Sibling Estrangement

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It was not a wedding, but another significant event. I have stopped trying. There is also another half sibling where communication has stopped as well, but they were never very close. It’s been very interesting to read all the different opinions and even more so to see that I’m not alone.

Stopped trying with your sister, but still seeking attention for the situation online.

Have you been assessed for NPD by your therapist?

What a toxic comment. It says more about the person posting than OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Younger female sibling went no contact about four years ago. Have never gotten a straight answer as to why. Relationship was fine up to that point with shared holidays and frequent contact. This happen to anyone else? Ever get an answer to why or reconnect? Seems like time is not a friend in these sorts of situations.

Unfortunately, it's very trendy right now. There are places where it's cheered on social media and there are therapists who encourage it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went zero contact with one sibling. Best choice ever. Year three.

Leave it be.

I'm gonna guess you spend a lot of time seeking validation for this decision. You certainly seem self satisfied.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It was not a wedding, but another significant event. I have stopped trying. There is also another half sibling where communication has stopped as well, but they were never very close. It’s been very interesting to read all the different opinions and even more so to see that I’m not alone.

Stopped trying with your sister, but still seeking attention for the situation online.

Have you been assessed for NPD by your therapist?

What a toxic comment. It says more about the person posting than OP.

Actually, since NPD is incredibly difficult to get a diagnosis for and treatment of because people who have it virtually never seek assessment, this could be an opportunity for OP, who already says they’re seeing a therapist.

[Anonymous]

She didn’t do it for no reason.
My coworker cut off her 8 siblings, parents, and is living her best life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Keep the door open. Send a greeting for her birthday, at the holidays, and any update on major life events even if she might have heard from elsewhere (deaths, engagements, graduations, college plans, that type of thing) Always invite (unless she's a danger to anyone), always invite to events where otherwise the entire family is invited. Keep any communication formal. Just state the details. And with greetings, "Happy Holidays" and just sign your name. Almost like you would communicate with a colleague at work or a neighbor you don't know. Leave the door open.

Disagree. Sibling isn’t interested in a relationship. Respect those wishes. You are violating boundaries if you keep reaching out to someone who made it clear it’s over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's why this is important: Send a greeting for her birthday, at the holidays, and any update on major life events. With greetings, "Happy Holidays" and just sign your name. Almost like you would communicate with a colleague at work or a neighbor you don't know. Leave the door open.

It has been 4 years. The door is shut. You don’t stand at the door knocking.

[Anonymous]

There is generally a reason. There is with my sibling and I'm not going to put up any more with how they treat me.

[Anonymous]

Were you close growing up? Any toxic family dynamics like Golden child/scapegoat? What is the age difference?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went zero contact with one sibling. Best choice ever. Year three.

Leave it be.

I'm gonna guess you spend a lot of time seeking validation for this decision. You certainly seem self satisfied.

No. We’re simply not close. Is that ok w you though?

[Anonymous]

OP you give so little information. Was there any conflict before? Are you at the age for eldercare struggles? That can set off a lot problems.

What was the event in your life? A promotion and she didn't congratulate you and then stopped talking? Was it an anniversary party or a birthday milestone? Retirement party? Did you expect people to travel? Were you gracious if people declined? I've had to turn down events when kids were little because they either weren't invited or could not behave for it. Sometimes due to issues at work I could not get coverage. When kids were in Junior and Senior year we had to turn down events because we didn't feel comfortable leaving them (one is pretty wild) and those years are intense, and teachers are not understanding about missing for family events.

Are you close with your parents? Is the sibling close?

Were there any signs of relationship problems? Did you respect boundaries? Were there fights? Does she have a temper?

I think it's great you are in therapy. I think you do need to respect the line in the sand and leave the sibling alone. You leave the door open the first few months, but then it can be creepy. Behavior is communication. If someone doesn't respond and doesn't reach out, that is saying the person has no interest.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes you just reach a breaking point.

Mine was when my sibling stole money from me.

Asked for money for X and then found out he was triple dipping with both my dad and my mom (divorced and estranged from one another). None of us found out about it until brother got divorced and his ex-wife told us he just took money from all of us and was quite proud of himself for pulling it off.

It was too bad because he was actually, literally in my will for a finite amount, and now he is not and I have not spoken to him in 10 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes you just reach a breaking point.

Mine was when my sibling stole money from me.

Asked for money for X and then found out he was triple dipping with both my dad and my mom (divorced and estranged from one another). None of us found out about it until brother got divorced and his ex-wife told us he just took money from all of us and was quite proud of himself for pulling it off.

It was too bad because he was actually, literally in my will for a finite amount, and now he is not and I have not spoken to him in 10 years.

OMG I bet this is exactly what OP did. They left out some crucial details.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. No other siblings and parents have passed on. Have shown last contact to therapist and have dealt with it in therapy. Mentioned younger because birth order seems to matter in terms of how people deal with things. Without going into too much detail, break in contact coincided with a happy event in my life. Therapist suspected that jealously was involved.

Could be self-preservation if that is the case.

I'd characterize the relationship with one of my sisters as low-contact and surficial. We had our arguments as kids but it went both ways. It's clear in adulthood she doesn't like me and if I were to be honest we probably wouldn't be friends if we weren't family and just met somewhere randomly. What annoys me is that she tries to turn extended family members against me, it's not enough for her just to keep her distance, she doesn't want others to like me either. Whenever we do see eachother I feel like I'm walking on eggshells that I'll say the wrong thing.

And this triangulation is narcissism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went zero contact with one sibling. Best choice ever. Year three.

Leave it be.

Did you ever discuss the behavior that caused you to go zero contact? Did you act like all was fine, then boom, cut them off? If so, that is extremely immature and borders on instability. However, if you let the sibling know the behavior wasn't acceptable and they continued to do it, then fine, cut them off.

This rarely happens. The other party is just so self involved they don't notice the other person ISN'T acting all fine.

There a plenty of people who are actually envious/jealous of their friends, siblings and/or even children. It's not appropriate, so when it becomes overwhelming for them, they rather cut off contact than deal with it. It can be anything. Better job, getting married, having kids, having successful kids, getting promoted, having expensive holidays... etc. It may be a combination of things and that one thing set it off.

Not really. You sound like one of the self absorbed people who don't consider others.

You sound like a narcissist in denial.

Wouldn't the narcissist be the one who thinks everyone is obsessed with them and their life? Do you even know what that word means?

You're the one who denies that people may be jealous of others. It's been part of human nature forever. The fact that you're in such denial that jealousy exists is a huge red flag.