Wedding dilemma - would this be rude?

[Anonymous]

I love how much discussion of child free weddings ruffle the feathers of the DCUM crowd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH's extended family is very close. A cousin's child is getting married in the fall and the wedding happens to fall over a rare 4 day weekend for my kids. We'd planned on taking a long weekend trip together as family when the wedding invite arrived.

The dilemma - wedding is adults only. Can we skip the wedding and still go on a trip or would that be rude?

They’re “very close” to you guys but they aren’t inviting everyone in your nuclear family? That doesn’t scream “very close” to me and of course you should decline if you don’t want to leave your children behind. Very normal!

Wow people feel so strongly about this topic. I had a no kid wedding and now that I have my own kids I understand more why it’s difficult on parents but I don’t regret it at all. I have been to weddings where kids were in the bridal party (flower girls and ring bearers) but were not invited to the reception. One parent had to leave with them or have a babysitter come pick them up. That I thought was rude. But even still, whatever. People can say no to that too even if it’s harder to say it to a sibling

[Anonymous]

It's fine to decline even if they allowed kids. As others have said, an invitation is not a summons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can always skip a wedding if you already have plans. It's not rude at all.

For all you people who get enraged by no-kids weddings, do you do anything without your kids? Are they allowed to go to sleepovers alone or to overnight field trips or camps? Do you ever go out to dinner without your kids? Why all the rage towards an adults-only evening?

I’m not raging I just wouldn’t go. I posted that 4 day weekends with my kids aren’t common. I do all sorts of things without my kids- for example I work. I go on dates with my husband. I see friends. But for a weekend long event billed as “important for the family”, I’d not believe it was actually important for the family if they weren’t actually inviting my entire family so I would never let the “but it’s family!” line make me feel guilty or really feel anything other than amusement.

The B&G, presumably childless, likely have no idea this is a sacrosanct 4 day weekend. They aren't doing this to stick it to you they chose a fall weekend which so happens to be a random long 4 day weekend. And how is it billed "important for the family" was this written on the invitation? Why are you making so much of this idea? It's a wedding like every other wedding. The closer you are to the bride and groom the more important it is. A cousin's child is not a very close relative at all.

Long fall weekends (Labor Day??) are rare and precious for everyone. Cheap couples schedule their weddings on one of these days or a Friday or a weekday so they can get the lowest rate. They could care less about their guests.

If you're going to diss an entire swath of people (it's possible that they scheduled it because most people have that Monday off and would prefer to have a long weekend over which to travel!), then at least get your grammar right. It's could NOT care less. If you could care less, then do. But you could NOT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can always skip a wedding if you already have plans. It's not rude at all.

For all you people who get enraged by no-kids weddings, do you do anything without your kids? Are they allowed to go to sleepovers alone or to overnight field trips or camps? Do you ever go out to dinner without your kids? Why all the rage towards an adults-only evening?

You are projecting, no one is enraged in this thread. Weddings are a social obligation with bland food, bland music, expensive and a hassle. I try to minimize time without either parent, or a trusted family member, for my kids. A concert to my favorite band, i'll make an exception. An amazing weekend getaway to Napa, ok. My husband's cousin's kid's wedding, nope not prioritizing that over my kids - the B&G didn't so why should i?

I agree. I see weddings as the joining of 2 families and think it’s silly to make it difficult for family to actually attend, or not invite all members of your family no matter their ages. (I think it’s different to include children who are in the family and invite only adults outside the family , for what it’s worth). If the couple doesn’t see their wedding the same way that’s fine, but it shows me they don’t prioritize their event as the joining of 2 families and the celebration of those 2 families, so I don’t feel any obligation to attend as a distant family member.

Oh and the couple also probably could not give 2 sh*ts since they prefer an adults only formal party, they probably prefer to have mostly their fun friends to dance and drink with and could not care less about their moms cousins wife.

Most couples don’t have that many friends who will attend, they need the “family” so they can spread out the fixed expense of most wedding items.

What are you talking about? Weddings aren't some revenue generating event with a break even point.

Weddings have fixed expenses that include dress, flowers, photographer, venue rental etc. Yes most couples expect cash contributions from guests that cover a large part of the expense.

No one I know did this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Adult only weddings are fine.

Declining to go to adult only weddings because you don’t want to leave your kids behind is fine.

Declining a wedding because you already have other plans (or otherwise don’t want to go) is fine.

All of this is fine. None of it is rude. It just is what it is. Sometimes the stars don’t align to make it to every wedding you’re invited to.

Agreed. But the people who are declining these invites have to do so while also making sure to get a dig at the bride and groom who invited them. Why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Send regrets and a nice card with check. If anyone asks (in laws, parents of bride, etc) say apologetically that the kids have a 4 day weekend and you had planned a family getaway, and you respect that their wedding is no kids.

This has nothing to do with it. They have another trip planned. No need to mention the kids or not.

They don't have a trip planned yet, they just wanted to go that weekend. And turns out the husband doesn't care anyway. This family isn't that close so it makes sense the kids weren't invited and they just got a courtesy invite anyway.

Get over yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can always skip a wedding if you already have plans. It's not rude at all.

For all you people who get enraged by no-kids weddings, do you do anything without your kids? Are they allowed to go to sleepovers alone or to overnight field trips or camps? Do you ever go out to dinner without your kids? Why all the rage towards an adults-only evening?

+1,000

And surely you homeschool, right? You don't ever let your kids out of your sight?

A wedding is like a corporate function without the upside, it's something to get through. I chose to not run down my bank of "time away from kids" on it. That does not mean that i am not happy for the B&G or don't wish to celebrate them, but i'll not go through hoops for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Send regrets and a nice card with check. If anyone asks (in laws, parents of bride, etc) say apologetically that the kids have a 4 day weekend and you had planned a family getaway, and you respect that their wedding is no kids.

This has nothing to do with it. They have another trip planned. No need to mention the kids or not.

They don't have a trip planned yet, they just wanted to go that weekend. And turns out the husband doesn't care anyway. This family isn't that close so it makes sense the kids weren't invited and they just got a courtesy invite anyway.

Get over yourself.

Do you know what a close family is? You seem confused.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If they slid no kids, it is fine to decline. You should not have find a stranger to watch them.?It’s rude to be be angry at people who won’t travel without kids or hire strangers to watch them.

What must it be like to live in such a binary world where those are your two options?

Spoiler alert - my husband and I are going to the Caribbean for 10 years with two other couples and no kids and yet a stranger isn't watching our children! (Neither is family, for those who want to complain about how it's so easy for those who have family who live close by - we do not).

I know this was a typo but I’m laughing at you coming back home to your kids a decade older. 😂

I'm PP. Some days I wish it were a 10-trip...

When I was younger my parents went to Europe for two weeks. I wasn't great with time so I told everyone they were gone for two months. People were quite surprised at that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can always skip a wedding if you already have plans. It's not rude at all.

For all you people who get enraged by no-kids weddings, do you do anything without your kids? Are they allowed to go to sleepovers alone or to overnight field trips or camps? Do you ever go out to dinner without your kids? Why all the rage towards an adults-only evening?

+1,000

And surely you homeschool, right? You don't ever let your kids out of your sight?

A wedding is like a corporate function without the upside, it's something to get through. I chose to not run down my bank of "time away from kids" on it. That does not mean that i am not happy for the B&G or don't wish to celebrate them, but i'll not go through hoops for it.

Don't worry, with that attitude, no one misses you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If they slid no kids, it is fine to decline. You should not have find a stranger to watch them.?It’s rude to be be angry at people who won’t travel without kids or hire strangers to watch them.

What must it be like to live in such a binary world where those are your two options?

Spoiler alert - my husband and I are going to the Caribbean for 10 years with two other couples and no kids and yet a stranger isn't watching our children! (Neither is family, for those who want to complain about how it's so easy for those who have family who live close by - we do not).

I know this was a typo but I’m laughing at you coming back home to your kids a decade older. 😂

I'm PP. Some days I wish it were a 10-trip...

When I was younger my parents went to Europe for two weeks. I wasn't great with time so I told everyone they were gone for two months. People were quite surprised at that.

OMG, 10-year trip.

This what I get for being on DCUM during a conference call...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Send regrets and a nice card with check. If anyone asks (in laws, parents of bride, etc) say apologetically that the kids have a 4 day weekend and you had planned a family getaway, and you respect that their wedding is no kids.

This has nothing to do with it. They have another trip planned. No need to mention the kids or not.

They don't have a trip planned yet, they just wanted to go that weekend. And turns out the husband doesn't care anyway. This family isn't that close so it makes sense the kids weren't invited and they just got a courtesy invite anyway.

Get over yourself.

Do you know what a close family is? You seem confused.

Yes, that's the problem here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can always skip a wedding if you already have plans. It's not rude at all.

For all you people who get enraged by no-kids weddings, do you do anything without your kids? Are they allowed to go to sleepovers alone or to overnight field trips or camps? Do you ever go out to dinner without your kids? Why all the rage towards an adults-only evening?

You are projecting, no one is enraged in this thread. Weddings are a social obligation with bland food, bland music, expensive and a hassle. I try to minimize time without either parent, or a trusted family member, for my kids. A concert to my favorite band, i'll make an exception. An amazing weekend getaway to Napa, ok. My husband's cousin's kid's wedding, nope not prioritizing that over my kids - the B&G didn't so why should i?

I agree. I see weddings as the joining of 2 families and think it’s silly to make it difficult for family to actually attend, or not invite all members of your family no matter their ages. (I think it’s different to include children who are in the family and invite only adults outside the family , for what it’s worth). If the couple doesn’t see their wedding the same way that’s fine, but it shows me they don’t prioritize their event as the joining of 2 families and the celebration of those 2 families, so I don’t feel any obligation to attend as a distant family member.

Oh and the couple also probably could not give 2 sh*ts since they prefer an adults only formal party, they probably prefer to have mostly their fun friends to dance and drink with and could not care less about their moms cousins wife.

Most couples don’t have that many friends who will attend, they need the “family” so they can spread out the fixed expense of most wedding items.

What are you talking about? Weddings aren't some revenue generating event with a break even point.

Weddings have fixed expenses that include dress, flowers, photographer, venue rental etc. Yes most couples expect cash contributions from guests that cover a large part of the expense.

No one I know did this.

That PPs point makes zero sense. And even it if were true, it would result in more adults and fewer kid being invited. A family of 4 writes as big a check as a couple. So for a family of four, you're lucky to get $250 meanwhile with 2 couples you might net $500. But, back to the point, nobody actually thinks of a wedding as a money maker, it's a very expensive party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Send regrets and a nice card with check. If anyone asks (in laws, parents of bride, etc) say apologetically that the kids have a 4 day weekend and you had planned a family getaway, and you respect that their wedding is no kids.

This has nothing to do with it. They have another trip planned. No need to mention the kids or not.

They don't have a trip planned yet, they just wanted to go that weekend. And turns out the husband doesn't care anyway. This family isn't that close so it makes sense the kids weren't invited and they just got a courtesy invite anyway.

Get over yourself.

Do you know what a close family is? You seem confused.

Yes, that's the problem here.

The husband said "Yipee" at the idea of skipping the wedding. If you don't to see your nearest and dearest get married then you can hardly call them close.