Explain why this is a Boomer thing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stereotyping is stupid and ignorant. Maybe your parents don’t like you because you are stupid and ignorant.

Some stereotypes are true. Sorry if the truth hurts.

and some aren't. I'm a boomer but live 3 hours from my grandchild. It is hard to help when the kids are in a pinch, but have happily planned a week to come when my daughter needs a vacation. And when my grandkids are a little older I can't wait to teach them all about Led Zeppelin/Journey/Motley Crue.

When it came to raising my millenials, their grandmothers (greatest gen) were total opposites. My mom, living 3 hours away, was much like me and would come help if I really needed it with a heads up, and spoiled my kids and yes did things I wish they hadn't (like take them go-carting when I thought they were still too young). My kids also learned all Elvis' songs. But my MIL, only 1/2 hour away, had no desire to babysit or come help when kids were born. She was happy to see them about once a month and take them to a movie or something, but was of the mindset of kids should be seen but not heard.

[Anonymous]

This type of thread pops up frequently. I think the takeaway is that it is hard to generalize. How old are your parents? If they are old, they may not have the energy for young kids. I'm genx. My boomer parents were under age 60 and not yet retired when the oldest grandkids were born. Once they retired they were willing to travel and help if we needed them (or we could bring the kids to them). Now they are old and not able to help as much with the youngest grandkids. The energy and initiative is just not there. They helped a lot with my sister's kids who were born after they retired and my sister lives much closer (a 3 hour drive, whereas I am a plane ride away).

There are other things to take into account as well. I'd never leave my kids alone with my dad. Though entirely capable of handling little kids, he is a yeller and still believes in corporal punishment. My FIL couldn't make himself a sandwich, let alone take care of little human beings, so, he was never a viable option either.

[Anonymous]

I am a young Boomer but sans grandkids.

My friends all babysit their grandkids for trips or special occasions. But not doing full time childcare, because they are still.working or brand new retirees who are enjoying free time.

But not doing childcare.

Boomers worked all their lives and now enjoying free schedules and traveling.

That is unlike the greatest generation and silent generation grandmas, which didn't have the burden of full time jobs on top of all the work at home.

[Anonymous]

I think OP is trying to boost the link. Gross generalization headlines are a give a way -- they are click bait.

[Anonymous]

I can relate and do think there is a generation component at play. MIL is exactly like OPs except she expects everyone to drop everything and cater to her or help her when she needs it. Her mother and mother in law spent tons of time watching DH and his sister, hosting all holidays, being the place where they could go on college breaks and her mother gave her financial support to pay for college, buy their first house and pay for weddings as well as financial gifts every year for years. MIL has done none of that and doesn’t see why she should. In her mind her kids should be independent even though she wasn’t. She’s never been interested in her own grandchildren. If anything she is resentful that her adult children will decline her demands because their own children need something. Her kids should be there to help and support her even though she never helped or supported them. My SIL has always been deeply upset by this. My DH has always been annoyed by her but now that our kids in college he has realized how little she did for them compared to what we do for our kids.

I honestly think that if MIL had been born in our time, she wouldn’t have had kids. She never wanted them and always viewed them as a burden doing the barest minimum. Within the boomer population, there are a subset of people who shouldn’t have become parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can relate and do think there is a generation component at play. MIL is exactly like OPs except she expects everyone to drop everything and cater to her or help her when she needs it. Her mother and mother in law spent tons of time watching DH and his sister, hosting all holidays, being the place where they could go on college breaks and her mother gave her financial support to pay for college, buy their first house and pay for weddings as well as financial gifts every year for years. MIL has done none of that and doesn’t see why she should. In her mind her kids should be independent even though she wasn’t. She’s never been interested in her own grandchildren. If anything she is resentful that her adult children will decline her demands because their own children need something. Her kids should be there to help and support her even though she never helped or supported them. My SIL has always been deeply upset by this. My DH has always been annoyed by her but now that our kids in college he has realized how little she did for them compared to what we do for our kids.

I honestly think that if MIL had been born in our time, she wouldn’t have had kids. She never wanted them and always viewed them as a burden doing the barest minimum. Within the boomer population, there are a subset of people who shouldn’t have become parents.

This can be said for all generations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok sociologists, Explain Boomer Grandparenting to me. What happened in Boomer history that made this a thing?

I am elder millennial former latch key kid. My Boomer parents preached raising an independent kid as their #1 value for parenting.

Fast forward: They have close to zero interest in grand parenting. Ask them to help out in an emergency, Boomer mom pulls out a calendar and say “well, we have Canasta at 3. How about three weeks from now?”

This creator who does Boomer Mom
Videos sums it up perfect. It’s a continuous guilt trip, not wanting to grandparent, and always being too busy. Also lots of double speak that makes you toss up your hands and say “why did I even bother.”

So, what in Boomer history influenced this parenting style?

https://www.tiktok.com/@callmekristenmarie/video/7476110074436472095

They were alway selfish narcissists. Look at their actions over time. Hippies to greed is good.

[Anonymous]

I’m a young Gen Xer with teenage kids and nieces and nephews and Boomer parents and in-laws. My parents and in-laws love being grandparents, they babysat when the grandkids were little and still love spending time with their grandkids, but they also have their own busy lives. It’s healthy for everybody!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That you had kids late, and now they're very old, and are rigid and inflexible in a way they wouldn't have been, were they in their 50s.

This is it. When I do the math, my parents and their parents had young kids in their 20s, the time so my grandparents were in their 50s when we were growing up. My mom was 58 when she had her first grandkid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can relate and do think there is a generation component at play. MIL is exactly like OPs except she expects everyone to drop everything and cater to her or help her when she needs it. Her mother and mother in law spent tons of time watching DH and his sister, hosting all holidays, being the place where they could go on college breaks and her mother gave her financial support to pay for college, buy their first house and pay for weddings as well as financial gifts every year for years. MIL has done none of that and doesn’t see why she should. In her mind her kids should be independent even though she wasn’t. She’s never been interested in her own grandchildren. If anything she is resentful that her adult children will decline her demands because their own children need something. Her kids should be there to help and support her even though she never helped or supported them. My SIL has always been deeply upset by this. My DH has always been annoyed by her but now that our kids in college he has realized how little she did for them compared to what we do for our kids.

I honestly think that if MIL had been born in our time, she wouldn’t have had kids. She never wanted them and always viewed them as a burden doing the barest minimum. Within the boomer population, there are a subset of people who shouldn’t have become parents.

This can be said for all generations.

No not really. You see that a good number of GenX waited to have kids until they really wanted them. For millennials, many waited or aren’t having kids. The boomers had the expectation that they would get married and have kids. They never thought there were other options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a young Boomer but sans grandkids.

My friends all babysit their grandkids for trips or special occasions. But not doing full time childcare, because they are still.working or brand new retirees who are enjoying free time.

But not doing childcare.

Boomers worked all their lives and now enjoying free schedules and traveling.

That is unlike the greatest generation and silent generation grandmas, which didn't have the burden of full time jobs on top of all the work at home.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can relate and do think there is a generation component at play. MIL is exactly like OPs except she expects everyone to drop everything and cater to her or help her when she needs it. Her mother and mother in law spent tons of time watching DH and his sister, hosting all holidays, being the place where they could go on college breaks and her mother gave her financial support to pay for college, buy their first house and pay for weddings as well as financial gifts every year for years. MIL has done none of that and doesn’t see why she should. In her mind her kids should be independent even though she wasn’t. She’s never been interested in her own grandchildren. If anything she is resentful that her adult children will decline her demands because their own children need something. Her kids should be there to help and support her even though she never helped or supported them. My SIL has always been deeply upset by this. My DH has always been annoyed by her but now that our kids in college he has realized how little she did for them compared to what we do for our kids.

I honestly think that if MIL had been born in our time, she wouldn’t have had kids. She never wanted them and always viewed them as a burden doing the barest minimum. Within the boomer population, there are a subset of people who shouldn’t have become parents.

This can be said for all generations.

No not really. You see that a good number of GenX waited to have kids until they really wanted them. For millennials, many waited or aren’t having kids. The boomers had the expectation that they would get married and have kids. They never thought there were other options.

This is true. There was a lot of pressure to get married in your twenties and have children in your early thirties. I only had two friends who never had children and all married.

[Anonymous]

Boomers who help out your children and grandchildren and love having special time with the grandkids: this thread is about something widely observed in the boomer generation, but obviously, it doesn’t apply to every boomer; this thread isn’t about you! Your anecdata doesn’t change the perception. To those of you who are hands-on, involved grandparents, we see you! And we appreciate it and love you. Thank you, from the bottom of our hearts.

However, there are a lot of people with boomer parents who see a huge difference between how much involvement their parents have with their children versus how involved their own grandparents were with them when they were growing up. That very well may be because their own grandparents were younger when grandchildren came along. It may be because their grandmothers weren’t working outside the home, but their boomer moms still had careers when they became grandmothers. It may be that boomer grandparents have more disposable income than their parents had and so they have more options for entertainment in retirement than spending time with grandchildren.

And finally, to those who say all of their friends help out with their grandchildren: some of them really don’t and just talk like they do to fit in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Boomers who help out your children and grandchildren and love having special time with the grandkids: this thread is about something widely observed in the boomer generation, but obviously, it doesn’t apply to every boomer; this thread isn’t about you! Your anecdata doesn’t change the perception. To those of you who are hands-on, involved grandparents, we see you! And we appreciate it and love you. Thank you, from the bottom of our hearts.

However, there are a lot of people with boomer parents who see a huge difference between how much involvement their parents have with their children versus how involved their own grandparents were with them when they were growing up. That very well may be because their own grandparents were younger when grandchildren came along. It may be because their grandmothers weren’t working outside the home, but their boomer moms still had careers when they became grandmothers. It may be that boomer grandparents have more disposable income than their parents had and so they have more options for entertainment in retirement than spending time with grandchildren.

And finally, to those who say all of their friends help out with their grandchildren: some of them really don’t and just talk like they do to fit in.

Maybe your perception is just wrong. My school parking lot is filled with grandparents picking up kids. Maybe look around you, you might see more grandparents out and about. I see them at games, practice pick ups, drop offs, pretty much every where I go I see grandparents doing the heavy lifting. But, back in my day our greatest generation grandparents weren't doing any of that. I can't remember any of my friends having grandparents involved in their day to day the way I see grandparents involved now.

[Anonymous]

I'm an early Gen X-er and I have lots of Boomer family members and friends who love to babysit for their grandkids, chauffeur them around, do overnights and vacations. If your parents don't want to babysit for your kids, maybe it's you or your kids. Ask yourself, are you ungrateful and unpleasant and thoughtless? Are your kids brats?