How often does your spouse come home very buzzed or drunk from evening work related events?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: thank you all for your perspective. I think the overwhelming majority (unanimously) that the driving is unacceptable under any circumstances. I hear a few people say its the norm in their group, but most say its not in the norm. I have a hard time thinking its the norm unless you are very young w/ no kids and/or live in walking distance to a metro. I imagine most people do not live in walking distance to a metro and of that group, how many work in a heavy drinking field and have small children? Or...and this is a frighteningly real possibility: drinking and driving is much, much more common than we would like to think. The point about legal liability and financial disaster does concern me greatly. But I do have a problem with him being drunk and responsible for children. I would not allow my nanny to drink on the job. And there's the issue of our kids seeming him drunk so frequently that worries me, too. I do believe he has a real problem with drinking if only b/c he has a prior DUI (over 10 years ago, but still) and therefore our children are more likely to have a problem, too...so there's reason to be cautious. I don't want this thread to turn into a drinking parents vs nondrinking parent argument. I really just wanted a reality check and a feel for what's the normal range. Thanks.

OP, Just so it's not forgotten: you're worried about your kids when their drunk dad comes home. I worry about my children when your drunk husband is on the road and my husband is driving home from the airport after a business trip. Both your kids and my kids could end up without a father. I'm just pointing out that the problem extends beyond your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dh doesn't drink so no problem there. I sometimes attend a function and have a couple drinks but nothing beyond slightly buzzed every happens. I think it's tacky to get crappy drunk at a professional function.

It can be tacky. It can also be great fun.

I am sensing that many of the posters in this thread aren't really into fun, though.

Fun? Yes, absolutely. Unprofessional and career limiting? Yes. and likely.

Not is all fields, especially sales. It would be career limiting in sales if you had a stick up your ass and did not attend the functions. I know more people than I can count on one hand that do the networking bar thing 1-2xs a week and are widly successful sales people. Someone successful in sales is not home each night at 5PM it is constantly networking, which overwhelmingly happens at bars.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: thank you all for your perspective. I think the overwhelming majority (unanimously) that the driving is unacceptable under any circumstances. I hear a few people say its the norm in their group, but most say its not in the norm. I have a hard time thinking its the norm unless you are very young w/ no kids and/or live in walking distance to a metro. I imagine most people do not live in walking distance to a metro and of that group, how many work in a heavy drinking field and have small children? Or...and this is a frighteningly real possibility: drinking and driving is much, much more common than we would like to think. The point about legal liability and financial disaster does concern me greatly. But I do have a problem with him being drunk and responsible for children. I would not allow my nanny to drink on the job. And there's the issue of our kids seeming him drunk so frequently that worries me, too. I do believe he has a real problem with drinking if only b/c he has a prior DUI (over 10 years ago, but still) and therefore our children are more likely to have a problem, too...so there's reason to be cautious. I don't want this thread to turn into a drinking parents vs nondrinking parent argument. I really just wanted a reality check and a feel for what's the normal range. Thanks.

OP, Just so it's not forgotten: you're worried about your kids when their drunk dad comes home. I worry about my children when your drunk husband is on the road and my husband is driving home from the airport after a business trip. Both your kids and my kids could end up without a father. I'm just pointing out that the problem extends beyond your family.

Or we could end up with drunk fathers and dead children and mothers. But I think OP is aware of that...what she was looking for validation that her concerns about the frequency, quantity and appropriateness of his drinking are justified.

[Anonymous]

Well put, 13:37.

I honestly couldn't tolerate being married to anyone who would so cavalierly put others' lives at risk, on a regular basis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: thank you all for your perspective. I think the overwhelming majority (unanimously) that the driving is unacceptable under any circumstances. I hear a few people say its the norm in their group, but most say its not in the norm. I have a hard time thinking its the norm unless you are very young w/ no kids and/or live in walking distance to a metro. I imagine most people do not live in walking distance to a metro and of that group, how many work in a heavy drinking field and have small children? Or...and this is a frighteningly real possibility: drinking and driving is much, much more common than we would like to think. The point about legal liability and financial disaster does concern me greatly. But I do have a problem with him being drunk and responsible for children. I would not allow my nanny to drink on the job. And there's the issue of our kids seeming him drunk so frequently that worries me, too. I do believe he has a real problem with drinking if only b/c he has a prior DUI (over 10 years ago, but still) and therefore our children are more likely to have a problem, too...so there's reason to be cautious. I don't want this thread to turn into a drinking parents vs nondrinking parent argument. I really just wanted a reality check and a feel for what's the normal range. Thanks.

OP, Just so it's not forgotten: you're worried about your kids when their drunk dad comes home. I worry about my children when your drunk husband is on the road and my husband is driving home from the airport after a business trip. Both your kids and my kids could end up without a father. I'm just pointing out that the problem extends beyond your family.

blah blah blah yakity yack yack yack.

Tell us something we don't all already know. I'm sure the OP is aware of this, she was not asking about the known dangers of DD. But you would know that if you read her follow up posts....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well put, 13:37.

I honestly couldn't tolerate being married to anyone who would so cavalierly put others' lives at risk, on a regular basis.

What if the alternative was divorce and then this person who so cavalierly puts others lives at risk has 50% custody of your children? Would you trust him with them? Would you trust who he might choose to remarry or hang out with now that you're not in the picture?

[Anonymous]

Or we could end up with drunk fathers and dead children and mothers. But I think OP is aware of that...what she was looking for validation that her concerns about the frequency, quantity and appropriateness of his drinking are justified.

If OP is aware of it as you "think" she hasn't mentioned it. So I did. Move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Or we could end up with drunk fathers and dead children and mothers. But I think OP is aware of that...what she was looking for validation that her concerns about the frequency, quantity and appropriateness of his drinking are justified.

If OP is aware of it as you "think" she hasn't mentioned it. So I did. Move on.

OP here: and yes I am, but thank you for the condescending post anyway. I did mention it in my first post, however. Its so obviously a problem I didn't elaborate on the ramifications and honestly hadn't thought through the financial implications completely as I was primarily thinking about safety, but that is something to consider as well.

[Anonymous]

"But it really bothers me that my dh comes home very buzzed or even downright drunk after dinner meetings or 'meeting clients for drinks'. Obvi there is the problem that he drives himself home. But even if he took a cab, I have a problem with him coming home clearly buzzed and then interacting with kids, etc. Also, I'm not much of a drinker but can't imagine being drunk around my children, ever, never mind actually trying to cook, feed, change and put to bed, kwim?"

OP, I understand that you're feeling sensitive and vulnerable about you husband's drinking, but I wasn't being condescending at all. And I missed it if your first post mentioned your concern regarding the dangers to others when your husband drives after he's been drinking. I'm not trying to pile on, I'm pointing out other things to consider that I did not think had been mentioned. I apologize if my post came across as antagonistic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dh doesn't drink so no problem there. I sometimes attend a function and have a couple drinks but nothing beyond slightly buzzed every happens. I think it's tacky to get crappy drunk at a professional function.

It can be tacky. It can also be great fun.

I am sensing that many of the posters in this thread aren't really into fun, though.

Fun? Yes, absolutely. Unprofessional and career limiting? Yes. and likely.

Not is all fields, especially sales. It would be career limiting in sales if you had a stick up your ass and did not attend the functions. I know more people than I can count on one hand that do the networking bar thing 1-2xs a week and are widly successful sales people. Someone successful in sales is not home each night at 5PM it is constantly networking, which overwhelmingly happens at bars.

Yep, I've worked at tech companies where this is the case as well. This ain't the...hmm...I was going to name a decade where a certain amount of alcohol-fueled socializing wasn't a prerequisite to business success and networking, but couldn't think of any. The 1930s maybe?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dh doesn't drink so no problem there. I sometimes attend a function and have a couple drinks but nothing beyond slightly buzzed every happens. I think it's tacky to get crappy drunk at a professional function.

It can be tacky. It can also be great fun.

I am sensing that many of the posters in this thread aren't really into fun, though.

Fun? Yes, absolutely. Unprofessional and career limiting? Yes. and likely.

Not is all fields, especially sales. It would be career limiting in sales if you had a stick up your ass and did not attend the functions. I know more people than I can count on one hand that do the networking bar thing 1-2xs a week and are widly successful sales people. Someone successful in sales is not home each night at 5PM it is constantly networking, which overwhelmingly happens at bars.

Yep, I've worked at tech companies where this is the case as well. This ain't the...hmm...I was going to name a decade where a certain amount of alcohol-fueled socializing wasn't a prerequisite to business success and networking, but couldn't think of any. The 1930s maybe?

Also, the problem here is the drunk/buzzed driving, not the 2-4 drinks. Drunk driving is a function of suburbia and our built environment. Maybe you should move somewhere less car-dependent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dh doesn't drink so no problem there. I sometimes attend a function and have a couple drinks but nothing beyond slightly buzzed every happens. I think it's tacky to get crappy drunk at a professional function.

It can be tacky. It can also be great fun.

I am sensing that many of the posters in this thread aren't really into fun, though.

Fun? Yes, absolutely. Unprofessional and career limiting? Yes. and likely.

Not is all fields, especially sales. It would be career limiting in sales if you had a stick up your ass and did not attend the functions. I know more people than I can count on one hand that do the networking bar thing 1-2xs a week and are widly successful sales people. Someone successful in sales is not home each night at 5PM it is constantly networking, which overwhelmingly happens at bars.

Yep, I've worked at tech companies where this is the case as well. This ain't the...hmm...I was going to name a decade where a certain amount of alcohol-fueled socializing wasn't a prerequisite to business success and networking, but couldn't think of any. The 1930s maybe?

Also, the problem here is the drunk/buzzed driving, not the 2-4 drinks. Drunk driving is a function of suburbia and our built environment. Maybe you should move somewhere less car-dependent.

coo-coo bird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: IT gov't contractor

Is he in any sort of biz dev role? I'm in sales to te fed gov and it is pretty much expected that we run hard and play hard. It is not uncommon to take industry people out and shut the bar down. In my space, drunkeness is quite the norm. What is considered acceptable would get most people fired in a different industry.

?

Really? You are taking your government clients out until 3am on work nights? I kinda find that hard to believe. If you are going out to bars that actually fill up with people on weeknights, then you are all probably at least a decade (or many decades) older than the clientele around you. And if you are going out elsewhere you are probably the only people in the bar.

I suppose you have never been to Jacksons in Reston.

Or anywhere in Reston Town Center for that matter...

[Anonymous]

driving drunk is bad, but everyone does it. how else are you going to get home? the odds are still overwhelmingly against getting caught.

[Anonymous]

Can someone list the taxi service they mentioned that will drive your car with you in the passenger seat?