AITA: Wife Bought Expensive Furniture W/O My Consent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is your wife:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1211753.page

Wait until you see the $1400 stroller!

Strollers cost, man. And the expensive ones are dramatically better. If you’re not spending as much on a stroller as you would on a bike you’re going to ride every day, you’re doing it wrong imo.

My kids are teens- so glad we got away with the $250 Graco stroller. It was not
A thing then to have a stroller as a status symbol.

OP here. It’s not a status symbol. We walk a lot ( and run) and my wife wants a quality stroller that she can use for walks. It was highly recommended by man so she decided that’s the one she wants. It comes with bassinet ( for when baby is young) and a carseat.

I’m just not buying that the OP is a man. Somethings not adding up with the detailed responses.

[Anonymous]

I’d just buy $6600 worth of power tools or something semi-useful that she’d never use.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much over?

Technically if each individual piece was within the limit, she did nothing wrong.

OP here. It was $6600. Most of the items were exceeding the $500. I’m just annoyed she did not let me know about a purchase this large.

I’d be super pissed for a lot of reasons. Money would be one. That’s a ridiculous amount. Second would be violation of our agreement. Third would be excluding me from participating in decorating the baby’s room.

OP here. This may sound bad but I don’t care about decorating the nursery. I will set it up but I could care less what the decor looks like. Same with our home. I let her pick it all because I don’t care about those things.

PP here. Based on this, I’d say something about violating the agreement. But I wouldn’t ask that furniture be returned. Here’s why. Sometimes it’s worth overspending if it makes your spouse happy. The couple thousand you spend isn’t going to mean anything over time so long as overspending isn’t a habit but giving this gift to your wife will. I’d still say something about the agreement though.

OP here. I’m not asking her to return anything, though it won’t be here for another 1-2 months.

I just care that I wasn’t included. If it’s was $1-2k, I wouldn’t care, but $6611.42 is a lot of money to spend without letting me know. We still plan on buying our stroller - $1300 and my wife plans to buy her postpartum care stuff - $500. We will also be renting a fancy rocker bassinet of possibly buying - $1600.

You should make her choose one item and cancel the order for everything else. Then decide together on budget and you can pick everything else out together.

OP here. I won’t do this. I’m not mean or petty like that.

That’s fine but what happens when she does it again? Is she Just going to get away with it? Why have this dynamic at all if it’s useless? Just say F it, buy whatever you want and end up in debt in 15 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is your wife:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1211753.page

Wait until you see the $1400 stroller!

Strollers cost, man. And the expensive ones are dramatically better. If you’re not spending as much on a stroller as you would on a bike you’re going to ride every day, you’re doing it wrong imo.

My kids are teens- so glad we got away with the $250 Graco stroller. It was not
A thing then to have a stroller as a status symbol.

OP here. It’s not a status symbol. We walk a lot ( and run) and my wife wants a quality stroller that she can use for walks. It was highly recommended by man so she decided that’s the one she wants. It comes with bassinet ( for when baby is young) and a carseat.

I’m just not buying that the OP is a man. Somethings not adding up with the detailed responses.

OP here. I feel sad for you that you think so poorly of men. You know we do have brains and are capable of reading?

I’ve researched a lot because I want to be an informed and involved parent. I’ve looked up baby items and the ones my wife wants.

As a man, I know what a status symbol means.

As a husband, I know what my wife does. She likes walking and we take dusky walks and runs together.

Again, you’re not in any position to give me advice. Please realize men are a lot more capable than you think we are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much over?

Technically if each individual piece was within the limit, she did nothing wrong.

OP here. It was $6600. Most of the items were exceeding the $500. I’m just annoyed she did not let me know about a purchase this large.

I’d be super pissed for a lot of reasons. Money would be one. That’s a ridiculous amount. Second would be violation of our agreement. Third would be excluding me from participating in decorating the baby’s room.

OP here. This may sound bad but I don’t care about decorating the nursery. I will set it up but I could care less what the decor looks like. Same with our home. I let her pick it all because I don’t care about those things.

PP here. Based on this, I’d say something about violating the agreement. But I wouldn’t ask that furniture be returned. Here’s why. Sometimes it’s worth overspending if it makes your spouse happy. The couple thousand you spend isn’t going to mean anything over time so long as overspending isn’t a habit but giving this gift to your wife will. I’d still say something about the agreement though.

OP here. I’m not asking her to return anything, though it won’t be here for another 1-2 months.

I just care that I wasn’t included. If it’s was $1-2k, I wouldn’t care, but $6611.42 is a lot of money to spend without letting me know. We still plan on buying our stroller - $1300 and my wife plans to buy her postpartum care stuff - $500. We will also be renting a fancy rocker bassinet of possibly buying - $1600.

You should make her choose one item and cancel the order for everything else. Then decide together on budget and you can pick everything else out together.

OP here. I won’t do this. I’m not mean or petty like that.

That’s fine but what happens when she does it again? Is she Just going to get away with it? Why have this dynamic at all if it’s useless? Just say F it, buy whatever you want and end up in debt in 15 years.

OP here. I told her we can’t spend like this again.

We do have a good income but I prefer to save than spend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the problem is that you’ve de facto established that furnishings are her thing. So she both was annoyed at you overspending on “her” budget and also felt fine spending a ton on things she felt were needed. I think you should talk to her about the $500 limit and probably also go through Fair Play together to formalize the domains you each take care of and set a budget for them if needed that the person in charge of them gets to spend as they wish but the other person has to clear large purchases in that domain. So if you do yard stuff, your wife splurge at the nursery unless she talks to you but you can spend $6 on someone to take down a diseased tree without mentioning it to her.

This is why she’s upset. You’ve spent “her” furniture budget. It’s not rational, but nesting pregnant women aren’t always rational. I remember wanting that same furniture. We couldn’t afford it. Is talk to her about how the kids’ rooms were more important during the teen years than the baby years.

With the crib conversion kit, it looks like she wants this to be DC1’s permanent furniture. What do you do about DC2+? Do all kids get IKEA when a younger sibling is born? Do all DC get a complete Pottery Barn room? For our family, we bought a nice, pure white dresser for the nursery, and bought everything else used. When each kid aged out of a crib, we bought pure white beds and end tables from another brand. It looks cohesive. White furniture matches with the kids’ favorite colors, which are not what we predicted. Wood tones tend to change every few years. White is the only color you can really buy piecemeal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much over?

Technically if each individual piece was within the limit, she did nothing wrong.

OP here. It was $6600. Most of the items were exceeding the $500. I’m just annoyed she did not let me know about a purchase this large.

I’d be super pissed for a lot of reasons. Money would be one. That’s a ridiculous amount. Second would be violation of our agreement. Third would be excluding me from participating in decorating the baby’s room.

OP here. This may sound bad but I don’t care about decorating the nursery. I will set it up but I could care less what the decor looks like. Same with our home. I let her pick it all because I don’t care about those things.

PP here. Based on this, I’d say something about violating the agreement. But I wouldn’t ask that furniture be returned. Here’s why. Sometimes it’s worth overspending if it makes your spouse happy. The couple thousand you spend isn’t going to mean anything over time so long as overspending isn’t a habit but giving this gift to your wife will. I’d still say something about the agreement though.

OP here. I’m not asking her to return anything, though it won’t be here for another 1-2 months.

I just care that I wasn’t included. If it’s was $1-2k, I wouldn’t care, but $6611.42 is a lot of money to spend without letting me know. We still plan on buying our stroller - $1300 and my wife plans to buy her postpartum care stuff - $500. We will also be renting a fancy rocker bassinet of possibly buying - $1600.

You should make her choose one item and cancel the order for everything else. Then decide together on budget and you can pick everything else out together.

OP here. I won’t do this. I’m not mean or petty like that.

That’s fine but what happens when she does it again? Is she Just going to get away with it? Why have this dynamic at all if it’s useless? Just say F it, buy whatever you want and end up in debt in 15 years.

OP here. I told her we can’t spend like this again.

We do have a good income but I prefer to save than spend.

You're having a baby. A little too late for that! Kiss your money goodbye.

[Anonymous]

OP.... $40k on new home furnishings and $6600 on nursery furniture, and that's before you even get to the $1300 stroller?

Oh, you are in for a fun marriage. Next it will be the $800 high chairs, the $1000 running stroller, the $120 baby sneakers.... and a mere 16 years later, it's a BMW. I have friends like this, and it literally started with the nursery furniture. It's not like their desire to spend goes away when the baby is born. Honestly, it just got worse and worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is your wife:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1211753.page

Wait until you see the $1400 stroller!

Strollers cost, man. And the expensive ones are dramatically better. If you’re not spending as much on a stroller as you would on a bike you’re going to ride every day, you’re doing it wrong imo.

My kids are teens- so glad we got away with the $250 Graco stroller. It was not
A thing then to have a stroller as a status symbol.

OP here. It’s not a status symbol. We walk a lot ( and run) and my wife wants a quality stroller that she can use for walks. It was highly recommended by man so she decided that’s the one she wants. It comes with bassinet ( for when baby is young) and a carseat.

I’m just not buying that the OP is a man. Somethings not adding up with the detailed responses.

OP here. I feel sad for you that you think so poorly of men. You know we do have brains and are capable of reading?

I’ve researched a lot because I want to be an informed and involved parent. I’ve looked up baby items and the ones my wife wants.

As a man, I know what a status symbol means.

As a husband, I know what my wife does. She likes walking and we take dusky walks and runs together.

Again, you’re not in any position to give me advice. Please realize men are a lot more capable than you think we are.

You seem to have all the answers so why ask here? You also seem like you have a lot to say so Why don’t you go talk to your wife directly?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"She didn’t get any authorization from me first"

WHAT?

How much was the total troll?

OP here. I’m not a troll. The total was $6600.

We can spend freely but anything over $500 requires authorization and a heads up to each other.

That’s reasonable. The furniture will last through several babies. If it makes your wife happy and you can afford it, I don’t see the issue. She probably didn’t mention it because she knew you would say no. You sound financially controlling, and you may want to rethink your approach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I couldn’t live like this. That’s why we have separate accounts. If I had to clear everything over $500 with my spouse I would be so cranky. I don’t mind staying within a budget by category or by time period, but arguing with him about what is “reasonable” to spend on a dresser or whatever would make me so cranky.

OP here. She set the boundaries and the $500 limit, not me.

Maybe suggest you change it to $1000?
It does seem ridiculous to live in such a strict punitive way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much over?

Technically if each individual piece was within the limit, she did nothing wrong.

OP here. It was $6600. Most of the items were exceeding the $500. I’m just annoyed she did not let me know about a purchase this large.

I’d be super pissed for a lot of reasons. Money would be one. That’s a ridiculous amount. Second would be violation of our agreement. Third would be excluding me from participating in decorating the baby’s room.

OP here. This may sound bad but I don’t care about decorating the nursery. I will set it up but I could care less what the decor looks like. Same with our home. I let her pick it all because I don’t care about those things.

PP here. Based on this, I’d say something about violating the agreement. But I wouldn’t ask that furniture be returned. Here’s why. Sometimes it’s worth overspending if it makes your spouse happy. The couple thousand you spend isn’t going to mean anything over time so long as overspending isn’t a habit but giving this gift to your wife will. I’d still say something about the agreement though.

OP here. I’m not asking her to return anything, though it won’t be here for another 1-2 months.

I just care that I wasn’t included. If it’s was $1-2k, I wouldn’t care, but $6611.42 is a lot of money to spend without letting me know. We still plan on buying our stroller - $1300 and my wife plans to buy her postpartum care stuff - $500. We will also be renting a fancy rocker bassinet of possibly buying - $1600.

You should make her choose one item and cancel the order for everything else. Then decide together on budget and you can pick everything else out together.

OP here. I won’t do this. I’m not mean or petty like that.

That’s fine but what happens when she does it again? Is she Just going to get away with it? Why have this dynamic at all if it’s useless? Just say F it, buy whatever you want and end up in debt in 15 years.

OP here. I told her we can’t spend like this again.

We do have a good income but I prefer to save than spend.

Is there something specific that you are saving for?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is your wife:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1211753.page

Wait until you see the $1400 stroller!

Strollers cost, man. And the expensive ones are dramatically better. If you’re not spending as much on a stroller as you would on a bike you’re going to ride every day, you’re doing it wrong imo.

My kids are teens- so glad we got away with the $250 Graco stroller. It was not
A thing then to have a stroller as a status symbol.

OP here. It’s not a status symbol. We walk a lot ( and run) and my wife wants a quality stroller that she can use for walks. It was highly recommended by man so she decided that’s the one she wants. It comes with bassinet ( for when baby is young) and a carseat.

I’m just not buying that the OP is a man. Somethings not adding up with the detailed responses.

OP here. I feel sad for you that you think so poorly of men. You know we do have brains and are capable of reading?

I’ve researched a lot because I want to be an informed and involved parent. I’ve looked up baby items and the ones my wife wants.

As a man, I know what a status symbol means.

As a husband, I know what my wife does. She likes walking and we take dusky walks and runs together.

Again, you’re not in any position to give me advice. Please realize men are a lot more capable than you think we are.

You seem to have all the answers so why ask here? You also seem like you have a lot to say so Why don’t you go talk to your wife directly?

He is also very controlling but likes to believe that he isn’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the problem is that you’ve de facto established that furnishings are her thing. So she both was annoyed at you overspending on “her” budget and also felt fine spending a ton on things she felt were needed. I think you should talk to her about the $500 limit and probably also go through Fair Play together to formalize the domains you each take care of and set a budget for them if needed that the person in charge of them gets to spend as they wish but the other person has to clear large purchases in that domain. So if you do yard stuff, your wife splurge at the nursery unless she talks to you but you can spend $6 on someone to take down a diseased tree without mentioning it to her.

This is why she’s upset. You’ve spent “her” furniture budget. It’s not rational, but nesting pregnant women aren’t always rational. I remember wanting that same furniture. We couldn’t afford it. Is talk to her about how the kids’ rooms were more important during the teen years than the baby years.

With the crib conversion kit, it looks like she wants this to be DC1’s permanent furniture. What do you do about DC2+? Do all kids get IKEA when a younger sibling is born? Do all DC get a complete Pottery Barn room? For our family, we bought a nice, pure white dresser for the nursery, and bought everything else used. When each kid aged out of a crib, we bought pure white beds and end tables from another brand. It looks cohesive. White furniture matches with the kids’ favorite colors, which are not what we predicted. Wood tones tend to change every few years. White is the only color you can really buy piecemeal.

OP here. I didn’t spend her furniture budget. We already bought the furniture needed for our home. We had plenty of money for other items.

Our tastes are neutral. All nursery furniture is white, and recliner and rug are cream colors.

I’m not sure what we will do if we have a second child. We will likely purchase something similar if we like the furniture my wife bought.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP.... $40k on new home furnishings and $6600 on nursery furniture, and that's before you even get to the $1300 stroller?

Oh, you are in for a fun marriage. Next it will be the $800 high chairs, the $1000 running stroller, the $120 baby sneakers.... and a mere 16 years later, it's a BMW. I have friends like this, and it literally started with the nursery furniture. It's not like their desire to spend goes away when the baby is born. Honestly, it just got worse and worse.

OP here. We don’t spend much beyond these large expenses.

We don’t plan on getting our child a car. We both share very similar values on this issue.