Do you regret not having that additional kid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish I could have had a 2nd child but it just wasn't in the cards for me. I love my only a lot and our family has a great dynamic. I focus on that as much as I can.

Same. I’m sorry that I didn’t get to choose the size of my family, but my only is such a great kid and I can’t complain but I got cheated. Grateful I got to be a mom.

+1.

I've sometimes worried that my kid didn't get the experience of growing up with a sibling in the house (he has 2 grown half-siblings that he has a good relationship with, but he never lived with them full time), but he's now in college and he volunteered out of the blue the other day that he is very happy being raised an "only" child. I think it helps that his best friend had a little brother that he thought was a PITA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did go for (and have) a third. She is only 3 now so I can’t project how my life will feel down the line, and it sure is busy now with 3 under 10, but I absolutely cannot imagine life without her. 3 is a tipping point where there is almost always at least 1 around, kids coming by the house, life revolving around kid activities, vacations catering to destinations for bigger families, etc. so you really have to think about if you’re okay embracing this.

That said I think if we had not been able to have a third, we would have focused on the good stuff about stopping at 2 (e.g. more disposable income, man to man coverage instead of constant juggling).

Obviously I can’t really envision this now that I have and love my third. But the point is I think you’ll end up being okay with whatever you decide. There will be downsides and upsides either way, so you need to just embrace what ends up being and not live in some imaginary what if.

I have four kids, and they are mostly young adults now - youngest is 16, oldest is 24... Last night we went out for a family dinner and the kids all drove into DC together, dinner was laughing and banter among my kids who are all so different, yet adore each other. It was a great feeling. Yes, our family vacations have been more expensive and tougher logistically, and yes, my husband and I are tired, but a big family can be wonderful. We saved early for college so that hasn't been an issue (and obviously that is a privilege). As we think of our future, it (hopefully) involves lots of grand kids and family time. Hearing our kids talk amongst themselves about how many kids they want - ranging from 6 to 2 is also heartening. They value family, too. Anyway, all this to say that many kids is not for the faint of heart or people who need to be in total control of how things will go. But if you are open to it, it can be very rich and satisfying.

[Anonymous]

We tried for #4 but it wasn’t meant to be. I think I will always want one more child.

Agree that teen years is so much harder than baby/toddler years though!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have two in college and I am so glad we don’t have the third we contemplated at one point. Aside from the expense (and I’m now realizing we may be in for some grad school support after college), they are both still taking a good amount of effort and attention even though they’ve already left home. I love them and my spouse intensely and am glad I don’t have to spread that energy across yet another person.

+1. And mine are healthy mentally and physically! Can only imagine if that were not true!

[Anonymous]

I am 55 with two teens who I adore. At some point about 12 yrs ago I thought about a 3rd / 4th but I've got a chronic disease that's debilitating and going to shorten my life considerably and that would be so hard on younger kids, I'm glad they don't exist.

[Anonymous]

I am 45 and have 2 teens. When they were little, I wanted a third, but my DH did not.

10 years later and experiencing the stress of money, aging, and aging parents, and I’m so glad I just have the 2 and that they are healthy and relatively unburdened.

We did get a dog. He is loving and cuddly and absolutely fulfills whatever “mothering” part of me needs to lavish on a small being.

[Anonymous]

Looking back, we were right that we would not be able to handle/afford another child, especially if they were as hard has one of our other kids.

We definitely would have had one or two more if I (the husband) made six figures so we could afford some help with house stuff.

Still, I'm glad that we had access to good family planning.

[Anonymous]

Have four, wish I had five or more. But husband was opposed, and I understand his concerns about time and energy constraints. We were starting to get older, and are now older yet.

[Anonymous]

No. Have one child in middle school. Still in our late thirties. Worried for a second about not having a sibling during Covid but really glad I didn’t make an irrational decision. He is healthy and happy. We are completely stress free emotionally and financially. Could have easily afforded more but no interest in being pregnant again or baby stage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Now that your kids are grown - do you wish you had more? I have 2 now and it’s hard in the baby stage but I worry I’ll regret not having a bigger family when they get older.

The baby years are a breeze compared to the teenager years. Try controlling a teen who's having a tantrum!

My husband came from a big family and he did not want the chaos. I only had one sibling, so for us 2 were perfect.

Why do you want a big family? what do you think a "big" family would do for you (personally) later in life?

My kids are not adults, and I have two, but I just wanted to agree with this. I also thought I wanted a third and "if only we could get though the baby and toddler stage ...." I am here to tell you the baby and toddler stage is NOT the hard part. Not by any stretch.

This, this, this! I see it all the time on here. Moms debating whether they can tough it out through those first two or three years with a third. THAT IS NOT THE HARD PART!! Believes those of us with teens. The hard part comes much later. Babies and toddlers are so much easier.

[Anonymous]

Yes. Wish we had had a third.

[Anonymous]

I don’t have adult children - mine are 11 and 7. But we have no family help, our parents are aging etc. I wouldn’t have the energy for a third. Various things are already logistically harder or more expensive with two. Our younger daughter has had speech therapy and occupational therapy for years too, so that takes a lot of added work and energy. Luckily she’s very smart, healthy etc, but some things have just been harder for her to figure out.

[Anonymous]

Like a PP above, I am one of 3, DH is one of 4. Our families struggled financially. So we stuck with our one child, and did not tempt fate. we have been able to enjoy a much more stable, stress-free life than our parents did. We probably could have afforded 3, but why wonder and worry? We truly never stressed, as far as I can tell. Our small home in Arlington paid off in 10 years, enough funds for child's college and lots of travel. This, on 1 govt and 1 teacher salary.

Set realistic expectations.

[Anonymous]

I wanted three, hesitated, then went for it. It is more expensive at every stage but absolutely no regrets. I think you know in your heart- go for it. Or don't.

[Anonymous]

My 3 kids weren't that difficult but I can see that having even one that's difficult would make raising kids much less fun. I'd put that in your calculations