Explain why this is a Boomer thing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok sociologists, Explain Boomer Grandparenting to me. What happened in Boomer history that made this a thing?

I am elder millennial former latch key kid. My Boomer parents preached raising an independent kid as their #1 value for parenting.

Fast forward: They have close to zero interest in grand parenting. Ask them to help out in an emergency, Boomer mom pulls out a calendar and say “well, we have Canasta at 3. How about three weeks from now?”

This creator who does Boomer Mom
Videos sums it up perfect. It’s a continuous guilt trip, not wanting to grandparent, and always being too busy. Also lots of double speak that makes you toss up your hands and say “why did I even bother.”

So, what in Boomer history influenced this parenting style?

https://www.tiktok.com/@callmekristenmarie/video/7476110074436472095

What happened? These three things:

1. They waited longer to have kids, you waited longer to have kids. My grandma was 56 when I was born, my mom was 52 when my oldest was born. But now people are becoming first time grandparents well into their 70s

2. They worked full time until 65+, they raised their kids while working full time and are now exhausted.

3. Because of all that work, older women feel entitled to be full humans now instead of free servants for other people. Be honest, when you say “boomer parents” you actually mean “boomer moms”, right? You don’t expect your dad to cook and clean, and babysit for you.

My dad is silent generation, and not only did he cook, clean, and babysit when I was a kid, he does it now for the grandkids. Boomer generation is such a waste of space.

Your dad was born in the 30s or early 40s and has grandkids that he’s babysitting? I’m 40 and my silent generation grandma is 90 with great grandkids. No way could she babysit. Youngest silent generation person is 80.

My parents were baby boomers and are super helpful. I swear they’ll show up with a power washer because my front walk way was dirty. They beg to babysit once a week and invite all the grandkids for a slumber party at their house. They show up to every soccer game, school play and volunteer at school in the middle of the day.

[Anonymous]

Your parents raised you to be independent and that's how they expect you should be raising your own children. Be a grown up and parent your children instead of expecting them to step up and do it for you. That's how they raised you, I'm not sure why you are currently questioning this? You sound stupid and entitled. I feel bad for your children.

[Anonymous]

Grandparenting is not the same as childcare.

[Anonymous]

Selfishness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If grandparents are local, it would be nice if they’d help in an emergency. But the notion that it’s expected for grandparents to provide ANY childcare (non-emergency) is strange to me. My kids have involved grandparents who will help out if they can (but non-local). It’s great, but they offer. We don’t assume.

My grandparents loved us, but virtually never watched us and mainly seemed more interested in talking to my parents. And it was fine! I had a good relationship with them. But the term “grand parenting” was not a thing. The grandkids were not their focus. I see it all the time on DCUM that people expect grandparents to help them parent. Why? If the grandparents want to do it, they’ll offer. But it shouldn’t be an expectation.

This was my experience too. At the bus stop I'm with grandmas. It had never occurred to me that you could ask your own parent to be at the bus stop five days a week like they didn't have a life. When my kids are big I'm done. Plus I did have kids older so it probably won't be an issue anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is strange that you would paint a brush on an entire generation based on your experience with your parents. My boomer parents could not be more interested in my kids. They're very helpful and I've always been around and available.

Everybody's different. Your parents are who they are and my parents are who they are. It's not a generational thing. It's more than likely how they were raised and then they pay it forward.

But in a lot of these cases, today’s grandparents are very different from how their own parents were as grandparents. That’s why OP is asking what’s going on. It doesn’t seem to have anything to do with how they were raised.

As a PP said, today’s parents are also very different from their parents. So it’s not as if everything is the same except the current generation of grandparents.

[Anonymous]

Wow. My mom didn't have any help, her parents and in-laws were in a whole different country. I don't expect her to help me either. You sound like a brat.

[Anonymous]

My parents and ILs have not been like the OPs family at all. So it’s not a Boomer thing. It’s a “your family” thing.

[Anonymous]

Because when they do help, mom and dad micromanage the crap out of them. The friends I have with local family who help out with the kids *constantly* complain that grandma and grandpa don’t parent in the exact same way mom and dad do. There’s zero gratitude, even when grandma picks up the kids and watches them after school every day. I know a couple families where the grandparents are doing almost all of the childcare, for free, so mom and dad can have important careers, and the parents are constantly yelling at them for not doing things “right”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. My mom didn't have any help, her parents and in-laws were in a whole different country. I don't expect her to help me either. You sound like a brat.

Same here. My parents are 2500 miles away and I’m a single mom. I get zero help.

Instead I built a circle of friends who help watch my kids. But, what people hate is you have to reciprocate and watch their kids as well. Right now we’re watching a couple kids all weekend because mom had a last minute work trip.

Sadly people don’t want reciprocal relationships, they just want to take without giving in return.

[Anonymous]

OP, I don't know if it's them being Boomers, maybe it's just that there are so many Boomers that we notice it more?

I'm Gen X and my parents are (among the oldest) Boomers (Dad is deceased now). They were excellent grandparents to my adult kids, and also to my late in life 10 yo.

My ex-dh's parents are also Boomers. They were disinterested grandparents to our adult kids, and equally disinterested in my youngest who is also their last grandchild. I have to assume that it's just because they are a**holes like their ds.

No grandchilden for me yet, but I can't wait!!! I want to be like my parents, involved and helpful. My kids are devoted to my mom (and dad when living).

[Anonymous]

The Tik Toker is working so hard to be hilarious and it just doesn't land. Guessing it's a form of (unsuccessful) therapy for her?

[Anonymous]

You can’t jumble in a bunch of people based on their year of birth, it’s like using their horoscope. My parents and in-laws can’t do enough for us. In turn we’re there for them.

[Anonymous]

Boomers are lead poisoned…literally brain damaged

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8307752/By

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: OP, I don't know if it's them being Boomers, maybe it's just that there are so many Boomers that we notice it more?

I'm Gen X and my parents are (among the oldest) Boomers (Dad is deceased now). They were excellent grandparents to my adult kids, and also to my late in life 10 yo.

My ex-dh's parents are also Boomers. They were disinterested grandparents to our adult kids, and equally disinterested in my youngest who is also their last grandchild. I have to assume that it's just because they are a**holes like their ds.

No grandchilden for me yet, but I can't wait!!! I want to be like my parents, involved and helpful. My kids are devoted to my mom (and dad when living).

You make a good point. Boomers make up a substantial percentage of today’s grandparents, so it makes sense that they’d make up a substantial percentage of the checked out grandparents, without being any more likely to be checked out than any other generation.