SN parents, why don’t you disclose or share?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP it sounds like your concern relates to one family so why are you making it about all SN families?

I’m not making it about “all” families. We have families in our life that do disclose. I am trying to understand why parents may not, when it would only help the situation. We are always flexible and kind with this kid, and I feel a very flexible and kind home. I am asking ALL parents because I would like different insights. Everyone has a different story. Is that so wrong?

because it’s not anyone’s business!! it’s my kids private medical information. do you feel the need to disclose your own child’s medical issues? for example when she starts to hit puberty will you tell people - “Sorry, Larla is hormonal and on her period!” when she is cranky?

It does become others’ business when you interact with them. And really, comparing SN diagnoses to PMS. Are you a SN parent?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP it sounds like your concern relates to one family so why are you making it about all SN families?

While hers might sound like it, we know it's about many families. There are many more who ignore it all.
We had that happen in extended family. We knew a person over a decade and nobody says a word. When life got hard, it got really hard for them, and nobody knew why. Too late now.
Don't want to know or want to hide, keep them safe. Others can't do it without some of that information.

NP. Knowing some letters would not have made anything easier except your curiosity.

For the OP, kids are different in different situations and environments. It's quite possible that the family doesn't know what information you would have liked to have, either because it's not an issue at home or it's not an issue for them.

When soothing the kid, she said she only eats X. Ever. When I asked the parents, they did confirm but also said they didn’t know why she was being so picky. Of course she is more selective on comfort foods in a different environment. To me, this was such an easy solution.

This was the path of discovery for many things over the week. I don’t care if it’s labeled a quirk or an SN, i just want kid to have a good time here if i am tasked with watching her as a favor. 12+ hours out of my week, and my child’s is a lot and we deserve the kindness of understanding. We can be empathetic but we could also be armed to help reduce the stressors that made everyone uncomfortable.

I guess what gets me is meeting this kid for a few minutes, you see that she is very particular. We adore her anyways and want her in our
Lives. I just wish the parents knew that we are actually here to help, but that help requires a meeting of truth. Finding out her “things” when they are stressors isn’t my job.

No OP, nobody owes you their child’s personal medical details. If you don’t want the child at your house just say so. And for the child, if you actually care, having her speak for herself to you is actually good for her. You seem to think the parents confessing “she’s autistic” w open some magic door. It’s a weird belief.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP it sounds like your concern relates to one family so why are you making it about all SN families?

I’m not making it about “all” families. We have families in our life that do disclose. I am trying to understand why parents may not, when it would only help the situation. We are always flexible and kind with this kid, and I feel a very flexible and kind home. I am asking ALL parents because I would like different insights. Everyone has a different story. Is that so wrong?

And I am NOT saying I need particulars like dx - I just would like to know that she needs x,y,z. Or sometimes x,y,z happens. We have seen this kid in full meltdown when her bike “doesn’t go the right way” and I get it. Just tell
Me she needs x brand of chips in x flavor so I can make the evening easier on her and on my kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP it sounds like your concern relates to one family so why are you making it about all SN families?

I’m not making it about “all” families. We have families in our life that do disclose. I am trying to understand why parents may not, when it would only help the situation. We are always flexible and kind with this kid, and I feel a very flexible and kind home. I am asking ALL parents because I would like different insights. Everyone has a different story. Is that so wrong?

because it’s not anyone’s business!! it’s my kids private medical information. do you feel the need to disclose your own child’s medical issues? for example when she starts to hit puberty will you tell people - “Sorry, Larla is hormonal and on her period!” when she is cranky?

It does become others’ business when you interact with them. And really, comparing SN diagnoses to PMS. Are you a SN parent?

Of course I am. It’s literally nobody’s business what my kid is diagnosed with unless they are his therapist. I also find that most (normal) parents don’t actually want to know. It’s just the few who want to make themselves feel better about their own kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP it sounds like your concern relates to one family so why are you making it about all SN families?

I’m not making it about “all” families. We have families in our life that do disclose. I am trying to understand why parents may not, when it would only help the situation. We are always flexible and kind with this kid, and I feel a very flexible and kind home. I am asking ALL parents because I would like different insights. Everyone has a different story. Is that so wrong?

And I am NOT saying I need particulars like dx - I just would like to know that she needs x,y,z. Or sometimes x,y,z happens. We have seen this kid in full meltdown when her bike “doesn’t go the right way” and I get it. Just tell
Me she needs x brand of chips in x flavor so I can make the evening easier on her and on my kid.

Nobody actually knows that though OP. There’s not a secret instruction manual you aren’t getting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP it sounds like your concern relates to one family so why are you making it about all SN families?

I’m not making it about “all” families. We have families in our life that do disclose. I am trying to understand why parents may not, when it would only help the situation. We are always flexible and kind with this kid, and I feel a very flexible and kind home. I am asking ALL parents because I would like different insights. Everyone has a different story. Is that so wrong?

because it’s not anyone’s business!! it’s my kids private medical information. do you feel the need to disclose your own child’s medical issues? for example when she starts to hit puberty will you tell people - “Sorry, Larla is hormonal and on her period!” when she is cranky?

It does become others’ business when you interact with them. And really, comparing SN diagnoses to PMS. Are you a SN parent?

DP. It's better than the "diabetes" comparison...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP it sounds like your concern relates to one family so why are you making it about all SN families?

I’m not making it about “all” families. We have families in our life that do disclose. I am trying to understand why parents may not, when it would only help the situation. We are always flexible and kind with this kid, and I feel a very flexible and kind home. I am asking ALL parents because I would like different insights. Everyone has a different story. Is that so wrong?

And I am NOT saying I need particulars like dx - I just would like to know that she needs x,y,z. Or sometimes x,y,z happens. We have seen this kid in full meltdown when her bike “doesn’t go the right way” and I get it. Just tell
Me she needs x brand of chips in x flavor so I can make the evening easier on her and on my kid.

Nobody actually knows that though OP. There’s not a secret instruction manual you aren’t getting.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP it sounds like your concern relates to one family so why are you making it about all SN families?

I’m not making it about “all” families. We have families in our life that do disclose. I am trying to understand why parents may not, when it would only help the situation. We are always flexible and kind with this kid, and I feel a very flexible and kind home. I am asking ALL parents because I would like different insights. Everyone has a different story. Is that so wrong?

because it’s not anyone’s business!! it’s my kids private medical information. do you feel the need to disclose your own child’s medical issues? for example when she starts to hit puberty will you tell people - “Sorry, Larla is hormonal and on her period!” when she is cranky?

It does become others’ business when you interact with them. And really, comparing SN diagnoses to PMS. Are you a SN parent?

DP. It's better than the "diabetes" comparison...

Huh? With diabetes you actually do have to disclose if there are dietary issues. Obviously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP it sounds like your concern relates to one family so why are you making it about all SN families?

While hers might sound like it, we know it's about many families. There are many more who ignore it all.
We had that happen in extended family. We knew a person over a decade and nobody says a word. When life got hard, it got really hard for them, and nobody knew why. Too late now.
Don't want to know or want to hide, keep them safe. Others can't do it without some of that information.

NP. Knowing some letters would not have made anything easier except your curiosity.

For the OP, kids are different in different situations and environments. It's quite possible that the family doesn't know what information you would have liked to have, either because it's not an issue at home or it's not an issue for them.

When soothing the kid, she said she only eats X. Ever. When I asked the parents, they did confirm but also said they didn’t know why she was being so picky. Of course she is more selective on comfort foods in a different environment. To me, this was such an easy solution.

This was the path of discovery for many things over the week. I don’t care if it’s labeled a quirk or an SN, i just want kid to have a good time here if i am tasked with watching her as a favor. 12+ hours out of my week, and my child’s is a lot and we deserve the kindness of understanding. We can be empathetic but we could also be armed to help reduce the stressors that made everyone uncomfortable.

I guess what gets me is meeting this kid for a few minutes, you see that she is very particular. We adore her anyways and want her in our
Lives. I just wish the parents knew that we are actually here to help, but that help requires a meeting of truth. Finding out her “things” when they are stressors isn’t my job.

No OP, nobody owes you their child’s personal medical details. If you don’t want the child at your house just say so. And for the child, if you actually care, having her speak for herself to you is actually good for her. You seem to think the parents confessing “she’s autistic” w open some magic door. It’s a weird belief.

I think I said in my OP that I don’t need a diagnosis. What I need is to know her particular “quirks” so it makes it a safe and happy environment for her, my kid, and me. But I keep finding out things that would have made things so much easier had I known them before this all started. I truly don’t care about her diagnosis- I care about knowing the things that will make her happy and feel
Safe, but I feel like those are under local and key as I suspect they’re tied to the more complicated umbrella of a diagnosis.

That said, your answer says a lot about why I haven’t been told I can only serve x juice and x flavour chips by x brand and can only offer x activity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP it sounds like your concern relates to one family so why are you making it about all SN families?

I’m not making it about “all” families. We have families in our life that do disclose. I am trying to understand why parents may not, when it would only help the situation. We are always flexible and kind with this kid, and I feel a very flexible and kind home. I am asking ALL parents because I would like different insights. Everyone has a different story. Is that so wrong?

And I am NOT saying I need particulars like dx - I just would like to know that she needs x,y,z. Or sometimes x,y,z happens. We have seen this kid in full meltdown when her bike “doesn’t go the right way” and I get it. Just tell
Me she needs x brand of chips in x flavor so I can make the evening easier on her and on my kid.

Nobody actually knows that though OP. There’s not a secret instruction manual you aren’t getting.

The parents do though, as kid says she gets x,y,z every day. If that’s what she gets, why would
You not set (or WANT to set) everyone up with success for the 4 days she was here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP it sounds like your concern relates to one family so why are you making it about all SN families?

I’m not making it about “all” families. We have families in our life that do disclose. I am trying to understand why parents may not, when it would only help the situation. We are always flexible and kind with this kid, and I feel a very flexible and kind home. I am asking ALL parents because I would like different insights. Everyone has a different story. Is that so wrong?

because it’s not anyone’s business!! it’s my kids private medical information. do you feel the need to disclose your own child’s medical issues? for example when she starts to hit puberty will you tell people - “Sorry, Larla is hormonal and on her period!” when she is cranky?

It does become others’ business when you interact with them. And really, comparing SN diagnoses to PMS. Are you a SN parent?

DP. It's better than the "diabetes" comparison...

Huh? With diabetes you actually do have to disclose if there are dietary issues. Obviously.

Yes, you disclose Type 1 diabetes. But anxiety or other diagnoses are not like diabetes at all, in any way. They don't require treatment or disclosure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP it sounds like your concern relates to one family so why are you making it about all SN families?

While hers might sound like it, we know it's about many families. There are many more who ignore it all.
We had that happen in extended family. We knew a person over a decade and nobody says a word. When life got hard, it got really hard for them, and nobody knew why. Too late now.
Don't want to know or want to hide, keep them safe. Others can't do it without some of that information.

NP. Knowing some letters would not have made anything easier except your curiosity.

For the OP, kids are different in different situations and environments. It's quite possible that the family doesn't know what information you would have liked to have, either because it's not an issue at home or it's not an issue for them.

When soothing the kid, she said she only eats X. Ever. When I asked the parents, they did confirm but also said they didn’t know why she was being so picky. Of course she is more selective on comfort foods in a different environment. To me, this was such an easy solution.

This was the path of discovery for many things over the week. I don’t care if it’s labeled a quirk or an SN, i just want kid to have a good time here if i am tasked with watching her as a favor. 12+ hours out of my week, and my child’s is a lot and we deserve the kindness of understanding. We can be empathetic but we could also be armed to help reduce the stressors that made everyone uncomfortable.

I guess what gets me is meeting this kid for a few minutes, you see that she is very particular. We adore her anyways and want her in our
Lives. I just wish the parents knew that we are actually here to help, but that help requires a meeting of truth. Finding out her “things” when they are stressors isn’t my job.

No OP, nobody owes you their child’s personal medical details. If you don’t want the child at your house just say so. And for the child, if you actually care, having her speak for herself to you is actually good for her. You seem to think the parents confessing “she’s autistic” w open some magic door. It’s a weird belief.

I think I said in my OP that I don’t need a diagnosis. What I need is to know her particular “quirks” so it makes it a safe and happy environment for her, my kid, and me. But I keep finding out things that would have made things so much easier had I known them before this all started. I truly don’t care about her diagnosis- I care about knowing the things that will make her happy and feel
Safe, but I feel like those are under local and key as I suspect they’re tied to the more complicated umbrella of a diagnosis.

That said, your answer says a lot about why I haven’t been told I can only serve x juice and x flavour chips by x brand and can only offer x activity.

OP again there is no magic manual you are not getting. If you feel her needs are more than you can handle then turn down future babysitting requests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP it sounds like your concern relates to one family so why are you making it about all SN families?

I’m not making it about “all” families. We have families in our life that do disclose. I am trying to understand why parents may not, when it would only help the situation. We are always flexible and kind with this kid, and I feel a very flexible and kind home. I am asking ALL parents because I would like different insights. Everyone has a different story. Is that so wrong?

And I am NOT saying I need particulars like dx - I just would like to know that she needs x,y,z. Or sometimes x,y,z happens. We have seen this kid in full meltdown when her bike “doesn’t go the right way” and I get it. Just tell
Me she needs x brand of chips in x flavor so I can make the evening easier on her and on my kid.

Nobody actually knows that though OP. There’s not a secret instruction manual you aren’t getting.

The parents do though, as kid says she gets x,y,z every day. If that’s what she gets, why would
You not set (or WANT to set) everyone up with success for the 4 days she was here?

sigh. I guess you’re totally uninterested in listening. PS having the kid exposed to other households and have to ask for what she wants is GOOD for her. you also don’t have to give any child exactly what they ask for. the snack isn’t medicine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP it sounds like your concern relates to one family so why are you making it about all SN families?

While hers might sound like it, we know it's about many families. There are many more who ignore it all.
We had that happen in extended family. We knew a person over a decade and nobody says a word. When life got hard, it got really hard for them, and nobody knew why. Too late now.
Don't want to know or want to hide, keep them safe. Others can't do it without some of that information.

NP. Knowing some letters would not have made anything easier except your curiosity.

For the OP, kids are different in different situations and environments. It's quite possible that the family doesn't know what information you would have liked to have, either because it's not an issue at home or it's not an issue for them.

When soothing the kid, she said she only eats X. Ever. When I asked the parents, they did confirm but also said they didn’t know why she was being so picky. Of course she is more selective on comfort foods in a different environment. To me, this was such an easy solution.

This was the path of discovery for many things over the week. I don’t care if it’s labeled a quirk or an SN, i just want kid to have a good time here if i am tasked with watching her as a favor. 12+ hours out of my week, and my child’s is a lot and we deserve the kindness of understanding. We can be empathetic but we could also be armed to help reduce the stressors that made everyone uncomfortable.

I guess what gets me is meeting this kid for a few minutes, you see that she is very particular. We adore her anyways and want her in our
Lives. I just wish the parents knew that we are actually here to help, but that help requires a meeting of truth. Finding out her “things” when they are stressors isn’t my job.

No OP, nobody owes you their child’s personal medical details. If you don’t want the child at your house just say so. And for the child, if you actually care, having her speak for herself to you is actually good for her. You seem to think the parents confessing “she’s autistic” w open some magic door. It’s a weird belief.

I think I said in my OP that I don’t need a diagnosis. What I need is to know her particular “quirks” so it makes it a safe and happy environment for her, my kid, and me. But I keep finding out things that would have made things so much easier had I known them before this all started. I truly don’t care about her diagnosis- I care about knowing the things that will make her happy and feel
Safe, but I feel like those are under local and key as I suspect they’re tied to the more complicated umbrella of a diagnosis.

That said, your answer says a lot about why I haven’t been told I can only serve x juice and x flavour chips by x brand and can only offer x activity.

Those are the things that family has at their house. It isn't a state secret, it's just what she is used to, what she has had before and knows and prefers. The family isn't trying to trip you up. They may be hoping that she might be more flexible and accommodating than she is able to be right now, especially if there are stressful things going on at home. Possibly they miscalculated or hoped too much.

Or maybe they're clueless or are setting your up to fail. I don't know, but I can tell you that when I send my kids out into the world, I hope they succeed.

[Anonymous]

Because some of it is none of your business BUT parents should have sent food.