Are “boy moms” really not teaching their sons any life skills?

[Anonymous]

Raise your children, regardless of gender, to be good partners. All the executive life skills, essential domestic skills and calm communication. An ability to contribute financially and keep a healthy body, a generous heart, and a sound mind.

They may not need all of these attributes/skills at the same time, but they will in fact need each of them at some point.

The future looks chaotic. Stable marriage will become a very coveted and protective flex. Whether or not they want it is up to them. But I’m making certain they are set up to succeed if they do.

I have two sons and one daughter. I can’t imagine referring to myself as a boy mom or a girl mom.

[Anonymous]

I have not found this to be the case with my son, nor any of his college roommates or friends. They have been caring for themselves for years - laundry, meals, cleaning etc. The last thing I wanted to do was wait on someone for their entire lives - I want a partner in my spouse and my kids - and that means we all help each other out and and are self-sufficient.

[Anonymous]

Two girls and 1 son here. DS is better at cooking, cleaning, laundry, than DDs are at any home maintenance skill.!We do teach all DC basic automotive skills, but youngest DD knows the most (due to her interest).

[Anonymous]

Um, I don't consider cleaning and laundry essential life skills. I consider the essential skills to be communicating, problem solving, networking. I have higher hopes for DC's.

[Anonymous]

I’ll preface this by saying that I am married to a wonderful man and have a wonderful MIL. IMO, she was too easy on him with regard to chores, cooking, etc. and we struggled when we first got married due to both having demanding jobs and totally unequal distribution of labor for household tasks. I am expecting a boy now and he will absolutely be doing his own laundry, learning to cook and feed himself, doing chores, etc. from a young age.

[Anonymous]

Ummm. No. My 20-year old son is an amazing cook. Both my sons have been doing their own laundry since middle school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My boys can do all of that. Now whether they actually do it is on them.

+1

On the other hand, are you girl moms out there preparing your DDs to be the lifelong breadwinners or get married, have kids, and become SAHs?

[Anonymous]

Sometimes the clueless dad interferes with the life skills lessons the mama passed on to her boys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does a 20yr old boy need to make a lot of dr appointments? It’s probably not his insurance and he is unlikely to have chronic health issues.

Eye doctor, annual physical, vaccines, dentist, dermatologist. Those are pretty basic ones for a healthy young adult.

You don't need a lot of vaccines past 18. And, eye doctor is once a year, dentist twice, dermatologist varies but not noromal and one physical. This is silly.

So at least six doctor's appointments per year, not including the ordinary infections/bugs/viruses?

This not normal. Maybe for a 65 yr old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ll preface this by saying that I am married to a wonderful man and have a wonderful MIL. IMO, she was too easy on him with regard to chores, cooking, etc. and we struggled when we first got married due to both having demanding jobs and totally unequal distribution of labor for household tasks. I am expecting a boy now and he will absolutely be doing his own laundry, learning to cook and feed himself, doing chores, etc. from a young age.

LOL. The fact that some boys and girls are untrainable has nothing to do with what they were taught by their mothers.

In fact, I find it funny that you did not fault your FIL for your DH's incompetence.

[Anonymous]

My kids - DD and DS - know how to do laundry properly (sort, temp of water, what products, how to dry, iron, fold etc) very well. In fact, they taught all of this to other students in their dorms when they went to college.

However, they bring back boatloads of dirty laundry whenever they come home for me to handle. In fact, they start calculating how many days are left to come home and then countdown with their clean clothes.

They know how to cook because I taught them how to cook. Not the usual boil eggs, make pasta, make burritos, chop salads, and make tea/coffee kind of dorm cooking. No, no, no - real cooking like kormas, biryani, satay, gimbaps, fried fish, braised sweet and sour pork, risotto, jambalaya, empanadas, dumplings, samosas. In desserts they can bake, make mooncakes, gulab-jamuns, cheesecake etc. BUT they absolutely become absolute slugs when they come home.

And, they know how to make their beds...but they sleep in a tangle of blankets, sheet and pillows because that does not need to be ever made. But, do they like that I wash their sheets and make their beds? Of course.

If I ask my kids why they are such slugs - they rattle out that they are high performers in college/work, they make good money, they don't smoke/drink/vape, they have good friends, they don't have mental health issues, they have a large circle of friends, they have SOs, their lives are not dysfunctional, they are not criminals, they don't do drugs, they are not promiscuous and they have chosen good partners, no out-of-wedlock pregnancies - so I should be grateful and not criticize them.

I say - buyer's beware. If you would have a problem with my parenting, then remember this flawed parenting is what allowed them to have a flawed picker and choose you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Um, I don't consider cleaning and laundry essential life skills. I consider the essential skills to be communicating, problem solving, networking. I have higher hopes for DC's.

I hope you’re not my kids’ future MIL or FIL. Everyone should be able to take care of themselves and maintain their belongings. It is not at the expense of learning how to communicate or problem solve. Frankly my kids learn how to problem solve by helping us do chores or fix things.

My dh was fascinated by motors as a kid and ran a lawnmower repair business as a teen. He’s basically the carburetor whisperer; he blows on them and then engines start up. Served him well, as he is an engineer now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids - DD and DS - know how to do laundry properly (sort, temp of water, what products, how to dry, iron, fold etc) very well. In fact, they taught all of this to other students in their dorms when they went to college.

However, they bring back boatloads of dirty laundry whenever they come home for me to handle. In fact, they start calculating how many days are left to come home and then countdown with their clean clothes.

They know how to cook because I taught them how to cook. Not the usual boil eggs, make pasta, make burritos, chop salads, and make tea/coffee kind of dorm cooking. No, no, no - real cooking like kormas, biryani, satay, gimbaps, fried fish, braised sweet and sour pork, risotto, jambalaya, empanadas, dumplings, samosas. In desserts they can bake, make mooncakes, gulab-jamuns, cheesecake etc. BUT they absolutely become absolute slugs when they come home.

And, they know how to make their beds...but they sleep in a tangle of blankets, sheet and pillows because that does not need to be ever made. But, do they like that I wash their sheets and make their beds? Of course.

If I ask my kids why they are such slugs - they rattle out that they are high performers in college/work, they make good money, they don't smoke/drink/vape, they have good friends, they don't have mental health issues, they have a large circle of friends, they have SOs, their lives are not dysfunctional, they are not criminals, they don't do drugs, they are not promiscuous and they have chosen good partners, no out-of-wedlock pregnancies - so I should be grateful and not criticize them.

I say - buyer's beware. If you would have a problem with my parenting, then remember this flawed parenting is what allowed them to have a flawed picker and choose you.

College isn’t real life. I hated doing laundry in communal laundry rooms and it cost me $8.50 a load 15 years ago. I didn’t have hours to spend waiting on laundry. A lot of kids have stressful lives in college and decompress at their parents homes on breaks.

Dh and I are both type A high persons who are high functioning. Both our work lives and our homes are ran with precision. However, we definitely become slugs at our respective parents homes. I can’t explain it but I feel dead to the world there and want to let my parents take over entertaining my kids. Dh also becomes unhelpful with the kids at his parents house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Um, I don't consider cleaning and laundry essential life skills. I consider the essential skills to be communicating, problem solving, networking. I have higher hopes for DC's.

I hope you’re not my kids’ future MIL or FIL. Everyone should be able to take care of themselves and maintain their belongings. It is not at the expense of learning how to communicate or problem solve. Frankly my kids learn how to problem solve by helping us do chores or fix things.

My dh was fascinated by motors as a kid and ran a lawnmower repair business as a teen. He’s basically the carburetor whisperer; he blows on them and then engines start up. Served him well, as he is an engineer now.

I’m sure PP doesn’t want your doofus spawn (who apparently require years of careful training to operate a washing machine or a vacuum cleaner) for her SIL/DIL either. She’s probably hoping for smart, capable grandkids someday.

[Anonymous]

Both parents should try to teach moral values and life skills to their children, regardless of their gender.

That being said, if it was that easy and parenting was the only factor, most people would turn out fine.