How often does your spouse come home very buzzed or drunk from evening work related events?

[Anonymous]

never. i hope things go well in resolving this.

[Anonymous]

Once in the three months since we had a baby (after a farewell party for a coworker). He'll sometimes have a drink or two at work if they're all there workng late, but by the time he lends 45 minutes on the metro, any buzz is gone. He doesn't drive to work, so it's always metro or a cab. He would never drive drunk.

[Anonymous]

Never. The driving drunk is a big problem, IMO. He's putting himself and your family at a huge risk if anything were to happen.

[Anonymous]

Not once in our 16 year history.

[Anonymous]

Not once in 25 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH does, but he doesn't drive drunk.

OP here: how often? And how does he get home? Does he drive to work usually? I think my dh drinks and drives is b/c a) he thinks people can't tell he's drunk and b) he won't admit he's drunk and calling a cab would ruin both those schema. Also, he drives to work (actually, he doesn't have just one office so he drives all over the city to work) and he would be really screwed if he left his car in say, Tysons, but had to be downtown on the Hill at 8am and we live in Gaithersburg. I'M NOT CONDONING IT. Just explaining why I think he does it. Or at least his distorted thinking b/c I think the real reason he drinks and drives is because he has a drinking problem. But I have been told I am uptight about drinking and "don't understand how it works in business" (not just by him, but by other family members too) so I am trying to get an objective perspective and see how his behavior compares to others.

You may very well be uptight, and it may be true that you "don't understand how it works in business" -- I don't know you and can't say.

What I can say is that both of those phrases are very defensive, and there are many people in the business world who switch so club soda and lime after the first drink. Your husband has a drinking problem and is in denial. Not sure why he has all that many "business meetings" in the evening that aren't really social events in disguise. So even if you are uptight, etc, this is not an example of being uptight.

Good luck to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:never. And driving drunk - you need to put a stop to that before he kills someone.

**SHE** needs to put a stop to it? Why is she responsible for his choices?

She's not responsible for his choices, but unfortunately, she will be responsible for the consequences when she has to pay a lawyer to defend him and potentially loses their home and all of their assets because he injures or kills someone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Never. The driving drunk is a big problem, IMO. He's putting himself and your family at a huge risk if anything were to happen.

And you and your family and me and my family. Every other driver, passenger and pedestrian is at risk when OP's DH drives after having a few.

[Anonymous]

DH comes home buzzed, but never drunk, from work-related events maybe 3-4 times a year (he's a lobbyist, so he has a lot of work-related events, the vast majority of which he either has 0 or 1 drink). He has a rule that he never drives after 2 drinks. He'll take a cab home. The next morning, I drive him to work or the nearest Metro, or if I have something planned that morning, he'll either call a cab or take the bus to the Metro.

Regardless of whether your DH has a problem, and I don't know enough about the situation to judge but would guess that he does, his driving after drinking is a HUGE problem and he will be caught eventually. If he's not responsible enough to find other means of getting home, then he shouldn't be drinking. I also suspect that a lot of these "work-related" events are really an excuse for him to go out and drink and not really necessary for his work.

If his drinking gets to be a big enough problem, you should see a counselor who specializes in substance abuse issues because it's unlikely that he will.

[Anonymous]

It has happened twice so far. We have been married for 13 years. Never was driving involved, he took a a cab both times. OP, if your DH has a security clearance, that might be at risk as well. I'm not even going to mention the driving because that horse is dead.

[Anonymous]

Some men never outgrow the frat boy mentality.

[Anonymous]

You need to insist that he parks his car in a garage and take a cab home. And if it is inconvenient to him (let's say he parties downtown and has to be in Tysons the next morning) so what. Boo freaking hoo. He has to deal with the consequences of his drinking. Or, he'll never change.

The fact that he justifies driving drunk is just... wow. If his job requires driving all over the place, DON'T GET DRUNK! You can still socialize/network.

[Anonymous]

PP 09:01: And to answer your question, never. Maybe a little buzzed 1-2x a year, but my husband takes the metro, and would never in a million years drive. He would go out of his way to make sure that he wouldn't be driving if he knew he was going out that night after work.

[Anonymous]

My husband is also an IT govt contractor and he never comes home drunk or buzzed. In fact he RARELY goes out for drinks after work or goes to work-related functions that involve excessive drinking. Maybe their line of work is different (DH works for one of the NIH branches), but are you sure he's really going out for work functions and not making up excuses to drink?

I am a lawyer and I was assuming you were going to say your DH is one too. Definitely a lot of alcohol at my work functions, but I haven't really seen it at my DH's.

[Anonymous]

My DC is an IT govt contractor too.

He's come home buzzed after a work happy hour twice in the 4 years since we had kids.