Missing Princeton student

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:MO attended Princeton and felt very out of place, incompetent and depressed there even though her brother was also there.

That was 40 years ago. Her older brother Craig, on the other hand, was extremely popular and by all accounts had a good experience. He sent his own daughter there.

I also think Obama played up the angle that she was from inner city Chicago and felt out of place at Princeton for political gain. She actually went to a magnet school in Chicago that turns away most applicants.

Her brother was an athlete there. Very different situation.

Must have been horrible to have your older brother be one of the most popular students on campus for your freshman and sophomore years.

Maybe she didn't have a good time but (1) it fit her political narrative to claim she felt "out of place" at an elite, historically white, school; and (2) it was 40 years ago and the school is way more diverse now.

Are you black?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Perfectionistic kids who struggle in such a competitive environment. Little resilience, poor mental health after years of competing and being valued for external accomplishments.

Is this just guessing? Gross

The school attracts kids whose identity is primarily based on their academic achievements. It is hard to become a small fish in a big pond: get Bs or Cs, have to actually learn how to study, mke new friends, be poor among rich kids, figure oneself out at the age of 18, etc….

Hope he is safe!

Please don’t defend generalizations, guesses, and conjecture about a missing person’s state of mind and then add your last 4 words. Again, gross.

It is not gross to point out that intense pressure leads to equally intense mental health issues. Give me a break!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People blaming on culture of school. How about looking at family culture these kids are coming from. It’s not necessarily the school’s fault.

+1
I have two children at Princeton. They are both happy and well-adjusted students. My children are having the time of their lives and they both adore Princeton. I have been impressed by the academic, social, career, religious, research opportunities and resources that Princeton offers its students. My children have mentors, advisors, and spiritual leaders who have guided them on their amazing academic journeys.

When I asked my children yesterday do they think the culture at Princeton is stressful, they both stated that it is not the culture of Princeton. They think that some students already have psychological problems before they come to Princeton. My oldest even mentioned that it is the students and their families who sometimes induce stress and have unhealthy expectations. Family dynamics, culture, and mental state do factor in how students navigate college.

When there is this many suicides at a small school over a small time frame, there is likely something about the school culture that is contributing.

[Anonymous]

Among other issues, it seems like their admissions office is doing a poor job of selecting mentally healthy and resilient students.

People complain about athletes getting preferential treatment in admissions, but every high-level athlete has plenty of experience with failure and losing high stakes competitions. The capacity to fail in gutwrenching fashion, and still bounce back, is sometimes untested in other high school student profiles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Among other issues, it seems like their admissions office is doing a poor job of selecting mentally healthy and resilient students.

People complain about athletes getting preferential treatment in admissions, but every high-level athlete has plenty of experience with failure and losing high stakes competitions. The capacity to fail in gutwrenching fashion, and still bounce back, is sometimes untested in other high school student profiles.

The Stanford suicide a few years ago was a soccer recruit. Sports is not the only way kids learn resilience, yoy can learn it through trying hard and not winning in many activities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Among other issues, it seems like their admissions office is doing a poor job of selecting mentally healthy and resilient students.

People complain about athletes getting preferential treatment in admissions, but every high-level athlete has plenty of experience with failure and losing high stakes competitions. The capacity to fail in gutwrenching fashion, and still bounce back, is sometimes untested in other high school student profiles.

+1 tagree with this. And my children are not college athletes. There are tremendous number of uber academic achieving kids that have not learned to fail and cannot handle it in college when facing it for the first time. I hope this young man is just decompressing. Will pray for him and family. Very sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Among other issues, it seems like their admissions office is doing a poor job of selecting mentally healthy and resilient students.

People complain about athletes getting preferential treatment in admissions, but every high-level athlete has plenty of experience with failure and losing high stakes competitions. The capacity to fail in gutwrenching fashion, and still bounce back, is sometimes untested in other high school student profiles.

My debate kid would argue that debate tournaments are all about losing -- every weekend, only one team comes out on top, and everybody else loses. Athletes definitely haven't cornered the market on coming up short in a high stakes situation.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:how do you get aid on $350k?
We got zero aid at that level from 10 schools including an Ivy.

NP. I'm guessing they have A. low/no assets; B. more than one kid in college or C. divorced household

Yes, you guessed it : no assets and 2 kids in college.

How do you earn $350 and have no assets?

We only got to this HHI level recently.

Really? Prior-prior year you were Pell eligible? What do you do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:how do you get aid on $350k?
We got zero aid at that level from 10 schools including an Ivy.

NP. I'm guessing they have A. low/no assets; B. more than one kid in college or C. divorced household

Yes, you guessed it : no assets and 2 kids in college.

How do you earn $350 and have no assets?

We only got to this HHI level recently.

Really? Prior-prior year you were Pell eligible? What do you do?

These are people who make sure they have low income right before college and then high HHI after. They make college expensive for everyone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Remember that one YouTube from that Princeton kid that was posted here last year?

Wow eye-opening.

Immediately took it off of my kids list. It is not a happy place. Buyer beware

My spouse attended Princeton, loved it and was very happy there. You need to do work. He attended public school and was taught from a young age he was more than just his grades. His parents never pressured him and supported activities outside of school.

I have friends with kids at PU now. All seem happy. One mentioned their kid was concerned with a B+ since they only ever got As from their public high school. The parent reassured their child it was okay and to enjoy the experience as much as the classes. She told her child she should not be worried about getting Bs and that she wasn't going to be the best at everything. My friend, the parent, attended another top Ivy for undergrad.

It isn't deflation, you get the grade you earn. Growing up in New England we all heard getting into Harvard was the hardest part, once in, almost everyone got As.

From what I know the University offers support for health issues including mental health. You need to ask for it, go to the center/talk to someone. They have 24/7 call line and urgent consultations for emergencies.

I think it is a good reminder for all of us to check on family and friends. Also, remind people it is okay to ask for help and support.

Maybe it should be a requirement for all college students to speak to a counselor 1-2x per month or something? IDK.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He’s from a small town in Indiana, won the needs based Gates Scholarship (you must qualify for a Pell grant). Wants to major in math or science.

I was a similar student at Princeton, coming from a rural high school (though my SAT were lower, much easier admissions then).

Math and science departments are brutal, he probably had to take a bunch of labs, and is competing against kids from elite public and private schools for whom much of the first year curriculum is a review or even easier than their high school experience

Plus, being a poor kid is awful at such a school flush with cash. The first BMW I ever saw I think was my dorm neighbor. He probably doesn’t have money for an eating club, which is the central social life for Princeton upperclassman. It’s very isolating.

I hope he is okay.

He's 23 and a junior, though, not a new freshman. Not sure why he's a 23 year-old junior; someone said he may have had a mission year (or two?), as it also looks like he skipped a grade. Hope he's ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He’s from a small town in Indiana, won the needs based Gates Scholarship (you must qualify for a Pell grant). Wants to major in math or science.

I was a similar student at Princeton, coming from a rural high school (though my SAT were lower, much easier admissions then).

Math and science departments are brutal, he probably had to take a bunch of labs, and is competing against kids from elite public and private schools for whom much of the first year curriculum is a review or even easier than their high school experience

Plus, being a poor kid is awful at such a school flush with cash. The first BMW I ever saw I think was my dorm neighbor. He probably doesn’t have money for an eating club, which is the central social life for Princeton upperclassman. It’s very isolating.

I hope he is okay.

He's 23 and a junior, though, not a new freshman. Not sure why he's a 23 year-old junior; someone said he may have had a mission year (or two?), as it also looks like he skipped a grade. Hope he's ok.

Meaning it wouldn't be the same potential culture shock / learning curve as being a first-year student.

[Anonymous]

Part of the issue is the colleges are wanting kids that never fail. I mean everyone needs a 4.0 plus and 1500 sat these days along with leadership and a narrative. To get that you need a lot of support in high school.

[Anonymous]

I went to Princeton 30 years ago. The social environment is challenging and competitive in a below the surface way. There is a lot of snubbing that goes on. The eating clubs drive this. It can be a cold place. I would have sent my kids just for the career opportunities if they got in (they never actually applied) but I’m glad they are at different schools. A lot of otherwise socially successful people struggled there. The gothic dorms, cold winters and heavy workloads don’t help.

[Anonymous]

Having read responses but this is a common and fit mental health issues to emerge. It may have nothing to do with the school.