AITA: Wife Bought Expensive Furniture W/O My Consent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much over?

Technically if each individual piece was within the limit, she did nothing wrong.

OP here. It was $6600. Most of the items were exceeding the $500. I’m just annoyed she did not let me know about a purchase this large.

I’d be super pissed for a lot of reasons. Money would be one. That’s a ridiculous amount. Second would be violation of our agreement. Third would be excluding me from participating in decorating the baby’s room.

OP here. This may sound bad but I don’t care about decorating the nursery. I will set it up but I could care less what the decor looks like. Same with our home. I let her pick it all because I don’t care about those things.

PP here. Based on this, I’d say something about violating the agreement. But I wouldn’t ask that furniture be returned. Here’s why. Sometimes it’s worth overspending if it makes your spouse happy. The couple thousand you spend isn’t going to mean anything over time so long as overspending isn’t a habit but giving this gift to your wife will. I’d still say something about the agreement though.

OP here. I’m not asking her to return anything, though it won’t be here for another 1-2 months.

I just care that I wasn’t included. If it’s was $1-2k, I wouldn’t care, but $6611.42 is a lot of money to spend without letting me know. We still plan on buying our stroller - $1300 and my wife plans to buy her postpartum care stuff - $500. We will also be renting a fancy rocker bassinet of possibly buying - $1600.

You should make her choose one item and cancel the order for everything else. Then decide together on budget and you can pick everything else out together.

OP here. I won’t do this. I’m not mean or petty like that.

That’s fine but what happens when she does it again? Is she Just going to get away with it? Why have this dynamic at all if it’s useless? Just say F it, buy whatever you want and end up in debt in 15 years.

OP here. I told her we can’t spend like this again.

We do have a good income but I prefer to save than spend.

Is there something specific that you are saving for?

OP here. No but that is how people go into debt. No budget and wildly spending will create huge debt. No thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is your wife:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1211753.page

Wait until you see the $1400 stroller!

Strollers cost, man. And the expensive ones are dramatically better. If you’re not spending as much on a stroller as you would on a bike you’re going to ride every day, you’re doing it wrong imo.

My kids are teens- so glad we got away with the $250 Graco stroller. It was not
A thing then to have a stroller as a status symbol.

OP here. It’s not a status symbol. We walk a lot ( and run) and my wife wants a quality stroller that she can use for walks. It was highly recommended by man so she decided that’s the one she wants. It comes with bassinet ( for when baby is young) and a carseat.

I’m just not buying that the OP is a man. Somethings not adding up with the detailed responses.

OP here. I feel sad for you that you think so poorly of men. You know we do have brains and are capable of reading?

I’ve researched a lot because I want to be an informed and involved parent. I’ve looked up baby items and the ones my wife wants.

As a man, I know what a status symbol means.

As a husband, I know what my wife does. She likes walking and we take dusky walks and runs together.

Again, you’re not in any position to give me advice. Please realize men are a lot more capable than you think we are.

You seem to have all the answers so why ask here? You also seem like you have a lot to say so Why don’t you go talk to your wife directly?

He is also very controlling but likes to believe that he isn’t.

OP here. I’m not. I guess you have reading comprehension issues because I’ve said my wife was the one that came up with the budget limit and authorization.

We both have unlimited access to son accounts and spend freely up until she wanted a budget.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is your wife:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1211753.page

Wait until you see the $1400 stroller!

Strollers cost, man. And the expensive ones are dramatically better. If you’re not spending as much on a stroller as you would on a bike you’re going to ride every day, you’re doing it wrong imo.

My kids are teens- so glad we got away with the $250 Graco stroller. It was not
A thing then to have a stroller as a status symbol.

OP here. It’s not a status symbol. We walk a lot ( and run) and my wife wants a quality stroller that she can use for walks. It was highly recommended by man so she decided that’s the one she wants. It comes with bassinet ( for when baby is young) and a carseat.

I’m just not buying that the OP is a man. Somethings not adding up with the detailed responses.

OP here. I feel sad for you that you think so poorly of men. You know we do have brains and are capable of reading?

I’ve researched a lot because I want to be an informed and involved parent. I’ve looked up baby items and the ones my wife wants.

As a man, I know what a status symbol means.

As a husband, I know what my wife does. She likes walking and we take dusky walks and runs together.

Again, you’re not in any position to give me advice. Please realize men are a lot more capable than you think we are.

You seem to have all the answers so why ask here? You also seem like you have a lot to say so Why don’t you go talk to your wife directly?

He is also very controlling but likes to believe that he isn’t.

OP here. I’m not. I guess you have reading comprehension issues because I’ve said my wife was the one that came up with the budget limit and authorization.

We both have unlimited access to son accounts and spend freely up until she wanted a budget.

So what's the issue? You seem very defensive and proud of her purchases of white and cream furniture and pricy strollers. Seems like you just want to argue and don't actually have a problem. And for that, YATA.

[Anonymous]

My husband said “no” to the nursery furniture I had picked out. We had our first two babies during residency, and bought a crib and changing table off Amazon. When I got pregnant with our third was really excited to furnish the nursery in our new house with our new attending salaries. I had a crib, chair, and dresser/changing table picked out at an Amish furniture store that I loved. I had brought my mom and aunt to see it. I had started making some things for the walls and made little curtains. I went to show it to my husband before I actually bought it, and he said that it was too expensive for nursery furniture. He looked at it for less than a minute. I was managing our finances at the time and knew that we could afford it.

We fought over it. He eventually bought some more crap on Amazon. It had monkeys all over it.

I wish I had done what your wife did and just bought it without asking him. It would have had absolutely zero impact on our financial situation, and I would have really enjoyed it for hours every day for years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is your wife:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1211753.page

Wait until you see the $1400 stroller!

Strollers cost, man. And the expensive ones are dramatically better. If you’re not spending as much on a stroller as you would on a bike you’re going to ride every day, you’re doing it wrong imo.

My kids are teens- so glad we got away with the $250 Graco stroller. It was not
A thing then to have a stroller as a status symbol.

OP here. It’s not a status symbol. We walk a lot ( and run) and my wife wants a quality stroller that she can use for walks. It was highly recommended by man so she decided that’s the one she wants. It comes with bassinet ( for when baby is young) and a carseat.

I’m just not buying that the OP is a man. Somethings not adding up with the detailed responses.

OP here. I feel sad for you that you think so poorly of men. You know we do have brains and are capable of reading?

I’ve researched a lot because I want to be an informed and involved parent. I’ve looked up baby items and the ones my wife wants.

As a man, I know what a status symbol means.

As a husband, I know what my wife does. She likes walking and we take dusky walks and runs together.

Again, you’re not in any position to give me advice. Please realize men are a lot more capable than you think we are.

You seem to have all the answers so why ask here? You also seem like you have a lot to say so Why don’t you go talk to your wife directly?

He is also very controlling but likes to believe that he isn’t.

OP here. I’m not. I guess you have reading comprehension issues because I’ve said my wife was the one that came up with the budget limit and authorization.

We both have unlimited access to son accounts and spend freely up until she wanted a budget.

OP here. I’ve stated my issues more than once.

So what's the issue? You seem very defensive and proud of her purchases of white and cream furniture and pricy strollers. Seems like you just want to argue and don't actually have a problem. And for that, YATA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hey welcome to the world of being married.

DH signs kids up for expensive lessons without running it by me.

He ok'ed $11,000 to update carpeting in our house.

Spouses are gonna do what they wanna do.

Not in a healthy marriage they don’t. Weird thread that people think it’s ok for a spouse to spend over 6k without talking to the other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much over?

Technically if each individual piece was within the limit, she did nothing wrong.

OP here. It was $6600. Most of the items were exceeding the $500. I’m just annoyed she did not let me know about a purchase this large.

I’d be super pissed for a lot of reasons. Money would be one. That’s a ridiculous amount. Second would be violation of our agreement. Third would be excluding me from participating in decorating the baby’s room.

OP here. This may sound bad but I don’t care about decorating the nursery. I will set it up but I could care less what the decor looks like. Same with our home. I let her pick it all because I don’t care about those things.

PP here. Based on this, I’d say something about violating the agreement. But I wouldn’t ask that furniture be returned. Here’s why. Sometimes it’s worth overspending if it makes your spouse happy. The couple thousand you spend isn’t going to mean anything over time so long as overspending isn’t a habit but giving this gift to your wife will. I’d still say something about the agreement though.

OP here. I’m not asking her to return anything, though it won’t be here for another 1-2 months.

I just care that I wasn’t included. If it’s was $1-2k, I wouldn’t care, but $6611.42 is a lot of money to spend without letting me know. We still plan on buying our stroller - $1300 and my wife plans to buy her postpartum care stuff - $500. We will also be renting a fancy rocker bassinet of possibly buying - $1600.

You should make her choose one item and cancel the order for everything else. Then decide together on budget and you can pick everything else out together.

OP here. I won’t do this. I’m not mean or petty like that.

That’s fine but what happens when she does it again? Is she Just going to get away with it? Why have this dynamic at all if it’s useless? Just say F it, buy whatever you want and end up in debt in 15 years.

OP here. I told her we can’t spend like this again.

We do have a good income but I prefer to save than spend.

Is there something specific that you are saving for?

OP here. No but that is how people go into debt. No budget and wildly spending will create huge debt. No thanks.

No. Spending more than you make creates debt.
You can spend however wildly you want to, and as long as it’s less than you make, you won’t go into debt.
If you can truly afford this, then you can afford it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the problem is that you’ve de facto established that furnishings are her thing. So she both was annoyed at you overspending on “her” budget and also felt fine spending a ton on things she felt were needed. I think you should talk to her about the $500 limit and probably also go through Fair Play together to formalize the domains you each take care of and set a budget for them if needed that the person in charge of them gets to spend as they wish but the other person has to clear large purchases in that domain. So if you do yard stuff, your wife splurge at the nursery unless she talks to you but you can spend $6k on someone to take down a diseased tree without mentioning it to her.

This is why she’s upset. You’ve spent “her” furniture budget. It’s not rational, but nesting pregnant women aren’t always rational. I remember wanting that same furniture. We couldn’t afford it. Is talk to her about how the kids’ rooms were more important during the teen years than the baby years.

With the crib conversion kit, it looks like she wants this to be DC1’s permanent furniture. What do you do about DC2+? Do all kids get IKEA when a younger sibling is born? Do all DC get a complete Pottery Barn room? For our family, we bought a nice, pure white dresser for the nursery, and bought everything else used. When each kid aged out of a crib, we bought pure white beds and end tables from another brand. It looks cohesive. White furniture matches with the kids’ favorite colors, which are not what we predicted. Wood tones tend to change every few years. White is the only color you can really buy piecemeal.

OP here. I didn’t spend her furniture budget. We already bought the furniture needed for our home. We had plenty of money for other items.

Our tastes are neutral. All nursery furniture is white, and recliner and rug are cream colors.

I’m not sure what we will do if we have a second child. We will likely purchase something similar if we like the furniture my wife bought.

I’m the one who said you spent “her” budget — the quotes are essential. It isn’t really her budget because you guys never discussed it properly. However since she has been doing the majority of the furniture purchasing, it felt like you were stepping on her toes when you bought an expensive glider. I don’t think you’re wrong for feeling like she did a bait and switch re: your glider vs her nursery furniture; I’m just trying to explain how she’s likely feeling about it. Personally I think it might be easier to actually make the furniture budget “hers” and set it, while you take control of another budget and the associated chores.

[Anonymous]

What do you mean when you say that you can afford it? Is it like, this is a good chunk of our savings over the last couple of years, but we can afford it? Or is it like, if I pick up some extra work over the next couple of weeks, that will pretty much cover the cost?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d just buy $6600 worth of power tools or something semi-useful that she’d never use.

I guarantee you that he has lost over $6600 in stocks because he thought he had some secret knowledge and was too smart to put his money in an index fund.
I’m also willing to bet that his wife doesn’t know about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is your wife:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1211753.page

Wait until you see the $1400 stroller!

Strollers cost, man. And the expensive ones are dramatically better. If you’re not spending as much on a stroller as you would on a bike you’re going to ride every day, you’re doing it wrong imo.

My kids are teens- so glad we got away with the $250 Graco stroller. It was not
A thing then to have a stroller as a status symbol.

OP here. It’s not a status symbol. We walk a lot ( and run) and my wife wants a quality stroller that she can use for walks. It was highly recommended by man so she decided that’s the one she wants. It comes with bassinet ( for when baby is young) and a carseat.

I’m just not buying that the OP is a man. Somethings not adding up with the detailed responses.

This whole thread is a cleverly-worded humblebrag that's posing as a sympathy-seeking reassurance request that he's not the AH. Several of the responses claim to be OP, and there are a few others that just sound like him ("dude" who wouldn't want to live in a relationship where he and his wife had to talk about money because "they could afford it" is a peak sockpuppet contender).

Which makes him an undeniable AH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey welcome to the world of being married.

DH signs kids up for expensive lessons without running it by me.

He ok'ed $11,000 to update carpeting in our house.

Spouses are gonna do what they wanna do.

Not in a healthy marriage they don’t. Weird thread that people think it’s ok for a spouse to spend over 6k without talking to the other.

People have different marriages. My husband recently bought a car without talking to me about it. I knew that he needed a new car, but I didn’t care which one he got. I trusted that he is a responsible human being and wouldn’t get something completely impractical for our family or our budget. He pulled through.

It would have been odd for him to ask me. I don’t know anything about cars. I have never daydreamed about owning a particular car. I have nothing to add.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is your wife:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1211753.page

Wait until you see the $1400 stroller!

Strollers cost, man. And the expensive ones are dramatically better. If you’re not spending as much on a stroller as you would on a bike you’re going to ride every day, you’re doing it wrong imo.

My kids are teens- so glad we got away with the $250 Graco stroller. It was not
A thing then to have a stroller as a status symbol.

OP here. It’s not a status symbol. We walk a lot ( and run) and my wife wants a quality stroller that she can use for walks. It was highly recommended by man so she decided that’s the one she wants. It comes with bassinet ( for when baby is young) and a carseat.

I’m just not buying that the OP is a man. Somethings not adding up with the detailed responses.

OP here. I feel sad for you that you think so poorly of men. You know we do have brains and are capable of reading?

I’ve researched a lot because I want to be an informed and involved parent. I’ve looked up baby items and the ones my wife wants.

As a man, I know what a status symbol means.

As a husband, I know what my wife does. She likes walking and we take dusky walks and runs together.

Again, you’re not in any position to give me advice. Please realize men are a lot more capable than you think we are.

You seem to have all the answers so why ask here? You also seem like you have a lot to say so Why don’t you go talk to your wife directly?

He is also very controlling but likes to believe that he isn’t.

OP here. I’m not. I guess you have reading comprehension issues because I’ve said my wife was the one that came up with the budget limit and authorization.

We both have unlimited access to son accounts and spend freely up until she wanted a budget.

OP here. I’ve stated my issues more than once.

So what's the issue? You seem very defensive and proud of her purchases of white and cream furniture and pricy strollers. Seems like you just want to argue and don't actually have a problem. And for that, YATA.

Yes, and YATA. Hope that helps!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean when you say that you can afford it? Is it like, this is a good chunk of our savings over the last couple of years, but we can afford it? Or is it like, if I pick up some extra work over the next couple of weeks, that will pretty much cover the cost?

OP here. We can afford it meaning that it is expandable income. All of our accounts are covered and this money is pretty much to do with however we please. We often end up putting it into savings. Our annual HHI is 275k. Not rich but we earn enough to be comfortable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d just buy $6600 worth of power tools or something semi-useful that she’d never use.

I guarantee you that he has lost over $6600 in stocks because he thought he had some secret knowledge and was too smart to put his money in an index fund.
I’m also willing to bet that his wife doesn’t know about it.

OP here. I’ve never invested in stocks.