Women (or men too I guess) did you change your last name after marriage?

[Anonymous]

It’s definitely a personal choice, but changing to a shared last name can simplify things a lot in daily life—whether it’s paperwork, travel, or even how others see you as a family.

To give some perspective, about 70% of college-educated women and 80% of non-college-educated women in the U.S. take their spouse's last name. Even high-profile professional women like Hillary Clinton and Michelle Obama made the change, and they’re known for being pretty liberal.

Having a shared last name also shows commitment and can help avoid misunderstandings, like assumptions about being recently divorced, a new mom, or even just difficult. And if you’re considering hyphenation, just a heads-up: it can get really confusing! It’s tough enough for daily things, but think about when your kids marry—how many hyphens are they going to have to carry? It can quickly get out of hand and becomes more complex with each generation.

In the end, it’s all about what works best for you both, but there’s a lot to be said for the simplicity and unity that come with sharing a family name

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes! I did it to make things easier. It doesn’t!! Women do not do it unless you always wanted to change your name. Number one, the concept is completely stupid and outdated. Number two there is a ton of paperwork and it’s extremely obnoxious. Number three, my name specifically is a part of who I am and I loved it and even changing my last name doesn’t change my identity from who I was on the day he met me, which is the day we fell in love. it turns out that having a last name doesn’t make a family and if I changed my name, it would not make me more or less of my children’s mother and my husband‘s life partner.

Smartest post on here

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: It’s definitely a personal choice, but changing to a shared last name can simplify things a lot in daily life—whether it’s paperwork, travel, or even how others see you as a family.

To give some perspective, about 70% of college-educated women and 80% of non-college-educated women in the U.S. take their spouse's last name. Even high-profile professional women like Hillary Clinton and Michelle Obama made the change, and they’re known for being pretty liberal.

Having a shared last name also shows commitment and can help avoid misunderstandings, like assumptions about being recently divorced, a new mom, or even just difficult. And if you’re considering hyphenation, just a heads-up: it can get really confusing! It’s tough enough for daily things, but think about when your kids marry—how many hyphens are they going to have to carry? It can quickly get out of hand and becomes more complex with each generation.

In the end, it’s all about what works best for you both, but there’s a lot to be said for the simplicity and unity that come with sharing a family name

Dude, Hillary is old. So is Michelle really. These are not contemporary examples.

I kept my name. Kids have their dads. I do regret that tbh but that’s another issue. No one bats an eye. It’s not less simple. In a way, far more because there’s no gap in my career achievements- eg publications before marriage. Its 2024. Teachers etc understand different last names. I’ll let you in on a secret - many of them aren’t changing their names either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t and somehow when my old friends send me something, noting it is from ‘THE HINKLEBOTTOMS’ rather than from how I think of them ‘Jane Maiden Name’ it strikes me as a little creepy stepford. My issue, I’m sure, but it does strike me

me too. but i think of the general tradition of women who take their husband's names as creepy stepford.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: It’s definitely a personal choice, but changing to a shared last name can simplify things a lot in daily life—whether it’s paperwork, travel, or even how others see you as a family.

To give some perspective, about 70% of college-educated women and 80% of non-college-educated women in the U.S. take their spouse's last name. Even high-profile professional women like Hillary Clinton and Michelle Obama made the change, and they’re known for being pretty liberal.

Having a shared last name also shows commitment and can help avoid misunderstandings, like assumptions about being recently divorced, a new mom, or even just difficult. And if you’re considering hyphenation, just a heads-up: it can get really confusing! It’s tough enough for daily things, but think about when your kids marry—how many hyphens are they going to have to carry? It can quickly get out of hand and becomes more complex with each generation.

In the end, it’s all about what works best for you both, but there’s a lot to be said for the simplicity and unity that come with sharing a family name

Dude, Hillary is old. So is Michelle really. These are not contemporary examples.

I kept my name. Kids have their dads. I do regret that tbh but that’s another issue. No one bats an eye. It’s not less simple. In a way, far more because there’s no gap in my career achievements- eg publications before marriage. Its 2024. Teachers etc understand different last names. I’ll let you in on a secret - many of them aren’t changing their names either.

Keeping separate last names might be more accepted now, but it still creates avoidable complications. The majority of women—over 70% of college-educated and 80% of non-college-educated—still choose to take their spouse’s name, and it’s not just about tradition. A shared name simplifies everything from legal documents to social interactions, clearly showing family unity.

Yes, teachers may recognize different last names, but a single family name prevents misunderstandings and assumptions about family dynamics. And hyphenating? That’s a short-term fix. Future generations face the hassle of multiple hyphens, which just isn’t sustainable.

Career identity can be preserved through other means, so let’s not pretend that keeping separate names is the only progressive choice—it often adds more complexity than it’s worth

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t and somehow when my old friends send me something, noting it is from ‘THE HINKLEBOTTOMS’ rather than from how I think of them ‘Jane Maiden Name’ it strikes me as a little creepy stepford. My issue, I’m sure, but it does strike me

me too. but i think of the general tradition of women who take their husband's names as creepy stepford.

Labeling women who take their husband’s name as stepford is a bit narrow. In 2024, the real goal is having the freedom to choose what feels right—whether that’s keeping your name or sharing one. Taking a partner’s last name isn’t about losing individuality; it’s often about simplifying life and showing commitment. It’s a personal choice with meaning, and it deserves respect, not shame

[Anonymous]

There is a difference between taking your husband's name and having people refer to your whole family as "the Hinklebottoms".

I had not seen anyone do this since my childhood (and I'm in my 50s now) until I moved to the DC area about 10 years ago. I thought calling a whole family "the whatever's" was a very 1950s thing.

Whether you have your husband's (or wife's) last name, or have them hyphenated, referring to a family as "the whatevers" is dated and somewhat stepford creepy to me. Again, never encountered this as an adult until I moved here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: It’s definitely a personal choice, but changing to a shared last name can simplify things a lot in daily life—whether it’s paperwork, travel, or even how others see you as a family.

To give some perspective, about 70% of college-educated women and 80% of non-college-educated women in the U.S. take their spouse's last name. Even high-profile professional women like Hillary Clinton and Michelle Obama made the change, and they’re known for being pretty liberal.

Having a shared last name also shows commitment and can help avoid misunderstandings, like assumptions about being recently divorced, a new mom, or even just difficult. And if you’re considering hyphenation, just a heads-up: it can get really confusing! It’s tough enough for daily things, but think about when your kids marry—how many hyphens are they going to have to carry? It can quickly get out of hand and becomes more complex with each generation.

In the end, it’s all about what works best for you both, but there’s a lot to be said for the simplicity and unity that come with sharing a family name

Dude, Hillary is old. So is Michelle really. These are not contemporary examples.

I kept my name. Kids have their dads. I do regret that tbh but that’s another issue. No one bats an eye. It’s not less simple. In a way, far more because there’s no gap in my career achievements- eg publications before marriage. Its 2024. Teachers etc understand different last names. I’ll let you in on a secret - many of them aren’t changing their names either.

Keeping separate last names might be more accepted now, but it still creates avoidable complications. The majority of women—over 70% of college-educated and 80% of non-college-educated—still choose to take their spouse’s name, and it’s not just about tradition. A shared name simplifies everything from legal documents to social interactions, clearly showing family unity.

Yes, teachers may recognize different last names, but a single family name prevents misunderstandings and assumptions about family dynamics. And hyphenating? That’s a short-term fix. Future generations face the hassle of multiple hyphens, which just isn’t sustainable.

Career identity can be preserved through other means, so let’s not pretend that keeping separate names is the only progressive choice—it often adds more complexity than it’s worth

What complications are avoided? I fill out plenty of legal documents and keeping my maiden name has never made anything more complicated. I would love actual examples of all these alleged situations that can be simplified. Schools are pretty adept at navigating family dynamics so the idea that sharing a family name somehow prevents "misunderstands and assumptions" ignores what families actually look like today. Kids might have two moms or dads, or are being raised by their grandparents or other family members. Schools are much more sensitive to family dynamics and specifically DON'T make assumptions about any of it. Whether everyone shares a name doesn't even matter.

And if a family needs to share a single name to show unity (to themselves or the outside world), they have bigger problems.

[Anonymous]

Current trend of 20 somethings is to change last name even if they have used it as a professional. See this in Biglaw. probably 80% change 20% keep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Current trend of 20 somethings is to change last name even if they have used it as a professional. See this in Biglaw. probably 80% change 20% keep.

It's probably because of the whole trad wife trend. Give it another 10 years and it'll switch again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did not change my name. Like the other poster above, I find it bizarre that people do -- mostly in an existential way.

20 years later, I don't care so much about people sending stuff with the wrong name. Those who really know us have mostly self corrected over the years; the remaining stuff is from randoms who don't know me (like work colleagues of DH).

[/b]The thing I find most bizarre is what OP mentioned: When a woman gets married and immediately starts slapping "The Hinkeldorks" on everything - wedding thank yous, first xmas cards, etc. My take away is that the new bride sees being married as the ultimate accomplishment. Women who think that just aren't my people. [b]

fwiw all the women I was good friends with through having kids -- none (literally none) ever changed their names. After having babies and moving to the suburbs, it's probably 80% women who changed their names. These friends are lovely women, but probably not the kind of kindred spirits I would gravitate towards if given an unlimited pool of friends from which to choose. I don't care that they changed their names, but the name changing does track with their overall package of who they are.

I think people are just excited to be married. I think it's cute.
I did this though I never actually legally changed my name. I go by both and use my legal name at work, my married name when I send cards.

Same! When I got married, I gained a name. I use our family name to celebrate the family unit that we are. But I never “gave up” my given name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s definitely a personal choice, but changing to a shared last name can simplify things a lot in daily life—whether it’s paperwork, travel, or even how others see you as a family.

To give some perspective, about 70% of college-educated women and 80% of non-college-educated women in the U.S. take their spouse's last name. Even high-profile professional women like Hillary Clinton and Michelle Obama made the change, and they’re known for being pretty liberal.

Having a shared last name also shows commitment and can help avoid misunderstandings, like assumptions about being recently divorced, a new mom, or even just difficult. And if you’re considering hyphenation, just a heads-up: it can get really confusing! It’s tough enough for daily things, but think about when your kids marry—how many hyphens are they going to have to carry? It can quickly get out of hand and becomes more complex with each generation.

In the end, it’s all about what works best for you both, but there’s a lot to be said for the simplicity and unity that come with sharing a family name

Hillary kept her name for the first ten years of her marriage. She changed due to political pressure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: It’s definitely a personal choice, but changing to a shared last name can simplify things a lot in daily life—whether it’s paperwork, travel, or even how others see you as a family.

To give some perspective, about 70% of college-educated women and 80% of non-college-educated women in the U.S. take their spouse's last name. Even high-profile professional women like Hillary Clinton and Michelle Obama made the change, and they’re known for being pretty liberal.

Having a shared last name also shows commitment and can help avoid misunderstandings, like assumptions about being recently divorced, a new mom, or even just difficult. And if you’re considering hyphenation, just a heads-up: it can get really confusing! It’s tough enough for daily things, but think about when your kids marry—how many hyphens are they going to have to carry? It can quickly get out of hand and becomes more complex with each generation.

In the end, it’s all about what works best for you both, but there’s a lot to be said for the simplicity and unity that come with sharing a family name

Never changed my name. I’ve been married 30 years. I haven’t experienced any of the problems you mention. The only “confusions” have been with a select number of family members.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t and somehow when my old friends send me something, noting it is from ‘THE HINKLEBOTTOMS’ rather than from how I think of them ‘Jane Maiden Name’ it strikes me as a little creepy stepford. My issue, I’m sure, but it does strike me

Yes. Spouses and children having the same last name is part of being a family.

Ok, let’s have men give up their names. No exceptions, you have to do it or you’re not a family. Sound good? In the US, people are free to make this decision, and a shared name does not define a family. Maybe that’s important to you, and that’s fine. For others, it’s not. Do you know that many countries don’t allow women to assume a husband’s name?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: It’s definitely a personal choice, but changing to a shared last name can simplify things a lot in daily life—whether it’s paperwork, travel, or even how others see you as a family.

To give some perspective, about 70% of college-educated women and 80% of non-college-educated women in the U.S. take their spouse's last name. Even high-profile professional women like Hillary Clinton and Michelle Obama made the change, and they’re known for being pretty liberal.

Having a shared last name also shows commitment and can help avoid misunderstandings, like assumptions about being recently divorced, a new mom, or even just difficult. And if you’re considering hyphenation, just a heads-up: it can get really confusing! It’s tough enough for daily things, but think about when your kids marry—how many hyphens are they going to have to carry? It can quickly get out of hand and becomes more complex with each generation.

In the end, it’s all about what works best for you both, but there’s a lot to be said for the simplicity and unity that come with sharing a family name

Dude, Hillary is old. So is Michelle really. These are not contemporary examples.

I kept my name. Kids have their dads. I do regret that tbh but that’s another issue. No one bats an eye. It’s not less simple. In a way, far more because there’s no gap in my career achievements- eg publications before marriage. Its 2024. Teachers etc understand different last names. I’ll let you in on a secret - many of them aren’t changing their names either.

Keeping separate last names might be more accepted now, but it still creates avoidable complications. The majority of women—over 70% of college-educated and 80% of non-college-educated—still choose to take their spouse’s name, and it’s not just about tradition. A shared name simplifies everything from legal documents to social interactions, clearly showing family unity.

Yes, teachers may recognize different last names, but a single family name prevents misunderstandings and assumptions about family dynamics. And hyphenating? That’s a short-term fix. Future generations face the hassle of multiple hyphens, which just isn’t sustainable.

Career identity can be preserved through other means, so let’s not pretend that keeping separate names is the only progressive choice—it often adds more complexity than it’s worth

What complications are avoided? I fill out plenty of legal documents and keeping my maiden name has never made anything more complicated. I would love actual examples of all these alleged situations that can be simplified. Schools are pretty adept at navigating family dynamics so the idea that sharing a family name somehow prevents "misunderstands and assumptions" ignores what families actually look like today. Kids might have two moms or dads, or are being raised by their grandparents or other family members. Schools are much more sensitive to family dynamics and specifically DON'T make assumptions about any of it. Whether everyone shares a name doesn't even matter.

And if a family needs to share a single name to show unity (to themselves or the outside world), they have bigger problems.

+1 I've been married 30 years, done lots of travel and have a senior in college. I'm still waiting to encounter all these supposed complications.