On Metro - do you offer your seat to pregnant women?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

same here, and also men from foreign countries or obvious tourists. Also I always got offered a seat whenever I rode the bus. Metro was another story

I think tourists are the WORST. I have NEVER seen a tourist offer a seat to anyone - not to me (hugely pregnant), an elderly person, etc. And I ride the Orange Line at rush hour and have seen, plenty of times, tourists who allow their middle school / teenage children to occupy the handicapped seats while seniors & pregnant women stand there. Maybe they're not familiar with our Metro system and its rules, but manners are manners.

I think tourists and businessmen are the two worst culprits.

Totally!!!! I will also add early 20-something white guys (and I am white).

ow that I have a 2 month old, I constantly look to see if there is a pregnant lady in need of a seat.

[Anonymous]

Yes, interesting observations about businessmen and tourists. If a lot of people are transplants from smaller communities and tourists are not from this area, what's with the rudeness? I thought small community folks and non-locals are often raised to be polite and courteous. Do they just let loose and forget their manners when they get to the big city? Or do they just behave neighborly when amongst "their own"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, interesting observations about businessmen and tourists. If a lot of people are transplants from smaller communities and tourists are not from this area, what's with the rudeness? I thought small community folks and non-locals are often raised to be polite and courteous. Do they just let loose and forget their manners when they get to the big city? Or do they just behave neighborly when amongst "their own"?

These men are just assholes relieved they're no longer expected to do anything for women who aren't going to give them something in return. I don't know if they'd perform favors for random women under other circumstances, but the couple of asshats who chimed in on this thread to effectively say, "What? There were able-bodied women around, too. Were their legs broken? Why am I supposed to stand up first?" should explain the phenomenon pretty clearly.

[Anonymous]

I think that tourists often forget that there are people who actually live and work here and that DC is not just a tourist playground. People in general seem to be in their own little worlds - they stop at the top of escalators to figure out where to go rather than moving off to the side and out of the way of people who already know where they're going. Some of them also just don't know the basic etiquette of public transportation. I lived in a city with great public transportation until I was 10 and then moved to a small university town that basically had no public transit at all and then I moved here. In the small town years, it was always amazing to me how many of my peers didn't demonstrate basic common sense about stuff like crossing the street. I would imagine that something like "stand on the right, walk on the left while on escalators" would be lost on them if "look both ways before cross the street" was complicated.

As for pregnancy, I had people give me their seat maybe 25% of the time. I also had people elbow their way past my 9 mos pregnant belly to get into a packed train, yell at me for taking up too much room in a packed train and any number of other rude self-centered jackass moves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Only if she is undeniably pregnant. There are plenty of women who look it, but just need to go on a diet, and I don't want to embarrass us both.

Oh gosh, I've agonized over this situation--some women just carry extra weight in the belly area. Also...I don't want to offend an older person by offering them a seat if they seem hearty and in good health...if someone isn't obviously elderly but perhaps in their 60's.
But yes, if someone is obviously pregnant I would offer them a seat right away...and if not obviously pregnant, I might find a reason to stand up without overtly offering them a seat (same with the "older" person who isn't necessarily elderly).

[Anonymous]

What's wrong with offering a seat to someone overweight? Surely they could use a break from standing up with the extra weight.

[Anonymous]

Sociological conclusion from reading this thread-viewing a pregnant woman makes AAs feel happy, makes women feel empathy, makes tourists feel talky and makes white business men feel guilty (although apparently not guilty enough to give up their seat).

[Anonymous]

Boarded a crowded train this morning. There were two side-by-side seats reserved for people with disabilities available at the door I entered. A man shot in front of me, sat in one, called over to his wife that he found two seats together, and proceeded to act all put-out when I sat down in the seat he was holding for his wife. I'm 8 months pregnant, can barely walk, and am constantly trying to figure out if I'm more bothered by the pain or the bout of pre-term contractions that I experience after exerting myself. I didn't care so much when I was only 6 months pg, but now I actually NEED a seat when I commute (I'm on the verge of needing bedrest, and the commute has become incredibly tough). He muttered something under his breath when I unapologetically stayed put. There were probably 4 or 5 other seats available throughout the car, although several people were standing. Here's the thing, when you're this pregnant and huge, you sometimes occupy a little more than one seat (yes, I spill over into the seat next to me - it's horrifying to me). That means that the seat across from me was not an option (the passenger sitting in the other row of disability seating was very overweight and was herself taking up much more than one seat, so I wasn't going to defer to this guy's wife and just squeeze into the little half-seat across the way that remained empty for a reason). Also, sitting in the outside seat of a normal two-seat row means I would eventually need to stand to let the passenger in the inside seat out - not ideal, especially if they try to get up before the train has come to a halt - so if there were a couple of other seats available scattered throughout the train, sorry, there's still a reason for letting the pg woman or person with disabilities sit in the "reserved" seating. I was going to explain myself because it felt assertive to the point of being rude and until now I've been standing on the metro with no complaints and I don't generally like having to ask for special treatment - it's humiliating, but when the guy started muttering under his breath about it (even though his wife immediately got a seat, just not the one directly next to him) I lost all interest in justifying myself. Maybe he just didn't notice that I'm pg., but I'm pretty ridiculously huge at the moment. Kind of hard to fathom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sociological conclusion from reading this thread-viewing a pregnant woman makes AAs feel happy, makes women feel empathy, makes tourists feel talky and makes white business men feel guilty (although apparently not guilty enough to give up their seat).

Any sociological conclusions concerning fatties?

[Anonymous]

I am pregnant and have all kinds of experiences on the Metro. This morning (in the priority seating nontheless) a woman would not move her bag off the seat so I could sit down. I explained politely to her that this was the priority seating and I am pregnant (in case with my bulky coat there was a question of that). She said she did not care and I could stand. No one around us who heard this exchange offered their seat. However, last week when I got on a Green Line train a teenager (yes, you read that right), saw me and got up and gave me their seat. She ended up standing for about 5 stops. I thanked her again when I got off the train and she said, "No problem, of course you should have a seat." I have also had men who have gotten up for me immediately. I guess it is just a matter of who you come across and whether or not they have been raised with manners. I do have to agree with PPs that the AA men are super nice and polite.

[Anonymous]

Yes. When I was pregnant, was never offered a seat on metro, only sometimes offered a seat on the 16th street line and ALWAYS offered a seat on the 14th street line.....

[SAM2]

DCUM, I need some help. When I read this thread, I wondered whether certain demographic groups really are more or less likely to give up subway seats, or instead if it's an issue of perception. I spent some time looking for academic research and studies on the topic, but found nothing on-point. I found a few studies that look into how people react when you flat-out ask for their seat, but that's not really what's at issue here.

Now I am thinking I will conduct my own study. I've started keeping a tally on the Metro whenever I see someone offer her seat. I'm also tracking some other data according to the rules below. Once I have a decent-sized sample, I can look at the results to see what's there. What I need from you, DCUM, is advice on how to structure the data-collection, and whether I should track any additional details. I've never done this sort of data collection before, so if anyone has actual experience, I'd like to hear your thoughts.

Here are the rules I'm following:
I track the sex, ethnicity, and age of the person offering her seat, and the person accepting the offer. Sometimes I must make judgment calls. I'm pretty comfortable discerning sex. For ethnicity, I am using a simple breakdown of AA, Hispanic, Caucasian, and Asian/Indian. It's often difficult to pigeonhole some people into one category, but I'm doing my best. For age, I am just estimating the general age of each person (20s, 30s, 40s, etc). I only count a seat exchange if a swap actually occurs. I decided not to count the data if one person merely offers, but the other person doesn't accept, because it's too hard for me to judge whether the offer was genuine. I only count a seat exchange if I actually see an offer and swap. I see plenty of times when one person just gets up and stands as a needy person approaches the spot, and allows the needy person to take the seat. But I don't count those, because it's too subjective to tell why the person was standing up. It often looks a lot like giving up a seat, but I can't be sure since there was no verbal offer. I don't count any exchanges at all if I know (even just by sight) any person involved in the exchange. I worry that if an offerer knows me, that might have encouraged her to give up her seat, since she might want to look like a good citizen in front of someone who knows her. This is probably being paranoid, but it doesn't happen too often. If I count one seat exchange, I don't count another until at least one full ride segment later (meaning the doors must open twice to let passengers on and off). I use this limitation because I've noticed that if one person offers a seat, it's more likely that someone else who witnessed the exchange will also offer her seat a few minutes later. I don't want to taint the data with "peer pressure" offers. I'm not tracking pregnancy specifically, because it's too hard (especially in winter) to know for sure whether someone's pregnant. I'm not tracking in any way failures to offer a seat. When I started this project, I wanted to track how often able-bodied people failed to give up their seats to someone in need. But that's just too subjective to track, because I'd need to judge whether the person who needs the seat is more or less needy than every person who failed to stand up. Since I've started keeping track, I've seen lots of times when half a dozen people of all different sexes, ethnicities, and ages all fail to give up their seats to someone clearly in need. But there's still no feasible way I can think of to track this in an organized fashion. I need a baseline to compare my results to. I think my Metro train is pretty well mixed, but I can't know for sure. So I've started tallying up the sex, ethnicity, and age of the entire population. I am trying to make a full demographic tally once every week or two, at random segments of my ride. When the project is complete, I will total those up to develop a demographic baseline I can compare against the seat exchange data. I don't keep close watch on every trip. Sometimes I have work to do, or I'm riding with someone, or I just have a good book. But when I am able, I keep watch. I plan on counting at least until I reach 100 exchanges. After that, I will tally up the results and report them. Maybe I'll keep counting after that, but I think 100 exchanges is a pretty robust sample.
So what do you think? Are there other rules I should add? Are any of these rules unnecessary? I need your help to improve the data collection before I get too far into the project. All thoughts appreciated.

(I know I sound like some freak, but it's actually a pretty minimal investment of time, and it makes the ride go faster. I'm also very curious to see the results.)

[Anonymous]

Part of the problem is that sometimes people who are sitting appear healthy but may still need a seat as well. My fiance gets severe motion sickness any time we are in the train and needs to sit. If possible, I often sit with her, so she can lean on me to get through it. If you didn't know any better, you'd see a young couple taking up a seat unnecessarily. But that isn't the case.

If I'm alone, I almost never sit, unless the car is pretty empty. I generally prefer to stand regardless and realize that most others need the seat more than I do.

Regardless, we must be careful in assuming who does and doesn't need a seat. If a pregnant woman (or other needy person) is so in need of a seat, I see no problem with them respectfully asking someone to move if they are not offered. In that case, the person can choose to move, explain why they too need the seat, or expose themselves as a selfish jerk. The collective response will likely be enough to make it the last time they do it.

[Anonymous]

Yes, and I've been one of those people who make other people move (even though I'm normally pretty non-confrontational). I once was on the train with standing room only (I was standing) and watched as a family with a newborn got on. The father was pulling two pieces of luggage and the mother was holding the newborn, and NO ONE OFFERED HER A SEAT. I'd had a long day and couldn't believe my eye, even if this is DC where people are typically unfriendly (I've been here 10 years so I feel I have the right to make that observation). I looked at the 4 people sitting in the front seats and said "are you 4 seriously going to sit there and not offer this woman and her baby a seat?" They all jumped up and none of them sat back down the rest of the ride. Hopefully I shamed them enough into thinking about it on their own next time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, and I've been one of those people who make other people move (even though I'm normally pretty non-confrontational). I once was on the train with standing room only (I was standing) and watched as a family with a newborn got on. The father was pulling two pieces of luggage and the mother was holding the newborn, and NO ONE OFFERED HER A SEAT. I'd had a long day and couldn't believe my eye, even if this is DC where people are typically unfriendly (I've been here 10 years so I feel I have the right to make that observation). I looked at the 4 people sitting in the front seats and said "are you 4 seriously going to sit there and not offer this woman and her baby a seat?" They all jumped up and none of them sat back down the rest of the ride. Hopefully I shamed them enough into thinking about it on their own next time.

I should add - they all looked up when the family got on and just watched as the mother lurched when the train started. Her husband had to hold her up. Unreal.