Do healthy, masculine men still exist?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just pick someone you find physically attractive and go from there, you’ll resent him for innumerable reasons within about eight years, so does it really doesn’t matter if he’s masculine or feminine?

Maybe that's the trick - figuring out which of the inevitable resentments will make you the least miserable over the next 40 years.

That is the trick. Also which of the positive attributes you will still “see” decades later. Goes for men and women.

[Anonymous]

A man who makes dinner is masculine? If my wife doesn't cook we order take out. I am not cooking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A man who makes dinner is masculine? If my wife doesn't cook we order take out. I am not cooking.

A man who refuses to cook is a whiny baby, no gender characterization needed.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Can someone define masculine man? I can't change a lightbulb and don't ask me to change a tire. But I could probably solve a partial differential equation in my head. I know how to make money and I have more than we will ever need for the next 40+ years. I just need to kiss my wife and when i touch her p**y she is already wet.

Is a masculine man a man who can change a tire, deadlift 325 lbs? Definition please

You don't need to necessarily change a tire to be masculine - I dated one man who, if I had a flat, would immediately call roadside assistance to change it and call an Uber so I could get my kids to school. That was extremely masculine and attractive to me. It's more about just being able to take charge and get it handled.

And yes, I *can* do those things myself, but I find it incredibly sexy when a man does them for me. Or at the very least offers to help in some way, even if it's "sounds like a rough day, I'll bring you dinner tonight". The worst is a man who just says "ah that sucks" then moves on.

Although not being able to change a lightbulb doesn't sound great. A man sitting at home in the dark because he doesn't know how to change it isn't very attractive.

Agreed. Problem solving and initiative are masculine and attractive, whether you fix something with your own hands or get it done another way.

These labels are reductive. Plenty of women are problem solvers and have initiative. So they are masculine?

Exactly. What those pps are saying is they want a daddy so they can be little girls

I’m a PP from earlier, and I wouldn’t necessarily say this (although tbh we do call each other daddy/princess during….well, you know).

I own a company, so I am someone who problem solves and takes initiative daily. I think it’s good for women to be able to do that, just like I think it’s good for men to be able to do more feminine things like talk through emotions.

In my relationship, what works for me, is I like a man who can take initiative and solve problems. It makes me feel safe and relaxed, like I have someone on my team.

I also bring a lot of feminine energy to our relationship. I bring the playfulness and emotional safety/empathy, which helps draw him out of his shell, loosen up, and lets him feel safe. His guy friends won’t notice if something is wrong, but I do, and provide a safe place for him to work through it. I often plan our dates and I get dressed up, which makes him feel good. If we’re hosting a party, he’s great at the logistics, I’m great with creating the vibe and making sure everyone feels welcome and at ease. It’s not that the other *can’t* do those things - of course I can help with logistics, and he can help create a fun atmosphere - but we work well together when we each focus on our strengths.

This is what works *for us* in our relationship. It doesn’t mean all relationships should be this way, or that all men should be one way and all women another. Everybody should do what is best for them (and in fact, when I was younger, I would have hated this dynamic as I was very independent and would have been offended at offers to help!)

everyone should do what works for them while you believe in masculine and feminine traits and polarity that is a bunch of made up BS. Not only do you want to act like a child you think like one as well.

PP. So I actually do agree with you that these traits shouldn’t necessarily be labeled masculine/feminine. I think people should be able to do both.

I really think describing things as masculine/feminine is just a way to describe what we find attractive in the opposite sex rather than prescriptions of what men and women should do.

PP mentioned making money, deadlifting, changing tires, etc - all of which are things I do as a woman. But I don’t think many men are going to be attracted to those traits specifically. Whereas I’m highly attracted to those traits in men.

And it’s just an easy, culturally acceptable way to group traits for communication. If you say you want a masculine man or a feminine woman, the other person gets the general idea, rather than you having to list out every single trait.

A different PP. Thanks for confirming - if it just means “what I find attractive” it’s meaningless as a gender label.

Eh, not really. Certain traits cluster more in men and certain traits cluster more in women. Obviously this is culture and regional specific and can very, but the closers do exist and its fine labelling it.

Considering the traits people have listed here (makes money, problem solver, makes dinner, fixes things. caring), I’m going to disagree that it’s not sex-based but both sexes want care and self-sufficiency.

Your husband may not say he wants a woman who deadlifts, but is attracted to the results.

I think men and women are attracted to different results.

Men are attracted to looks (the big booty), but don't really care how a woman gets there or how much she can lift.

Women are attracted to the physical strength aspect but don't care as much about looks.

No, you are all sorts of confused. You are confusing initial attraction with long term relationship attraction. Tons of women are going to disagree with the sentiment that they don’t care about looks. For some reason you just enjoy these labels.

Look at your Instagram FYP vs your husband’s. Guarantee your husbands has WAY more thirst traps than yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A man who makes dinner is masculine? If my wife doesn't cook we order take out. I am not cooking.

That’s so unattractive. I’ve had friends whose husbands wouldn’t even cook for their kids because they “don’t cook”. So let your kids starve instead? Ok. Yuck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A man who makes dinner is masculine? If my wife doesn't cook we order take out. I am not cooking.

Should learn to cook for your own health.

There is nothing "womanly" about cooking, and all the best chef's in the world have always been men.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Can someone define masculine man? I can't change a lightbulb and don't ask me to change a tire. But I could probably solve a partial differential equation in my head. I know how to make money and I have more than we will ever need for the next 40+ years. I just need to kiss my wife and when i touch her p**y she is already wet.

Is a masculine man a man who can change a tire, deadlift 325 lbs? Definition please

You don't need to necessarily change a tire to be masculine - I dated one man who, if I had a flat, would immediately call roadside assistance to change it and call an Uber so I could get my kids to school. That was extremely masculine and attractive to me. It's more about just being able to take charge and get it handled.

And yes, I *can* do those things myself, but I find it incredibly sexy when a man does them for me. Or at the very least offers to help in some way, even if it's "sounds like a rough day, I'll bring you dinner tonight". The worst is a man who just says "ah that sucks" then moves on.

Although not being able to change a lightbulb doesn't sound great. A man sitting at home in the dark because he doesn't know how to change it isn't very attractive.

Agreed. Problem solving and initiative are masculine and attractive, whether you fix something with your own hands or get it done another way.

These labels are reductive. Plenty of women are problem solvers and have initiative. So they are masculine?

Exactly. What those pps are saying is they want a daddy so they can be little girls

I’m a PP from earlier, and I wouldn’t necessarily say this (although tbh we do call each other daddy/princess during….well, you know).

I own a company, so I am someone who problem solves and takes initiative daily. I think it’s good for women to be able to do that, just like I think it’s good for men to be able to do more feminine things like talk through emotions.

In my relationship, what works for me, is I like a man who can take initiative and solve problems. It makes me feel safe and relaxed, like I have someone on my team.

I also bring a lot of feminine energy to our relationship. I bring the playfulness and emotional safety/empathy, which helps draw him out of his shell, loosen up, and lets him feel safe. His guy friends won’t notice if something is wrong, but I do, and provide a safe place for him to work through it. I often plan our dates and I get dressed up, which makes him feel good. If we’re hosting a party, he’s great at the logistics, I’m great with creating the vibe and making sure everyone feels welcome and at ease. It’s not that the other *can’t* do those things - of course I can help with logistics, and he can help create a fun atmosphere - but we work well together when we each focus on our strengths.

This is what works *for us* in our relationship. It doesn’t mean all relationships should be this way, or that all men should be one way and all women another. Everybody should do what is best for them (and in fact, when I was younger, I would have hated this dynamic as I was very independent and would have been offended at offers to help!)

everyone should do what works for them while you believe in masculine and feminine traits and polarity that is a bunch of made up BS. Not only do you want to act like a child you think like one as well.

PP. So I actually do agree with you that these traits shouldn’t necessarily be labeled masculine/feminine. I think people should be able to do both.

I really think describing things as masculine/feminine is just a way to describe what we find attractive in the opposite sex rather than prescriptions of what men and women should do.

PP mentioned making money, deadlifting, changing tires, etc - all of which are things I do as a woman. But I don’t think many men are going to be attracted to those traits specifically. Whereas I’m highly attracted to those traits in men.

And it’s just an easy, culturally acceptable way to group traits for communication. If you say you want a masculine man or a feminine woman, the other person gets the general idea, rather than you having to list out every single trait.

A different PP. Thanks for confirming - if it just means “what I find attractive” it’s meaningless as a gender label.

Eh, not really. Certain traits cluster more in men and certain traits cluster more in women. Obviously this is culture and regional specific and can very, but the closers do exist and its fine labelling it.

Considering the traits people have listed here (makes money, problem solver, makes dinner, fixes things. caring), I’m going to disagree that it’s not sex-based but both sexes want care and self-sufficiency.

Your husband may not say he wants a woman who deadlifts, but is attracted to the results.

I think men and women are attracted to different results.

Men are attracted to looks (the big booty), but don't really care how a woman gets there or how much she can lift.

Women are attracted to the physical strength aspect but don't care as much about looks.

No, you are all sorts of confused. You are confusing initial attraction with long term relationship attraction. Tons of women are going to disagree with the sentiment that they don’t care about looks. For some reason you just enjoy these labels.

Look at your Instagram FYP vs your husband’s. Guarantee your husbands has WAY more thirst traps than yours.

Spending time on Instagram isn’t manly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems that everything is on one side of the spectrum or the other - either more feminine men or toxic masculine men. Very little to find in the middle.

You are looking for a college educated, perhaps even masters educated *officer* in the armed services active duty.

My STBX and I met when he was an army officer (he retired a few years ago). On the plus side, muscles! On the minus side: PTSD and serious anger issues that he refused to address.

Not at all saying this is inevitable in men in the military. I know a lot of absolutely fantastic current/former officers. And enlisted guys. But... I wish I had asked more questions when we met and waited longer before we married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Both my dad and BF are the stereotypical masculine man - providers, protectors, can fix anything, athletic, etc. They are also both chivalrous, emotionally intelligent, kind, gentle, supportive, and loving. Both are secure and have never needed to pick fights or cause drama to prove they’re a man.

The main reason I picked my BF is that he’s the only men I’ve ever met who is at the same level as my dad. I’ve found men who were “masculine” but jerks, and men who were emotionally intelligent and great guys, but not masculine.

But, I didn’t find him until I was 40, so it took 25 years of searching. They’re out there, but they’re rare.

So are women who aren’t obsessed with purses, cats, and bullhorns, and know how to parallel park.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A man who makes dinner is masculine? If my wife doesn't cook we order take out. I am not cooking.

A man who refuses to cook is a whiny baby, no gender characterization needed.

Agreed. Nothing masculine about being unable to take care of yourself.