Kicked out of every activity and summer camp we’ve ever tried

[Anonymous]

Op, on the off chance your kid also has epilepsy like mine - please look into different meds and maybe even surgery. Nothing can help a kid with uncontrolled brain activity. Complete brain spike control can do SO much, it is so worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Has anyone else just given up? I don’t know why this hurts so much.

We gave up on a lot of things, and yes, it hurts a lot. Especially tough because at that age we needed daycare and couldn't afford a nanny so we were forced to keep trying things. Most camps/activities we tried he was kicked out of, or it was a disaster and we knew not to try again. He did ok with one-on-one sports lessons (aside from not being athletic). Scouts worked because his dad was the leader and I was usually around to help corral him too.

I wish I could have worried less those years about him missing out on what his peers were doing (he didn't seem to care that he wasn't playing soccer, for example).

He's now a teen and things are much better. Far from perfect, and there are still a lot of tears (on my part) over the lost opportunities and things he can't do, but there are things he can do (still with support).

Others have commented about school. We entered K with an IEP, having fully explained the challenges. After day one, we were pulled aside, with school saying they didn't understand what a handful he would be and how bad it was... needed a new placement. In our experience, people really underestimate how rough it can be with a young child who is "only" hyperactive.

[Anonymous]

Yes it's ok to give up. It's ok to try again later. Dinner can be hard. If he's young enough to not realize what he's missing or doesn't care, there's no harm to him. I dislike most summer camps I've seen. Agree it's young, inexperienced staff who are not really helping kids fulfill anything. There are other ways to get socialization if that's a concern but less than ideal supervision isn't going to necessarily help with socialization either. Give yourself and your kid a break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes it's ok to give up. It's ok to try again later. Dinner can be hard. If he's young enough to not realize what he's missing or doesn't care, there's no harm to him. I dislike most summer camps I've seen. Agree it's young, inexperienced staff who are not really helping kids fulfill anything. There are other ways to get socialization if that's a concern but less than ideal supervision isn't going to necessarily help with socialization either. Give yourself and your kid a break.

PP above. Meant summer not dinner. Damn ac

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he on medication?

Op here. Yes. And we’ve done evaluations and we have an army of doctors. We have a diagnosis. We know the cause.

If possible, I would greatly appreciate if we could stick to the question I am asking, which is NOT-how do I prevent this from happening or why is this happening. Because I have already done ALL THE THINGS-promise I am not looking for comprehensive feedback on our medical and therapy regime. I assure you I have left no stone unturned. Just asking specifically about experiences with SN kids and activities/summer camps.

OK, but you should have mentioned that because most children are not medicated at that age. I'm glad you're doing everything you can, OP, and I'm very sorry it still can't open all the doors for your kid. Stop trying to stick him in camps, and focus on your plan for school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he on medication?

Op here. Yes. And we’ve done evaluations and we have an army of doctors. We have a diagnosis. We know the cause.

If possible, I would greatly appreciate if we could stick to the question I am asking, which is NOT-how do I prevent this from happening or why is this happening. Because I have already done ALL THE THINGS-promise I am not looking for comprehensive feedback on our medical and therapy regime. I assure you I have left no stone unturned. Just asking specifically about experiences with SN kids and activities/summer camps.

OK, but you should have mentioned that because most children are not medicated at that age. I'm glad you're doing everything you can, OP, and I'm very sorry it still can't open all the doors for your kid. Stop trying to stick him in camps, and focus on your plan for school.

DP. Omg. OP just answered the question and politely asked to not make this about medication or therapy. No need to police her.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry OP. I know how it feels. My DD hasn’t necessarily been kicked out of activities but essentially can not function when there. Different issues but same feeling of disappointment, rejection and hopelessness.

After a disastrous year, we cancelled all camps and are focusing on recharging, therapy, and getting meds right. We have babysitter/summer nanny lined up who has special needs experience.

My 2 cents is that we over program our children and do so younger and younger. On one hand we want them to be exposed to a lot and those of us with ADHDers want to wear them out— but also, they don’t get to learn how to regulate on their own and deal with unstructured time which generally leads to them finding something they are really interested in.

Good luck. Your son is young. Reframe your mindset and slow your roll. Eventually it will even out. I found age 8 is a huge leap in maturity - hopefully you will see this in a few years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To answer your question, yes, he should spend the summer with your nanny, therapist, respite worker, and you and your spouse. He isn't ready/able to handle group care settings yet. Save yourself and everyone else the hassle.

+1 this is the right move for now

Different poster. And yes, some of you are being very mean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he on medication?

Op here. Yes. And we’ve done evaluations and we have an army of doctors. We have a diagnosis. We know the cause.

If possible, I would greatly appreciate if we could stick to the question I am asking, which is NOT-how do I prevent this from happening or why is this happening. Because I have already done ALL THE THINGS-promise I am not looking for comprehensive feedback on our medical and therapy regime. I assure you I have left no stone unturned. Just asking specifically about experiences with SN kids and activities/summer camps.

It is happening due to the hyperactivity. The only treatment for ADHD/hyperactivity is medication. No need to be touchy about it. We all have kids with issues in this forum. The medication he is on is not working if his hyperactivity is not managed to this degree.

The only other suggestion I have is camps that are sports/running heavy. So soccer, swimming, etc. But even then if his inattention is preventing him from following directions, I'm not sure it would work.

Agree with this. OP, you're depleted and I think right now it would be ok to just let it go, and focus on getting your whole family into an easier routine. He can have all the enrichment later.


If you look at my OP, I had a specific question which is:

At what point do you just decide that your kid won’t be in anything and stop trying?

I would never decide to "stop trying" for our kid. However, it seems you equate "trying" with signing him up for activities and camps.

"Trying" involves a lot more than that. He's not able to handle the group activities now, so yeah, I'd skip the camps and group activities, but I won't "stop trying." For me, trying would involve (1) activities that either I or a trained caregiver would carefully curate and oversee at home or small settings, and (2) completely reexamining his medical protocol (but I know you don't want to hear about that).

[Anonymous]

Sorry, messed up the quoting above.

Agree with this. OP, you're depleted and I think right now it would be ok to just let it go, and focus on getting your whole family into an easier routine. He can have all the enrichment later.

[Anonymous]

Didnt read everything, but of course you stop signing up for things if they all cause pain. Your son doesn't have to do the extras. Stop trying, focus on his medical needs, and try again when he is in a better place.

It doesn't mean you never do anything though. Sign up for parent and me one time nature classes. Go to the pool. Go to a park and kick a ball around. Find other ways to engage and use energy. Dont stress that its not "the right" activity snd dont let yourself believe it will always be like this. Chances are he will adjust and so will you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he on medication?

Op here. Yes. And we’ve done evaluations and we have an army of doctors. We have a diagnosis. We know the cause.

If possible, I would greatly appreciate if we could stick to the question I am asking, which is NOT-how do I prevent this from happening or why is this happening. Because I have already done ALL THE THINGS-promise I am not looking for comprehensive feedback on our medical and therapy regime. I assure you I have left no stone unturned. Just asking specifically about experiences with SN kids and activities/summer camps.

It is happening due to the hyperactivity. The only treatment for ADHD/hyperactivity is medication. No need to be touchy about it. We all have kids with issues in this forum. The medication he is on is not working if his hyperactivity is not managed to this degree.

The only other suggestion I have is camps that are sports/running heavy. So soccer, swimming, etc. But even then if his inattention is preventing him from following directions, I'm not sure it would work.

Op here. I put my 4 year old on stimulants. I’m aware he’s hyperactive. I am not looking for explanations. I know my kid.

If you look at my OP, I had a specific question which is:

At what point do you just decide that your kid won’t be in anything and stop trying?

Your question is about you feeling sorry for yourself at the moment and not actually looking for solutions. I get it. I have a kid on the spectrum who also has ADHD and ticks. I get it. It took me a long come to come to terms with some things.

But I am telling you as a mother to a 16 year old that the medication is not working and it could fix a lot of the issues.

Op here. Just go away. You’re not helping. We literally have a child psychiatrist who we see every month. You honestly think you can do better on an anonymous board than what our psychiatrist who is an MD and has actually seen our child for years can? Did you see the part where I said we put our 4 year old on stimulants? Do you think that happens by just waltzing into a pediatrician appointment? It took tenacity and follow up and advocacy and specialists and doctor shopping to get a 4 year old on stimulants, mmmkay?

You can be offended all you want, but I'm telling you as someone who has a lot more experience dealing with this than you do that whatever the psychiatrist put him on is not working. Good luck.

Op here. What is it that you imagine occurs in our monthly visits to our child psychiatrist? Do you think I just fail to mention the struggles? Do you think we have only ever tried one medication and never ever changed the dosage/timing/etc? Do you think these appointments are for recreation or chit chat? WE HAVE TRIED NO FEWER THAN 10 DIFFERENT PSYCHIATRIC MEDICATIONS ON OUR 5 YEAR OLD AT VARIOUS DOSES. Why do you think you know more than I do, when I have had the tenacity and wherewithal to get my 4 year old ok stimulants? How many people have you ever met that have done that? Doctors do not like to diagnose ADHD at 4, let alone prescribe STIMULANTS for it at that age. And yet, I managed to get my son on them on his 4th birthday.

But sure, by all means, tell me more about how I’m in denial and need to try a new medication. Wow, amazing, I’ll have to show your post to our psychiatrist! Because it never occurred to any of us to try a different medication or dose or time of day or…..

It's amazing to me that you came here and asked for advice considering you already know it all. So sorry to offend you by sharing my personal experience. GOOD LUCK.

Op here. I had a specific question, which I’ll share here for the 3rd time:

At what point do you just decide that your kid won’t be in anything and stop trying?

I prefer to work with the MDs who actually see my child rather than getting medical advice from an anonymous forum.

You dont stop trying but for fox sake try some sports/activities that attract hyperactive kids. Your list is sort of ridiculous for a 5-6 year old in general beyond adding hyperactivity to the mix.

Do NOT do camps. Without a 1:1 aide he is putting other kids and himself in danger because the ratios are based off of average kids. If there are 2 counselors for 10 kids but 1 has to be on your kid 24/7 then its harmful to other kids. It just is.

[Anonymous]

OP- it is ok to stop trying the camps and other activities until he is more able to participate. At six, he is still young and it could be immaturity in addition to the hyperactivity. Wait a year or two and try again.

For you, I highly recommend finding a LCSW for yourself. One who is experienced with parents of children with special needs. It was a game changer for me. It really helped my own mental health and ability to cope.

[Anonymous]

You might want to try taekwondo again. This straightened out another boy with similar issues.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, this sounds hard. Maybe getting a pool pass this summer and just let him swim for 2-3 hours each day. Won't solve the camp/classes issue, but it will tire him out a little.