On Metro - do you offer your seat to pregnant women?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When 8-9 months pregnant, I had a group of tourists sit and gawk at my belly and comment about how people in DC are so rude because no one on the train offered me a seat. The kicker was, none of the tourists did either. I also happened on an extremely crowded train once. I'm short and nicely asked the person next to me if we could swap places because I couldn't reach the overhead bar and thus had nothing at all to hold on to. He responded with "I didn't get you pregnant, I don't have to move for you."

I would say I was offered a seat 50-75% of the time.

Now, when I commute daily with a young toddler in a stroller, I am amazed at how often people offer me their seats. It is definitely more prevalent than when I was pregnant. I appreciate it a lot, but arguably needed it more when hugely pregnant.

I always offer my seat if someone looks like they need it more. If I screw up and offer the seat to someone I thought was pregnant but they weren't, so be it. It's not like I'm telling them the reason I'm giving them my seat.

Yes, that's the aftermath of chivalry's death churlishness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

same here, and also men from foreign countries or obvious tourists. Also I always got offered a seat whenever I rode the bus. Metro was another story

I think tourists are the WORST. I have NEVER seen a tourist offer a seat to anyone - not to me (hugely pregnant), an elderly person, etc. And I ride the Orange Line at rush hour and have seen, plenty of times, tourists who allow their middle school / teenage children to occupy the handicapped seats while seniors & pregnant women stand there. Maybe they're not familiar with our Metro system and its rules, but manners are manners.

I think tourists and businessmen are the two worst culprits.

One does not need to be familiar with the rules and laws of metro. One does not even need to be able to speak English to understand that they should offer their seat to seniors, pregnant women, people on crutches, etc. It seems the foreign riders demonstrate this behavior better than red-blooded American boys/men & tourists.

[Anonymous]

Yes, but I also had no idea how uncomfortable and painful pregnancy could be. From about month 4, I had shooting pains and numbness down both of my legs and would have loved a seat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was 8 months pregnant I was on the yellow line an older woman stood up to give me her seat, and then she hit (with a magazine) a 30-something man in uniform and said "your mother would be ashamed of you"

He got up immediately to give her his seat, but she wouldn't take it.

I love this!

[Anonymous]

I think women are better at noticing whether other women are pregnant or not, so they might jump up sooner to offer a seat. I think men often don't realize a woman is pregnant, especially if she's bundled up in a jacket and not enormous. I'm a man, and I often have no clue that co-workers are pregnant until they hit 6 months or someone affirmatively tells me.

By contrast, I definitely see more men than women giving up a Metro seat for people who are elderly, physically struggling, or with kids. I'm sure plenty of women would give up their seats if necessary, but they seem to wait for sitting men to act first. Maybe they think men, not women, should be the first to give up their seats? I don't know.

I'm curious. Do women posting here think that men have some greater obligation to act first to give up their seats on Metro than women do? Some women posting here seem to resent it that they had to give up a seat rather than men on the same train. If there's no sex-difference, why should it matter?

By the way, before you attack me, know that I routinely give up my seat for pregnant women I can spot, anyone who's noticeably older than I am, anyone with children under 15, groups of tourists who are traveling together, and anyone who just looks like she's had a hard day. I also rarely sit unless there is an entirely empty row, so I never take the last seat on a train. I'm not trying to brag, but I'm just making sure you don't peg me as part of the problem when you respond to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think women are better at noticing whether other women are pregnant or not, so they might jump up sooner to offer a seat. I think men often don't realize a woman is pregnant, especially if she's bundled up in a jacket and not enormous. I'm a man, and I often have no clue that co-workers are pregnant until they hit 6 months or someone affirmatively tells me.

By contrast, I definitely see more men than women giving up a Metro seat for people who are elderly, physically struggling, or with kids. I'm sure plenty of women would give up their seats if necessary, but they seem to wait for sitting men to act first. Maybe they think men, not women, should be the first to give up their seats? I don't know.

I'm curious. Do women posting here think that men have some greater obligation to act first to give up their seats on Metro than women do? Some women posting here seem to resent it that they had to give up a seat rather than men on the same train. If there's no sex-difference, why should it matter?

By the way, before you attack me, know that I routinely give up my seat for pregnant women I can spot, anyone who's noticeably older than I am, anyone with children under 15, groups of tourists who are traveling together, and anyone who just looks like she's had a hard day. I also rarely sit unless there is an entirely empty row, so I never take the last seat on a train. I'm not trying to brag, but I'm just making sure you don't peg me as part of the problem when you respond to me.

Well PP, most of the posts refer to women who are noticeably 8-9 months pregnant, and since we are not yet wearing coats yet, it IS noticeable at the 3rd trimester, unless of course you are blind. The descriptions of the scenarios are clear. Many of the women in advance stages of pregnancy are standing right in front of the riders seated in the disabled seats and these riders do NOT offer their seats (male or female).

The issue is not that women are resentful that men do not give up their seats. The issue and observation is that men overall tend NOT to give up their seats for very visibly pregnant women. Shame on able-bodied teenage young men and middle age men. They were not properly inculcated with good manners and courtesy.

[Anonymous]

I'm a male Red Line rider and I was giving up my seat to people who needed it more than me often enough that I stopped even taking a seat. But I've considered whether I should sit to save the seat for someone else who might need it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm white, and I observed that African-American men were considerably more likely to offer me a seat when I was pregnant than white men were.

Sorry to generalize, but this was true for me too. I have also noticed that AA men are more likely to hold the door as well. DC is full of self-important white dudes who have no manners. Shame on them all.

[Anonymous]

When 8-9 months pregnant, I had a group of tourists sit and gawk at my belly and comment about how people in DC are so rude because no one on the train offered me a seat. The kicker was, none of the tourists did either. I also happened on an extremely crowded train once. I'm short and nicely asked the person next to me if we could swap places because I couldn't reach the overhead bar and thus had nothing at all to hold on to. He responded with "I didn't get you pregnant, I don't have to move for you."

Perhaps someday he'll be hit by a bus, and while he's lying in the street bleeding, someone will pass by and say, "I didn't run you over, I don't have to call you an ambulance." We can only hope . . . .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well PP, most of the posts refer to women who are noticeably 8-9 months pregnant, and since we are not yet wearing coats yet, it IS noticeable at the 3rd trimester, unless of course you are blind. The descriptions of the scenarios are clear. Many of the women in advance stages of pregnancy are standing right in front of the riders seated in the disabled seats and these riders do NOT offer their seats (male or female).

The issue is not that women are resentful that men do not give up their seats. The issue and observation is that men overall tend NOT to give up their seats for very visibly pregnant women. Shame on able-bodied teenage young men and middle age men. They were not properly inculcated with good manners and courtesy.

So as a man, if I see a pregnant woman and offer her my seat, can I chastise all the able-bodied women who were sitting closer and failed to offer up their seats? Can I tell them they "were not properly inculcated with good manners and courtesy"? Don't you agree they are just as obligated as I am to offer their seats?

I'm not trying to say some men aren't dolts, or to defend those that are. I'm just trying to see whether it's an equal-opportunity obligation. Don't able-bodied women have the same obligation to offer seats?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well PP, most of the posts refer to women who are noticeably 8-9 months pregnant, and since we are not yet wearing coats yet, it IS noticeable at the 3rd trimester, unless of course you are blind. The descriptions of the scenarios are clear. Many of the women in advance stages of pregnancy are standing right in front of the riders seated in the disabled seats and these riders do NOT offer their seats (male or female).

The issue is not that women are resentful that men do not give up their seats. The issue and observation is that men overall tend NOT to give up their seats for very visibly pregnant women. Shame on able-bodied teenage young men and middle age men. They were not properly inculcated with good manners and courtesy.

So as a man, if I see a pregnant woman and offer her my seat, can I chastise all the able-bodied women who were sitting closer and failed to offer up their seats? Can I tell them they "were not properly inculcated with good manners and courtesy"? Don't you agree they are just as obligated as I am to offer their seats?

I'm not trying to say some men aren't dolts, or to defend those that are. I'm just trying to see whether it's an equal-opportunity obligation. Don't able-bodied women have the same obligation to offer seats?

yes. you can. in fact, please do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well PP, most of the posts refer to women who are noticeably 8-9 months pregnant, and since we are not yet wearing coats yet, it IS noticeable at the 3rd trimester, unless of course you are blind. The descriptions of the scenarios are clear. Many of the women in advance stages of pregnancy are standing right in front of the riders seated in the disabled seats and these riders do NOT offer their seats (male or female).

The issue is not that women are resentful that men do not give up their seats. The issue and observation is that men overall tend NOT to give up their seats for very visibly pregnant women. Shame on able-bodied teenage young men and middle age men. They were not properly inculcated with good manners and courtesy.

So as a man, if I see a pregnant woman and offer her my seat, can I chastise all the able-bodied women who were sitting closer and failed to offer up their seats? Can I tell them they "were not properly inculcated with good manners and courtesy"? Don't you agree they are just as obligated as I am to offer their seats?

I'm not trying to say some men aren't dolts, or to defend those that are. I'm just trying to see whether it's an equal-opportunity obligation. Don't able-bodied women have the same obligation to offer seats?

Tally up the number of women vs. the number of men you have to call out. Please get back to us on what your record is, men vs. women who offer their seat or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm white, and I observed that African-American men were considerably more likely to offer me a seat when I was pregnant than white men were.

Sorry to generalize, but this was true for me too. I have also noticed that AA men are more likely to hold the door as well. DC is full of self-important white dudes who have no manners. Shame on them all.

I'm white - I noticed this too. I got to the point in my third trimester that I would just gravitate to AA men, because they would give up their seat (even younger men).

[Anonymous]

Wow! This is a really BORING topic. Who gives a shit?

"I'm white - I noticed this too. I got to the point in my third trimester that I would just gravitate to AA men, because they would give up their seat (even younger men). "

No comment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tally up the number of women vs. the number of men you have to call out. Please get back to us on what your record is, men vs. women who offer their seat or not.

I'm not clear why you keep wanting to make this a contest. Do you think there's some prize for being on the winning team?