AITA: Wife Bought Expensive Furniture W/O My Consent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"She didn’t get any authorization from me first"

WHAT?

How much was the total troll?

His wording is off but most people take their spouse's input before making a big financial decision.

That being said, you can't reason with a first time prego and live happily so let it go but rationally discuss importance of making bug decisions together, as being parents y'all have to be more responsible and will face more issues worth a mutual brainstorming.

OP here. I don’t think my wording was off. It may come across as harsh but is isn’t. We both are free to spend whatever we want, but bigger purchases over $500 are always given a heads up and authorization by each other. This allows us to keep our budget under control and not overspend.

Your wording is terrible. You mean "agreement" or "consensus" not "authorization."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she had let you know, would you have said no?

OP here. I would have suggested we look at cheaper options.

Different poster, but that is why she didn't tell you. Nesting mothers-to-be are not in the mood for compromise. Take a look at the cost of nursery furniture in general. You'll probably see comparable prices. This furniture will probably last for all the children you choose to have and have a decent resale value once you are done with it. Unless this breaks the bank, it isn't worth the aggravation. Let it go.

OP here. There are cheaper options. The crib was $1k, dresser $1700, recliner $1450, bookcase $500, nightstand $400, etc. The items I look at were half the cost.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she had let you know, would you have said no?

OP here. I would have suggested we look at cheaper options.

Different poster, but that is why she didn't tell you. Nesting mothers-to-be are not in the mood for compromise. Take a look at the cost of nursery furniture in general. You'll probably see comparable prices. This furniture will probably last for all the children you choose to have and have a decent resale value once you are done with it. Unless this breaks the bank, it isn't worth the aggravation. Let it go.

OP here. I do agree that I’m more upset about her blowing the $500 limit than the purchase itself. We can afford the purchase, it’s just that she made a big deal about me spending $1200 on a glider, and set the $500 with authorization. This was in May and then now she goes and buys all of this without letting me know.

If she buys all the furniture in the house, how did you end up buying a glider for the living room? Is there any chance she was more upset about what you bought than how much it cost?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she had let you know, would you have said no?

OP here. I would have suggested we look at cheaper options.

Different poster, but that is why she didn't tell you. Nesting mothers-to-be are not in the mood for compromise. Take a look at the cost of nursery furniture in general. You'll probably see comparable prices. This furniture will probably last for all the children you choose to have and have a decent resale value once you are done with it. Unless this breaks the bank, it isn't worth the aggravation. Let it go.

OP here. There are cheaper options. The crib was $1k, dresser $1700, recliner $1450, bookcase $500, nightstand $400, etc. The items I look at were half the cost.

I’ve been through this with two kids. The stuff that’s half the price is made of mdf and will fall apart in a couple of years. It’s worth it to spend the money on stuff that will last a while.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Consider giving her a pass on this one if you can afford the furniture. Pregnant mothers want what they want and she didn't want you trying to replace her careful selection with cheap Ikea stuff. If you're planning on more than one child, remember that future children will also be using this furniture so it's worth it to buy quality pieces that will hold up for years.

IMO, $500 is too low for the "spouse authorization" rule. Consider raising the amount to $1500.

OP here. She set the limit after I purchased a $1200 glider for the living room. She decided we need
“ authorization” and a limit of $500 unless we both agreed on the purchase.

She hates the glider, OP. It wasn't about the money.

You do appear to have a failure to communicate, which doesn't bode well for when children are in the mix.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much over?

Technically if each individual piece was within the limit, she did nothing wrong.

OP here. It was $6600. Most of the items were exceeding the $500. I’m just annoyed she did not let me know about a purchase this large.

I’d be super pissed for a lot of reasons. Money would be one. That’s a ridiculous amount. Second would be violation of our agreement. Third would be excluding me from participating in decorating the baby’s room.

OP here. This may sound bad but I don’t care about decorating the nursery. I will set it up but I could care less what the decor looks like. Same with our home. I let her pick it all because I don’t care about those things.

PP here. Based on this, I’d say something about violating the agreement. But I wouldn’t ask that furniture be returned. Here’s why. Sometimes it’s worth overspending if it makes your spouse happy. The couple thousand you spend isn’t going to mean anything over time so long as overspending isn’t a habit but giving this gift to your wife will. I’d still say something about the agreement though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much over?

Technically if each individual piece was within the limit, she did nothing wrong.

OP here. It was $6600. Most of the items were exceeding the $500. I’m just annoyed she did not let me know about a purchase this large.

That is A LOT for baby furniture, did she get everything she needs or is there still stuff missing? Did she buy qualify or cheap stuff with an expensive label?

OP here. She did. We do need little things still.

She purchased

Larkin crib + conversion kit
Larkin dresser w/ changing table top
Larkin nightstand
Larkin bookcase
Comfort swivel glider + ottoman
Faye rug + runner

No way the DH knows this. This is the wife posting....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Consider giving her a pass on this one if you can afford the furniture. Pregnant mothers want what they want and she didn't want you trying to replace her careful selection with cheap Ikea stuff. If you're planning on more than one child, remember that future children will also be using this furniture so it's worth it to buy quality pieces that will hold up for years.

IMO, $500 is too low for the "spouse authorization" rule. Consider raising the amount to $1500.

OP here. She set the limit after I purchased a $1200 glider for the living room. She decided we need
“ authorization” and a limit of $500 unless we both agreed on the purchase.

She hates the glider, OP. It wasn't about the money.

You do appear to have a failure to communicate, which doesn't bode well for when children are in the mix.

+1. That’s what I suspect as well.

[Anonymous]

You can remind her of the limit you agreed to and ask if it’s still an idea that works without being “upset.”

The big problem is you’re both kind of controlling and seem to feel the person who is “right” and the person who is “wronged” get to lash out. You need to remember you’re on the same team, or it’s going to be a very long newborn period.

You could communicate about if that furniture fit in the budget, and strategize about what to do now if it wasn’t, but if you’re upset meaning emotional and/or angry something like this and it wasn’t something you truly can’t afford, that’s a bad sign imo. You gotta be able to roll together better. You can’t pitch a hissy fit about little things like this. Really no hissy fits.

[Anonymous]

I would be upset she didn't let me see the crap before buying it, even without a $500 agreement. But OP you say you don't care what furniture looks like so I guess you don't care what it looks like and she know that.
But in general that's weird.
I mean, I show my husband a picture of art, furniture because he has to live with it too. We don't have a "rule" it is just common sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she had let you know, would you have said no?

OP here. I would have suggested we look at cheaper options.

Different poster, but that is why she didn't tell you. Nesting mothers-to-be are not in the mood for compromise. Take a look at the cost of nursery furniture in general. You'll probably see comparable prices. This furniture will probably last for all the children you choose to have and have a decent resale value once you are done with it. Unless this breaks the bank, it isn't worth the aggravation. Let it go.

OP here. I do agree that I’m more upset about her blowing the $500 limit than the purchase itself. We can afford the purchase, it’s just that she made a big deal about me spending $1200 on a glider, and set the $500 with authorization. This was in May and then now she goes and buys all of this without letting me know.

If she buys all the furniture in the house, how did you end up buying a glider for the living room? Is there any chance she was more upset about what you bought than how much it cost?

OP here. She bought 98% of the furniture when we bought this place. I let her design it and pick out what she wanted because I didn’t care much. We are both more into neutral colors.

I had a recliner that broke shortly after moving in and bought another one. I’m the only one that uses it.

She cared about the price, not the piece of furniture. It fits well with everything else in our living room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much over?

Technically if each individual piece was within the limit, she did nothing wrong.

OP here. It was $6600. Most of the items were exceeding the $500. I’m just annoyed she did not let me know about a purchase this large.

That is A LOT for baby furniture, did she get everything she needs or is there still stuff missing? Did she buy qualify or cheap stuff with an expensive label?

OP here. She did. We do need little things still.

She purchased

Larkin crib + conversion kit
Larkin dresser w/ changing table top
Larkin nightstand
Larkin bookcase
Comfort swivel glider + ottoman
Faye rug + runner

No way the DH knows this. This is the wife posting....

In a world where you can circle an item in a photo on your phone and get the detailed info, you post this? :roll:

[Anonymous]

I couldn’t live like this. That’s why we have separate accounts. If I had to clear everything over $500 with my spouse I would be so cranky. I don’t mind staying within a budget by category or by time period, but arguing with him about what is “reasonable” to spend on a dresser or whatever would make me so cranky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Consider giving her a pass on this one if you can afford the furniture. Pregnant mothers want what they want and she didn't want you trying to replace her careful selection with cheap Ikea stuff. If you're planning on more than one child, remember that future children will also be using this furniture so it's worth it to buy quality pieces that will hold up for years.

IMO, $500 is too low for the "spouse authorization" rule. Consider raising the amount to $1500.

OP here. She set the limit after I purchased a $1200 glider for the living room. She decided we need
“ authorization” and a limit of $500 unless we both agreed on the purchase.

She hates the glider, OP. It wasn't about the money.

You do appear to have a failure to communicate, which doesn't bode well for when children are in the mix.

OP here. It was the price.

We have great communication.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much over?

Technically if each individual piece was within the limit, she did nothing wrong.

OP here. It was $6600. Most of the items were exceeding the $500. I’m just annoyed she did not let me know about a purchase this large.

That is A LOT for baby furniture, did she get everything she needs or is there still stuff missing? Did she buy qualify or cheap stuff with an expensive label?

OP here. She did. We do need little things still.

She purchased

Larkin crib + conversion kit
Larkin dresser w/ changing table top
Larkin nightstand
Larkin bookcase
Comfort swivel glider + ottoman
Faye rug + runner

No way the DH knows this. This is the wife posting....

In a world where you can circle an item in a photo on your phone and get the detailed info, you post this? :roll:

Idk, it is an awful lot to type in.