Women in the family judging wife for being SAHM

[Anonymous]

I mean, I absolutely LOVED my career. I was the poster child for “love your job and you’ll never work a day of your life.” But you know what? I didn’t go back to work because this is so much more convenient and fulfilling. I quite literally, as someone upthread said, do whatever I want every day.

[Anonymous]

People have all sorts of ridiculous opinions. Some people also lack perspective. I’d just assume they don’t know any better and live your best life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife is a sahm because it makes the most sense for us financially and it's what she genuinely prefers. But sometimes women in our family make weird comments about it by saying things like "but don't you want to do something?". These women happen to be very progressive and feminist. Anyone else deal w/ this?

The other women are jealous. I still deal with this and my children are almost grown! I always tell them, if they wanted to be a stay at home lady, they could have! It's all about who you marry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife is a sahm because it makes the most sense for us financially and it's what she genuinely prefers. But sometimes women in our family make weird comments about it by saying things like "but don't you want to do something?". These women happen to be very progressive and feminist. Anyone else deal w/ this?

Raising a family is doing something and it's difficult. And you can be very progressive and feminist and understand that. It's not required of a parent, but it's a completely legitimate decision.

+1

Shut your family down and don't let it be discussed, beyond "we are happy and it is what works for us". I'm a highly educated (2 BS, 1 MS, 7 years work experience post education) who has been a SAHP for 25+ years. Don't regret a moment of it. Doesn't make me any less of a person. If anything, it takes a lot of strength to give up the salary and power of a great job to take care of your family. It allowed my spouse to do more with their career, without worries of childcare or the Homefront. In return we were over $10M NW by age 38, and UHNW by 48.

I know this is hard for you to grasp but not everyone judges wealth as the top priority in life. The fact that your DH worked some kind of bullsh*t rich dude job doesn’t make me think all your life choices are perfect. But yeah, this is the way rich people think.

no, we judge happiness by us getting to do what we wanted. I wanted to stay home with my kids, so I did.

Working 60+ hour weeks is not some "bullish*t rich dude job". It's called putting in the time, making choices to take risks and having the equity finally work out. But is sure as hell is easier to advance up to Exec level/CEO if you have someone taking care of the Homefront.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife is a sahm because it makes the most sense for us financially and it's what she genuinely prefers. But sometimes women in our family make weird comments about it by saying things like "but don't you want to do something?". These women happen to be very progressive and feminist. Anyone else deal w/ this?

Raising a family is doing something and it's difficult. And you can be very progressive and feminist and understand that. It's not required of a parent, but it's a completely legitimate decision.

+1

Shut your family down and don't let it be discussed, beyond "we are happy and it is what works for us". I'm a highly educated (2 BS, 1 MS, 7 years work experience post education) who has been a SAHP for 25+ years. Don't regret a moment of it. Doesn't make me any less of a person. If anything, it takes a lot of strength to give up the salary and power of a great job to take care of your family. It allowed my spouse to do more with their career, without worries of childcare or the Homefront. In return we were over $10M NW by age 38, and UHNW by 48.

Sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women belong in the home, that’s what you should tell them. While their kids are at daycare or wherever, yours are at home with their mother. This is the real feminism.

I’m so glad society is shifting and now so many more women are proud to be SAHMs (just look at the posters on this thread). I think we will soon see enrollment rates for girls drop at college because what’s the point of an education when staying at home become normalized as a career path, it’s the hardest job in the world after all.

You are a troll, but to respond to one of your trollish points, the woman in my family who stays home has a phd. Who wants their children raised by an unintelligent partner? One of the biggest factors in the success of children is their parents' education level.

You don’t need a phd to raise children. You don’t think that young girls who see women quit their jobs and who dream of having kids and having careers might think twice? The devaluing of college education will happen regardless because of AI but the current anti-working mom and pro SAHM public discourse will undoubtedly affect young women thinking about the future. Why take on hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt when you see your phd older cousin quit her job to stay home?

I didn't take on "hundreds of thousand of dollars in debt" to get my education (2 BS, 1 MS) and stay home. I stayed home because once I had my kid, I chose to stay home with them. I had daycare all set up (in the building where I worked). But once the baby arrived I changed plans. My kids know they can do whatever they want once they have kids. That's the beauty of being educated, you get to choose what you do with your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, some people aren’t cut out to be full time parents. I think they feel like there is something wrong with them, so they feel guilty and mad at those who are delighted at being a full time parents.
Being a full time parent is a hard job, it IS work, and often 18-24 hrs a day, 7 days a week. I don’t know why people say it’s “not working”. There are, of course, parents who stay home full time and use a nanny or daycare 12 hrs a day - and that’s a different situation.

But still, someone is doing the JOB of caring for the children. It is a job. Working parents should realize this more than anyone, each week when they sign the check.

It’s only a job if someone else is hiring you. Otherwise it’s work, but not a job. Mother is a relationship, not a professional title.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, some people aren’t cut out to be full time parents. I think they feel like there is something wrong with them, so they feel guilty and mad at those who are delighted at being a full time parents.
Being a full time parent is a hard job, it IS work, and often 18-24 hrs a day, 7 days a week. I don’t know why people say it’s “not working”. There are, of course, parents who stay home full time and use a nanny or daycare 12 hrs a day - and that’s a different situation.

But still, someone is doing the JOB of caring for the children. It is a job. Working parents should realize this more than anyone, each week when they sign the check.

It’s only a job if someone else is hiring you. Otherwise it’s work, but not a job. Mother is a relationship, not a professional title.

Potato, potato.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, does anyone really enjoy working? Why do women act like the dream is to work and raise a family? I have a career but have done stay-at-home, FT work, PT work, WFH, etc as a mom. Preference would be to never work again. I just do it for the money. Can people really not find intellectual stimulation without a job??

Same. I would only add that I do it to have my own money - I needed a level of financial control to feel secure.

I never really understand this line of thinking. Why are you having children with a man with whom you already don’t feel secure with, or with whom you share control over finances? So no one should ever stay home? Or only women with trust funds should stay home? Because it’s not safe otherwise? If that’s the case, then only a small fraction of women would successfully stay home.

Just so you know, you could have a job and a man could still gamble or otherwise squander away every penny you have and that would be the end of it.

I’m genuinely curious what “security” looks like to you? Having your own bank account with money before baby? It’s still a marital asset, you know. So is every penny of his money, and it’s unlikely he wants to throw it all away unless he’s Fotis Dulos or something. Divorcing a SAHM doesn’t come cheap.

Not if you have your own accounts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, some people aren’t cut out to be full time parents. I think they feel like there is something wrong with them, so they feel guilty and mad at those who are delighted at being a full time parents.
Being a full time parent is a hard job, it IS work, and often 18-24 hrs a day, 7 days a week. I don’t know why people say it’s “not working”. There are, of course, parents who stay home full time and use a nanny or daycare 12 hrs a day - and that’s a different situation.

But still, someone is doing the JOB of caring for the children. It is a job. Working parents should realize this more than anyone, each week when they sign the check.

It’s only a job if someone else is hiring you. Otherwise it’s work, but not a job. Mother is a relationship, not a professional title.

Potato, potato.

Nope. Potato, squash.

[Anonymous]

To me it just seems childlike to depend on someone else for money.

[Anonymous]

I was a sahm when my kids were little and I work now. Just respond “this is what works for us right now” then change the subject

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, does anyone really enjoy working? Why do women act like the dream is to work and raise a family? I have a career but have done stay-at-home, FT work, PT work, WFH, etc as a mom. Preference would be to never work again. I just do it for the money. Can people really not find intellectual stimulation without a job??

Same. I would only add that I do it to have my own money - I needed a level of financial control to feel secure.

I never really understand this line of thinking. Why are you having children with a man with whom you already don’t feel secure with, or with whom you share control over finances? So no one should ever stay home? Or only women with trust funds should stay home? Because it’s not safe otherwise? If that’s the case, then only a small fraction of women would successfully stay home.

Just so you know, you could have a job and a man could still gamble or otherwise squander away every penny you have and that would be the end of it.

I’m genuinely curious what “security” looks like to you? Having your own bank account with money before baby? It’s still a marital asset, you know. So is every penny of his money, and it’s unlikely he wants to throw it all away unless he’s Fotis Dulos or something. Divorcing a SAHM doesn’t come cheap.

Not if you have your own accounts.

Not in my state. They’d be disclosed in discovery and become marital property.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To me it just seems childlike to depend on someone else for money.

So you think trust funds should only be for minor children? You won’t be accepting whatever your parents leave behind, correct?

[Anonymous]

It's far better to be a lady of leisure than to work. They are just jealous.