S/O - Why does DCUM hate this kind of woman so much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Many women play by the rules and have spent a lifetime trying to be a “good girl” and a “good woman” by studying hard, becoming well-read and attempting to be the antithesis of a bimbo/low-quality woman. They aim to be attractive and well-groomed without flashy overconsumption. Years of effort trying to be kind, fair, honest and at least a little bit of a feminist. So, they are mildly irritated when vapid or women with différèrent priorities don’t play by the rules and seem to thrive. These good women realize that high value men (and maybe even their husbands) admire these glossy sorts who flirt and are probably bad cooks/mothers/friends and it just doesn’t seem FAIR.

See everyone? JEALOUSY. Extreme jealousy. Based on imagining all kinds of things out of personal insecurity.

Yes, someone said it was jealousy, just like you did. Congratulations.

Maybe it's important to both of you for all the other people who don't like you to be jealous of you, not just find you unenviable. Okay. Sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Spinoff from this thread in Beauty and Fashion.

TL/DR - A woman is miffed that her recently laid off cousin showed up at Thanksgiving looking nice. Too nice. She cites the woman's Cartier Love bracelet and VCA necklace as evidence that the cousin was obnoxiously "dripping" in designer goods. Posters rightly pointed out that the woman only had a few designer items on and OP likely only noticed them because she was jealous and wanted them herself. Shockingly, OP has not returned. (https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1242233.page)

But here's what I'm really curious about. Someone posted this:

This may be an unpopular opinion but I like basic rich suburban mom style. It’s not me but give me a highlighted hair, nails done, lulu wearing soccer mom with Cartier bangles and a van cleef arpel necklace any day. You know it’s not unique and you don’t feel like you need to prove you are interesting with what you are wearing. I say, get it girl. Grab your neverfull and pick up those kiddos from soccer practice.

Why does DCUM hate this woman so much? I think the whole "I prefer a WASPier aesthetic" thing is just pretext. Because she's happy to lean in to conventional design aesthetics? Is it because this woman is competition for higher value men? I just don't get it.

I thought this woman was all of us. Except apparently some of us have horses instead of bags and bracelets.

[Anonymous]

Horsey people are a different beast entirely, and there's a lot of quirk accepted there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Many women play by the rules and have spent a lifetime trying to be a “good girl” and a “good woman” by studying hard, becoming well-read and attempting to be the antithesis of a bimbo/low-quality woman. They aim to be attractive and well-groomed without flashy overconsumption. Years of effort trying to be kind, fair, honest and at least a little bit of a feminist. So, they are mildly irritated when vapid or women with différèrent priorities don’t play by the rules and seem to thrive. These good women realize that high value men (and maybe even their husbands) admire these glossy sorts who flirt and are probably bad cooks/mothers/friends and it just doesn’t seem FAIR.

Oh man, you just don't get it. I, for one, absolutely know that the men who value this would not be happy with me, and I would not be happy in a relationship with them. That just would not be in the realm of thriving for me. Whether other women are able to be happy with them has nothing to do with "FAIRness" regarding me.

I get that the idea that others are jealous and resentful of them is really, really important to some women posting here. That's interesting.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think anyone hates this woman.
People have strong reactions to situations where the person is obviously looking to be perceived a certain way but lacking in any subtleties. So the neverfull/ cartier love bracelet/ lulu is one or the person who posts on instagram from business class or associated lounge or the white Lexus basic b****h etc etc. these women are a click above the juicy velour sweatpants of yore.
I think people prefer ‘originals’. People who find a way to forge a new path, march to the beat of their own drum etc. they don’t hate the basic mom but they scorn her obvious attempts to ‘buy’ social capital instead of just being a badass person in her own right

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ETA - I posted this in Relationships because I would also love to get a male perspective.

Male here, since you asked. Cartier bangles and van clef necklace, WTF is that ? I don’t even look at hair, it’s all about T&A. That’s all any hetro man is thinking about. And if your wearing LuLu, better not be fat.

Lies. Men look at hair and we all know it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Horsey people are a different beast entirely, and there's a lot of quirk accepted there.

I have major trailer envy though. I don’t mind admitting it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Horsey people are a different beast entirely, and there's a lot of quirk accepted there.

I have major trailer envy though. I don’t mind admitting it.

There's a lot to envy.

[Anonymous]

PS: But don't horse people mostly welcome other people who want to join? The more people who are into horses, and thus the more horses, the better.

I get the sense that horse people would be just fine if everyone became a horse person. No problem there -- it's not an identity that relies on an out group to establish the in group. It just isn't that, at its core.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think anyone hates this woman.
People have strong reactions to situations where the person is obviously looking to be perceived a certain way but lacking in any subtleties. So the neverfull/ cartier love bracelet/ lulu is one or the person who posts on instagram from business class or associated lounge or the white Lexus basic b****h etc etc. these women are a click above the juicy velour sweatpants of yore.
I think people prefer ‘originals’. People who find a way to forge a new path, march to the beat of their own drum etc. they don’t hate the basic mom but they scorn her obvious attempts to ‘buy’ social capital instead of just being a badass person in her own right

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Horsey people are a different beast entirely, and there's a lot of quirk accepted there.

I bought a samshield even though I know it’s dumb so I’m not here to shade anyone’s handbag choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PS: But don't horse people mostly welcome other people who want to join? The more people who are into horses, and thus the more horses, the better.

I get the sense that horse people would be just fine if everyone became a horse person. No problem there -- it's not an identity that relies on an out group to establish the in group. It just isn't that, at its core.

Yes but also no, because the h/j industry relies on people spending a ton of money and one of the ways you get people to spend a ton of money is you make them want to buy their way into an in group. So sure, if you just want to take lessons and muck around locally it’s going to be welcoming. But if you want little Suzie to make it to medal finals and you’ve told the trainer you have a max budget that lower than he/she thinks you can really spend, things might get icy cold. That’s a sales tactic and not one I approve of but it happens a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think anyone hates this woman.
People have strong reactions to situations where the person is obviously looking to be perceived a certain way but lacking in any subtleties. So the neverfull/ cartier love bracelet/ lulu is one or the person who posts on instagram from business class or associated lounge or the white Lexus basic b****h etc etc. these women are a click above the juicy velour sweatpants of yore.
I think people prefer ‘originals’. People who find a way to forge a new path, march to the beat of their own drum etc. they don’t hate the basic mom but they scorn her obvious attempts to ‘buy’ social capital instead of just being a badass person in her own right

+1, it's not hate, it's an eyeroll.

Hate is a strong emotion and I think that gets reserved for someone with a strong personality. It's hard to have a strong personality when you are just following the crowd.

[Anonymous]

That original thread was about women who wear obvious status symbols — designer bags and belts and jewelry that “if you know you know” and is meant to exhibit a certain amount of wealth and status.

I don’t hate those types but feel sorry for them. They obviously feel like they need to prove something to someone by wearing something that is recognizable as wealthy. Even worse are those who buy those things off somewhere like dhgate… (there’s a whole thing on TikTok right now about two sisters who were bragging about all the designer stuff they got for Christmas being called out for it being fake). What exactly are the trying to prove and to whom? Why are they wasting their money on that crap?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That original thread was about women who wear obvious status symbols — designer bags and belts and jewelry that “if you know you know” and is meant to exhibit a certain amount of wealth and status.

I don’t hate those types but feel sorry for them. They obviously feel like they need to prove something to someone by wearing something that is recognizable as wealthy. Even worse are those who buy those things off somewhere like dhgate… (there’s a whole thing on TikTok right now about two sisters who were bragging about all the designer stuff they got for Christmas being called out for it being fake). What exactly are the trying to prove and to whom? Why are they wasting their money on that crap?

+1