Do you regret not having that additional kid?

[Anonymous]

No way jose!

Now that I'm out of the baby fever phase, I'm so glad we stopped. I wouldn't be able to give my other children the same attention, and honestly two is a handful, I don't want to think about a third outnumbering us!

[Anonymous]

Yes big regret. Not that I had a choice physically

[Anonymous]

No. My kids are 16 and 19 now and college is expensive. Plus I’m realizing that I don’t really care if I have grandchildren so I don’t need a third kid to increase those chances.

[Anonymous]

So much also has to do with your personality. As PPs have mentioned, I know I am not good with the chaos and dynamics of a large family. However, I have friends who absolutely love all of the big family energy and activity level and had several children.

We have no regrets for our small family. But plenty of others would not be happy with our situation.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I do. My parents didn't approve of me having more than two children. I had 3 and I am so glad I did. I now wish we had just gone for a 4th too. I hate the anti-natalist culture of modern life.

[Anonymous]

I don't regret stopping at two...but with two sons, I do fear they will stick is in a home at first chance.

One is already on a path to making a lot of $$$s...so hopefully it will be a luxury retirement home.

[Anonymous]

My sons are now 25 and 21. I thought long and hard about having a third, but ultimately decided against it. Financially it would have been a big stretch for us.

I have wistful thoughts about the daughter I never had. But I don't really regret not having a third. We are almost done with college expenses now and that will be a huge relief. I'm looking forward to having the kids fully launched. Our financial situation in mid-life is and in retirement will be much better for having had only 2 children, and there is a great deal of comfort in that. We can help our 2 kids if they need it and not have to worry that we don't have enough to take care of ourselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I do. My parents didn't approve of me having more than two children. I had 3 and I am so glad I did. I now wish we had just gone for a 4th too. I hate the anti-natalist culture of modern life.

With better social supports for--paid maternity leave, subsidized daycare, affordable college--I would have had a third. That's not the society we live in, unfortunately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Now that your kids are grown - do you wish you had more? I have 2 now and it’s hard in the baby stage but I worry I’ll regret not having a bigger family when they get older.

The baby years are a breeze compared to the teenager years. Try controlling a teen who's having a tantrum!

My husband came from a big family and he did not want the chaos. I only had one sibling, so for us 2 were perfect.

Why do you want a big family? what do you think a "big" family would do for you (personally) later in life?

My 15 year old is FAR easier at 15 than he was as a baby/toddler/early elementary. I actually have fun with him now. It's amazing.

Some people looooove the baby years, others enjoy the older years more. I don't regret having an only. at least not yet.

[Anonymous]

Nope! I have twins and was super stoked that it was one and done. Had every pregnancy complication in the book and thrilled not to have to do it again. Also don’t think I could afford another. My kids graduate next year from college and I cannot wait to have some money again!

[Anonymous]

Pregnant with my third now, so ask me in 20 years

I think some of this depends on what was hard for you about small children. I agree with previous posters that if you’re saying “well, I just need to survive till they’re 4 and then it’ll be easier” are in for a rough time again in the teen years. I think teens are basically toddlerhood part 2, with higher stakes.

For me personally, the only part of small children that’s been really challenging is the sleep deprivation and PPD (very related, I think, for me). I just cannot function without adequate sleep and I need a lot of it. I’ve always been this way - I was still sleeping till noon on weekends in my early 30s (long after all my friends had grown out of it).

My kids are 4.5 and 3, and since I had recovered and caught up on sleep (right around my younger’s first birthday), I’ve loved parenting, and while there are certainly tough moments (toddlers gonna toddler) I’ve consistently felt like I had plenty of extra bandwidth for another. For me, tantrums, messes, endless “why?,” all over the place emotions, misbehavior, these are all perfectly manageable (if temporarily frustrating). The past two years have been, on the whole, wonderful. So for us, it’s worth it to white-knuckle through the first few months to have another. We’re also getting a night nanny a few nights a week this time!

But if you’re not feeling that extra bandwidth till your kids are 4, I would not move forward with a third.

[Anonymous]

I did go for (and have) a third. She is only 3 now so I can’t project how my life will feel down the line, and it sure is busy now with 3 under 10, but I absolutely cannot imagine life without her. 3 is a tipping point where there is almost always at least 1 around, kids coming by the house, life revolving around kid activities, vacations catering to destinations for bigger families, etc. so you really have to think about if you’re okay embracing this.

That said I think if we had not been able to have a third, we would have focused on the good stuff about stopping at 2 (e.g. more disposable income, man to man coverage instead of constant juggling).

Obviously I can’t really envision this now that I have and love my third. But the point is I think you’ll end up being okay with whatever you decide. There will be downsides and upsides either way, so you need to just embrace what ends up being and not live in some imaginary what if.

[Anonymous]

What vacuum in your life are you trying to fill with more children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What vacuum in your life are you trying to fill with more children?

Will definitely need to work through this with a therapist

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I do. My parents didn't approve of me having more than two children. I had 3 and I am so glad I did. I now wish we had just gone for a 4th too. I hate the anti-natalist culture of modern life.

With better social supports for--paid maternity leave, subsidized daycare, affordable college--I would have had a third. That's not the society we live in, unfortunately.

Well the societies that offer these benefits have much, much lower salaries and women have even fewer babies than here.