Wedding Party Guest Goes Silent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

wrong. you and pp are incredibly rude.

Hard disagree. It is absolutely acceptable to include plus ones only for guests in long-term relationships. We are working with a very high- end wedding planner in DC right now who said this is not at all unusual. When you are hosting a wedding with limited space and/or that is “luxury” many of you will rethink this.

You're 1000% wrong.

Plus ones =/= long term relationships. Those are bf/gf/partners. A plus one is for single guests. Of course your money grubbing vendor will blow rainbows and butterflies up your a$$, they want your money and will tell you whatever you want to hear. You are a bad host and a bad friend.

[Anonymous]

"I want you to be in my wedding to serve me, but not to have any sort of fun."

-OP, who is a selfish jerk

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s beyond tacky for you not to give a bridesmaid a +1, whether he’s a boyfriend, a husband, or even just a friend. You are tacky, tacky, tacky for not immediately and graciously giving a member of your wedding party a +1.

That’s all.

Amen

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

wrong. you and pp are incredibly rude.

Hard disagree. It is absolutely acceptable to include plus ones only for guests in long-term relationships. We are working with a very high- end wedding planner in DC right now who said this is not at all unusual. When you are hosting a wedding with limited space and/or that is “luxury” many of you will rethink this.

You’re just rationalizing doing something rude. The fact that you can’t afford to extend plus ones to your wedding party, who are more than just guests, in no way means that it’s not rude not to do so. The fact that it’s not highly unusual for people with budgetary constraints to cut corners in this manner does not mean that it’s not a rude thing to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Long story short, a wedding party guest has essentially gone silent and then called last night throwing a tantrum yelling at us that we are not allowing her to bring a plus one. It's our day, not hers, especially with someone she says she is thinking of breaking up with. We are un-inviting this person. Wrong thing to do? Wedding is 3 weeks out, this is also a bridesmaid.

It's unusual for the wedding party not to be allowed a plus one.

[Anonymous]

You’re just rationalizing doing something rude. The fact that you can’t afford to extend plus ones to your wedding party, who are more than just guests, in no way means that it’s not rude not to do so. The fact that it’s not highly unusual for people with budgetary constraints to cut corners in this manner does not mean that it’s not a rude thing to do.

We actually have no budgetary constraints - at all. And our planner is aware of this fact. We DO have occupancy constraints imposed by the venue. We also have three twenty-something kids who, between them, attend at least a wedding a month and have been in many weddings, and universally they report that they are invited to bring a guest (DC who is engaged) and they are never invited to bring guests (DCs who don’t have SOs). One DC was in a wedding in Europe, and it never occurred to DC to even register that they were not invited to bring a guest because they were there with a bunch of college friends who - gasp! - also did not have guests. I am convinced that most of the people responding on this thread have not attended a wedding in 20 years and don’t have kids in that stage of life, because so many of these posts are completely out of touch with common practice. We are not unsophisticated or rude but know from our own experience what conventions apply today.

[Anonymous]

OMFG, she is a bridesmaid and is not allowed to bring a date? Do you know how much money she has spent to be a bridesmaid?? WAY more than a meal for her date.

[Anonymous]

WTF????

You add the detail everyone is married. How is that in your favor??? So everyone else is partnered up and she is a BRIDESMAID and is supposed to come alone???

Do her a favor and dis-invite her. YOU SUCK.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

You’re just rationalizing doing something rude. The fact that you can’t afford to extend plus ones to your wedding party, who are more than just guests, in no way means that it’s not rude not to do so. The fact that it’s not highly unusual for people with budgetary constraints to cut corners in this manner does not mean that it’s not a rude thing to do.

We actually have no budgetary constraints - at all. And our planner is aware of this fact. We DO have occupancy constraints imposed by the venue. We also have three twenty-something kids who, between them, attend at least a wedding a month and have been in many weddings, and universally they report that they are invited to bring a guest (DC who is engaged) and they are never invited to bring guests (DCs who don’t have SOs). One DC was in a wedding in Europe, and it never occurred to DC to even register that they were not invited to bring a guest because they were there with a bunch of college friends who - gasp! - also did not have guests. I am convinced that most of the people responding on this thread have not attended a wedding in 20 years and don’t have kids in that stage of life, because so many of these posts are completely out of touch with common practice. We are not unsophisticated or rude but know from our own experience what conventions apply today.

You’re still rationalizing. You didn’t get randomly assigned to a venue. You chose a venue with a capacity limit that means you have to make tough choices, and you’re choosing not to extend plus ones to the wedding party so you can invite other people. It’s rude as hell. The fact that other clods do it doesn’t mean it’s not rude. You’re right about one thing, though; this probably does go over better with twenty-somethings who have not yet been in serious, long term, adult relationships and aren’t used to being treated like adults yet.

[Anonymous]

You allow them to bring someone. Its best you cancel and pay her back her costs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s beyond tacky for you not to give a bridesmaid a +1, whether he’s a boyfriend, a husband, or even just a friend. You are tacky, tacky, tacky for not immediately and graciously giving a member of your wedding party a +1.

That’s all.

1000%

You clearly think of her as less than and I'm sure she feels it.

How old are you because you write like you are 14.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is a male date being called a tinderella? Is this a lesbian bridesmaid? I can't figure out what op keeps using that word.

and why does this heifer keep referring to her as a guest and not a bridesmaid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You Urban Moms are witches (with a b) for saying this person is a bridezilla. You have someone come on your big day and dictate how everything goes. It’s not your wedding, no one cares what you think.

You clearly don't belong here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP don't give in on the plus one. Your position is totally reasonable.

But don't un-invite. Un-inviting would be tacky and immature.

She's got tacky and immature covered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Original Poster here. Only those married or engaged got plus ones. She wanted to bring her tinderella.

Very simple. Either you invite her with her tinderella or not invite her at all. The problem is that even if you are right your other guests will think you are a bully for canceling an invitation (people might do that for criminals but not for regular guests) so I wouldn’t cancel the invitation and would allow her to come with any date. Also it seems that budget could be the issue here so I would have considered eloping to avoid this discussions.