Kicked out of every activity and summer camp we’ve ever tried

[Anonymous]

So sorry you're in this situation! I did not read all the posts, but have a few suggestions.

First - have you tried 1:1 lessons in any areas of interest? E.g., individual gymnastics, swimming, etc. This isn't nearly the same amount of time as a group camp, but could be a way to get him involved in activities in a way he can access now. If you find a coach/teacher who has experience with ADHD, it would probably work out 1:1 if they are on the same page that the goal is just to have him participate in an activity to the extent that he can. Next, have you tried a 1:1 aide in any of these settings? If you can afford it or get it covered through insurance, there will likely be more programs able to work with his needs.

On a different note - hang in there! For children with ADHD, hyperactivity often does improve with age and maturity. While your child will continue to have these challenges, hyperactivity often becomes more manageable throughout elementary school. Even if these things aren't working out for him now, it doesn't mean that they never will. It is okay if he's at home this summer if nothing is working, and try again when he's a bit older.

[Anonymous]

OP - I would take the advice of getting your DS out with a one-to-one adult. I would try to find a college student who would be old enough to have the maturity to follow interests of your son. You could ask around to see if anyone might have a few hours and a background in education/special education would be great. Or you could look/post on a site such as Care.Com.

Getting your son out in the community with other children, but not having to interact in a group would be a good first step as mentioned to go to the library to get books (maybe at a quieter time like nap time) or even dinner time. Going to a pool for one-on-one lessons or as mentioned to swim with the college sitter. Also, maybe doing presports with a college companion - soccer, baseball, basketball whatever is his interest. He might even enjoy and learn a bit in turn taking if the companion came to your house to so things there for a couple of hours and you went out.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP! My teen has been on meds since age 4 as well. ADHD and ASD. First, give grace to yourself and him. Keep your relationship strong with him because for a kid where the world can be tough, you are even more so his world. Develop and nurture common interests with him that you can fall back on after a good day or a bad day (books, nature, routines). Plan fun special things with him this summer; they’ll give you both something to look forward to and make you feel better, too, that he’s having a “good” summer. Find low stress 1:1 activities. We did 1:1 adaptive swimming for years. He enjoyed it, it tired him out, and made him safer. Triple win. Think about activities that build skills - we also did LCF Kids classes in elementary; he was never going to be an athlete but when he did get to the place where he wanted to join in a basketball game in gym or recess, he knew how to dribble and shoot (badly, but not embarrassingly - which he was aware of!). Do a summer camp theme per week at home with fun activities and outings annd learning. And don’t forget the grace - you’re doing a great job.

[Anonymous]

Have you tried swim team?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Is he on medication?

Op here. Yes. And we’ve done evaluations and we have an army of doctors. We have a diagnosis. We know the cause.

If possible, I would greatly appreciate if we could stick to the question I am asking, which is NOT-how do I prevent this from happening or why is this happening. Because I have already done ALL THE THINGS-promise I am not looking for comprehensive feedback on our medical and therapy regime. I assure you I have left no stone unturned. Just asking specifically about experiences with SN kids and activities/summer camps.

It is happening due to the hyperactivity. The only treatment for ADHD/hyperactivity is medication. No need to be touchy about it. We all have kids with issues in this forum. The medication he is on is not working if his hyperactivity is not managed to this degree.

The only other suggestion I have is camps that are sports/running heavy. So soccer, swimming, etc. But even then if his inattention is preventing him from following directions, I'm not sure it would work.

Op here. I put my 4 year old on stimulants. I’m aware he’s hyperactive. I am not looking for explanations. I know my kid.

If you look at my OP, I had a specific question which is:

At what point do you just decide that your kid won’t be in anything and stop trying?

Your question is about you feeling sorry for yourself at the moment and not actually looking for solutions. I get it. I have a kid on the spectrum who also has ADHD and ticks. I get it. It took me a long come to come to terms with some things.

But I am telling you as a mother to a 16 year old that the medication is not working and it could fix a lot of the issues.

Op here. Just go away. You’re not helping. We literally have a child psychiatrist who we see every month. You honestly think you can do better on an anonymous board than what our psychiatrist who is an MD and has actually seen our child for years can? Did you see the part where I said we put our 4 year old on stimulants? Do you think that happens by just waltzing into a pediatrician appointment? It took tenacity and follow up and advocacy and specialists and doctor shopping to get a 4 year old on stimulants, mmmkay?

You can be offended all you want, but I'm telling you as someone who has a lot more experience dealing with this than you do that whatever the psychiatrist put him on is not working. Good luck.

Op here. What is it that you imagine occurs in our monthly visits to our child psychiatrist? Do you think I just fail to mention the struggles? Do you think we have only ever tried one medication and never ever changed the dosage/timing/etc? Do you think these appointments are for recreation or chit chat? WE HAVE TRIED NO FEWER THAN 10 DIFFERENT PSYCHIATRIC MEDICATIONS ON OUR 5 YEAR OLD AT VARIOUS DOSES. Why do you think you know more than I do, when I have had the tenacity and wherewithal to get my 4 year old ok stimulants? How many people have you ever met that have done that? Doctors do not like to diagnose ADHD at 4, let alone prescribe STIMULANTS for it at that age. And yet, I managed to get my son on them on his 4th birthday.

But sure, by all means, tell me more about how I’m in denial and need to try a new medication. Wow, amazing, I’ll have to show your post to our psychiatrist! Because it never occurred to any of us to try a different medication or dose or time of day or…..

It's amazing to me that you came here and asked for advice considering you already know it all. So sorry to offend you by sharing my personal experience. GOOD LUCK.

Op here. I had a specific question, which I’ll share here for the 3rd time:

At what point do you just decide that your kid won’t be in anything and stop trying?

I prefer to work with the MDs who actually see my child rather than getting medical advice from an anonymous forum.

Wow, OP you are really hung up on that post. All you had to say was we’re working with a psychiatrist on the meds. The PP’s advice was pretty on point and you attacked her.

It’s clear that you’re at the end of your rope here. When I feel that way, if there’s an option to take a break, I take it. Sounds like it might be helpful for you and your kid to step back from organized activities for the summer and try again when you have more confidence that he’ll be successful. That, or try one of the camps specifically for ND kids to get the support he needs and gain confidence that way. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he on medication?

Op here. Yes. And we’ve done evaluations and we have an army of doctors. We have a diagnosis. We know the cause.

If possible, I would greatly appreciate if we could stick to the question I am asking, which is NOT-how do I prevent this from happening or why is this happening. Because I have already done ALL THE THINGS-promise I am not looking for comprehensive feedback on our medical and therapy regime. I assure you I have left no stone unturned. Just asking specifically about experiences with SN kids and activities/summer camps.

It is happening due to the hyperactivity. The only treatment for ADHD/hyperactivity is medication. No need to be touchy about it. We all have kids with issues in this forum. The medication he is on is not working if his hyperactivity is not managed to this degree.

The only other suggestion I have is camps that are sports/running heavy. So soccer, swimming, etc. But even then if his inattention is preventing him from following directions, I'm not sure it would work.

Op here. I put my 4 year old on stimulants. I’m aware he’s hyperactive. I am not looking for explanations. I know my kid.

If you look at my OP, I had a specific question which is:

At what point do you just decide that your kid won’t be in anything and stop trying?

Your question is about you feeling sorry for yourself at the moment and not actually looking for solutions. I get it. I have a kid on the spectrum who also has ADHD and ticks. I get it. It took me a long come to come to terms with some things.

But I am telling you as a mother to a 16 year old that the medication is not working and it could fix a lot of the issues.

Op here. Just go away. You’re not helping. We literally have a child psychiatrist who we see every month. You honestly think you can do better on an anonymous board than what our psychiatrist who is an MD and has actually seen our child for years can? Did you see the part where I said we put our 4 year old on stimulants? Do you think that happens by just waltzing into a pediatrician appointment? It took tenacity and follow up and advocacy and specialists and doctor shopping to get a 4 year old on stimulants, mmmkay?

I mean, what did you expect posting this here? Honestly. The advice you get here is usually worth about what you paid for it. NP

DP I will never understand why so many DCUM posters feel compelled to offer advice that a poster has specifically stated they don't want.

Y'all are jerks. OP asked nicely to stick to the question she asked, and people ignored the request. Why? If you can't answer given the information provided, don't post.

Op here. Thank you for sticking up for me. I even reported this thread because I can’t tell if it’s one poster or multiple posters with an axe to grind.

My unwillingness to discuss medication here with strangers on the internet doesn’t mean that we aren’t looking at medication. I feel I’ve throughly explained that my son is on meds and working with doctors on this. I don’t think I should have to explain every detail of medication and diagnoses and evaluations and therapies, etc. to be allowed to ask a question here.

It's multiple posters telling you the same thing but you choose to be defensive and rude. No one has been unkind to you.

I'm the PP defending OP. OP asked quite nicely to stick to the question, and she was called "touchy". That was uncalled for. People continued to offer advice that was clearly unsolicited. That is really annoying, and I don't know why that's considered okay on DCUM but I've had it happen too and it is really invasive and frustrating. There is NO reason to demand private medical information on this forum and if you are doing that you should ask yourself why it is important to you to force advice on someone who doesn't want it.

I must have missed the post where someone asked for private medical information. I read a number of posts suggesting that the medication needs to be revisited.

I also read a number of posts suggesting other activities OP could sign her son up for, or what activities worked for their kids and at what age. None of those posters were responding to the OP’s question either, but I guess they weren’t offensive?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been there. Just forget enrolling for now. When older, my ADHD kid did we'll with private swim lessons. The teacher and he could focus and it seemed to relax him. Later he took up an instrument and that was a the best thing! I had no idea that would be his thing: band in HS too. You just have to experiment.

He went on meds at age 7. I homeschooled him in 2nd and 3rd grade because he needed one on one attention to learn. He learned nothing in K and very
little in 1st. Got an IEP that got him some one on one during the day.

Finally, you need to spend a lot if time repeating and reinforcing manners and things like spatial differences. He would get too close to people, that kind of thing. Also learning to not talk so loud, etc. You have to keep at it but they will get it, it just takes longer.

+ 1 on spatial awareness. Mine has no concept of personal space, though we try.

PP here. We used "arm's length" to show him where to be on relation to other people and we couod show this to him. He finally got it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he on medication?

Op here. Yes. And we’ve done evaluations and we have an army of doctors. We have a diagnosis. We know the cause.

If possible, I would greatly appreciate if we could stick to the question I am asking, which is NOT-how do I prevent this from happening or why is this happening. Because I have already done ALL THE THINGS-promise I am not looking for comprehensive feedback on our medical and therapy regime. I assure you I have left no stone unturned. Just asking specifically about experiences with SN kids and activities/summer camps.

It is happening due to the hyperactivity. The only treatment for ADHD/hyperactivity is medication. No need to be touchy about it. We all have kids with issues in this forum. The medication he is on is not working if his hyperactivity is not managed to this degree.

The only other suggestion I have is camps that are sports/running heavy. So soccer, swimming, etc. But even then if his inattention is preventing him from following directions, I'm not sure it would work.

Op here. I put my 4 year old on stimulants. I’m aware he’s hyperactive. I am not looking for explanations. I know my kid.

If you look at my OP, I had a specific question which is:

At what point do you just decide that your kid won’t be in anything and stop trying?

Your question is about you feeling sorry for yourself at the moment and not actually looking for solutions. I get it. I have a kid on the spectrum who also has ADHD and ticks. I get it. It took me a long come to come to terms with some things.

But I am telling you as a mother to a 16 year old that the medication is not working and it could fix a lot of the issues.

Op here. Just go away. You’re not helping. We literally have a child psychiatrist who we see every month. You honestly think you can do better on an anonymous board than what our psychiatrist who is an MD and has actually seen our child for years can? Did you see the part where I said we put our 4 year old on stimulants? Do you think that happens by just waltzing into a pediatrician appointment? It took tenacity and follow up and advocacy and specialists and doctor shopping to get a 4 year old on stimulants, mmmkay?

You can be offended all you want, but I'm telling you as someone who has a lot more experience dealing with this than you do that whatever the psychiatrist put him on is not working. Good luck.

Op here. What is it that you imagine occurs in our monthly visits to our child psychiatrist? Do you think I just fail to mention the struggles? Do you think we have only ever tried one medication and never ever changed the dosage/timing/etc? Do you think these appointments are for recreation or chit chat? WE HAVE TRIED NO FEWER THAN 10 DIFFERENT PSYCHIATRIC MEDICATIONS ON OUR 5 YEAR OLD AT VARIOUS DOSES. Why do you think you know more than I do, when I have had the tenacity and wherewithal to get my 4 year old ok stimulants? How many people have you ever met that have done that? Doctors do not like to diagnose ADHD at 4, let alone prescribe STIMULANTS for it at that age. And yet, I managed to get my son on them on his 4th birthday.

But sure, by all means, tell me more about how I’m in denial and need to try a new medication. Wow, amazing, I’ll have to show your post to our psychiatrist! Because it never occurred to any of us to try a different medication or dose or time of day or…..

It's amazing to me that you came here and asked for advice considering you already know it all. So sorry to offend you by sharing my personal experience. GOOD LUCK.

Op here. I had a specific question, which I’ll share here for the 3rd time:

At what point do you just decide that your kid won’t be in anything and stop trying?

I prefer to work with the MDs who actually see my child rather than getting medical advice from an anonymous forum.

My opinion is different - summer camps are pretty boring. Most parents don't pay much attention to them and neither did I until one day I had to take a call before picking up my kid which gave me the chance to observe the camp at a distance for about an hour and then I started dropping in at other ones too over the years. It didn't matter how much we paid or what the description was, the camps were all the same. They were staffed by a few college kids and maybe some high school counselors who knew very little about group child care and had no idea that activities they would do , would interest a kid at most 15 minutes. Except they would plan them for an hour. the rest of the time was just making kids stay seating, yelling by counselors to get kids to stay seated and then eventually seated activities like puzzles, coloring or some easy craft like stringing beads.

Most summer camps are done in age ranges like 5 to 8 or 6 to 9 and those age ranges are very difficult for young people with no group child care skills to manage. It always turns into a free for all. Summer camp is babysitting with some pauses for an interesting activity. Kids like them because they make a friend, and the counselors are usually nice and push overs and let them get away stuff.

There is an exception and this was sports focused camps for a single sport that spent the majority of the day engaged in the sport.

All that to say, OP, given your child's struggles and the fact that summer camp can include a lot of dead time sitting and waiting, take a break for the summer.

YES to this. Your kid isn’t missing out on anything and is probably hurting progress made in the school year. It’s not giving up. The most unfair thing is putting a kid in a situation where they can’t win. ADHD kids, among other issues, are a couple years behind socially. It’s a disaster at camp

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son has adhd (and possibly on the spectrum.) his biggest issue is emotional regulation, but for a peer whose biggest issue is hyperactivity, he needed a 1:1 counselor at camp.

My son had a 1:1 counselor last summer when he was 4, before he was diagnosed and medicated. It was the only way for him to be in camp. We’ll see if he does better this summer, but I would see what extra support you could pay for privately to keep your child in camp.

We are also sending my child to a camp that has more support for ND kids. There is an occupational therapist on staff, and every age group has a head counselor in addition to a low counselor to camper ratio. If there is an issue, we will be notified quickly and will be able to problem solve with the camp.

The next step as others have mentioned, are camps specifically for ND kids. These often involve longer commutes but they can accommodate a full range of needs.

Your child sounds so much like my child. What camp?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he on medication?

Op here. Yes. And we’ve done evaluations and we have an army of doctors. We have a diagnosis. We know the cause.

If possible, I would greatly appreciate if we could stick to the question I am asking, which is NOT-how do I prevent this from happening or why is this happening. Because I have already done ALL THE THINGS-promise I am not looking for comprehensive feedback on our medical and therapy regime. I assure you I have left no stone unturned. Just asking specifically about experiences with SN kids and activities/summer camps.

OK, but you should have mentioned that because most children are not medicated at that age. I'm glad you're doing everything you can, OP, and I'm very sorry it still can't open all the doors for your kid. Stop trying to stick him in camps, and focus on your plan for school.

DP. Omg. OP just answered the question and politely asked to not make this about medication or therapy. No need to police her.

PP you replied to. Yes, I entirely get that, but failing to fully explain the excruciating medication situation in the initial post is why she's getting a lot of pushback because people are understandably annoyed when there's important follow-up info, and a lot of people miss those updates. I know I do. And like it or not, pharmaceutical treatment is at the heart of the issue. You cannot put it aside.

But I do have every sympathy for OP and her kid. To reiterate, OP, no, you never give up on your child, but yes, you do scrap camp plans for this summer, and perhaps a lot of summers of his elementary school experience.

While you seek yet another pharmaceutical treatment, you should contact his future school, and meet this summer to get the IEP plan in place. This is what I did when my son went to K in MCPS - the IEP was prepared the summer before, and services added in the course of that year. It meant that right on the first day, he was flagged as needing extra support, and boy did he need them! Apologies if you've already talked about that, but I'm not reading 8 pages.

Best of luck! It gets better when their brains mature, but you have to put out fires constantly until they do... my son with severe ADHD and ASD clawed his way to stellar academics in middle and high school and is now in college. It can be done!

[Anonymous]

Op here. Yes we have an IEP.

Yes I have looked for one on one support. Most programs will not allow us to send in our own therapist/respite worker/aide/nanny/etc. I have asked and they all say no.

Most of the activities we have tried actually have had one on one support (for all kids, not just mine) and it is something I look for when choosing activities. But in the recent few examples, the support is provided by volunteers that seem timid and not terribly skilled. Like they are expecting to be working with kids who have physical disabilities more than the challenges my DS has.

We have done swim, he got kicked out of that too. But we do have a pool at home and DS is an excellent swimmer (we taught him ourselves). We also have an in ground trampoline. He gets a lot of physical activity.

I think part of my exasperation is wanting him to be in something that DOESNT require my participation because I am exhausted. We are going into debt to keep the nanny. Like literally using credit cards because we can’t get DS into a camp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Yes we have an IEP.

Yes I have looked for one on one support. Most programs will not allow us to send in our own therapist/respite worker/aide/nanny/etc. I have asked and they all say no.

Most of the activities we have tried actually have had one on one support (for all kids, not just mine) and it is something I look for when choosing activities. But in the recent few examples, the support is provided by volunteers that seem timid and not terribly skilled. Like they are expecting to be working with kids who have physical disabilities more than the challenges my DS has.

We have done swim, he got kicked out of that too. But we do have a pool at home and DS is an excellent swimmer (we taught him ourselves). We also have an in ground trampoline. He gets a lot of physical activity.

I think part of my exasperation is wanting him to be in something that DOESNT require my participation because I am exhausted. We are going into debt to keep the nanny. Like literally using credit cards because we can’t get DS into a camp.

1. Is there an Arc or JCC nearby? Those may be good solutions. They offer shadows for camp, and many very disabled kids go. What about your school? You son sounds like he would qualify for summer school.
2. Do you have a self contained placement for next year? I want you to avoid the misery of what not having one will be like for k.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he on medication?

Op here. Yes. And we’ve done evaluations and we have an army of doctors. We have a diagnosis. We know the cause.

If possible, I would greatly appreciate if we could stick to the question I am asking, which is NOT-how do I prevent this from happening or why is this happening. Because I have already done ALL THE THINGS-promise I am not looking for comprehensive feedback on our medical and therapy regime. I assure you I have left no stone unturned. Just asking specifically about experiences with SN kids and activities/summer camps.

OK, but you should have mentioned that because most children are not medicated at that age. I'm glad you're doing everything you can, OP, and I'm very sorry it still can't open all the doors for your kid. Stop trying to stick him in camps, and focus on your plan for school.

DP. Omg. OP just answered the question and politely asked to not make this about medication or therapy. No need to police her.

PP you replied to. Yes, I entirely get that, but failing to fully explain the excruciating medication situation in the initial post is why she's getting a lot of pushback because people are understandably annoyed when there's important follow-up info, and a lot of people miss those updates. I know I do. And like it or not, pharmaceutical treatment is at the heart of the issue. You cannot put it aside.

But I do have every sympathy for OP and her kid. To reiterate, OP, no, you never give up on your child, but yes, you do scrap camp plans for this summer, and perhaps a lot of summers of his elementary school experience.

While you seek yet another pharmaceutical treatment, you should contact his future school, and meet this summer to get the IEP plan in place. This is what I did when my son went to K in MCPS - the IEP was prepared the summer before, and services added in the course of that year. It meant that right on the first day, he was flagged as needing extra support, and boy did he need them! Apologies if you've already talked about that, but I'm not reading 8 pages.

Best of luck! It gets better when their brains mature, but you have to put out fires constantly until they do... my son with severe ADHD and ASD clawed his way to stellar academics in middle and high school and is now in college. It can be done!

There was never any need for "pushback" except in the twisted world of DCUM where posters feel entitled to every detail of the lives of people who post here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Yes we have an IEP.

Yes I have looked for one on one support. Most programs will not allow us to send in our own therapist/respite worker/aide/nanny/etc. I have asked and they all say no.

Most of the activities we have tried actually have had one on one support (for all kids, not just mine) and it is something I look for when choosing activities. But in the recent few examples, the support is provided by volunteers that seem timid and not terribly skilled. Like they are expecting to be working with kids who have physical disabilities more than the challenges my DS has.

We have done swim, he got kicked out of that too. But we do have a pool at home and DS is an excellent swimmer (we taught him ourselves). We also have an in ground trampoline. He gets a lot of physical activity.

I think part of my exasperation is wanting him to be in something that DOESNT require my participation because I am exhausted. We are going into debt to keep the nanny. Like literally using credit cards because we can’t get DS into a camp.

1. Is there an Arc or JCC nearby? Those may be good solutions. They offer shadows for camp, and many very disabled kids go. What about your school? You son sounds like he would qualify for summer school.
2. Do you have a self contained placement for next year? I want you to avoid the misery of what not having one will be like for k.

Op here. We do have a JCC close by but their disability programming is geared towards middle school and up. They don’t offer it for 5 year olds. It’s too late to do camp there this summer even if they agreed to take my DS.

I don’t have a self contained placement for next year. I tried to get one, even hired an advocate. He was performing well in a normal preschool classroom so they wouldn’t approve it. I couldn’t get an aide either. But he does get speech, OT, and time with a special Ed teacher at school. It took moving heaven and earth to get those supports though.

[Anonymous]

How is your son handling all of this? Is he stressed out? Does he feel like a failure? If yes, that’s only going to drive even more behavior issues.
The neuro psych we met with highly recommends letting the kids nervous system calm down if they are totally strung out - for you that might be decreasing demands on your son and letting him just exist this summer. Take him to the pool, go for walks, et. I really noticed this during the Covid spring of 2020 - yes my kids missed their friends but also they were so much more relaxed and happy just doing a few things rather than trying to do so much - it set one of my kids up for a much more successful school year.