Which all-girls school has the mean girls

[Anonymous]

There are a ton at all the schools, but many of them are middle-aged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised to see so much Holton on here. I haven't heard that. Is it based on recent info? Or a few years ago (when I did hear it more)?

No, recent.

The thing about Holton is that if the girl fits certain profiles, she can go straight through with no issues at all. And if she doesn't, it's a nightmare. And the behavior is true, classic relational aggression, not straight up bullying. So for the outsider girls, there's no concrete behavior to point to and say "this is hurtful." Instead, it's just being iced out, pitied, quietly sidelined in activities and classes. There is nothing to fight. You are simply invisible.

It is not an inclusive place. At all.

What are the “certain profiles”?

Sporty, outgoing, no academic struggles (does not need to be an academic superstar, but no obvious academic weaknesses, or if she has them, parents are 100% on top of them with tutors and support), on the preppy side (not overly artsy or alternative), parents should be sociable but not overbearing, no known family drama.

My kid is not sporty at all but found her crew fairly quickly and has continued to expand that friend group over the years. She seems comfortable though she's not close to the "popular" kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised to see so much Holton on here. I haven't heard that. Is it based on recent info? Or a few years ago (when I did hear it more)?

No, recent.

The thing about Holton is that if the girl fits certain profiles, she can go straight through with no issues at all. And if she doesn't, it's a nightmare. And the behavior is true, classic relational aggression, not straight up bullying. So for the outsider girls, there's no concrete behavior to point to and say "this is hurtful." Instead, it's just being iced out, pitied, quietly sidelined in activities and classes. There is nothing to fight. You are simply invisible.

It is not an inclusive place. At all.

What are the “certain profiles”?

Sporty, outgoing, no academic struggles (does not need to be an academic superstar, but no obvious academic weaknesses, or if she has them, parents are 100% on top of them with tutors and support), on the preppy side (not overly artsy or alternative), parents should be sociable but not overbearing, no known family drama.

I wonder why the artsy/alternative/nerdy girls don’t band together and be their own group and just ignore the drama from the preppy ones.

You can be artsy or nerdy, but not in a way that stands out as too different. You need to be clean cut, dress similarly, you can't be too shy or do anything that could get you labeled as "weird." You can't have obsessive interests, be obviously neurodivergent. Or you can, but you will be ostracized.

To answer another poster, sporty is not a deal breaker but it helps so, so much. You don't have to be a star athlete. But playing at least one sport helps a lot socially, even if your focus is elsewhere.

If you spend any time at the school, you will get a feel for the kind of girl who fits. It is not for everyone. Whereas a school like Madeira or Sandy Springs or GDS is much more broadly accepting of kids who are different or off-beat. My kid was NOT a Holton girl. She's amazing but quirky, hates sports, has several obsessive interests, and she takes a while to warm up to people and then once you know her she has super goofy personality. Holton is a terrible environment for a kid like that.

I’m sorry your daughter went through that. I guess it wasn’t clear from her visit day that it would be like that. I hope she landed somewhere she was happier.

It's harder for girls who come up from the younger grades. They don't get to choose. If you are looking at the middle or upper school, it's easier to get a sense if a girl will fit.

[Anonymous]

I know, wrong forum, but I haven’t experienced any at public.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised to see so much Holton on here. I haven't heard that. Is it based on recent info? Or a few years ago (when I did hear it more)?

No, recent.

The thing about Holton is that if the girl fits certain profiles, she can go straight through with no issues at all. And if she doesn't, it's a nightmare. And the behavior is true, classic relational aggression, not straight up bullying. So for the outsider girls, there's no concrete behavior to point to and say "this is hurtful." Instead, it's just being iced out, pitied, quietly sidelined in activities and classes. There is nothing to fight. You are simply invisible.

It is not an inclusive place. At all.

What are the “certain profiles”?

Sporty, outgoing, no academic struggles (does not need to be an academic superstar, but no obvious academic weaknesses, or if she has them, parents are 100% on top of them with tutors and support), on the preppy side (not overly artsy or alternative), parents should be sociable but not overbearing, no known family drama.

I wonder why the artsy/alternative/nerdy girls don’t band together and be their own group and just ignore the drama from the preppy ones.

They do.

[Anonymous]

NCS

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised to see so much Holton on here. I haven't heard that. Is it based on recent info? Or a few years ago (when I did hear it more)?

No, recent.

The thing about Holton is that if the girl fits certain profiles, she can go straight through with no issues at all. And if she doesn't, it's a nightmare. And the behavior is true, classic relational aggression, not straight up bullying. So for the outsider girls, there's no concrete behavior to point to and say "this is hurtful." Instead, it's just being iced out, pitied, quietly sidelined in activities and classes. There is nothing to fight. You are simply invisible.

It is not an inclusive place. At all.

This was our experience, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised to see so much Holton on here. I haven't heard that. Is it based on recent info? Or a few years ago (when I did hear it more)?

No, recent.

The thing about Holton is that if the girl fits certain profiles, she can go straight through with no issues at all. And if she doesn't, it's a nightmare. And the behavior is true, classic relational aggression, not straight up bullying. So for the outsider girls, there's no concrete behavior to point to and say "this is hurtful." Instead, it's just being iced out, pitied, quietly sidelined in activities and classes. There is nothing to fight. You are simply invisible.

It is not an inclusive place. At all.

What are the “certain profiles”?

Sporty, outgoing, no academic struggles (does not need to be an academic superstar, but no obvious academic weaknesses, or if she has them, parents are 100% on top of them with tutors and support), on the preppy side (not overly artsy or alternative), parents should be sociable but not overbearing, no known family drama.

My kid is not sporty at all but found her crew fairly quickly and has continued to expand that friend group over the years. She seems comfortable though she's not close to the "popular" kids.

The profile above describes my DD and our family. My DD has multiple friend groups.

She is not part of the popular group but knows the girls in it. As a group, they are not welcoming and keep to themselves. They are not mean and mainly focus on maintaining their popularity. She hasn’t seen them pick on kids outside their group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is no school that has “pervasive” mean girls. The level of mean girl and cliquish behavior is entirely cohort dependent.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are a ton at all the schools, but many of them are middle-aged.

lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know, wrong forum, but I haven’t experienced any at public.

I do think it’s cohort specific. We were lucky to be in a cohort (in private) with a really sweet group of girls. But a cohort a few grades above was less sweet

[Anonymous]

The new sumo wrestling dojo at NCS is absolutely the worst. They make the girls compete on a daily basis. Toughens them up for sure but at what cost?

😢

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NCS

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised to see so much Holton on here. I haven't heard that. Is it based on recent info? Or a few years ago (when I did hear it more)?

No, recent.

The thing about Holton is that if the girl fits certain profiles, she can go straight through with no issues at all. And if she doesn't, it's a nightmare. And the behavior is true, classic relational aggression, not straight up bullying. So for the outsider girls, there's no concrete behavior to point to and say "this is hurtful." Instead, it's just being iced out, pitied, quietly sidelined in activities and classes. There is nothing to fight. You are simply invisible.

It is not an inclusive place. At all.

What are the “certain profiles”?

Sporty, outgoing, no academic struggles (does not need to be an academic superstar, but no obvious academic weaknesses, or if she has them, parents are 100% on top of them with tutors and support), on the preppy side (not overly artsy or alternative), parents should be sociable but not overbearing, no known family drama.

I wonder why the artsy/alternative/nerdy girls don’t band together and be their own group and just ignore the drama from the preppy ones.

They do. I think pp is very focused on the group excluding her daughter but there are lots of different social groups. My daughter is more like what you described and has a solid group of friends at another girls school.

[Anonymous]

This is very personality driven and thus waxes and wanes by class. Hard to predict which school will be worse in any given year.