Do you regret not having that additional kid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

We are a family of 3. Two parents, one son.

It is great.

My friends from large families all have small families of their own.

+1 My parents had 7 children. Among the 7 of us there are only 8 grandchildren. If you have plenty of money, sure have more kids. But my parents did not have enough money (or time for that matter) to fully support us. It was tough.

I'm one of 5 children and only 4 grandchildren.

My parents did not have enough of themselves to give to 5 financially or emotionally and I promised myself I would make sure I could give 1 child everything I wanted to before considering a 2nd. Stopped at 1.

[Anonymous]

We stopped at 2. I always wondered about a third but am so glad we didn’t. We don’t have the resources, time, or patience to deal with an additional child. I can just give my 2 children each enough attention to feel like I’m doing a good job. Any more kids and I’d be stretched too thin. I’m also fully involved in their education and both kids are thriving - straight As. Very happy with our choice.

[Anonymous]

No. Third kids often really screw up the family dynamic and by 4 you're financially crippled or emotionally drained.

[Anonymous]

My husband did. And he bolted several years after we had twins #3&4.
He hated the noise and chaos and then slowly withdrew from family activities and then eventually abandoned us and filed divorce. And this is from an upper class educated family.
Devastation of a lifetime

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is really helpful, thanks for asking OP -mom to two young kids and fairly often questioning if our decision to stop at two, which is definitely right for us now, will be regretted when we have older kids.

+1 I often toy with the idea of another but know that deep down it's just not realistic for my family.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, I might have had some grandchildren and a place to go for Tday this year.

[Anonymous]

Nope. . Our two are eighteen months apart. Son first than daughter ...

Thrilled with our two.

[Anonymous]

I feel like it would be more helpful if people responding posted the current age of their kids. Perspectives sometimes change depending on whether your kids are 9 & 13 or 34 and 36 or whatever.


Anyway we have two sons 20 and 24. One is college and one out and working. Having a third would mean we'd have one still in high school. I don't think I'd be up for another round of endless games, paying for school, all of that. Both of the boys were fairly easy, we were lucky that way. So far no regrets.

I do wish we had a larger extended family, but that's not something you can control.

[Anonymous]

I wish I had nieces and nephews. But don’t wish I had more teens/young adult kids.

[Anonymous]

My third is my absolute pride and joy. Had her when I was 45 and wife 43. It keeps you young.

[Anonymous]

We have three: 13, 11, 9. Love having three. DH and I both work FT (Feds), we don't have any helpful family. Are things more hectic than if we'd had two? Sure. But they're all well-loved and thriving and we have lots of fun together as a family of five.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having a third would mean we'd have one still in high school. I don't think I'd be up for another round of endless games, paying for school, all of that.

I'd pay anything to go back to those days when we took the kids to sports up and down the east coast. The time together was priceless. Indeed, we're counting the days until our grandkids are old enough so we can do it all over again as long as we're physically able. So far so good on that front.

As for not having an additional kid? Hmm, one more would have been great but our three are terrific and the best thing I've ever done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband did. And he bolted several years after we had twins #3&4.
He hated the noise and chaos and then slowly withdrew from family activities and then eventually abandoned us and filed divorce. And this is from an upper class educated family.
Devastation of a lifetime

I have the same family dynamic and my husband also started the withdraw when the twins were about 3. He continues to find the noise & chaos hard.

We are still married, but it was a long road.

Don't underestimate the effect more kids have on your marriage.

[Anonymous]

I think the one thing about regrets is you don't know how it would have gone.

Would you have had a child with a disability?

Would you have had multiples?

Would a health or financial crises have made the extra child a "burden?"

Would the additional child not mesh with the older kids' personalities?

Exc.

It is a leap of faith to go for another child. Some win. Some lose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the one thing about regrets is you don't know how it would have gone.

Would you have had a child with a disability?

Would you have had multiples?

Would a health or financial crises have made the extra child a "burden?"

Would the additional child not mesh with the older kids' personalities?

Exc.

It is a leap of faith to go for another child. Some win. Some lose.

If you have that child when younger, the odds of winning are higher. People wait too long to start families.