Enough is enough with the redshirting!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What? My fourth grader won’t be ten until next summer. He’d be so embarrassed to be going into THIRD grade as a ten year old. What is the point of this?

OP didn’t say they were going into third grade as a 10 yo. OP said that in December, more than 3 months into the year, they were 10 yo. They were only held back 1 year, which isn’t that big a difference.

It’s only a year but it’s a big gap in elementary.

It’s not only a year though. Let’s be generous and say this kid turned ten today. They’re still 20 months older than kids who are supposed to be in that grade. It’s absurd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Strange how it seems so many of you don’t understand how cutoff dates are arbitrary. There will always be someone on the edge of the cutoff who will either be the oldest or the youngest. Whining about how it’s not fair serves no purpose and doesn’t even make logical sense.

Maybe you would feel different if your own kid was having issues that were caused by people holding their kids back. If your kid can start but you hold back then you are gaming the system in order to benefit your own child at the expense of parents who didn’t play games like that. That is inherently unfair.

And maybe you would feel different if your kid was having issues that cause you to hold back, issues that aren’t obvious and are private not shared with the other parents.

If it’s not obvious, then how big of an issue could it be?

Do you see every kids report card?

Do they give report cards in preschool when you are making the decision to send on time or hold back?

I got a progress report and talked about skills at my preschool conferences. How many letters, numbers they could name, write, identify, etc. What did you talk about at yours?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Strange how it seems so many of you don’t understand how cutoff dates are arbitrary. There will always be someone on the edge of the cutoff who will either be the oldest or the youngest. Whining about how it’s not fair serves no purpose and doesn’t even make logical sense.

Maybe you would feel different if your own kid was having issues that were caused by people holding their kids back. If your kid can start but you hold back then you are gaming the system in order to benefit your own child at the expense of parents who didn’t play games like that. That is inherently unfair.

And maybe you would feel different if your kid was having issues that cause you to hold back, issues that aren’t obvious and are private not shared with the other parents.

If it’s not obvious, then how big of an issue could it be?

Do you see every kids report card?

If it can be “seen” on a report card, then I personally would figure out a way to get to the bottom of whatever was getting in my child’s way, not bury my head in the sand, hold them back, and pretend that will make the disability or deficit or what have you go away on its own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What? My fourth grader won’t be ten until next summer. He’d be so embarrassed to be going into THIRD grade as a ten year old. What is the point of this?

OP didn’t say they were going into third grade as a 10 yo. OP said that in December, more than 3 months into the year, they were 10 yo. They were only held back 1 year, which isn’t that big a difference.

It’s only a year but it’s a big gap in elementary.

It’s not only a year though. Let’s be generous and say this kid turned ten today. They’re still 20 months older than kids who are supposed to be in that grade. It’s absurd.

Not the case for the 3rd grade but imagine 7th grade.. at a try out for something. They may get a spot on a team with that 20 month advantage and I think for some people, they see it as taking away the sport from the kid who is 20 months younger and “should” be in that grade. I know not everyone agrees with this idea, but I think 20 months can make a difference in athletics. Older kids tend to be more coordinate or bigger for the most part. Or at least more coordinate and bigger than they were when they were 20 months younger. It can make or break it for some kids.

[Anonymous]

We have a friend who teaches fifth grade and she has talked about having older girls get their period in fifth grade. This was not something she was expecting to deal with in elementary school. It gets a little weird when some kids are going through puberty and for others it is still several years down the line. Girls playing with Barbies and those who are interested in boys and dating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a friend who teaches fifth grade and she has talked about having older girls get their period in fifth grade. This was not something she was expecting to deal with in elementary school. It gets a little weird when some kids are going through puberty and for others it is still several years down the line. Girls playing with Barbies and those who are interested in boys and dating.

The girl dynamics extend to crushes on boys and mean girl dynamics. You can absolutely tell who is older in the grade.

As someone with a kid who is the youngest in her grade but academically advanced, you tend to see the gap with a younger kid not being able to sit and focus for as long, struggle to follow multi step instructions, and navigate social disagreements. When many kids in a grade are redshirted, expectations for the group go up and kids who started on time look like outliers. They end up in trouble for age appropriate behaviors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are two ten year olds in my child’s third grade class. When will a school draw a line with this?

So they'd have Oct-Dec birthday in 2014? That's 11-9 months older than the oldest regular 3rd grader. My son had one in his class, the kid was fine except a little better at sports/leadership esp during recess, which was the daily social life of DS. But I think if they misbehave, they'd misbehave even without being redshirted.

Yes. This is OP. We expected summer redshirts but we did not expect this. It’s gotten so out of hand.

Why is it “getting” out of hand? It’s 3rd grade now. Haven’t the peers stayed the same since kindergarten? Either change schools or make the best of it. Are you also the poster constantly agitating about the basketball team that is by grade and is a constant source of frustration for you?

They aren’t true peers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Strange how it seems so many of you don’t understand how cutoff dates are arbitrary. There will always be someone on the edge of the cutoff who will either be the oldest or the youngest. Whining about how it’s not fair serves no purpose and doesn’t even make logical sense.

Maybe you would feel different if your own kid was having issues that were caused by people holding their kids back. If your kid can start but you hold back then you are gaming the system in order to benefit your own child at the expense of parents who didn’t play games like that. That is inherently unfair.

And maybe you would feel different if your kid was having issues that cause you to hold back, issues that aren’t obvious and are private not shared with the other parents.

If it’s not obvious, then how big of an issue could it be?

Do you see every kids report card?

Do they give report cards in preschool when you are making the decision to send on time or hold back?

I got a progress report and talked about skills at my preschool conferences. How many letters, numbers they could name, write, identify, etc. What did you talk about at yours?

Our play-based preschool did nothing of the sort. They did not work on letters or numbers at all. They discussed things like how they contributed to discussions, worked with peers, followed directions, engaged at circle time, activities they enjoyed or disliked, emotional temperament.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Strange how it seems so many of you don’t understand how cutoff dates are arbitrary. There will always be someone on the edge of the cutoff who will either be the oldest or the youngest. Whining about how it’s not fair serves no purpose and doesn’t even make logical sense.

Maybe you would feel different if your own kid was having issues that were caused by people holding their kids back. If your kid can start but you hold back then you are gaming the system in order to benefit your own child at the expense of parents who didn’t play games like that. That is inherently unfair.

And maybe you would feel different if your kid was having issues that cause you to hold back, issues that aren’t obvious and are private not shared with the other parents.

If it’s not obvious, then how big of an issue could it be?

Do you see every kids report card?

Do they give report cards in preschool when you are making the decision to send on time or hold back?

I got a progress report and talked about skills at my preschool conferences. How many letters, numbers they could name, write, identify, etc. What did you talk about at yours?

Preschools are not good predictors. My young for the grade was reading by age three. We and the preschool worked on academics. Most don’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Strange how it seems so many of you don’t understand how cutoff dates are arbitrary. There will always be someone on the edge of the cutoff who will either be the oldest or the youngest. Whining about how it’s not fair serves no purpose and doesn’t even make logical sense.

I agree with you that cutoff dates are arbitrary and there will always be kids who are oldest/youngest. I disagree with you that the current ability to ignore the published cutoffs and choose a different grade for your child is necessary or fair. In some school systems, the cutoffs are hard and you cannot redshirt, ensuring the age spread within a grade remains 12 months. I wish this were our rule because I think it’s a better and more fair system. People are allowed to want this and work toward its implementation. You’re allowed to prefer the current rules. You don’t need to accuse people of misunderstanding or act pedantic when people have an opinion different from yours.

So you think it’s “fair” to not allow kids to be held back (for example) even if academically they’re not ready for the next grade?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Strange how it seems so many of you don’t understand how cutoff dates are arbitrary. There will always be someone on the edge of the cutoff who will either be the oldest or the youngest. Whining about how it’s not fair serves no purpose and doesn’t even make logical sense.

Maybe you would feel different if your own kid was having issues that were caused by people holding their kids back. If your kid can start but you hold back then you are gaming the system in order to benefit your own child at the expense of parents who didn’t play games like that. That is inherently unfair.

And maybe you would feel different if your kid was having issues that cause you to hold back, issues that aren’t obvious and are private not shared with the other parents.

If it’s not obvious, then how big of an issue could it be?

Maybe it’s not obvious because the kid is now in an appropriate grade? I mean, duh?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are two ten year olds in my child’s third grade class. When will a school draw a line with this?

So they'd have Oct-Dec birthday in 2014? That's 11-9 months older than the oldest regular 3rd grader. My son had one in his class, the kid was fine except a little better at sports/leadership esp during recess, which was the daily social life of DS. But I think if they misbehave, they'd misbehave even without being redshirted.

Yes. This is OP. We expected summer redshirts but we did not expect this. It’s gotten so out of hand.

Why is it “getting” out of hand? It’s 3rd grade now. Haven’t the peers stayed the same since kindergarten? Either change schools or make the best of it. Are you also the poster constantly agitating about the basketball team that is by grade and is a constant source of frustration for you?

We have room for everyone on our schools sports team because it’s no cut but it is by grade so the oldest kids tend to be best. Which is fine, just annoying. They definitely let everyone know they are better too. It’s all fine, I would just describe it as annoying since many people use it as a tool to have an advantage in team sports and don’t really have a reason.

Here’s a hot take on the sports advantage issue: if having a few older kids on the team makes a big difference to whether or not your kid plays, your kid isn’t that good anyway, so who cares?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Strange how it seems so many of you don’t understand how cutoff dates are arbitrary. There will always be someone on the edge of the cutoff who will either be the oldest or the youngest. Whining about how it’s not fair serves no purpose and doesn’t even make logical sense.

I agree with you that cutoff dates are arbitrary and there will always be kids who are oldest/youngest. I disagree with you that the current ability to ignore the published cutoffs and choose a different grade for your child is necessary or fair. In some school systems, the cutoffs are hard and you cannot redshirt, ensuring the age spread within a grade remains 12 months. I wish this were our rule because I think it’s a better and more fair system. People are allowed to want this and work toward its implementation. You’re allowed to prefer the current rules. You don’t need to accuse people of misunderstanding or act pedantic when people have an opinion different from yours.

So you think it’s “fair” to not allow kids to be held back (for example) even if academically they’re not ready for the next grade?

It’s fair. By all means do what you want for your kid. It can just be annoying for those who are at a disadvantage being younger. It’s just going to be harder all the way through with sports and even college admissions. This year is going to be tough with more kids overall and older, more mature kids. That’s all. It is a bit of an annoyance when your own kid is going to have to keep up with that and opportunities are harder to get. It’s not the end of the world. I just adjust my expectations and help them adjust theirs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are two ten year olds in my child’s third grade class. When will a school draw a line with this?

So they'd have Oct-Dec birthday in 2014? That's 11-9 months older than the oldest regular 3rd grader. My son had one in his class, the kid was fine except a little better at sports/leadership esp during recess, which was the daily social life of DS. But I think if they misbehave, they'd misbehave even without being redshirted.

Yes. This is OP. We expected summer redshirts but we did not expect this. It’s gotten so out of hand.

Why is it “getting” out of hand? It’s 3rd grade now. Haven’t the peers stayed the same since kindergarten? Either change schools or make the best of it. Are you also the poster constantly agitating about the basketball team that is by grade and is a constant source of frustration for you?

We have room for everyone on our schools sports team because it’s no cut but it is by grade so the oldest kids tend to be best. Which is fine, just annoying. They definitely let everyone know they are better too. It’s all fine, I would just describe it as annoying since many people use it as a tool to have an advantage in team sports and don’t really have a reason.

Here’s a hot take on the sports advantage issue: if having a few older kids on the team makes a big difference to whether or not your kid plays, your kid isn’t that good anyway, so who cares?

It’s not a few, it’s half. I said that in an earliest post. Half are a year older so the younger kid has to be better than kids older to play. Your comment is rude and it’s actually just wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Strange how it seems so many of you don’t understand how cutoff dates are arbitrary. There will always be someone on the edge of the cutoff who will either be the oldest or the youngest. Whining about how it’s not fair serves no purpose and doesn’t even make logical sense.

I agree with you that cutoff dates are arbitrary and there will always be kids who are oldest/youngest. I disagree with you that the current ability to ignore the published cutoffs and choose a different grade for your child is necessary or fair. In some school systems, the cutoffs are hard and you cannot redshirt, ensuring the age spread within a grade remains 12 months. I wish this were our rule because I think it’s a better and more fair system. People are allowed to want this and work toward its implementation. You’re allowed to prefer the current rules. You don’t need to accuse people of misunderstanding or act pedantic when people have an opinion different from yours.

So you think it’s “fair” to not allow kids to be held back (for example) even if academically they’re not ready for the next grade?

It’s fair. By all means do what you want for your kid. It can just be annoying for those who are at a disadvantage being younger. It’s just going to be harder all the way through with sports and even college admissions. This year is going to be tough with more kids overall and older, more mature kids. That’s all. It is a bit of an annoyance when your own kid is going to have to keep up with that and opportunities are harder to get. It’s not the end of the world. I just adjust my expectations and help them adjust theirs.

If you don't think your kid can "compete" you are welcome to hold him/her back. Stop worrying about what other parents are doing.