Which all-girls school has the mean girls

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As someone who attends one of these schools, I can say that it is SO grade dependent. My daughter in 4th is very happy, but the 6th grade class is a mess - many have left because of bullying. I would apply and then talk to as many people as you can in that specific grade.

You attend and have two kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For what it is worth I have three kids who have been at at least a dozen schools between them from pre-K through high school, with plenty experience in both public and private. In our experience the public school kids are consistently nicer, less exclusive, and less mean than private. Fortunately we live in an area with great publics, so if I had it to do over, we would go public all the way just to be around nice kids.
I know there are plenty of nice kids in private, but all it takes is a few toxic kids to ruin the culture, and it seems to happen a lot.

Or choose the private schools that accept a lot of kids from public schools. It mellows the class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For what it is worth I have three kids who have been at at least a dozen schools between them from pre-K through high school, with plenty experience in both public and private. In our experience the public school kids are consistently nicer, less exclusive, and less mean than private. Fortunately we live in an area with great publics, so if I had it to do over, we would go public all the way just to be around nice kids.
I know there are plenty of nice kids in private, but all it takes is a few toxic kids to ruin the culture, and it seems to happen a lot.

Same experience. I have more than three kids we experienced same.

+3 but we are almost done here so we are sticking it out.

-1 Ask anyone who chose private because of the experience in public school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know they are almost everywhere, but where is this pervasive?

Boys and girls can be equally mean for the record.

We have friends at a variety of private schools in the DC, MD, VA area. The most common theme I hear from friends at all of these schools including ours is that the schools that have a very high percentage of parents that belong to either Chevy or Congo tend to also have a very distinct culture of mean kid/mean parent behavior. Yes, mean parents tend to have mean kids and for whatever reason those families and parents tend to cluster together in a very unhealthy way.

Agree. The 8th grade class at SR has a large number of girls whose families belong to Congo or Chevy. It seems the girls have learned their elitist/exclusive behavior from their moms.

Agree with all of this. Boys can also be very cruel and always get a pass. It seems that in addition to the country club culture, you find especially mean kids in Lacrosse. The kids of both create a culture of exclusivity that usually extends from their parents behavior.


We have heard so many stories about SR but I think a lot of those parents/families all belong to CCC. We also hear and have read on DCUM so many of these families came from NCS and it was the same atmosphere there too. Why do school admit these families knowing fully well about their exclusive behavior? Is it just about the bottom line "Money"?
Also the 10th grade class at SR is chock full of mean girls. Several girls switched schools because the bullying was so bad. Heard the same about 9th and now 8th too, something toxic is going on over there in the SR school culture.

[Anonymous]

We have heard so many stories about SR but I think a lot of those parents/families all belong to CCC. We also hear and have read on DCUM so many of these families came from NCS and it was the same atmosphere there too. Why do school admit these families knowing fully well about their exclusive behavior? Is it just about the bottom line "Money"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Imagine a bunch of adults getting together and speculating and talking shit about a bunch of teenagers.

Grow up, you are pathetic.

If you read the thread, you will see that families with experiences at this school are not talking about individual kids and their behavior, but school culture and the kinds of behaviors families encourage or discourage. It's unfortunate the OP phrased it as they did because it's really not about individual "mean girls" and much more about whether the culture of a school enables classic "mean girl" behavior or not.

The truth is that schools that have problems with this don't just happen to have a bunch of kids who are mean. Rather, they tend to attract families who don't view relational aggression as a bad thing (these are the people who will defend gossip or intentional exclusion as "normal" and "inevitable") and then the school itself caters to these families. Sometimes school personnel will even participate in the behavior, making it much worse -- that was the case in my own HS many years ago, where the athletic director was more interested in his own social standing with some of the most wealthy and influential families at the school with predictable results. He left a few years after I graduated and my younger sibling had a great experience at the school and I know many other families who saw a noticeable shift in the culture after that.

So it's not about criticizing kids or singling any out. Some schools absolutely have more issue with this problem than others, and it's really helpful for families to know which schools might pose issues before applying or accepting a spot. Especially with how expensive schools are these days -- no one wants to pay these sky high tuition rates at a school where your kid might wind up miserable because your family doesn't belong to the right club or something. It's important info for families looking especially at MS and HS admissions in the next few years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Imagine a bunch of adults getting together and speculating and talking shit about a bunch of teenagers.

Grow up, you are pathetic.

If you read the thread, you will see that families with experiences at this school are not talking about individual kids and their behavior, but school culture and the kinds of behaviors families encourage or discourage. It's unfortunate the OP phrased it as they did because it's really not about individual "mean girls" and much more about whether the culture of a school enables classic "mean girl" behavior or not.

The truth is that schools that have problems with this don't just happen to have a bunch of kids who are mean. Rather, they tend to attract families who don't view relational aggression as a bad thing (these are the people who will defend gossip or intentional exclusion as "normal" and "inevitable") and then the school itself caters to these families. Sometimes school personnel will even participate in the behavior, making it much worse -- that was the case in my own HS many years ago, where the athletic director was more interested in his own social standing with some of the most wealthy and influential families at the school with predictable results. He left a few years after I graduated and my younger sibling had a great experience at the school and I know many other families who saw a noticeable shift in the culture after that.

So it's not about criticizing kids or singling any out. Some schools absolutely have more issue with this problem than others, and it's really helpful for families to know which schools might pose issues before applying or accepting a spot. Especially with how expensive schools are these days -- no one wants to pay these sky high tuition rates at a school where your kid might wind up miserable because your family doesn't belong to the right club or something. It's important info for families looking especially at MS and HS admissions in the next few years.

+ 1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Holton is next level mean girl. So much social pressure to navigate and the best part is that the school claims to care deeply about emotional health.

I am surprised to hear this. I have two girls there at different divisions and I have not heard anything of the sort. There were a couple of lemons over the years, standouts for antisocial behavior, but they are gone and were dismissed mid-year. So there are consequences to bad behavior. There are some girls that self proclaim to be popular. They tend to be “fast” and party-focused in high school. Avoiding that crowd is probably not a bad idea. But to each their own. Everyone else has a social life, too, just not as pressured to fit in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

You'd be hard pressed to find a mean girl at Madeira.



Hard-pressed to find a mean girl at Madeira? There are mean girls at Madeira, just not as many as at some schools. Someone is obviously drinking the Madeira Kool-Aid and also smoking something while she drinks.

I dunno, PP. My daughter, who is quite sensitive and has definitely seen mean girl behaviors at her K-8, says that she has absolutely not met any mean girls at Madeira. She is rather in awe of that, actually.

+1. The kindness at Madeira is impressive. Not every girl is best friends, but they treat each other respectfully remarkably consistently for this age cohort. Have experienced the opposite elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

You'd be hard pressed to find a mean girl at Madeira.



Hard-pressed to find a mean girl at Madeira? There are mean girls at Madeira, just not as many as at some schools. Someone is obviously drinking the Madeira Kool-Aid and also smoking something while she drinks.

I dunno, PP. My daughter, who is quite sensitive and has definitely seen mean girl behaviors at her K-8, says that she has absolutely not met any mean girls at Madeira. She is rather in awe of that, actually.

+1. The kindness at Madeira is impressive. Not every girl is best friends, but they treat each other respectfully remarkably consistently for this age cohort. Have experienced the opposite elsewhere.

Madeira doesn't really have a lot of girls in the social scene of the DMV. They are not really part of the social scene. My kids do not know anyone that attends Madeira. It is a very separate world from the DC/MD social scene. That may be a good thing? Not sure but it is difficult to compare.

[Anonymous]

It makes a huge difference when girls come from a variety of places and aren’t caught up in the same country club scene. I’ve heard 7-year-old girls bragging about their memberships and pools!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

You'd be hard pressed to find a mean girl at Madeira.



Hard-pressed to find a mean girl at Madeira? There are mean girls at Madeira, just not as many as at some schools. Someone is obviously drinking the Madeira Kool-Aid and also smoking something while she drinks.

I dunno, PP. My daughter, who is quite sensitive and has definitely seen mean girl behaviors at her K-8, says that she has absolutely not met any mean girls at Madeira. She is rather in awe of that, actually.

+1. The kindness at Madeira is impressive. Not every girl is best friends, but they treat each other respectfully remarkably consistently for this age cohort. Have experienced the opposite elsewhere.

Madeira doesn't really have a lot of girls in the social scene of the DMV. They are not really part of the social scene. My kids do not know anyone that attends Madeira. It is a very separate world from the DC/MD social scene. That may be a good thing? Not sure but it is difficult to compare.

The fact that you mentioned the “social scene” twice while also commenting that your kids don’t know anyone from Madeira is hilarious. I wasn’t aware that 1) there was only one “social scene” in the whole DC area and 2) that it was possible for kids to know everyone in that very same “social scene.” I’m getting the feeling that you belong to one of the country clubs cited upthread. And that your daughter attends one of the schools that have been discussed. And to answer your question as a Madeira mom, your post has confirmed that it is a good thing that Madeira girls may not be a part of this very important and exclusive “social scene” you speak so confidently of.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

You'd be hard pressed to find a mean girl at Madeira.



Hard-pressed to find a mean girl at Madeira? There are mean girls at Madeira, just not as many as at some schools. Someone is obviously drinking the Madeira Kool-Aid and also smoking something while she drinks.

I dunno, PP. My daughter, who is quite sensitive and has definitely seen mean girl behaviors at her K-8, says that she has absolutely not met any mean girls at Madeira. She is rather in awe of that, actually.

+1. The kindness at Madeira is impressive. Not every girl is best friends, but they treat each other respectfully remarkably consistently for this age cohort. Have experienced the opposite elsewhere.

Madeira doesn't really have a lot of girls in the social scene of the DMV. They are not really part of the social scene. My kids do not know anyone that attends Madeira. It is a very separate world from the DC/MD social scene. That may be a good thing? Not sure but it is difficult to compare.

The fact that you mentioned the “social scene” twice while also commenting that your kids don’t know anyone from Madeira is hilarious. I wasn’t aware that 1) there was only one “social scene” in the whole DC area and 2) that it was possible for kids to know everyone in that very same “social scene.” I’m getting the feeling that you belong to one of the country clubs cited upthread. And that your daughter attends one of the schools that have been discussed. And to answer your question as a Madeira mom, your post has confirmed that it is a good thing that Madeira girls may not be a part of this very important and exclusive “social scene” you speak so confidently of.

Actually there is a private school social scene mainly made up of the single sex schools. Not sure why that is but is true and yes Madeira is not part of that. Maybe because geographically they are so far away? They are just not part of it.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s grade dependant too.
Mine is at a K-8 in moco in 7th grade and there are definitely different girl groups. My kid is in the sporty group. They all get on though for the most part.
The grade below, has some mean girls. I’m friends with a teacher there and she’s told me this for the last few years. Her kid is in the grade below.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

You'd be hard pressed to find a mean girl at Madeira.



Hard-pressed to find a mean girl at Madeira? There are mean girls at Madeira, just not as many as at some schools. Someone is obviously drinking the Madeira Kool-Aid and also smoking something while she drinks.

I dunno, PP. My daughter, who is quite sensitive and has definitely seen mean girl behaviors at her K-8, says that she has absolutely not met any mean girls at Madeira. She is rather in awe of that, actually.

+1. The kindness at Madeira is impressive. Not every girl is best friends, but they treat each other respectfully remarkably consistently for this age cohort. Have experienced the opposite elsewhere.

Madeira doesn't really have a lot of girls in the social scene of the DMV. They are not really part of the social scene. My kids do not know anyone that attends Madeira. It is a very separate world from the DC/MD social scene. That may be a good thing? Not sure but it is difficult to compare.

The fact that you mentioned the “social scene” twice while also commenting that your kids don’t know anyone from Madeira is hilarious. I wasn’t aware that 1) there was only one “social scene” in the whole DC area and 2) that it was possible for kids to know everyone in that very same “social scene.” I’m getting the feeling that you belong to one of the country clubs cited upthread. And that your daughter attends one of the schools that have been discussed. And to answer your question as a Madeira mom, your post has confirmed that it is a good thing that Madeira girls may not be a part of this very important and exclusive “social scene” you speak so confidently of.

Actually there is a private school social scene mainly made up of the single sex schools. Not sure why that is but is true and yes Madeira is not part of that. Maybe because geographically they are so far away? They are just not part of it.

So…you are a parent from the schools being discussed as having mean girls or mean moms? Got it.