Missing Princeton student

[Anonymous]

Huge pressure at ivy leagues - these kids can crack quite easily. But a shocking number of kids die on campuses each year due to suicide, alcohol, accidents, etc. Its always tragic. I do find it odd they named their son Lauren and I am not being mean but what kind of culture did he come from where that would be a thing to do? Not mainstream for sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Huge pressure at ivy leagues - these kids can crack quite easily. But a shocking number of kids die on campuses each year due to suicide, alcohol, accidents, etc. Its always tragic. I do find it odd they named their son Lauren and I am not being mean but what kind of culture did he come from where that would be a thing to do? Not mainstream for sure.

He was Asian American.

[Anonymous]

He got the gates scholarship which is for low income background students. Reading about him and he seemed like a truly incredible person who accomplished much yet always remained kindhearted. This is so devastatingly sad.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I went on reddit and the kids report being happy. Some even say they are living the happiest years of their life.
Sorry you had a poor experience and were depressed 30 years ago.

https://www.reddit.com/r/princeton/s/HFhBBnFxKr

NP.

So? Lots of people posting on the Internet are masking issues. Sometimes being in denial is worse.

But let’s say 99% of the students at Princeton are perfectly content. That doesn’t mean more can’t be done for the other 1%, and in a way that educates the content 99% on how to respond to issues they may have later in life. Princeton has the resources to do things other schools can learn from, but all schools should be asking how to help students learn about holistic health in ways that help them now and in the future.

The comments were blaming the school and making it look like everyone there is miserable. Mental health resources exist at Princeton and are accessible. The kids need to recognize when they are in trouble, reach out and get help.

A symptom of depression is distorted thinking, which can make it hard to recognize depression in yourself. I don’t know what the solution is but blaming suicidal kids for not accessing help would not be my go-to.

What do you suggest they do?

Look at the culture they are creating—both by grade deflation and kids they are admitting , particularly in stem.

A Princeton degree really means something because they don't water down academic standards like some of their peers. That's not a bad thing - young adults who've been coddled at their universities often struggle in professional settings. Princeton kids have been prepared, with rigorous course work and requirements for independent projects like a senior thesis.

They are strong in STEM and more STEM-focused than decades ago, but that reflects the preferences of top students today. Look at the plans for graduating seniors at any top local high school and you are going to find more planning on major in STEM fields than comp lit and art history. Even so, Princeton is committing additional resources to humanities and it's a great place to study humanities because you get even more attention.

Once again, tone deaf. Lady, there is a big mental health problem at Princeton.

The kids with suicide ideation and eventually a plan at Princeton were primed to spiral before they ever got to Princeton and a handful of other elite schools with a suicide problem (Standford, Cornell, Yale, a few others). When you take care of these young adults admitted to inpatient psych, as I have, you read their medical records and you realize immediately how tightly strung and fragile they've been for years. My own experience is with Georgetown students. Never GW or AU or Catholic, interestingly. No, just the most prestigious and hardest admit of the DC schools.

Because these at-risk kids wouldn't ever apply to GMU or Catholic.

Classy to be a healthcare worker talking about patients this way ?

+ 10. Mental health issues frequently arise in late teens/early twenties, regardless of education. Questionable credentials of previous poster.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Huge pressure at ivy leagues - these kids can crack quite easily. But a shocking number of kids die on campuses each year due to suicide, alcohol, accidents, etc. Its always tragic. I do find it odd they named their son Lauren and I am not being mean but what kind of culture did he come from where that would be a thing to do? Not mainstream for sure.

He was Asian American.

He was Asian/White.

Prayers for the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to Princeton 30 years ago. The social environment is challenging and competitive in a below the surface way. There is a lot of snubbing that goes on. The eating clubs drive this. It can be a cold place. I would have sent my kids just for the career opportunities if they got in (they never actually applied) but I’m glad they are at different schools. A lot of otherwise socially successful people struggled there. The gothic dorms, cold winters and heavy workloads don’t help.

Also went and agree 100% with this. I had mental health struggles there, which I did not have before nor since. It wasn’t about academic pressure at all for me, I did very well and that’s not my personality. For me it was about social/living stuff and social climate: being surrounded by ultra thin girls with very disordered eating, gross living conditions, and heavy drinking and hookup culture that was normalized/celebrated. It just wasn’t great for me. I also had several assistant professors and visiting lecturers who were consumed by stress about their tenure and career prospects and talked about their own problems openly and often, to the point where feeling bad for them was my main takeaway from their classes. I made good friends and had some great experiences as well but often felt at odds with the prevailing culture, which pp describes well.

I’m sure it’s different now in many ways though.

Pp here. Maybe I know you. The eating disorders were truly rampant. It’s a very idiosyncratic culture and it’s impossible for anyone to understand unless you’ve had exposure to it… Things have probably changed but whatever energy this was is probably hard to kill

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to Princeton 30 years ago. The social environment is challenging and competitive in a below the surface way. There is a lot of snubbing that goes on. The eating clubs drive this. It can be a cold place. I would have sent my kids just for the career opportunities if they got in (they never actually applied) but I’m glad they are at different schools. A lot of otherwise socially successful people struggled there. The gothic dorms, cold winters and heavy workloads don’t help.

Also went and agree 100% with this. I had mental health struggles there, which I did not have before nor since. It wasn’t about academic pressure at all for me, I did very well and that’s not my personality. For me it was about social/living stuff and social climate: being surrounded by ultra thin girls with very disordered eating, gross living conditions, and heavy drinking and hookup culture that was normalized/celebrated. It just wasn’t great for me. I also had several assistant professors and visiting lecturers who were consumed by stress about their tenure and career prospects and talked about their own problems openly and often, to the point where feeling bad for them was my main takeaway from their classes. I made good friends and had some great experiences as well but often felt at odds with the prevailing culture, which pp describes well.

I’m sure it’s different now in many ways though.

Pp here. Maybe I know you. The eating disorders were truly rampant. It’s a very idiosyncratic culture and it’s impossible for anyone to understand unless you’ve had exposure to it… Things have probably changed but whatever energy this was is probably hard to kill

I went there and this wasn’t remotely what I either experienced or witnessed. For the most part, the women were very health conscious and into healthy eating and living.

It’s actually kind of weirdly narcissistic on your part to dredge up all your ancient beefs when they likely are not relevant to this young man’s personal struggles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People blaming on culture of school. How about looking at family culture these kids are coming from. It’s not necessarily the school’s fault.

+1
I have two children at Princeton. They are both happy and well-adjusted students. My children are having the time of their lives and they both adore Princeton. I have been impressed by the academic, social, career, religious, research opportunities and resources that Princeton offers its students. My children have mentors, advisors, and spiritual leaders who have guided them on their amazing academic journeys.

When I asked my children yesterday do they think the culture at Princeton is stressful, they both stated that it is not the culture of Princeton. They think that some students already have psychological problems before they come to Princeton. My oldest even mentioned that it is the students and their families who sometimes induce stress and have unhealthy expectations. Family dynamics, culture, and mental state do factor in how students navigate college.

Well said. This is the experience for the vast majority of students. I do wish they had a way to screen more carefully for students’ mental health but some problems don’t reveal themselves until young adults are in their 20s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to Princeton 30 years ago. The social environment is challenging and competitive in a below the surface way. There is a lot of snubbing that goes on. The eating clubs drive this. It can be a cold place. I would have sent my kids just for the career opportunities if they got in (they never actually applied) but I’m glad they are at different schools. A lot of otherwise socially successful people struggled there. The gothic dorms, cold winters and heavy workloads don’t help.

Also went and agree 100% with this. I had mental health struggles there, which I did not have before nor since. It wasn’t about academic pressure at all for me, I did very well and that’s not my personality. For me it was about social/living stuff and social climate: being surrounded by ultra thin girls with very disordered eating, gross living conditions, and heavy drinking and hookup culture that was normalized/celebrated. It just wasn’t great for me. I also had several assistant professors and visiting lecturers who were consumed by stress about their tenure and career prospects and talked about their own problems openly and often, to the point where feeling bad for them was my main takeaway from their classes. I made good friends and had some great experiences as well but often felt at odds with the prevailing culture, which pp describes well.

I’m sure it’s different now in many ways though.

Pp here. Maybe I know you. The eating disorders were truly rampant. It’s a very idiosyncratic culture and it’s impossible for anyone to understand unless you’ve had exposure to it… Things have probably changed but whatever energy this was is probably hard to kill

I went there and this wasn’t remotely what I either experienced or witnessed. For the most part, the women were very health conscious and into healthy eating and living.

It’s actually kind of weirdly narcissistic on your part to dredge up all your ancient beefs when they likely are not relevant to this young man’s personal struggles.

You weren’t paying attention I guess. If you lived in Princeton dorms and didn’t take note of eating disorders- you were oblivious. Do you not find it interesting that two random people here share nearly identical impressions?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to Princeton 30 years ago. The social environment is challenging and competitive in a below the surface way. There is a lot of snubbing that goes on. The eating clubs drive this. It can be a cold place. I would have sent my kids just for the career opportunities if they got in (they never actually applied) but I’m glad they are at different schools. A lot of otherwise socially successful people struggled there. The gothic dorms, cold winters and heavy workloads don’t help.

Also went and agree 100% with this. I had mental health struggles there, which I did not have before nor since. It wasn’t about academic pressure at all for me, I did very well and that’s not my personality. For me it was about social/living stuff and social climate: being surrounded by ultra thin girls with very disordered eating, gross living conditions, and heavy drinking and hookup culture that was normalized/celebrated. It just wasn’t great for me. I also had several assistant professors and visiting lecturers who were consumed by stress about their tenure and career prospects and talked about their own problems openly and often, to the point where feeling bad for them was my main takeaway from their classes. I made good friends and had some great experiences as well but often felt at odds with the prevailing culture, which pp describes well.

I’m sure it’s different now in many ways though.

Pp here. Maybe I know you. The eating disorders were truly rampant. It’s a very idiosyncratic culture and it’s impossible for anyone to understand unless you’ve had exposure to it… Things have probably changed but whatever energy this was is probably hard to kill

I went there and this wasn’t remotely what I either experienced or witnessed. For the most part, the women were very health conscious and into healthy eating and living.

It’s actually kind of weirdly narcissistic on your part to dredge up all your ancient beefs when they likely are not relevant to this young man’s personal struggles.

Way to cancel the PPs lived experience. Really classy.

[Anonymous]

Our kids need help and support. This goes beyond Princeton and the Ivies.
There were 14 deaths in 2023 at NCSU. 7 by suicides!


https://abcnews.go.com/US/challenging-year-north-carolina-state-confronts-spate-student/story?id=99008743

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to Princeton 30 years ago. The social environment is challenging and competitive in a below the surface way. There is a lot of snubbing that goes on. The eating clubs drive this. It can be a cold place. I would have sent my kids just for the career opportunities if they got in (they never actually applied) but I’m glad they are at different schools. A lot of otherwise socially successful people struggled there. The gothic dorms, cold winters and heavy workloads don’t help.

Also went and agree 100% with this. I had mental health struggles there, which I did not have before nor since. It wasn’t about academic pressure at all for me, I did very well and that’s not my personality. For me it was about social/living stuff and social climate: being surrounded by ultra thin girls with very disordered eating, gross living conditions, and heavy drinking and hookup culture that was normalized/celebrated. It just wasn’t great for me. I also had several assistant professors and visiting lecturers who were consumed by stress about their tenure and career prospects and talked about their own problems openly and often, to the point where feeling bad for them was my main takeaway from their classes. I made good friends and had some great experiences as well but often felt at odds with the prevailing culture, which pp describes well.

I’m sure it’s different now in many ways though.

Pp here. Maybe I know you. The eating disorders were truly rampant. It’s a very idiosyncratic culture and it’s impossible for anyone to understand unless you’ve had exposure to it… Things have probably changed but whatever energy this was is probably hard to kill

I went there and this wasn’t remotely what I either experienced or witnessed. For the most part, the women were very health conscious and into healthy eating and living.

It’s actually kind of weirdly narcissistic on your part to dredge up all your ancient beefs when they likely are not relevant to this young man’s personal struggles.

Way to cancel the PPs lived experience. Really classy.

Way to cancel their experience! They were happy! Really classy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our kids need help and support. This goes beyond Princeton and the Ivies.
There were 14 deaths in 2023 at NCSU. 7 by suicides!


https://abcnews.go.com/US/challenging-year-north-carolina-state-confronts-spate-student/story?id=99008743

Per capita, Princeton has a much more serious problem with suicides. NC State has 35,000 kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our kids need help and support. This goes beyond Princeton and the Ivies.
There were 14 deaths in 2023 at NCSU. 7 by suicides!


https://abcnews.go.com/US/challenging-year-north-carolina-state-confronts-spate-student/story?id=99008743

Per capita, Princeton has a much more serious problem with suicides. NC State has 35,000 kids.

Gross!

[Anonymous]

I wonder if these suicides skew in the direction of FGLI. The problem is you take kids who are relatively unprepared/unqualified versus peers and toss them into one of the more academically rigorous environments in the U.S. where they struggle/fail. Add to this being a fish out of water socially. Princeton above all other schools has been aggressive about FGLI with 70 pct of students now receiving aid