Women in the family judging wife for being SAHM

[Anonymous]

Graciously advise them to mind their own business.

[Anonymous]

They hate ‘ya cause they ain’t ‘ya!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife is a sahm because it makes the most sense for us financially and it's what she genuinely prefers. But sometimes women in our family make weird comments about it by saying things like "but don't you want to do something?". These women happen to be very progressive and feminist. Anyone else deal w/ this?

Your family or her family? If your family, tell them to stop - they are your responsibility. If her family, let her deal with them. Not spending time with those people is also an option.

I work but if a "woman in our family" asked why I bothered having kids if I never saw them or some such nonsense I would let her know that was rude and the conversation would be over (and not tolerated again).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women belong in the home, that’s what you should tell them. While their kids are at daycare or wherever, yours are at home with their mother. This is the real feminism.

I’m so glad society is shifting and now so many more women are proud to be SAHMs (just look at the posters on this thread). I think we will soon see enrollment rates for girls drop at college because what’s the point of an education when staying at home become normalized as a career path, it’s the hardest job in the world after all.

I disagree. College is very important if you want to SAH with your kids for part of your life.

This! Children benefit from having an educated mother, whether that mother is working for a paycheck or not. I have a masters degree and have been a SAH mother for most of my kids’ lives. I know they benefited greatly from my higher education and in no way was my education wasted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a SAHW&M for over 20 years now. We hired everything out--cleaning, cooking, landscape, nanny, night nurse, private school. It's awesome. We fly semi-private to Aspen and Goozer and Cabo. If you can afford to stay at home, do it!!

The only way I'd be willing to stay home is if we could hire everything out like you described. No one, I'm trading my intellectual work for housecleaning, yard work, and cooking every meal. But it sounds like you hit the jackpot!

So does your work allow you to hire out the "housecleaning, yard work and cooking meals"? Because if I'm going to do most of that anyhow, I'd prefer to be with my kids as well and do all that while being a bit relaxed.

Exactly. Children need their family, not daycares.

My kids had both. They turned out great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"It is really up to the couple to decide this. I have no issues with someone being just a "non working for pay" person in a couple. If it makes the couple happy and everyone is okay with it, why not? You truly don't know what someone is going thru. They might have a hidden illness that makes daily life stressful and being "at home" helps them manage it. As long as the family is not on welfare it is really none of my business."

But you yourself say this is acceptable only because the "kept" person has an illness that prevents them from being able to contribute with money they earn through working. Nobody here seems to be saying that unhealthy people should be expected to pull their own weight. But why is an otherwise healthy and capable adult who has no caregiver needs not contributing? How is this not going to create a caregiver to dependent dynamic in what should be a partnership of two equals?

No, I stated that you never know what someone is going thru behind the scenes, so stop the judgement!

This is an issue for that couple, not you and others. If the working adult in the couple is fine with the other not working, why do you care? As I said, unless they are collecting welfare/services from the govt, It is nobody's business

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife is a sahm because it makes the most sense for us financially and it's what she genuinely prefers. But sometimes women in our family make weird comments about it by saying things like "but don't you want to do something?". These women happen to be very progressive and feminist. Anyone else deal w/ this?

Raising a family is doing something and it's difficult. And you can be very progressive and feminist and understand that. It's not required of a parent, but it's a completely legitimate decision.

+1

Shut your family down and don't let it be discussed, beyond "we are happy and it is what works for us". I'm a highly educated (2 BS, 1 MS, 7 years work experience post education) who has been a SAHP for 25+ years. Don't regret a moment of it. Doesn't make me any less of a person. If anything, it takes a lot of strength to give up the salary and power of a great job to take care of your family. It allowed my spouse to do more with their career, without worries of childcare or the Homefront. In return we were over $10M NW by age 38, and UHNW by 48.

You were still mothering and babysitting your kids when they were 25? Were you one of these SAHM who was always SO overwhelmed even though your kids were in school all day?

No, I just never returned to the "paid workforce" once the kids went to college. Spouse retired during youngest kid's junior year of college. During the first 2 years, I managed a gutting/renovate of one home(took 9 months), the move and then sale of original home and purchase of new "2nd home", then managed the full gutting/renovation of that home. I have plenty to do, it doesn't revolve around "managing the kids", I just don't have to add stress to our family household by having a 9-5 paid job (of which 50% would go to taxes immediately) Instead, I got to travel when spouse travelled, so we attached vacations to their work trips. And as the spouse of a CEO, I also plan/host events at our homes every 2 weeks typically (before retirement). Don't outsource any of that, so a 10 person dinner event is a full 1-2 days of planning/prepping

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Fine as long as you don’t go asking the dual income earners for money bc you wanted the fantasy of being able to be a one income family with five kids in a house you couldn’t afford

Most SAHP I know are better off than 95% of people in the country, they don't need a 2nd income. In fact, it would be taxed at 50%+, then add in costs of them working (more take out, gas, work attire, etc) and they are not "contributing" much $$ to the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife is a sahm because it makes the most sense for us financially and it's what she genuinely prefers. But sometimes women in our family make weird comments about it by saying things like "but don't you want to do something?". These women happen to be very progressive and feminist. Anyone else deal w/ this?

Raising a family is doing something and it's difficult. And you can be very progressive and feminist and understand that. It's not required of a parent, but it's a completely legitimate decision.

+1

Shut your family down and don't let it be discussed, beyond "we are happy and it is what works for us". I'm a highly educated (2 BS, 1 MS, 7 years work experience post education) who has been a SAHP for 25+ years. Don't regret a moment of it. Doesn't make me any less of a person. If anything, it takes a lot of strength to give up the salary and power of a great job to take care of your family. It allowed my spouse to do more with their career, without worries of childcare or the Homefront. In return we were over $10M NW by age 38, and UHNW by 48.

You were still mothering and babysitting your kids when they were 25? Were you one of these SAHM who was always SO overwhelmed even though your kids were in school all day?

No, I just never returned to the "paid workforce" once the kids went to college. Spouse retired during youngest kid's junior year of college. During the first 2 years, I managed a gutting/renovate of one home(took 9 months), the move and then sale of original home and purchase of new "2nd home", then managed the full gutting/renovation of that home. I have plenty to do, it doesn't revolve around "managing the kids", I just don't have to add stress to our family household by having a 9-5 paid job (of which 50% would go to taxes immediately) Instead, I got to travel when spouse travelled, so we attached vacations to their work trips. And as the spouse of a CEO, I also plan/host events at our homes every 2 weeks typically (before retirement). Don't outsource any of that, so a 10 person dinner event is a full 1-2 days of planning/prepping

+1 Also, one can be a SAHP and still have kids in HS 25+ years later. So not the brightest comment from the PPP.


Anyone who really cares about this is likely jealous that they cannot afford to "work a paid job less or not at all" and still live the life they want. Our family achieved the top 1% earlier than most, and started at zero (poor, LMC families, nothing was handed to us, we had to work for everything). Where in life does everyone think "I must work myself silly until I'm 65 and then enjoy life". Why not start sooner?
An at home parent, who then stays home once kids leave, allows the family to be calmer, happier. When the working spouse is home, everything "necessary" is complete and you can just enjoy life. If it works for your family, do it.

[Anonymous]

It goes back to this: "The people who matter don't mind, and the people who mind don't matter." The only people judging working moms or SAHM for their decision are people with insecurities about their choices. The rest of us don't care how other women have decided to run their families - we wish them the best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife is a sahm because it makes the most sense for us financially and it's what she genuinely prefers. But sometimes women in our family make weird comments about it by saying things like "but don't you want to do something?". These women happen to be very progressive and feminist. Anyone else deal w/ this?

Raising a family is doing something and it's difficult. And you can be very progressive and feminist and understand that. It's not required of a parent, but it's a completely legitimate decision.

+1

Shut your family down and don't let it be discussed, beyond "we are happy and it is what works for us". I'm a highly educated (2 BS, 1 MS, 7 years work experience post education) who has been a SAHP for 25+ years. Don't regret a moment of it. Doesn't make me any less of a person. If anything, it takes a lot of strength to give up the salary and power of a great job to take care of your family. It allowed my spouse to do more with their career, without worries of childcare or the Homefront. In return we were over $10M NW by age 38, and UHNW by 48.

You were still mothering and babysitting your kids when they were 25? Were you one of these SAHM who was always SO overwhelmed even though your kids were in school all day?

No, I just never returned to the "paid workforce" once the kids went to college. Spouse retired during youngest kid's junior year of college. During the first 2 years, I managed a gutting/renovate of one home(took 9 months), the move and then sale of original home and purchase of new "2nd home", then managed the full gutting/renovation of that home. I have plenty to do, it doesn't revolve around "managing the kids", I just don't have to add stress to our family household by having a 9-5 paid job (of which 50% would go to taxes immediately) Instead, I got to travel when spouse travelled, so we attached vacations to their work trips. And as the spouse of a CEO, I also plan/host events at our homes every 2 weeks typically (before retirement). Don't outsource any of that, so a 10 person dinner event is a full 1-2 days of planning/prepping

I've never heard a longer explanation of make work in my life

[Anonymous]

You sound defensive and controlling OP. If you're not a troll, stop worrying about what other people think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women belong in the home, that’s what you should tell them. While their kids are at daycare or wherever, yours are at home with their mother. This is the real feminism.

I’m so glad society is shifting and now so many more women are proud to be SAHMs (just look at the posters on this thread). I think we will soon see enrollment rates for girls drop at college because what’s the point of an education when staying at home become normalized as a career path, it’s the hardest job in the world after all.

I disagree. College is very important if you want to SAH with your kids for part of your life.

This! Children benefit from having an educated mother, whether that mother is working for a paycheck or not. I have a masters degree and have been a SAH mother for most of my kids’ lives. I know they benefited greatly from my higher education and in no way was my education wasted.

How did they benefit? Provide specifics.

[Anonymous]

Yes, for my whole life as a parent.

People will think what they think. Your wife will need to find new friends and learn to choose her kids and you above all else.

If you can’t handle this, she should go back to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women belong in the home, that’s what you should tell them. While their kids are at daycare or wherever, yours are at home with their mother. This is the real feminism.

I’m so glad society is shifting and now so many more women are proud to be SAHMs (just look at the posters on this thread). I think we will soon see enrollment rates for girls drop at college because what’s the point of an education when staying at home become normalized as a career path, it’s the hardest job in the world after all.

I disagree. College is very important if you want to SAH with your kids for part of your life.

This! Children benefit from having an educated mother, whether that mother is working for a paycheck or not. I have a masters degree and have been a SAH mother for most of my kids’ lives. I know they benefited greatly from my higher education and in no way was my education wasted.

How did they benefit? Provide specifics.

Who fed your kids lunch? Did your laundry? Cleaned your filthy toilet? Replaced your underwear? Taught your kids to use the toilet, read, manners, tie shoes, educated them when schools closed….shall I continue?