Kicked out of every activity and summer camp we’ve ever tried

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just my experience with K:

My child started out K in a self contained classroom, with a 1:6 ratio. 1 of the kids in his class had extreme hyperactivity but was a kind child. All the parents in that classroom were so understanding of each other. Our kids were allowed to learn how to do school while still learning.

The reality is that the K teacher won't have the bandwidth for that and most likely the paraeducator will have several children to look after. And then there are the parents who are not compassionate and will complain when SN kids are disruptive.

Age and maturity do help and now my kiddo spends the majority of the day in GenEd with para support. So please don't be afraid of a small self-contained K, it may be a great way for your child to find their way.

And, for a suggestion for the group activities, you can ask for an Adapted PE evaluation. While different issues than yours, my DS was in it and some of the goals were centered on group participation, turn taking, and sportsmanship. It doesn't hurt to ask.

Op here. That sounds like a lovely environment.

I do bristle a bit though at the implication-it feels like you’re saying I’m resistant to the idea of a self contained classroom and need to come around to the idea.

That’s not the case. I don’t know how it works other places, but in our school district it is extremely difficult to get a self contained classroom or a para. It’s not as if it was offered to me and I declined. I even hired an advocate to help me with the IEP and placement for kindergarten. In our district it’s not really possible to go from a mainstream public preschool into a self contained kindergarten classroom. It just doesn’t work that way.

DP. Our school district is the same way - basically no self contained classrooms for kids with normal IQ but higher needs. 1:1 para basically impossible to get. So you should be ready to press for a BIP when K starts. Maybe also research private placements in your area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he on medication?

Op here. Yes. And we’ve done evaluations and we have an army of doctors. We have a diagnosis. We know the cause.

If possible, I would greatly appreciate if we could stick to the question I am asking, which is NOT-how do I prevent this from happening or why is this happening. Because I have already done ALL THE THINGS-promise I am not looking for comprehensive feedback on our medical and therapy regime. I assure you I have left no stone unturned. Just asking specifically about experiences with SN kids and activities/summer camps.

It is happening due to the hyperactivity. The only treatment for ADHD/hyperactivity is medication. No need to be touchy about it. We all have kids with issues in this forum. The medication he is on is not working if his hyperactivity is not managed to this degree.

The only other suggestion I have is camps that are sports/running heavy. So soccer, swimming, etc. But even then if his inattention is preventing him from following directions, I'm not sure it would work.

Op here. I put my 4 year old on stimulants. I’m aware he’s hyperactive. I am not looking for explanations. I know my kid.

If you look at my OP, I had a specific question which is:

At what point do you just decide that your kid won’t be in anything and stop trying?

Your question is about you feeling sorry for yourself at the moment and not actually looking for solutions. I get it. I have a kid on the spectrum who also has ADHD and ticks. I get it. It took me a long come to come to terms with some things.

But I am telling you as a mother to a 16 year old that the medication is not working and it could fix a lot of the issues.

Op here. Just go away. You’re not helping. We literally have a child psychiatrist who we see every month. You honestly think you can do better on an anonymous board than what our psychiatrist who is an MD and has actually seen our child for years can? Did you see the part where I said we put our 4 year old on stimulants? Do you think that happens by just waltzing into a pediatrician appointment? It took tenacity and follow up and advocacy and specialists and doctor shopping to get a 4 year old on stimulants, mmmkay?

Dp. How do you expect strangers to answer your very specific question when we don't know your son? I get you are frustrated but you are taking it out on the pp who is trying to help.

This is my advice: ask the professionals in your son's life what they would do if you don't want to entertain different ideas do not come on dcum to ask.

Wish you the best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he on medication?

Op here. Yes. And we’ve done evaluations and we have an army of doctors. We have a diagnosis. We know the cause.

If possible, I would greatly appreciate if we could stick to the question I am asking, which is NOT-how do I prevent this from happening or why is this happening. Because I have already done ALL THE THINGS-promise I am not looking for comprehensive feedback on our medical and therapy regime. I assure you I have left no stone unturned. Just asking specifically about experiences with SN kids and activities/summer camps.

It is happening due to the hyperactivity. The only treatment for ADHD/hyperactivity is medication. No need to be touchy about it. We all have kids with issues in this forum. The medication he is on is not working if his hyperactivity is not managed to this degree.

The only other suggestion I have is camps that are sports/running heavy. So soccer, swimming, etc. But even then if his inattention is preventing him from following directions, I'm not sure it would work.

Op here. I put my 4 year old on stimulants. I’m aware he’s hyperactive. I am not looking for explanations. I know my kid.

If you look at my OP, I had a specific question which is:

At what point do you just decide that your kid won’t be in anything and stop trying?

Your question is about you feeling sorry for yourself at the moment and not actually looking for solutions. I get it. I have a kid on the spectrum who also has ADHD and ticks. I get it. It took me a long come to come to terms with some things.

But I am telling you as a mother to a 16 year old that the medication is not working and it could fix a lot of the issues.

Op here. Just go away. You’re not helping. We literally have a child psychiatrist who we see every month. You honestly think you can do better on an anonymous board than what our psychiatrist who is an MD and has actually seen our child for years can? Did you see the part where I said we put our 4 year old on stimulants? Do you think that happens by just waltzing into a pediatrician appointment? It took tenacity and follow up and advocacy and specialists and doctor shopping to get a 4 year old on stimulants, mmmkay?

Dp. How do you expect strangers to answer your very specific question when we don't know your son? I get you are frustrated but you are taking it out on the pp who is trying to help.

This is my advice: ask the professionals in your son's life what they would do if you don't want to entertain different ideas do not come on dcum to ask.

Wish you the best.

Op here. My question doesn’t really require you to know my son. If you read my OP, it said:

At what point do you just decide that your kid won’t be in anything and stop trying? I don’t mean forever, but until he’s older.

I did not come here asking for advice on what medications to give my child because I am already having those conversations with his medical team. I don’t get why this is such a problem. But apparently it is and I received a ton of responses telling me to medicate my child, when I am already medicating my child and said as much. It doesn’t seem like an unreasonable boundary on my part that I’m not interested in polling this website to figure out what medication I should give my 5 year old.

[Anonymous]

What does "kicked out" mean? What behaviors are they reporting as intolerable? How long has he been in each activity before being kicked out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he on medication?

Op here. Yes. And we’ve done evaluations and we have an army of doctors. We have a diagnosis. We know the cause.

If possible, I would greatly appreciate if we could stick to the question I am asking, which is NOT-how do I prevent this from happening or why is this happening. Because I have already done ALL THE THINGS-promise I am not looking for comprehensive feedback on our medical and therapy regime. I assure you I have left no stone unturned. Just asking specifically about experiences with SN kids and activities/summer camps.

It is happening due to the hyperactivity. The only treatment for ADHD/hyperactivity is medication. No need to be touchy about it. We all have kids with issues in this forum. The medication he is on is not working if his hyperactivity is not managed to this degree.

The only other suggestion I have is camps that are sports/running heavy. So soccer, swimming, etc. But even then if his inattention is preventing him from following directions, I'm not sure it would work.

Op here. I put my 4 year old on stimulants. I’m aware he’s hyperactive. I am not looking for explanations. I know my kid.

If you look at my OP, I had a specific question which is:

At what point do you just decide that your kid won’t be in anything and stop trying?

Your question is about you feeling sorry for yourself at the moment and not actually looking for solutions. I get it. I have a kid on the spectrum who also has ADHD and ticks. I get it. It took me a long come to come to terms with some things.

But I am telling you as a mother to a 16 year old that the medication is not working and it could fix a lot of the issues.

Op here. Just go away. You’re not helping. We literally have a child psychiatrist who we see every month. You honestly think you can do better on an anonymous board than what our psychiatrist who is an MD and has actually seen our child for years can? Did you see the part where I said we put our 4 year old on stimulants? Do you think that happens by just waltzing into a pediatrician appointment? It took tenacity and follow up and advocacy and specialists and doctor shopping to get a 4 year old on stimulants, mmmkay?

Dp. How do you expect strangers to answer your very specific question when we don't know your son? I get you are frustrated but you are taking it out on the pp who is trying to help.

This is my advice: ask the professionals in your son's life what they would do if you don't want to entertain different ideas do not come on dcum to ask.

Wish you the best.

Op here. My question doesn’t really require you to know my son. If you read my OP, it said:

At what point do you just decide that your kid won’t be in anything and stop trying? I don’t mean forever, but until he’s older.

I did not come here asking for advice on what medications to give my child because I am already having those conversations with his medical team. I don’t get why this is such a problem. But apparently it is and I received a ton of responses telling me to medicate my child, when I am already medicating my child and said as much. It doesn’t seem like an unreasonable boundary on my part that I’m not interested in polling this website to figure out what medication I should give my 5 year old.

DP - what's tough, though, OP, is that most of the people here are relying on all the things *they* did to get to the point of foregoing/scaling back on activities when trying to answer your question. So, you get answers like, "we gave up after trying xyz medications" - which, if you're trying to be a helpful person, often means wondering whether you (the OP) have also tried those things. These responses may not be phrased ideally, from your perspective, but as an outsider, the intention is to help.

So, no, responders don't need to truly know your son, but it's hard to provide a useful answer without at least some background. I completely understand how sensitive an issue this is. Completely. But people are mostly trying to be helpful in suggesting various solutions. You seem to be reading criticism in the responses where it's intended to be supportive, if not in the way you ideally prefer. You didn't mention meds in your first post and, frankly, it's completely natural for parents of similar kids to suggest them, given what you describe and not knowing if they're in the picture.

tl;dr - if you post here, expect to get responses that aren't *exactly* what you want. Bristling at every suggestion will only worsen that dynamic.

[Anonymous]

I wonder if this thread had gone a little differently if we could have tried to give you permission to either take a break or continue to try things slowly but somehow help you with the feelings for being asked to leave these activities. My child also has extreme hyperactivity and is a girl and she and I have been heaped with judgment over the years. She was asked to leave private pre-k and has not been successful in other settings. For me, the hardest things were the fact that that she would be upset when things didn’t work out and the incredible shame I felt that I couldn’t figure this out. She is medicated to the point that our excellent psychiatrist thinks is reasonable but she still is visibly more hyper and impulsive that her peers. I have no desire to spend months getting on multiple waitlists in the hopes of getting more medication from a different provider in a year (which is what we went through to get this doctor initially).

So here we are. After a while I’ve changed my job to protecting her and accepting her. We do what we can to wear her out every day, keep her medicated and work with a counselor to deal with her own feelings of inadequacy because she’s constantly doing her best and it’s not enough. For us things got better around 8 with regard to the hyperactivity. I think 4-6 was the hardest. Hope things improve for you soon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if this thread had gone a little differently if we could have tried to give you permission to either take a break or continue to try things slowly but somehow help you with the feelings for being asked to leave these activities. My child also has extreme hyperactivity and is a girl and she and I have been heaped with judgment over the years. She was asked to leave private pre-k and has not been successful in other settings. For me, the hardest things were the fact that that she would be upset when things didn’t work out and the incredible shame I felt that I couldn’t figure this out. She is medicated to the point that our excellent psychiatrist thinks is reasonable but she still is visibly more hyper and impulsive that her peers. I have no desire to spend months getting on multiple waitlists in the hopes of getting more medication from a different provider in a year (which is what we went through to get this doctor initially).

So here we are. After a while I’ve changed my job to protecting her and accepting her. We do what we can to wear her out every day, keep her medicated and work with a counselor to deal with her own feelings of inadequacy because she’s constantly doing her best and it’s not enough. For us things got better around 8 with regard to the hyperactivity. I think 4-6 was the hardest. Hope things improve for you soon.

Op here. Thank you. This reply was very helpful.

[Anonymous]

Do you need camps for childcare? If not, just drop the rope. Your child is still so young. Absolutely nothing wrong with taking a break for a while. Keep in mind, an ADHD child's social development can be 30% behind their peers. So essentially it would be like signing up a toddler for a class intended for kindergartners. It ain't gonna work.

When your child is older and more mature it will be easier to find a good fit.

[Anonymous]

Former SPED teacher here. I found this pdf via fcps. It’s broken down by camps for different disabilities.


You may have already checked.. but if your child currently has a case manager, they may know of more places that would be beneficial for your child.


Hope the link helps.



https://www.fcps.edu/sites/default/files/media/pdf/Summer_%20Camps%20Accessible%202024%20_0.pdf

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he on medication?

Op here. Yes. And we’ve done evaluations and we have an army of doctors. We have a diagnosis. We know the cause.

If possible, I would greatly appreciate if we could stick to the question I am asking, which is NOT-how do I prevent this from happening or why is this happening. Because I have already done ALL THE THINGS-promise I am not looking for comprehensive feedback on our medical and therapy regime. I assure you I have left no stone unturned. Just asking specifically about experiences with SN kids and activities/summer camps.

It is happening due to the hyperactivity. The only treatment for ADHD/hyperactivity is medication. No need to be touchy about it. We all have kids with issues in this forum. The medication he is on is not working if his hyperactivity is not managed to this degree.

The only other suggestion I have is camps that are sports/running heavy. So soccer, swimming, etc. But even then if his inattention is preventing him from following directions, I'm not sure it would work.

Op here. I put my 4 year old on stimulants. I’m aware he’s hyperactive. I am not looking for explanations. I know my kid.

If you look at my OP, I had a specific question which is:

At what point do you just decide that your kid won’t be in anything and stop trying?

Right now! Just hit the pause button on all of it. It sounds like you have nanny care for the summer and some therapeutic stuff. Good enough!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DS is 5, almost 6. He’s been kicked out of everything I’ve ever enrolled him in. Including programs advertised as inclusive/adaptive. Camps, adaptive theater, parkour, martial arts, soccer, speech therapy camp, Montessori preschool, SN playgroup, etc.

He is not violent, but his hyperactivity is extreme. He doesn’t really sit or stop moving. His attention span is extremely short. Every program just says he’s not that engaged anyway and that they don’t have the resourcing to keep him.

The rejection is really wearing on me psychologically. At what point do you just decide that your kid won’t be in anything and stop trying? I don’t mean forever, but until he’s older.

I keep thinking that if he could be in something that it might help him learn some skills for socializing and to prepare him for kindergarten (the most recent rejection was getting kicked out of the kindergarten prep program at our public school).

Every time he’s kicked out, I start searching for another program for him. But I am at the point of just letting him spend the summer with his respite worker, therapists, myself, and nanny.

Has anyone else just given up? I don’t know why this hurts so much.

I’ve been reading all the comments and I only have one thing to say. It’s time to just take a break from Everything and step back. It’s obvious your DS is not in a place to handle group activities (and that is ok). No need to feel bad. Hire a nanny and give DS and your family some less stressful time.

[Anonymous]

FYI, we found high school/college baby sitters to be helpful during the summer and during the year to fill in gaps. Not all worked out. The ones that worked out the best were from larger families with several younger brothers. You could say they had had practice.

[Anonymous]

Take a break from camps this summer!

You and your child deserve to release yourselves from this pressure and enjoy the summer.

[Anonymous]

It’s not giving up to choose no camps in support of your child!

[Anonymous]

One thing I like about Reddit is they label threads as vents. I think OP is venting. She has not responded to anyone telling her to take a break from camps. She is angry and frustrated. I totally get it.

I’m sorry, OP, kids can be really tough. I’d like to say it gets better, but it doesn’t always. My 18 year old is the same negative person she’s been since she was born. I figure my job is to get her living independently and then I’m out of it. Hoping that happens in her early 20s. I’m so done with being a mom.

You have to focus on yourself and find some joy apart from your son and how he does. Exercise; sleep; eat healthy foods. If you can pursue a hobby, even better.

Big soft hugs. Being a mom is hard.