Wedding dilemma - would this be rude?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Rude

Wedding invites do not = command performance.

[Anonymous]

We didn't have kids at our wedding years ago and 4 kids later I stand by that.
But I also think you are fine not going if you can't take your kids.

[Anonymous]

I declined an invitation to my sister’s wedding because she said no kids. Among other reasons…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think I would lean towards letting my DH make the final decision but I feel like if they said no kids, it’s not rude to decline.

I’d let my spouse decide as well. But I 100% know that would mean we’re going. A cousin’s kid is a close relative in that family.

If this is OP then there’s your answer?

[Anonymous]

I think a child-free wedding invite is completely optional if you have kids. It would be gracious if your DH went alone, but zero compunctions if you all go elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

If your husband would rather go on the family trip, definitely do that. It’s not rude to decline to attend any wedding, but especially not one that excludes part of your family. (It's also not rude to have a no-kids wedding)

[Anonymous]

How old are your kids? And why do you think a four day weekend is a rare thing?

[Anonymous]

Kids only weddings don’t work for families with kids, especially if it’s out of town.

It’s OK to decline, just send a good gift depending on the relationship.

A few years ago we declined a kids only wedding. Since it was family (and family we like), we sent a $3000 wedding gift. Fast forward 4 years and 2 kids later, the bride and groom completely get it now.

We still jokingly give them a hard time about a kids only wedding, though. I think they get it. Lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think I would lean towards letting my DH make the final decision but I feel like if they said no kids, it’s not rude to decline.

I’d let my spouse decide as well. But I 100% know that would mean we’re going. A cousin’s kid is a close relative in that family.

If this is OP then there’s your answer?

Not OP. Just pointing out that in some families, a cousin’s kid’s wedding would be a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Rude

Wedding invites do not = command performance.

PP you are responding to. I agree with you in principle, and I probably wouldn't use the word "rude" if not for OP formulating the question that way. In this case:

1. The extended family is genuinely close.
2. OP hasn't formulated a specific plan or destination for this particular weekend; there is no prior commitment made, no bucket list item to check off, no deposits/tickets involved, etc.
3. There is nothing special about this particular weekend other than that it's 4 days long. There isn't an event/concert/birthday/seasonal highlight, etc. that requires this particular weekend.
4. The wedding/weekend is months away, so there is plenty of time to make an alternate plan.
5. OP's children are young, so there is plenty of time in the future for many family trips.
6. Because OP and her husband live far away from his family, the opportunities for him and their children to spend time with that whole side of the family, bond/build memories with them are not frequent and will become less so as time goes on.

So, it's not rude but just strikes me as an unfortunate choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your husband would rather go on the family trip, definitely do that. It’s not rude to decline to attend any wedding, but especially not one that excludes part of your family. (It's also not rude to have a no-kids wedding)

No it isn't. Nobody wants to pay for you to have your ill-mannered brats there.

[Anonymous]

Same scenario but it’s parent’s weekend at my youngest college her first year there? I do not want her to be the only freshman with no parent there. Cousin’s wedding. No kids. Is it rude not to go to wedding?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your husband would rather go on the family trip, definitely do that. It’s not rude to decline to attend any wedding, but especially not one that excludes part of your family. (It's also not rude to have a no-kids wedding)

No it isn't. Nobody wants to pay for you to have your ill-mannered brats there.

This seems like an especially rude way to … agree with the person you’re responding to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Same scenario but it’s parent’s weekend at my youngest college her first year there? I do not want her to be the only freshman with no parent there. Cousin’s wedding. No kids. Is it rude not to go to wedding?

Nope. You have plans already. It’s never rude to decline a wedding invitation because you already have plans.

[Anonymous]

Save the time and money for your kids.