How often does your spouse come home very buzzed or drunk from evening work related events?

[Anonymous]

My dh does this at least once a week..."meeting a client (or potential client) for a drink". Takes several hours and many drinks, usually. Also works for a gov't IT contractor. If only the cops would just get some unmarked cars and randomly follow folks home from these watering holes, they would catch quite a few. Like a speed trap for drunks. Actually, all they have to do is have 2 cops: one in the bar and one at the valet. Watch the drinking then watch them drive away. Bingo. Would work at Jacksons, the Capital Grille, and the bar at the airport Hilton, etc. I'm at the point where I wish he would get caught b/c nothing else works. Even when I call the cops and tell them that I saw a car meeting his description driving all over the road, nope...Although he would lose his clearance and his livelihood, thus throwing me and 3 kids into poverty (as a day care teacher, I make squat). It would be better than killing someone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went ot GW and ALL my friends had cars...and apartments/houses off campus.

That is what happens when you are rich a spoiled. No shortage of DC kids driving aroud DC drunk. I was one of them. Luckily everyone survived.

To say that DC is a non car city is either niave, or stupid. DC is a far cry from NYC.

There's no such thing as a "non-car city" (as you've pointed out). I know people who own cars in NYC. Sure, it's a dumb thing to do, and unnecessary, but there you go. Plenty of folks manage to live in DC without owning a car. To argue otherwise is "either naive, or stupid."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went ot GW and ALL my friends had cars...and apartments/houses off campus.

That is what happens when you are rich a spoiled. No shortage of DC kids driving aroud DC drunk. I was one of them. Luckily everyone survived.

To say that DC is a non car city is either niave, or stupid. DC is a far cry from NYC.

There's no such thing as a "non-car city" (as you've pointed out). I know people who own cars in NYC. Sure, it's a dumb thing to do, and unnecessary, but there you go. Plenty of folks manage to live in DC without owning a car. To argue otherwise is "either naive, or stupid."

I think the point is- if you live in DC, it's much easier to avoid driving drunk than it is if you live in the suburbs. If you're a reckless idiot and drunk driving doesn't bother you, then you have just as much opportunity wherever you live. However, if you're a responsible adult, it's much easier to jump in cab or take the Metro if you live in DC or close in. It also makes it much easier to fetch your car and get to work the next day.

Regardless of where you live, you should make plans to ensure that you and everyone else on the road, makes it home safe when you're drinking. If this is too tough to do in the 'burbs and you regularly go out, you should either quit drinking or move closer in so that you can get home without driving drunk.

OP-If your DH has already had a DUI in the past and he continues to drive drunk, he either has a big problem or is stupid. He will get caught again and this time, being a 2nd offense, will be worse than the first. If he keeps doing this, there is no possible good outcome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went ot GW and ALL my friends had cars...and apartments/houses off campus.

That is what happens when you are rich a spoiled. No shortage of DC kids driving aroud DC drunk. I was one of them. Luckily everyone survived.

To say that DC is a non car city is either niave, or stupid. DC is a far cry from NYC.

There's no such thing as a "non-car city" (as you've pointed out). I know people who own cars in NYC. Sure, it's a dumb thing to do, and unnecessary, but there you go. Plenty of folks manage to live in DC without owning a car. To argue otherwise is "either naive, or stupid."

I think the point is- if you live in DC, it's much easier to avoid driving drunk than it is if you live in the suburbs. If you're a reckless idiot and drunk driving doesn't bother you, then you have just as much opportunity wherever you live. However, if you're a responsible adult, it's much easier to jump in cab or take the Metro if you live in DC or close in. It also makes it much easier to fetch your car and get to work the next day.

Regardless of where you live, you should make plans to ensure that you and everyone else on the road, makes it home safe when you're drinking. If this is too tough to do in the 'burbs and you regularly go out, you should either quit drinking or move closer in so that you can get home without driving drunk.

OP-If your DH has already had a DUI in the past and he continues to drive drunk, he either has a big problem or is stupid. He will get caught again and this time, being a 2nd offense, will be worse than the first. If he keeps doing this, there is no possible good outcome.

OP here and I think my dh is both a problem drinker (binging type) AND he is stupid or else he has a psychiatric condition that impairs judgment and impulse control (or all three!!!). A part of me REALLY wants him to get caught b/c I think that may be what he needs. Although it also means that our family will be thrown into poverty at least temporarily b/c he WILL lose his clearances (or so I've been told) and never work in his field again and our debt is such that there is no cushion. So regardless of what the collective opinion is on the frequency and amount of his drinking or whether it is ok to parent under the influence (PUI ?) clearly, the DUI needs to stop (for every obvious reason, in case some may think it hasn't occurred to me: his safety, the safety of others and the financial and legal implications). I think I am nearing the point where I either I need to file for a separation or he needs to get caught for any real change to occur. Either will be devastating for me and the children but hopefully will help keep him and the public at large safe. This sucks.

[Anonymous]

Once that I can remember over the past three years or so. (He takes Metro.)

[Anonymous]

OP. best of luck and I applaud you for taking action in a very very difficult situation. One of my friends came extremely close to being killed by a drunk driver--was severely injured. The drunk driver was killed. Go with your gut here.

To answer your original question: My DH has never come home drunk. If he did, it wouldn't bother me as long as it was a very occasional thing, he wasn't driving, and I didn't feel it signaled a bigger problem.

[Anonymous]

OP (and those of you who are drink and drive regularly) - I work with MADD and can introduce you to many families who have had their husbands, children and wives killed by people who thought they were "fine" to drive.

Last year here in DC a man left a bar after having too much to drink and killed a woman and her 3 year old daughter. It happens so often - it doesn't even make the news anymore.

This could be you...because these people are on the road. And, as you can see by the posts...they don't care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went ot GW and ALL my friends had cars...and apartments/houses off campus.

That is what happens when you are rich a spoiled. No shortage of DC kids driving aroud DC drunk. I was one of them. Luckily everyone survived.

To say that DC is a non car city is either niave, or stupid. DC is a far cry from NYC.

There's no such thing as a "non-car city" (as you've pointed out). I know people who own cars in NYC. Sure, it's a dumb thing to do, and unnecessary, but there you go. Plenty of folks manage to live in DC without owning a car. To argue otherwise is "either naive, or stupid."

I think the point is- if you live in DC, it's much easier to avoid driving drunk than it is if you live in the suburbs. If you're a reckless idiot and drunk driving doesn't bother you, then you have just as much opportunity wherever you live. However, if you're a responsible adult, it's much easier to jump in cab or take the Metro if you live in DC or close in. It also makes it much easier to fetch your car and get to work the next day.

Regardless of where you live, you should make plans to ensure that you and everyone else on the road, makes it home safe when you're drinking. If this is too tough to do in the 'burbs and you regularly go out, you should either quit drinking or move closer in so that you can get home without driving drunk.

OP-If your DH has already had a DUI in the past and he continues to drive drunk, he either has a big problem or is stupid. He will get caught again and this time, being a 2nd offense, will be worse than the first. If he keeps doing this, there is no possible good outcome.

WE live in Clarendon and don't drive when we drink. Walk everywhere and dowtown is a $10 cab ride if we choose not to Metro.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP (and those of you who are drink and drive regularly) - I work with MADD and can introduce you to many families who have had their husbands, children and wives killed by people who thought they were "fine" to drive.

Last year here in DC a man left a bar after having too much to drink and killed a woman and her 3 year old daughter. It happens so often - it doesn't even make the news anymore.

This could be you...because these people are on the road. And, as you can see by the posts...they don't care.

maybe you can help us understand why the police aren't more aggressive about finding these people? and I'm sorry but a 'checkpoint ahead' sign says to me: drunk drivers: turn around and never come this way when you're drunk. i like the idea of having an undercover cop in a popular bar and an unmarked car out front waiting for them. especially in the burbs where most drive, this would be successful? i live in bethesda and haven't seen a checkpoint in over 10 years anyway. and waiting for a cop to randomly spot them: if you're only driving 2 miles down the road, its hard to draw attention unless you are REALLY all over the road. its not gonna get the buzzed and lightly drunk folks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

WE live in Clarendon and don't drive when we drink. Walk everywhere and dowtown is a $10 cab ride if we choose not to Metro.

Quick, somebody go get the medals for this couple! Seriously, not everyone can afford Clarendon or metro accessible homes. Doesn't make drunk driving ok at all. But the folks who say that people who drink frequently should move are not thinking clearly.

[Anonymous]

I'm a trauma RN. The stuff I see......driving under the influence is stupid. Also lethal.

[Anonymous]

OP - join Al-Anon TODAY.

[Anonymous]

The Days of Wine and Roses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband comes home about once every three weeks, slightly buzzed. He takes the Metro, so no driving and the kids are in bed when he gets home. I would be concerned about the driving. Why can't he take public transportation on those nights. I would even go pick him up and take him back the next morning. Drinking and driving is not an option.

You would wake up your kids and get them out of their beds on a school night, pack them in the car for an hour or so and tell them that you need to go pick up Daddy b/c he got too drunk at work to drive home. Then you would make the kids late for school or else be late for work yourself so that you could drive him back the bar where he was the night before to get his car. And you would do this once or twice a month? Really?

Yes, I really go pick him up. My kids are 10 & 11, we live a mile from the metro. I go pick him up, they are sleeping. I'm back in less than five minutes. Send me your number and you can report me the next time I do it. They take the bus to school, so no one is late for work. Nothing in my post was an exaggeration or lie. My husband does not drive drunk or buzzed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband comes home about once every three weeks, slightly buzzed. He takes the Metro, so no driving and the kids are in bed when he gets home. I would be concerned about the driving. Why can't he take public transportation on those nights. I would even go pick him up and take him back the next morning. Drinking and driving is not an option.

You would wake up your kids and get them out of their beds on a school night, pack them in the car for an hour or so and tell them that you need to go pick up Daddy b/c he got too drunk at work to drive home. Then you would make the kids late for school or else be late for work yourself so that you could drive him back the bar where he was the night before to get his car. And you would do this once or twice a month? Really?

Yes, I really go pick him up. My kids are 10 & 11, we live a mile from the metro. I go pick him up, they are sleeping. I'm back in less than five minutes. Send me your number and you can report me the next time I do it. They take the bus to school, so no one is late for work. Nothing in my post was an exaggeration or lie. My husband does not drive drunk or buzzed.

I definitely think it's safer to leave your 10 & 11 y/o in bed at home than to let your husband drive drunk. I was babysitting by the time I was 11. And if the choice was to let DH drive drunk or wake up my 2 & 4 y/o to pick up DH and have them be tired the next day, I'd still rather do that than have DH drive drunk. I'd be pissed and would definitely think DH had a problem if this was something that happened often, but it's still preferable than him risking his life, other's lives and our financial security. My children would be much better off being sleep deprived than being fatherless and/or losing their home.