Wedding Party Guest Goes Silent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

You’re still rationalizing. You didn’t get randomly assigned to a venue. You chose a venue with a capacity limit that means you have to make tough choices, and you’re choosing not to extend plus ones to the wedding party so you can invite other people. It’s rude as hell. The fact that other clods do it doesn’t mean it’s not rude. You’re right about one thing, though; this probably does go over better with twenty-somethings who have not yet been in serious, long term, adult relationships and aren’t used to being treated like adults yet.

Work on reading comprehension. We are planning a wedding for one of our kids, never said it was mine. And I am defending OP but never said wedding party does not bring a guest, and in fact there is no wedding party but a large wedding. And to the other poster who suggested it is discriminating to distinguish between people who are married and those that aren’t in long-term relationships or have a steady SO - talk about a lack of logic. That’s just crazy.

Work on your own reading comprehension. You’re not replying to the poster who thought you were planning your own wedding.

Not extending plus ones to all adults in one’s wedding party — not mere wedding guests, but the people who are the closest to you, expected to attend all the related bridal events and assist you, and spending the most time and money on your nuptials — is rude and either thoughtless or selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone is bad. You should give people a plus one, and people should be chill if they don't have one.

The people who withhold plus ones (if they don't have to) and the people who insist on plus ones are equally bad, but the people who insist or are mad about a plus one are worse.

There's just no good reason you can't go to a wedding solo and have a good time. Or graciously decline!

I don’t think a bridesmaid should have a meltdown over it, but if almost every other member of the wedding party has a date and she’s not allowed to bring one, that doesn’t sound like fun and may make her feel singled out (no pun intended).

[Anonymous]

Presumably, plus ones are only for members of the wedding party who aren’t in long term, committed relationships because the significant others of those who are in such relationships would be included by name on invitations. The whole point of a plus one is that the invitee is free to bring any companion they want.

It’s the bride’s and groom’s big day, but someone is still hosting the guests and should make an attempt to be a good host.

[Anonymous]

Cheap to save a plate now they gotta fire a groomsman or no matchy numbers on HER DAYYY!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

You’re just rationalizing doing something rude. The fact that you can’t afford to extend plus ones to your wedding party, who are more than just guests, in no way means that it’s not rude not to do so. The fact that it’s not highly unusual for people with budgetary constraints to cut corners in this manner does not mean that it’s not a rude thing to do.

We actually have no budgetary constraints - at all. And our planner is aware of this fact. We DO have occupancy constraints imposed by the venue. We also have three twenty-something kids who, between them, attend at least a wedding a month and have been in many weddings, and universally they report that they are invited to bring a guest (DC who is engaged) and they are never invited to bring guests (DCs who don’t have SOs). One DC was in a wedding in Europe, and it never occurred to DC to even register that they were not invited to bring a guest because they were there with a bunch of college friends who - gasp! - also did not have guests. I am convinced that most of the people responding on this thread have not attended a wedding in 20 years and don’t have kids in that stage of life, because so many of these posts are completely out of touch with common practice. We are not unsophisticated or rude but know from our own experience what conventions apply today.

Wait. You are being this much of a stingy bridezilla and it's not even your first marriage? Whew, OP. You are a piece of work.

Oh, damn! Yeah, nah OP. That's ridiculous. You already had "your day". If you're inviting your so-called friends to celebrate your second/subsequent union(s), that's cool and all, but you don't get to be a bridezilla about it. Honestly, throwing a second wedding is as gauche as throwing a second baby shower. You have what you need. Just throw a celebration party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

You’re still rationalizing. You didn’t get randomly assigned to a venue. You chose a venue with a capacity limit that means you have to make tough choices, and you’re choosing not to extend plus ones to the wedding party so you can invite other people. It’s rude as hell. The fact that other clods do it doesn’t mean it’s not rude. You’re right about one thing, though; this probably does go over better with twenty-somethings who have not yet been in serious, long term, adult relationships and aren’t used to being treated like adults yet.

Work on reading comprehension. We are planning a wedding for one of our kids, never said it was mine. And I am defending OP but never said wedding party does not bring a guest, and in fact there is no wedding party but a large wedding. And to the other poster who suggested it is discriminating to distinguish between people who are married and those that aren’t in long-term relationships or have a steady SO - talk about a lack of logic. That’s just crazy.

No, it's basic math, clownass. Married couples aren't the same person; they can be separate without dying. You are assigning greater value to some people's relationships than others, and it's wack as hell. That you've lumped fiances into the "can haz" group just shows how nonsensical your shit is, as if people don't break off engagements (like your future spouse prolly should; you're a mess). "steady SO" vs "tinderella" gave your game away in the first post. You suck as a person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

You’re still rationalizing. You didn’t get randomly assigned to a venue. You chose a venue with a capacity limit that means you have to make tough choices, and you’re choosing not to extend plus ones to the wedding party so you can invite other people. It’s rude as hell. The fact that other clods do it doesn’t mean it’s not rude. You’re right about one thing, though; this probably does go over better with twenty-somethings who have not yet been in serious, long term, adult relationships and aren’t used to being treated like adults yet.

Work on reading comprehension. We are planning a wedding for one of our kids, never said it was mine. And I am defending OP but never said wedding party does not bring a guest, and in fact there is no wedding party but a large wedding. And to the other poster who suggested it is discriminating to distinguish between people who are married and those that aren’t in long-term relationships or have a steady SO - talk about a lack of logic. That’s just crazy.

Work on your own reading comprehension. You’re not replying to the poster who thought you were planning your own wedding.

Not extending plus ones to all adults in one’s wedding party — not mere wedding guests, but the people who are the closest to you, expected to attend all the related bridal events and assist you, and spending the most time and money on your nuptials — is rude and either thoughtless or selfish.

Also cheap, also judgmental af because some people do get to bring a plus one, IF bridezilla deems them worthy. Gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone is bad. You should give people a plus one, and people should be chill if they don't have one.

The people who withhold plus ones (if they don't have to) and the people who insist on plus ones are equally bad, but the people who insist or are mad about a plus one are worse.

There's just no good reason you can't go to a wedding solo and have a good time. Or graciously decline!

Sure, sure. But if you're in the wedding party, and some other wedding party folks get to bring one, it's fair to point out the slight, which it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone is bad. You should give people a plus one, and people should be chill if they don't have one.

The people who withhold plus ones (if they don't have to) and the people who insist on plus ones are equally bad, but the people who insist or are mad about a plus one are worse.

There's just no good reason you can't go to a wedding solo and have a good time. Or graciously decline!

I don’t think a bridesmaid should have a meltdown over it, but if almost every other member of the wedding party has a date and she’s not allowed to bring one, that doesn’t sound like fun and may make her feel singled out (no pun intended).

This. And calling her choice of date a "tinderella" makes the slight obvious.

[Anonymous]

Wait, OP has grown kids and this not her first marriage and she has BRIDESMAIDS?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone is bad. You should give people a plus one, and people should be chill if they don't have one.

The people who withhold plus ones (if they don't have to) and the people who insist on plus ones are equally bad, but the people who insist or are mad about a plus one are worse.

There's just no good reason you can't go to a wedding solo and have a good time. Or graciously decline!

Sure, sure. But if you're in the wedding party, and some other wedding party folks get to bring one, it's fair to point out the slight, which it is.

Nah, I wouldn't. If the person getting married is a friend? I would just let it slide completely. I don't need to play justice referee on every little thing and I'm perfectly fine going solo at a wedding. I can't live with that level of scorekeeping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone is bad. You should give people a plus one, and people should be chill if they don't have one.

The people who withhold plus ones (if they don't have to) and the people who insist on plus ones are equally bad, but the people who insist or are mad about a plus one are worse.

There's just no good reason you can't go to a wedding solo and have a good time. Or graciously decline!

And this is the winner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait, OP has grown kids and this not her first marriage and she has BRIDESMAIDS?

Probably gonna’ wear a veil too 🫠

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone is bad. You should give people a plus one, and people should be chill if they don't have one.

The people who withhold plus ones (if they don't have to) and the people who insist on plus ones are equally bad, but the people who insist or are mad about a plus one are worse.

There's just no good reason you can't go to a wedding solo and have a good time. Or graciously decline!

Sure, sure. But if you're in the wedding party, and some other wedding party folks get to bring one, it's fair to point out the slight, which it is.

Nah, I wouldn't. If the person getting married is a friend? I would just let it slide completely. I don't need to play justice referee on every little thing and I'm perfectly fine going solo at a wedding. I can't live with that level of scorekeeping.

+1. I don’t need to bring someone I’m not seriously involved with to my good friend’s wedding. Because we are good friends, I would expect to have some passing familiarity with her friends and family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

You’re just rationalizing doing something rude. The fact that you can’t afford to extend plus ones to your wedding party, who are more than just guests, in no way means that it’s not rude not to do so. The fact that it’s not highly unusual for people with budgetary constraints to cut corners in this manner does not mean that it’s not a rude thing to do.

We actually have no budgetary constraints - at all. And our planner is aware of this fact. We DO have occupancy constraints imposed by the venue. We also have three twenty-something kids who, between them, attend at least a wedding a month and have been in many weddings, and universally they report that they are invited to bring a guest (DC who is engaged) and they are never invited to bring guests (DCs who don’t have SOs). One DC was in a wedding in Europe, and it never occurred to DC to even register that they were not invited to bring a guest because they were there with a bunch of college friends who - gasp! - also did not have guests. I am convinced that most of the people responding on this thread have not attended a wedding in 20 years and don’t have kids in that stage of life, because so many of these posts are completely out of touch with common practice. We are not unsophisticated or rude but know from our own experience what conventions apply today.

I have not really commented and I probably haven’t been to a wedding in 20 years. I had assumed that all the people getting upset about not being able to bring a guest were young and immature. They still needed a security blanket to make it through a few hours.

You're sock puppeting. Do you realize how much money a bridesmaid spends on being a bridesmaid? I spent thousands. I'd be furious if I didn't have a guest.

You can actually ask Jeff. This is my third post. What does spending money have to do with bringing a guest? It’s about engaging with the event. I have been a bridesmaid and a bride. Nothing is remarkably different about attending a wedding today versus 20 years ago.

People are doing you a huge favor by being in your wedding. They are spending a lot of money on "your" special day and you are being extremely rude and ungrateful by not allowing someone in your wedding party to bring a plus one. So low class.

Do you have social anxiety? Why do you need a plus one?