Women (or men too I guess) did you change your last name after marriage?

[Anonymous]

I changed my middle name to DH's last name. So, I kept my maiden name but still have his as part of mine.

I don't care of people call us the The Hinklebottoms", but it does annoy me when we get things addressed to Mr. and Mrs. John Hinklebottom." I HAVE A NAME.

[Anonymous]

I did not legally change my last name but socially, I don't correct people when I get called Mrs. [Husband's name/kids names]. My husband once mentioned because I registered the pets initially with the vet, on the occasions he takes them in, he gets called Mr. [My name] and he didn't bother correcting them.

My family/friends/anyone important is aware of what my legal name is.

[Anonymous]

I did not change my name when I got married. It does strike me as odd when women change their name, but in a kind of existential way -- one's name is one's name and it just feels very weird, almost disassociating to me, to change it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hyphenated and our kids have a hyphenated last name. DH just uses his last name.

We receive mail addressed to the Hyphenated last name family or Mr. and Mrs. John Hyphenated last name. NBD. It’s our family name.

To the posters annoyed when they receive mail addressed to The Johnson Family or Mr. and Mrs. John Johnson instead of Ms. Smith and Mr. Johnson or the Smith/Johnson family, please realize that nobody is tracking your preferred naming convention and sometimes it’s just easier to use the assumed family name (especially when mailing 100 holiday cards or wedding invitations).

it’s not a preferred naming convention. It is not my name. I am not Jennifer Jones. I am Jennifer Smith. Why bother with placecards at all if you are not going to bother using a persons actual name?

Lots of reasons.

Because people didn’t realize you didn’t change your name.

They might assume you just use your maiden name professionally.

Because someone else might be handling the invites or place cards and they made an assumption or mistake.

Bottom line: don’t take it personally or get upset.

Even with my hyphenated last name I still sometimes get things addressed to me as Mrs. Husband’s Last Name or the Smith Family. NBD. Who cares?

It did bother me when I received checks from my MIL and SIL made out to me as Mary Smith even though they knew my name was Mary Jones-Smith. I simply told my husband I couldn’t cash or deposit them since they used the wrong name and he handled it. They quickly learned.

They do not know me professionally. I am an Aunt, three of the four aunts in this family did not change their name. It is a known thing. None of the Aunt’s names were correct. They seem to be fine with my name when it was signed on their birthday and Christmas checks every year.

[Anonymous]

I didn't, but out of laziness, not any belief system. I use it though - everywhere except for work (and anywhere that requires my legal name). I think people should do what they want with their names.

[Anonymous]

The one thing I will say that annoys the crap out of me is when people say something like "well, you just have another man's name, your Dad's". Dad and I were both given the last name at birth, as was my brother. No one tells my Dad or brother their names are not really theirs. Since I got the name exactly the same way they did, I feel my claim to it is just as legitimate as theirs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hyphenated and our kids have a hyphenated last name. DH just uses his last name.

We receive mail addressed to the Hyphenated last name family or Mr. and Mrs. John Hyphenated last name. NBD. It’s our family name.

To the posters annoyed when they receive mail addressed to The Johnson Family or Mr. and Mrs. John Johnson instead of Ms. Smith and Mr. Johnson or the Smith/Johnson family, please realize that nobody is tracking your preferred naming convention and sometimes it’s just easier to use the assumed family name (especially when mailing 100 holiday cards or wedding invitations).

it’s not a preferred naming convention. It is not my name. I am not Jennifer Jones. I am Jennifer Smith. Why bother with placecards at all if you are not going to bother using a persons actual name?

Lots of reasons.

Because people didn’t realize you didn’t change your name.

They might assume you just use your maiden name professionally.

Because someone else might be handling the invites or place cards and they made an assumption or mistake.

Bottom line: don’t take it personally or get upset.

Even with my hyphenated last name I still sometimes get things addressed to me as Mrs. Husband’s Last Name or the Smith Family. NBD. Who cares?

It did bother me when I received checks from my MIL and SIL made out to me as Mary Smith even though they knew my name was Mary Jones-Smith. I simply told my husband I couldn’t cash or deposit them since they used the wrong name and he handled it. They quickly learned.

They do not know me professionally. I am an Aunt, three of the four aunts in this family did not change their name. It is a known thing. None of the Aunt’s names were correct. They seem to be fine with my name when it was signed on their birthday and Christmas checks every year.

Since this is really irking you, why not ask them directly?

Fwiw, shortly after I sent holiday cards for the first time, I heard from a few women who thanked me for the card and essentially corrected me by saying, “I noticed you addressed it to the Smith family, but we actually go by the Smith-Johnson family.” I also had one person tell me they prefer to be referred to as Mr. John Smith and Dr. Mary Jones. That one made me chuckle. And once they had kids, she told me she preferred The Smith| Johnson Family…noting it’s not hyphenated and not with a forward slash.

[Anonymous]

It doesn't bother me if I get addressed by the wrong name. It does bother me that people actually think it's okay to do that because it's not worth the time to get it right.

[Anonymous]

I didn't change my name (20.years ago) but I am ok being called "Mrs. Married Name."

I hate the phrase "the Smiths" or whatever because it sounds like it's from a 1950s stepford wife Christmas card.

[Anonymous]

I am a woman and I did not change my last name to my husbands last name because I am not his property. Such an outdated and disgusting tradition.

[Anonymous]

I did not change my name. Like the other poster above, I find it bizarre that people do -- mostly in an existential way.

20 years later, I don't care so much about people sending stuff with the wrong name. Those who really know us have mostly self corrected over the years; the remaining stuff is from randoms who don't know me (like work colleagues of DH).

The thing I find most bizarre is what OP mentioned: When a woman gets married and immediately starts slapping "The Hinkeldorks" on everything - wedding thank yous, first xmas cards, etc. My take away is that the new bride sees being married as the ultimate accomplishment. Women who think that just aren't my people.

fwiw all the women I was good friends with through having kids -- none (literally none) ever changed their names. After having babies and moving to the suburbs, it's probably 80% women who changed their names. These friends are lovely women, but probably not the kind of kindred spirits I would gravitate towards if given an unlimited pool of friends from which to choose. I don't care that they changed their names, but the name changing does track with their overall package of who they are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't, but out of laziness, not any belief system. I use it though - everywhere except for work (and anywhere that requires my legal name). I think people should do what they want with their names.

Same, it's a pain. I use it socially though, so Christmas cards and things like that are from "The X Family"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't change mine. I don't care if people use my husbands last name when addressing cards or whatever, I just didn't want to do all the paperwork.

+1 me too.

I joked that I would do it by the time we had our first born child, but now we have two so....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did not change my name. Like the other poster above, I find it bizarre that people do -- mostly in an existential way.

20 years later, I don't care so much about people sending stuff with the wrong name. Those who really know us have mostly self corrected over the years; the remaining stuff is from randoms who don't know me (like work colleagues of DH).

[/b]The thing I find most bizarre is what OP mentioned: When a woman gets married and immediately starts slapping "The Hinkeldorks" on everything - wedding thank yous, first xmas cards, etc. My take away is that the new bride sees being married as the ultimate accomplishment. Women who think that just aren't my people. [b]

fwiw all the women I was good friends with through having kids -- none (literally none) ever changed their names. After having babies and moving to the suburbs, it's probably 80% women who changed their names. These friends are lovely women, but probably not the kind of kindred spirits I would gravitate towards if given an unlimited pool of friends from which to choose. I don't care that they changed their names, but the name changing does track with their overall package of who they are.

I think people are just excited to be married. I think it's cute.
I did this though I never actually legally changed my name. I go by both and use my legal name at work, my married name when I send cards.

[Anonymous]

No. Why would I?