Which all-girls school has the mean girls

[Anonymous]

For what it is worth I have three kids who have been at at least a dozen schools between them from pre-K through high school, with plenty experience in both public and private. In our experience the public school kids are consistently nicer, less exclusive, and less mean than private. Fortunately we live in an area with great publics, so if I had it to do over, we would go public all the way just to be around nice kids.
I know there are plenty of nice kids in private, but all it takes is a few toxic kids to ruin the culture, and it seems to happen a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For what it is worth I have three kids who have been at at least a dozen schools between them from pre-K through high school, with plenty experience in both public and private. In our experience the public school kids are consistently nicer, less exclusive, and less mean than private. Fortunately we live in an area with great publics, so if I had it to do over, we would go public all the way just to be around nice kids.
I know there are plenty of nice kids in private, but all it takes is a few toxic kids to ruin the culture, and it seems to happen a lot.

Really interesting take. Do the private schools realize what is happening? And why do parents keep the kids there if the environment is toxic?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Holy Cross

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For what it is worth I have three kids who have been at at least a dozen schools between them from pre-K through high school, with plenty experience in both public and private. In our experience the public school kids are consistently nicer, less exclusive, and less mean than private. Fortunately we live in an area with great publics, so if I had it to do over, we would go public all the way just to be around nice kids.
I know there are plenty of nice kids in private, but all it takes is a few toxic kids to ruin the culture, and it seems to happen a lot.

Same experience. I have more than three kids we experienced same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For what it is worth I have three kids who have been at at least a dozen schools between them from pre-K through high school, with plenty experience in both public and private. In our experience the public school kids are consistently nicer, less exclusive, and less mean than private. Fortunately we live in an area with great publics, so if I had it to do over, we would go public all the way just to be around nice kids.
I know there are plenty of nice kids in private, but all it takes is a few toxic kids to ruin the culture, and it seems to happen a lot.

Same experience. I have more than three kids we experienced same.

+3 but we are almost done here so we are sticking it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Holy Cross

+1

Can you elaborate on this? I’ve never spoke with anyone who shared this concern, even family members, so this worries me as someone who has a daughter heading there in the fall.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For what it is worth I have three kids who have been at at least a dozen schools between them from pre-K through high school, with plenty experience in both public and private. In our experience the public school kids are consistently nicer, less exclusive, and less mean than private. Fortunately we live in an area with great publics, so if I had it to do over, we would go public all the way just to be around nice kids.
I know there are plenty of nice kids in private, but all it takes is a few toxic kids to ruin the culture, and it seems to happen a lot.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the moms at STA deserve their own thread. So mean.

Ugh - the worst!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eager to avoid Chevy parents en masse since our family's first exposure at a local preschool. It's hard to imagine their presence wouldn't exacerbate relational bullying.

With that in mind, does this sound like a good list for middle/upper?: GDS, Sheridan, Madeira, WIS, Burke. Welcome any other ideas

It does seem cohort dependent at WIS. I have a lot of friends and neighbors with kids there and recently spent time with a cohort of girls. I was shocked at how cruel they were at such a young age.

GDS for sure is a good bet -- the school works hard to address this specific issue and the families drawn to the school care about inclusiveness and avoiding cliques.

I've heard mixed things about WIS. I think it is cohort dependent. Have some friends with a boy there who is having a tough time but it seems like it might just be the boys in his particular cohort and not necessarily a school wide issue. The population here is obviously more international so I think the culture fluctuates a lot. We know others with kids there who love it.

If the commute is doable for you, I'd take a look at Sandy Spring Friends School. It has a great culture. It is not considered one of the top schools academically but there are plenty of smart kids there. But I know it's not convenient for a lot of families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For what it is worth I have three kids who have been at at least a dozen schools between them from pre-K through high school, with plenty experience in both public and private. In our experience the public school kids are consistently nicer, less exclusive, and less mean than private. Fortunately we live in an area with great publics, so if I had it to do over, we would go public all the way just to be around nice kids.
I know there are plenty of nice kids in private, but all it takes is a few toxic kids to ruin the culture, and it seems to happen a lot.

Really interesting take. Do the private schools realize what is happening? And why do parents keep the kids there if the environment is toxic?

NP but in my experience private school engages with parents who have kids in a bad cohort or situation way more than a public would. It makes you believe it will be ok.

So for example, my kid was bullied by a really specific handful of boys. School assured us up and down that it was being handled and the situation would end and x, y and z steps were in place to ensure it would never happen again. The school year ends quietly, then the next year starts but the same crap starts all over. School says give us time, we’ll handle it differently, blah blah. By then almost two grades can go by before you realize you’re the proverbial frog in a boiling pot. And along the way it’s hard to ignore the social pressure to play nice with other families. At a giant public with 100 kids per grade I could go no-contact with parents of the bullies and walk the other way when I saw them. At a private with no more than 40 per grade, they rely on parents being willing to preserve the fabric of the community and know that no one is going to go scorched earth and risk isolation for their family and kid. Nevermind if you’re approaching a year when you’re applying out and know you’ll need school to go to bat for your kid and their application.

Public is better. Wish we had gone that route even thought it would have required moving somewhere we couldn’t afford at the time.

[Anonymous]

Imagine a bunch of adults getting together and speculating and talking shit about a bunch of teenagers.

Grow up, you are pathetic.

[Anonymous]

As someone who attends one of these schools, I can say that it is SO grade dependent. My daughter in 4th is very happy, but the 6th grade class is a mess - many have left because of bullying. I would apply and then talk to as many people as you can in that specific grade.

[Anonymous]

Same here. DD chose AHC because she felt that the girls were nicer and more genuine that at the other schools she applied/was accepted to.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Holy Cross

+1

Can you elaborate on this? I’ve never spoke with anyone who shared this concern, even family members, so this worries me as someone who has a daughter heading there in the fall.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For what it is worth I have three kids who have been at at least a dozen schools between them from pre-K through high school, with plenty experience in both public and private. In our experience the public school kids are consistently nicer, less exclusive, and less mean than private. Fortunately we live in an area with great publics, so if I had it to do over, we would go public all the way just to be around nice kids.
I know there are plenty of nice kids in private, but all it takes is a few toxic kids to ruin the culture, and it seems to happen a lot.

Really interesting take. Do the private schools realize what is happening? And why do parents keep the kids there if the environment is toxic?

Private school teachers realize this is happening and beg admin to hold kids and their parents accountable. Many admin sway to the loudest parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As someone who attends one of these schools, I can say that it is SO grade dependent. My daughter in 4th is very happy, but the 6th grade class is a mess - many have left because of bullying. I would apply and then talk to as many people as you can in that specific grade.

This is true - it is class dependent. We fled one of these schools because my DD's grade was a nightmare. Very happy with the choice. life is too short