SN parents, why don’t you disclose or share?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's kind of cute, OP, that you seem to think that once you have the parents disclose whatever diagnosis/es to you that somehow you will have all the information to make this kid comfortable and will know how to act/respond in every situation with that kid.

It's not like all autistic people come with a set list of "triggers" and once you know them you can avoid meltdowns, rudeness, etc.

To be fair OP specifically did not ask for diagnoses.

But yeah as a parent of an ASD kid no I do not have the secret key to avoiding meltdowns or rudeness. DC's demands are often unpredictable. If you're only willing to help with childcare for a well behaved child, then I'd suggest not offering to help again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's kind of cute, OP, that you seem to think that once you have the parents disclose whatever diagnosis/es to you that somehow you will have all the information to make this kid comfortable and will know how to act/respond in every situation with that kid.

It's not like all autistic people come with a set list of "triggers" and once you know them you can avoid meltdowns, rudeness, etc.

+100. I had to pick up my friend’s kid on the spectrum from camp once and I still had to really wing it to even get him to agree to come with me. I knew this kid and mom very very well. There’s no manual!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I’m surprised at so many harsh replies to the OP, many of which seem to be reading an ill intent into the post which I do not think was present.

Maybe not ill intent but certainly (ironically) quite clueless about the import of coming to the SN parents board to complain about SN parents. Despite people repeatedly telling her there likely were no magic tricks the family could give her, encouraging her to discuss with the family, she still believes they are hiding some key information from her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

A lot of parents will be cruel, will decide the end the friendship, will judge, will talk behind our backs.



The bolded part has been our experience, with at-the-time moms' friends (who I add are no longer friends).

This has been our experience too, even when I have asked for nothing for either of my kids, who were always on best behavior at other people's houses. The number of people who want any special needs kids FAR AWAY from them and their own children is significant, and you cannot always tell who harbors these prejudices. I learned the hard way that my friends who were SN teachers were often the worst. These days I don't discuss the particulars of my kids diagnoses unless it's with a school or doctor. I'm sick of watching my kids be mistreated.

[Anonymous]

I’m actually glad that OP posted this really clueless thread because it gives insight into all those calls from school relaying whatever it is my kid did. Every time I’m perplexed, like, “I not actually at school - I can’t solve that problem for you. I would if I could!” People must authentically believe we know or maybe authentically believe they are entitled to an apology from the parents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m actually glad that OP posted this really clueless thread because it gives insight into all those calls from school relaying whatever it is my kid did. Every time I’m perplexed, like, “I not actually at school - I can’t solve that problem for you. I would if I could!” People must authentically believe we know or maybe authentically believe they are entitled to an apology from the parents?

Yes. This. Thank you for putting it so succinctly.

[Anonymous]

I have a differnt take. I'm glad OP asked. At least she is asking verusus telling us that they just need to be disciplineld more or some lavendar essential oil to save the day.

That's waht I want--genuine curiousity to work together. I don't think OP thinks that a magic bullet exists--just some insight.

I am shocked that others took such offense.

[Anonymous]

Because OP it's a private matter, the diagnosis of which (which changes through the years) belongs only to my DCs. Any SN health professional could have told you this before your intemperate and judgmental post

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a differnt take. I'm glad OP asked. At least she is asking verusus telling us that they just need to be disciplineld more or some lavendar essential oil to save the day.

That's waht I want--genuine curiousity to work together. I don't think OP thinks that a magic bullet exists--just some insight.

I am shocked that others took such offense.

because OP keeps on complaining about the parents and repeatedly accusing them of knowingly withholding information

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because OP it's a private matter, the diagnosis of which (which changes through the years) belongs only to my DCs. Any SN health professional could have told you this before your intemperate and judgmental post

+1. Because it's none of your business, OP

[Anonymous]

I like to know the food preferences of my guests (adult or child, SN or not). If they can't or won't tell that's okay, but I would still feel bad if they didn't like anything I offered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, have you asked them?

Just know they also may feel unsure how to discuss.

Did I miss if OP answered this? I was just scanning through and see OP said "I can't ask...."

Why not?

"Hey, we enjoyed having larla over, but things didn't go so as smoothly as possible with the snacks and the XYZ. Can you give me some tips for next time? I want to make sure she feels welcome and comfortable here."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, have you asked them?

Just know they also may feel unsure how to discuss.

Did I miss if OP answered this? I was just scanning through and see OP said "I can't ask...."

Why not?

"Hey, we enjoyed having larla over, but things didn't go so as smoothly as possible with the snacks and the XYZ. Can you give me some tips for next time? I want to make sure she feels welcome and comfortable here."

they answered but she thinks they’re lying or something