Which all-girls school has the mean girls

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Holton is next level mean girl. So much social pressure to navigate and the best part is that the school claims to care deeply about emotional health.

So odd. I have friends with daughters there and they don't report that. I wonder if it's cohort-specific. What grade(s)?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised to see so much Holton on here. I haven't heard that. Is it based on recent info? Or a few years ago (when I did hear it more)?

No, recent.

The thing about Holton is that if the girl fits certain profiles, she can go straight through with no issues at all. And if she doesn't, it's a nightmare. And the behavior is true, classic relational aggression, not straight up bullying. So for the outsider girls, there's no concrete behavior to point to and say "this is hurtful." Instead, it's just being iced out, pitied, quietly sidelined in activities and classes. There is nothing to fight. You are simply invisible.

It is not an inclusive place. At all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe I’m missing something, but doesn’t every school everywhere have mean girls?

I heard there are none at Landon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Holton
Visi

A few years back Visi had the mean moms but the girls tend to be nice.

[Anonymous]

All of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Holton is next level mean girl. So much social pressure to navigate and the best part is that the school claims to care deeply about emotional health.

So odd. I have friends with daughters there and they don't report that. I wonder if it's cohort-specific. What grade(s)?

Of course they're not telling anyone, they're the ones doing it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised to see so much Holton on here. I haven't heard that. Is it based on recent info? Or a few years ago (when I did hear it more)?

No, recent.

The thing about Holton is that if the girl fits certain profiles, she can go straight through with no issues at all. And if she doesn't, it's a nightmare. And the behavior is true, classic relational aggression, not straight up bullying. So for the outsider girls, there's no concrete behavior to point to and say "this is hurtful." Instead, it's just being iced out, pitied, quietly sidelined in activities and classes. There is nothing to fight. You are simply invisible.

It is not an inclusive place. At all.

What are the “certain profiles”?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know they are almost everywhere, but where is this pervasive?

Obvious answer is: mean girls are at the schools that have the MOST mean moms. Apples do not fall far from the tree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised to see so much Holton on here. I haven't heard that. Is it based on recent info? Or a few years ago (when I did hear it more)?

No, recent.

The thing about Holton is that if the girl fits certain profiles, she can go straight through with no issues at all. And if she doesn't, it's a nightmare. And the behavior is true, classic relational aggression, not straight up bullying. So for the outsider girls, there's no concrete behavior to point to and say "this is hurtful." Instead, it's just being iced out, pitied, quietly sidelined in activities and classes. There is nothing to fight. You are simply invisible.

It is not an inclusive place. At all.

What are the “certain profiles”?

Sporty, outgoing, no academic struggles (does not need to be an academic superstar, but no obvious academic weaknesses, or if she has them, parents are 100% on top of them with tutors and support), on the preppy side (not overly artsy or alternative), parents should be sociable but not overbearing, no known family drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised to see so much Holton on here. I haven't heard that. Is it based on recent info? Or a few years ago (when I did hear it more)?

No, recent.

The thing about Holton is that if the girl fits certain profiles, she can go straight through with no issues at all. And if she doesn't, it's a nightmare. And the behavior is true, classic relational aggression, not straight up bullying. So for the outsider girls, there's no concrete behavior to point to and say "this is hurtful." Instead, it's just being iced out, pitied, quietly sidelined in activities and classes. There is nothing to fight. You are simply invisible.

It is not an inclusive place. At all.

What are the “certain profiles”?

Sporty, outgoing, no academic struggles (does not need to be an academic superstar, but no obvious academic weaknesses, or if she has them, parents are 100% on top of them with tutors and support), on the preppy side (not overly artsy or alternative), parents should be sociable but not overbearing, no known family drama.

Does sporty have to be part of it? (Asking because the school is otherwise a perfect fit for this girl and we don’t have other viable options for various reasons.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised to see so much Holton on here. I haven't heard that. Is it based on recent info? Or a few years ago (when I did hear it more)?

No, recent.

The thing about Holton is that if the girl fits certain profiles, she can go straight through with no issues at all. And if she doesn't, it's a nightmare. And the behavior is true, classic relational aggression, not straight up bullying. So for the outsider girls, there's no concrete behavior to point to and say "this is hurtful." Instead, it's just being iced out, pitied, quietly sidelined in activities and classes. There is nothing to fight. You are simply invisible.

It is not an inclusive place. At all.

What are the “certain profiles”?

Sporty, outgoing, no academic struggles (does not need to be an academic superstar, but no obvious academic weaknesses, or if she has them, parents are 100% on top of them with tutors and support), on the preppy side (not overly artsy or alternative), parents should be sociable but not overbearing, no known family drama.

I wonder why the artsy/alternative/nerdy girls don’t band together and be their own group and just ignore the drama from the preppy ones.

[Anonymous]

I have two girls at Holton. One of them had been bullied (by girls) in her previous (coed) school. No such issues at Holton.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:North Shore High School

You win.

If North Shore were Us Weekly, they’d always be on the cover…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised to see so much Holton on here. I haven't heard that. Is it based on recent info? Or a few years ago (when I did hear it more)?

No, recent.

The thing about Holton is that if the girl fits certain profiles, she can go straight through with no issues at all. And if she doesn't, it's a nightmare. And the behavior is true, classic relational aggression, not straight up bullying. So for the outsider girls, there's no concrete behavior to point to and say "this is hurtful." Instead, it's just being iced out, pitied, quietly sidelined in activities and classes. There is nothing to fight. You are simply invisible.

It is not an inclusive place. At all.

What are the “certain profiles”?

Sporty, outgoing, no academic struggles (does not need to be an academic superstar, but no obvious academic weaknesses, or if she has them, parents are 100% on top of them with tutors and support), on the preppy side (not overly artsy or alternative), parents should be sociable but not overbearing, no known family drama.

I wonder why the artsy/alternative/nerdy girls don’t band together and be their own group and just ignore the drama from the preppy ones.

You can be artsy or nerdy, but not in a way that stands out as too different. You need to be clean cut, dress similarly, you can't be too shy or do anything that could get you labeled as "weird." You can't have obsessive interests, be obviously neurodivergent. Or you can, but you will be ostracized.

To answer another poster, sporty is not a deal breaker but it helps so, so much. You don't have to be a star athlete. But playing at least one sport helps a lot socially, even if your focus is elsewhere.

If you spend any time at the school, you will get a feel for the kind of girl who fits. It is not for everyone. Whereas a school like Madeira or Sandy Springs or GDS is much more broadly accepting of kids who are different or off-beat. My kid was NOT a Holton girl. She's amazing but quirky, hates sports, has several obsessive interests, and she takes a while to warm up to people and then once you know her she has super goofy personality. Holton is a terrible environment for a kid like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised to see so much Holton on here. I haven't heard that. Is it based on recent info? Or a few years ago (when I did hear it more)?

No, recent.

The thing about Holton is that if the girl fits certain profiles, she can go straight through with no issues at all. And if she doesn't, it's a nightmare. And the behavior is true, classic relational aggression, not straight up bullying. So for the outsider girls, there's no concrete behavior to point to and say "this is hurtful." Instead, it's just being iced out, pitied, quietly sidelined in activities and classes. There is nothing to fight. You are simply invisible.

It is not an inclusive place. At all.

What are the “certain profiles”?

Sporty, outgoing, no academic struggles (does not need to be an academic superstar, but no obvious academic weaknesses, or if she has them, parents are 100% on top of them with tutors and support), on the preppy side (not overly artsy or alternative), parents should be sociable but not overbearing, no known family drama.

I wonder why the artsy/alternative/nerdy girls don’t band together and be their own group and just ignore the drama from the preppy ones.

You can be artsy or nerdy, but not in a way that stands out as too different. You need to be clean cut, dress similarly, you can't be too shy or do anything that could get you labeled as "weird." You can't have obsessive interests, be obviously neurodivergent. Or you can, but you will be ostracized.

To answer another poster, sporty is not a deal breaker but it helps so, so much. You don't have to be a star athlete. But playing at least one sport helps a lot socially, even if your focus is elsewhere.

If you spend any time at the school, you will get a feel for the kind of girl who fits. It is not for everyone. Whereas a school like Madeira or Sandy Springs or GDS is much more broadly accepting of kids who are different or off-beat. My kid was NOT a Holton girl. She's amazing but quirky, hates sports, has several obsessive interests, and she takes a while to warm up to people and then once you know her she has super goofy personality. Holton is a terrible environment for a kid like that.

I’m sorry your daughter went through that. I guess it wasn’t clear from her visit day that it would be like that. I hope she landed somewhere she was happier.