Sibling Estrangement

[Anonymous]

Younger female sibling went no contact about four years ago. Have never gotten a straight answer as to why. Relationship was fine up to that point with shared holidays and frequent contact. This happen to anyone else? Ever get an answer to why or reconnect? Seems like time is not a friend in these sorts of situations.

[Anonymous]

Maybe she’s depressed. Don’t take it personally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Younger female sibling went no contact about four years ago. Have never gotten a straight answer as to why. Relationship was fine up to that point with shared holidays and frequent contact. This happen to anyone else? Ever get an answer to why or reconnect? Seems like time is not a friend in these sorts of situations.

I’m really sorry.

Anything is possible but if I were you I would really interrogate your assumption that the relationship was fine up until the estrangement. If you want to repair, that’s your first step.

[Anonymous]

Hope you hear. I think that’s a fair statement, but nothing was ever said and we had no argument so how would I have known if there was an issue? To this day, I still don’t know why she no longer speaks to me so how could I have assumed anything wrong before. Sometimes I feel it’s a power play the silence.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes it is mental health issues. My sister dropped me like many others she has dropped over the years.

[Anonymous]

I had a situation like that with a friend. We were close in college. She was invited to my destination wedding and everything was fine, and after she just disappeared. I sent her some photos from the wedding a few weeks later by email, she never responded and that was that. It's been 20+ years.

[Anonymous]

My younger sister chose to cut off contact with me for reasons she had but never wanted to discuss it so we could work it out. ( I stuck to what I thought were healthy boundaries but she wanted me to insert myself into fights she was having with her stepdaughter)

Turns out she has also cut off every friend she’s ever had, too. She admits being depressed but refuses medication.

In your case I’d guess mental health issues. There was probably something just beneath the surface bothering her and she ruminated, making it a huge deal. I’m really sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Younger female sibling went no contact about four years ago. Have never gotten a straight answer as to why. Relationship was fine up to that point with shared holidays and frequent contact. This happen to anyone else? Ever get an answer to why or reconnect? Seems like time is not a friend in these sorts of situations.

Have you asked?

[Anonymous]

I went zero contact with one sibling. Best choice ever. Year three.

Leave it be.

[Anonymous]

I think sometimes siblings do and say things that they don't realize are hurtful/not acceptable/think are fine after years of the same behavior being tolerated. Then there is a moment were the person asserts themselves and cuts off contact.

The reality, a mature person would talk to the sibling, discuss, since in many cases the behavior was never intentional to harm, and frankly the person wasn't aware it was a problem. Might not even be aware that something they do is a problem for someone else.

Again, mature people talk these things out. Unfortunately, the person who is cutting ties WANTS no contact. They don't want to talk. Given that, there is nothing to do about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think sometimes siblings do and say things that they don't realize are hurtful/not acceptable/think are fine after years of the same behavior being tolerated. Then there is a moment were the person asserts themselves and cuts off contact.

The reality, a mature person would talk to the sibling, discuss, since in many cases the behavior was never intentional to harm, and frankly the person wasn't aware it was a problem. Might not even be aware that something they do is a problem for someone else.

Again, mature people talk these things out. Unfortunately, the person who is cutting ties WANTS no contact. They don't want to talk. Given that, there is nothing to do about it.

I meant to add that that person who cuts off a sibling without a conversation is immature or emotionally unstable.

[Anonymous]

Currently going through it for the second time. It would dawn on me that I was the only one calling or texting, so I would stop. Didn’t hear from my sister for 6 months the first time, then she calls me one day like nothing happened. This time it’s been 9 months and I have no plans to reach out.

Conversely, my mother chases after her and only gets heaps of abuse for the trouble. My sister re-litigates every minor slight since the 90’s and only gives my mom a reprieve if she needs summer or spring break child care. Then it’s back to no contact. I’m sure the grifters on Tik Tok think this is perfectly fine.

[Anonymous]

I think you can say “if you are willing to consider having a relationship again, I am open to listening and working on things from my end.” You may not hear back, but it may crack the door open a bit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went zero contact with one sibling. Best choice ever. Year three.

Leave it be.

Did you ever discuss the behavior that caused you to go zero contact? Did you act like all was fine, then boom, cut them off? If so, that is extremely immature and borders on instability. However, if you let the sibling know the behavior wasn't acceptable and they continued to do it, then fine, cut them off.

[Anonymous]

We are fast becoming a society of self absorbed narcissists. And I blame it on the boomers and older gen X who gave everyone a participation trophy.