Wedding Party Guest Goes Silent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

You’re just rationalizing doing something rude. The fact that you can’t afford to extend plus ones to your wedding party, who are more than just guests, in no way means that it’s not rude not to do so. The fact that it’s not highly unusual for people with budgetary constraints to cut corners in this manner does not mean that it’s not a rude thing to do.

We actually have no budgetary constraints - at all. And our planner is aware of this fact. We DO have occupancy constraints imposed by the venue. We also have three twenty-something kids who, between them, attend at least a wedding a month and have been in many weddings, and universally they report that they are invited to bring a guest (DC who is engaged) and they are never invited to bring guests (DCs who don’t have SOs). One DC was in a wedding in Europe, and it never occurred to DC to even register that they were not invited to bring a guest because they were there with a bunch of college friends who - gasp! - also did not have guests. I am convinced that most of the people responding on this thread have not attended a wedding in 20 years and don’t have kids in that stage of life, because so many of these posts are completely out of touch with common practice. We are not unsophisticated or rude but know from our own experience what conventions apply today.

I have not really commented and I probably haven’t been to a wedding in 20 years. I had assumed that all the people getting upset about not being able to bring a guest were young and immature. They still needed a security blanket to make it through a few hours.

You're sock puppeting. Do you realize how much money a bridesmaid spends on being a bridesmaid? I spent thousands. I'd be furious if I didn't have a guest.

You can actually ask Jeff. This is my third post. What does spending money have to do with bringing a guest? It’s about engaging with the event. I have been a bridesmaid and a bride. Nothing is remarkably different about attending a wedding today versus 20 years ago.

People are doing you a huge favor by being in your wedding. They are spending a lot of money on "your" special day and you are being extremely rude and ungrateful by not allowing someone in your wedding party to bring a plus one. So low class.

Do you have social anxiety? Why do you need a plus one?

Why does anyone need to bring their spouse if their spouse isn’t especially close to the bride or groom?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

You’re just rationalizing doing something rude. The fact that you can’t afford to extend plus ones to your wedding party, who are more than just guests, in no way means that it’s not rude not to do so. The fact that it’s not highly unusual for people with budgetary constraints to cut corners in this manner does not mean that it’s not a rude thing to do.

We actually have no budgetary constraints - at all. And our planner is aware of this fact. We DO have occupancy constraints imposed by the venue. We also have three twenty-something kids who, between them, attend at least a wedding a month and have been in many weddings, and universally they report that they are invited to bring a guest (DC who is engaged) and they are never invited to bring guests (DCs who don’t have SOs). One DC was in a wedding in Europe, and it never occurred to DC to even register that they were not invited to bring a guest because they were there with a bunch of college friends who - gasp! - also did not have guests. I am convinced that most of the people responding on this thread have not attended a wedding in 20 years and don’t have kids in that stage of life, because so many of these posts are completely out of touch with common practice. We are not unsophisticated or rude but know from our own experience what conventions apply today.

I have not really commented and I probably haven’t been to a wedding in 20 years. I had assumed that all the people getting upset about not being able to bring a guest were young and immature. They still needed a security blanket to make it through a few hours.

You're sock puppeting. Do you realize how much money a bridesmaid spends on being a bridesmaid? I spent thousands. I'd be furious if I didn't have a guest.

You can actually ask Jeff. This is my third post. What does spending money have to do with bringing a guest? It’s about engaging with the event. I have been a bridesmaid and a bride. Nothing is remarkably different about attending a wedding today versus 20 years ago.

People are doing you a huge favor by being in your wedding. They are spending a lot of money on "your" special day and you are being extremely rude and ungrateful by not allowing someone in your wedding party to bring a plus one. So low class.

Do you have social anxiety? Why do you need a plus one?

Why would you presume social anxiety when someone would prefer to bring a date to a couple oriented event where the rest of the wedding party, according to the OP, is bringing their spouse or partner. It’s not a ton of fun being the one solo in a sea of couples.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

You’re just rationalizing doing something rude. The fact that you can’t afford to extend plus ones to your wedding party, who are more than just guests, in no way means that it’s not rude not to do so. The fact that it’s not highly unusual for people with budgetary constraints to cut corners in this manner does not mean that it’s not a rude thing to do.

We actually have no budgetary constraints - at all. And our planner is aware of this fact. We DO have occupancy constraints imposed by the venue. We also have three twenty-something kids who, between them, attend at least a wedding a month and have been in many weddings, and universally they report that they are invited to bring a guest (DC who is engaged) and they are never invited to bring guests (DCs who don’t have SOs). One DC was in a wedding in Europe, and it never occurred to DC to even register that they were not invited to bring a guest because they were there with a bunch of college friends who - gasp! - also did not have guests. I am convinced that most of the people responding on this thread have not attended a wedding in 20 years and don’t have kids in that stage of life, because so many of these posts are completely out of touch with common practice. We are not unsophisticated or rude but know from our own experience what conventions apply today.

Wait. You are being this much of a stingy bridezilla and it's not even your first marriage? Whew, OP. You are a piece of work.

Ew, how tacky is it to be a cheap a$$ bridezilla who's a divorcee Marriage clearly means sooo much to her, she's taking it for another round.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone is bad. You should give people a plus one, and people should be chill if they don't have one.

The people who withhold plus ones (if they don't have to) and the people who insist on plus ones are equally bad, but the people who insist or are mad about a plus one are worse.

There's just no good reason you can't go to a wedding solo and have a good time. Or graciously decline!

And this is the winner.

And this is OP, sockpuppeting again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

You’re just rationalizing doing something rude. The fact that you can’t afford to extend plus ones to your wedding party, who are more than just guests, in no way means that it’s not rude not to do so. The fact that it’s not highly unusual for people with budgetary constraints to cut corners in this manner does not mean that it’s not a rude thing to do.

We actually have no budgetary constraints - at all. And our planner is aware of this fact. We DO have occupancy constraints imposed by the venue. We also have three twenty-something kids who, between them, attend at least a wedding a month and have been in many weddings, and universally they report that they are invited to bring a guest (DC who is engaged) and they are never invited to bring guests (DCs who don’t have SOs). One DC was in a wedding in Europe, and it never occurred to DC to even register that they were not invited to bring a guest because they were there with a bunch of college friends who - gasp! - also did not have guests. I am convinced that most of the people responding on this thread have not attended a wedding in 20 years and don’t have kids in that stage of life, because so many of these posts are completely out of touch with common practice. We are not unsophisticated or rude but know from our own experience what conventions apply today.

Wait. You are being this much of a stingy bridezilla and it's not even your first marriage? Whew, OP. You are a piece of work.

Ew, how tacky is it to be a cheap a$$ bridezilla who's a divorcee Marriage clearly means sooo much to her, she's taking it for another round.

I want to hear the stories from her OG bridesmaids. Give us that tea!

[Anonymous]

I'm team bride. People go to weddings without a date all the time. The last thing I'd want is some random dude at my wedding who might get drunk or do something stupid. Nobody is entitled to a Plus One for a wedding, especially when the random dude would take away a seat from one of the bride or groom's close friend or family member.

"
I am going against the masses here to say that no one is entitled to a plus one, including a member of the wedding party. That’s definitely not a hard and fast rule - have the DCUM masses not heard of the common trope of bridesmaids/groomsmen hooking up at a wedding? That’s because they came without dates! As long as bride applies same rule to all people it’s absolutely fine. Weddings are not sorority date parties and guests should be people the bridal couple actually have met."

[Anonymous]

I am not reading all the comments but from someone married over 20years and have been to a lot of weddings:

Yes, it is your day but you likely chose your bridesmaids because they are people who have been important in your life ( and ideally will remain so).

I suppose inviting single friends where you do not know their SO ( let’s say a dear work friend) then that’s fine. But, a bridesmaid is someone you are close to and deeply care about….they are letting you know that they do not want to be “ alone.” One extra guest should not break the budget.

Lastly, as someone who got married much later than all of my friends (mid30s) and went to many weddings as the single friend it ranged from slightly uncomfortable to very uncomfortable. Things like sitting with all your friends until a dance and everyone gets up with their spouse/so, only knowing the bride or groom, Paying for an expensive room for one, being hit on by married me .

Weddings are beautiful and joyful. Be a beautiful and joyful bride and show her compassion. You chose her as a bridesmaid for a reason. Focus on that and not dictating who she can and can’t bring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree with everyone else. It's a commitment to be in the bridal party, the least you could do is offer a plus one.

This. You're wrong.

[Anonymous]

I’ve always considered it tacky if any guest was not offered a plus one if they are not already in a couple. That’s what you need to account for when making guest lists.

And honestly, any guest is spending a chunk of money coming to a wedding. Then they give you a gift. Bridesmaids so much more so especially if you expect specific wardrobe and events prior to the ceremony - and day of they’re working guests. I’m sure this person has been doing plenty behind the scenes for you.

It’s not like you’re wearing white this time either. Grow up.

[Anonymous]

So many people on this thread lack the ability to critically read. OP never said anything that suggested this is her second marriage or that she has kids. People are attributing posts by an older adult hosting a wedding for their kid to OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yall are wild for thinking she’s a brideszilla, or being tacky. If a bridesmaid isn’t allowed a plus one then she’s not allowed a plus one. That simple. Karens of the world think the bridesmaid is “entitled” to a plus one on someone else’s day.

More like Karen’s if the world believe they are excused from basic rules of etiquette and friendship on “their day.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Original Poster here. Only those married or engaged got plus ones. She wanted to bring her tinderella.

That’s for guests not bridal party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone is bad. You should give people a plus one, and people should be chill if they don't have one.

The people who withhold plus ones (if they don't have to) and the people who insist on plus ones are equally bad, but the people who insist or are mad about a plus one are worse.

There's just no good reason you can't go to a wedding solo and have a good time. Or graciously decline!

And this is the winner.

And this is OP, sockpuppeting again.

go ahead and ask Jeff. Why is it so difficult for you to believe people can disagree with you?

[Anonymous]

Honestly I've been the plus one at a wedding where my spouse was the Best Man and I only really knew the couple and frankly it was more of an obligation than anything. Husband was busy pretty much the whole time and I chatted with completely random people. So I don't really know why anyone would want to go in that situation.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like the friendship is already over, so that's the bigger issue. No way to have her come and be a bridesmaid and have that be the celebration of friendship and support it's meant to be.

I disagree w/ both the bride and the bridesmaid in how they've handled it, but it sounds like they're cut from the same cloth. So acknowledge that the friendship is over and move on.