I just don't like my husband anymore

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP,
Most of your discontent has to do with sex. It is mentioned over and over. How often are you getting it on now? Did you feel rejected when it was less and did that play into your feelings changing? His saying you have no problems or whatever sounds pretty dismissive. What IS working about your relationship? What are specific things you want from him and have you asked for them?

OP here. DH wants sex. I am the one who doesn't want it. When I was pregnant, I didn't want it either. I was too busy puking. I had terrible morning sickness all day and night.

I'm 33 and fairly attractive. I am back down to 120 pounds and a size 4. I can't help but think DH is not my soul mate and someone out there can make me happier. If it weren't for the kids, I would have left long ago. I don't doubt we can make it work in the short term but I am certain we won't last forever. If I know we will most likely separate, I would prefer to do it when I am still relatively young.

My unhappiness has little to do with sex. I am emotionally unhappy. Secondly, I feel like my sex drive is nonexistent. I am assuming my lack of physical attraction has to do with my mental dislike for my husband.

You continually bring up your weight. It's a little freaky. It seems like that's really something very important to you. Which is a little vapid.

[Anonymous]

OP - divorce your husband but let him have the kids. Better they should be with the emotionally stable parent rather than the one who seeks happiness as a function of some external force. This is obviously all about you and nor the family.

[Anonymous]

OP- what specifically do you not like about your husband? You name all these great qualities and then say you dislike hin? Doesn't make sense to me.

[Anonymous]

My marriage went through this phase after we had kids to, except my husband wasn't a good father, merely a good provider. I felt like there were two seperate groups of people living in the house. Me and the kids in one group, husband in the other. It was rough, and lonely, and i wasnt in love with him. i didnt even like him anymore, and I thought about leaving. Alot. I never did leave though, I figured marriage is forever and my only option was to suck it up, focus on my kids and hope for the best. Well, that didnt work and after years of that behavior, it led to both of us being unfaithful. He had a physical affair, I had an emotional one. Dealing with that kind of heartache was a wake up call for us both.
We decided to stay together and rebuild our relationship. We started making time for each other, doing special things for each other, finding a sitter a making date nights a priority. It's so important to rebuild a connection. We started making time for sex, even if I didnt want to, it was part of the process and it worked. Our kids are 8 and 5 now and the marriage is good, not perfect, but better. It was a long road but worth it. It's important to me to raise my kids in a happy 2 parent household, so even if my marriage takes constant upkeep to make that happen, it will be worth it in the end.
I don't understand people who get married, take those vows, promise another person that you will be their partner forever then just give up when it gets rough. Life is full of ups and downs, some of those will be in your marriage.

[Anonymous]

You probably have an easy life and are a miserable person so when everything is going right you need to find something wrong.

[Anonymous]

Ok, I could have written OPs post word for word, except I no longer like my husband because:

- He has an anger management problem and swears and throws things in the presence of our kids
- Can be rude with me
- Wanted to have sex with me once in the past 6 months
- Always stressed out about his job even though his career is mediocre as is his income
- Would rather play a videogame than talk to me

I am a SHM in my mid-thirties. Fairly decent-looking. Am I also being a baby for fantasizing about a different marriage/relationship?

I tried talking to him. He is doing therapy now (upon the therapist's suggestion - I went in first), but I don't see much change for now. Depressing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I was about to start a thread called, "I have a shitty husband". I see that my old thread has come up again and not much has changed. I have not been on this thread for several months. Sadly, I'm right back to how I was feeling 4 months ago. Our summer was filled with vacations and social gatherings. The outings were a good time but DH was lousy company. When other people are around, DH is great (not to me but to others). As soon as we are alone together, our smiles disappear and the eye rolling begins.

Yes, DH is successful so he is a good provider. Yes, DH is a wonderful father.

I am so miserable being married to DH. I will come home in an awesome mood, be having fun with our children and DH starts to talk and my whole day gets ruined. The man is a complete mood killer. I often talk myself into thinking I have a good life. I TRY to like DH. I TRY to convince myself that I love him. It never lasts more than a few minutes.

In attempts to improve my marriage, I have tried having sex with DH more but it totally sucks. It is beyond a chore. DH probably makes advances a few times a week. We will be arguing, not getting along, and then he will try to have sex with me. Then I think I should just give him blowjobs to keep him happy because that would be better than sex but I just don't want to do that either.

I feel like everything in my life is going well except my marriage. I used to think that I took out my exhaustation and other frustrations out on DH. I am no longer sleep deprived. My career is taking off. I do admit that I felt bad in the past about being mommy tracked while DH's career was soaring. I have finally achieved work life balance and happiness. I just wished I had a life partner that I liked. I don't even need love or sex. I just want to enjoy the company of m

y spouse. I want to stop being so annoyed at him all the time.

OP, have you taken any of the suggestions people have offered you on his thread? Lots of good ideas here. I'm going to offer my own. You sound selfish and spoiled. I don't mean this genuinely - MANY people from are generation (including myself, though I'm grateful to my mentors who have helped me realize it) as our generation has really grown up believing a huge lie that our personal happiness is the most important thing in life, and that sacrifice for the sake of another is something you might do only if it is convenient.

Anyway, I have two suggestions. STOP scheduling "social events" and instead:

1. schedule family prayer time for about 30 minutes a night. Almost every religion has some sort of representative object or artwork, so it s easy to set up a home shrine, so to speak, as a focal point. Then sit together and pray. Make sure that both of you have an opportunity to offer intentions during his prayer time. In our home, we pray the rosary (even though DH is not catholic and neither of us grew up praying it). Repetative, meditative prayer is great for couples just starting this. Many faith traditions have sOmething similar, just google until you fine something that you feel comfortable reciting together. Praying together is profoundly Bonding for a husband and wife, and can be very powerful even if you aren't particularly religious.

2. Find a service project that you and DH can do together. Make it something that you need to work on once a week or at least 2-3x per month. Remember, you are replacing all those "social" outings wih something that actually brings he two of you together in service of someone else. Use a babysitter if your children are not able to participate or be present for this work.

Your relationship will change dramatically if you take these two steps. Yes, it might take a few months, but you wil start to notice a very deep difference in both your own attitude and expectations, and in your perceptions about who your husband is.

[Anonymous]

Whoops, I meant to say that I DO mean this genuinely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I was about to start a thread called, "I have a shitty husband". I see that my old thread has come up again and not much has changed. I have not been on this thread for several months. Sadly, I'm right back to how I was feeling 4 months ago. Our summer was filled with vacations and social gatherings. The outings were a good time but DH was lousy company. When other people are around, DH is great (not to me but to others). As soon as we are alone together, our smiles disappear and the eye rolling begins.

Yes, DH is successful so he is a good provider. Yes, DH is a wonderful father.

I am so miserable being married to DH. I will come home in an awesome mood, be having fun with our children and DH starts to talk and my whole day gets ruined. The man is a complete mood killer. I often talk myself into thinking I have a good life. I TRY to like DH. I TRY to convince myself that I love him. It never lasts more than a few minutes.

In attempts to improve my marriage, I have tried having sex with DH more but it totally sucks. It is beyond a chore. DH probably makes advances a few times a week. We will be arguing, not getting along, and then he will try to have sex with me. Then I think I should just give him blowjobs to keep him happy because that would be better than sex but I just don't want to do that either.

I feel like everything in my life is going well except my marriage. I used to think that I took out my exhaustation and other frustrations out on DH. I am no longer sleep deprived. My career is taking off. I do admit that I felt bad in the past about being mommy tracked while DH's career was soaring. I have finally achieved work life balance and happiness. I just wished I had a life partner that I liked. I don't even need love or sex. I just want to enjoy the company of m

y spouse. I want to stop being so annoyed at him all the time.

OP, have you taken any of the suggestions people have offered you on his thread? Lots of good ideas here. I'm going to offer my own. You sound selfish and spoiled. I don't mean this genuinely - MANY people from are generation (including myself, though I'm grateful to my mentors who have helped me realize it) as our generation has really grown up believing a huge lie that our personal happiness is the most important thing in life, and that sacrifice for the sake of another is something you might do only if it is convenient.

Anyway, I have two suggestions. STOP scheduling "social events" and instead:

1. schedule family prayer time for about 30 minutes a night. Almost every religion has some sort of representative object or artwork, so it s easy to set up a home shrine, so to speak, as a focal point. Then sit together and pray. Make sure that both of you have an opportunity to offer intentions during his prayer time. In our home, we pray the rosary (even though DH is not catholic and neither of us grew up praying it). Repetative, meditative prayer is great for couples just starting this. Many faith traditions have sOmething similar, just google until you fine something that you feel comfortable reciting together. Praying together is profoundly Bonding for a husband and wife, and can be very powerful even if you aren't particularly religious.

2. Find a service project that you and DH can do together. Make it something that you need to work on once a week or at least 2-3x per month. Remember, you are replacing all those "social" outings wih something that actually brings he two of you together in service of someone else. Use a babysitter if your children are not able to participate or be present for this work.

Your relationship will change dramatically if you take these two steps. Yes, it might take a few months, but you wil start to notice a very deep difference in both your own attitude and expectations, and in your perceptions about who your husband is.

FAMILY PRAYER and a SERVICE PROJECT will save her marriage!?!?!!?

Oy vey. You don't know ONE THING about her and her religion - or lack of one.

[Anonymous]

OLD THREAD ALERT!!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I was about to start a thread called, "I have a shitty husband". I see that my old thread has come up again and not much has changed. I have not been on this thread for several months. Sadly, I'm right back to how I was feeling 4 months ago. Our summer was filled with vacations and social gatherings. The outings were a good time but DH was lousy company. When other people are around, DH is great (not to me but to others). As soon as we are alone together, our smiles disappear and the eye rolling begins.

Yes, DH is successful so he is a good provider. Yes, DH is a wonderful father.

I am so miserable being married to DH. I will come home in an awesome mood, be having fun with our children and DH starts to talk and my whole day gets ruined. The man is a complete mood killer. I often talk myself into thinking I have a good life. I TRY to like DH. I TRY to convince myself that I love him. It never lasts more than a few minutes.

In attempts to improve my marriage, I have tried having sex with DH more but it totally sucks. It is beyond a chore. DH probably makes advances a few times a week. We will be arguing, not getting along, and then he will try to have sex with me. Then I think I should just give him blowjobs to keep him happy because that would be better than sex but I just don't want to do that either.

I feel like everything in my life is going well except my marriage. I used to think that I took out my exhaustation and other frustrations out on DH. I am no longer sleep deprived. My career is taking off. I do admit that I felt bad in the past about being mommy tracked while DH's career was soaring. I have finally achieved work life balance and happiness. I just wished I had a life partner that I liked. I don't even need love or sex. I just want to enjoy the company of m

y spouse. I want to stop being so annoyed at him all the time.

OP, have you taken any of the suggestions people have offered you on his thread? Lots of good ideas here. I'm going to offer my own. You sound selfish and spoiled. I don't mean this genuinely - MANY people from are generation (including myself, though I'm grateful to my mentors who have helped me realize it) as our generation has really grown up believing a huge lie that our personal happiness is the most important thing in life, and that sacrifice for the sake of another is something you might do only if it is convenient.

Anyway, I have two suggestions. STOP scheduling "social events" and instead:

1. schedule family prayer time for about 30 minutes a night. Almost every religion has some sort of representative object or artwork, so it s easy to set up a home shrine, so to speak, as a focal point. Then sit together and pray. Make sure that both of you have an opportunity to offer intentions during his prayer time. In our home, we pray the rosary (even though DH is not catholic and neither of us grew up praying it). Repetative, meditative prayer is great for couples just starting this. Many faith traditions have sOmething similar, just google until you fine something that you feel comfortable reciting together. Praying together is profoundly Bonding for a husband and wife, and can be very powerful even if you aren't particularly religious.

2. Find a service project that you and DH can do together. Make it something that you need to work on once a week or at least 2-3x per month. Remember, you are replacing all those "social" outings wih something that actually brings he two of you together in service of someone else. Use a babysitter if your children are not able to participate or be present for this work.

Your relationship will change dramatically if you take these two steps. Yes, it might take a few months, but you wil start to notice a very deep difference in both your own attitude and expectations, and in your perceptions about who your husband is.

FAMILY PRAYER and a SERVICE PROJECT will save her marriage!?!?!!?

Oy vey. You don't know ONE THING about her and her religion - or lack of one.

Yes, as a matter of fact it could help to save her marriage. Both prayer and serving others have been known to make extraordinary changes in people's lives. Of course I have no idea what spiritual inclinations OP may or may not have, but nonetheless it is very sound advice. As with any of the suggestions made on this thread, she is welcome to try it or not. Quite frankly, no one else has offered any ideas as radical (or simple, for that matter) so certainly it could be worth a try.

[Anonymous]

You will appreciate him more when you are a divorcee with two small kids, trying to find anyone to date you.

[Anonymous]

i feel you, i am in a relationship that gets worst everyday for the last 15 years. I have two girls and I am around just for them. I would be the happest person if I were alone

[Anonymous]

Who cares? What are you doing to try to make it better?

[Anonymous]

get a divorce. you deserve to be happy. a husband who can't be attracted to his pregnant wife is a terrible husband. you deserve to be happy. and children are happier in healthy single parent homes than in unhappy, loveless marriage homes. they are the first ones to know something isn't right. the trauma is very bad when they grow up in a loveless family.

good luck.