love and really loves us. My primary complaint about him is that he just hasn't really grown up in the 20+ years we've been together. I just don't consider him a partner either financially or emotionally. |
Anonymous
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I don't think there is any "deserve" involved. That word always seems like sugar coating to help soften the impact of hard choices.
He's probably done a lot for you and your kids. You have probably done a lot for him and his kids. But, whatever sweat equity you and he have put into the marriage is, apparently, insufficient for you to want to continue with him. So, you make your choices and face up to the consequences of those choices. |