Wedding dilemma - would this be rude?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of course you can decline! Don’t put photos of your trip on sm.

I hate social media, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with letting people know that you went on a trip. These people didn’t even allow all of OP’s family to attend. She doesn’t need to hide that she made alternate arrangements that actually include her whole family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where’s the wedding?
It’s not rude to decline if they say no kids.

This. I hate no kid weddings. So don't go. Ever.

[Anonymous]

It’s fine to decline.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All this talk about family being important rings hollow when you need to leave half your family at home in order to be welcome at the family event. No thanks.

This is it! Either the family is close and it's a big deal and priority to have everyone there OR they have a no kids wedding, where some portion of the family can't attend. There will be other events where your kids are welcome - it's fine to decline this one.

This. Either it’s a big important family event, or it’s a formal adult evening. It can’t be both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where’s the wedding?
It’s not rude to decline if they say no kids.

This. I hate no kid weddings. So don't go. Ever.

It would be fine to decline even if the kids were invited tbh. If it’s not a wedding you want to drop everything and be at (eg I couldn’t imagine missing my sister’s wedding/she planned the whole thing to make sure everyone she wanted in her wedding party could be there), you can always decline? You don’t say “I don’t think your wedding is important so I’m not coming” but you can definitely say “I’m so sorry but we can’t make that date. Congratulations and wishing you all the best!” without being rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH's extended family is very close. A cousin's child is getting married in the fall and the wedding happens to fall over a rare 4 day weekend for my kids. We'd planned on taking a long weekend trip together as family when the wedding invite arrived.

The dilemma - wedding is adults only. Can we skip the wedding and still go on a trip or would that be rude?

They’re “very close” to you guys but they aren’t inviting everyone in your nuclear family? That doesn’t scream “very close” to me and of course you should decline if you don’t want to leave your children behind. Very normal!

[Anonymous]

You can always skip a wedding if you already have plans. It's not rude at all.

For all you people who get enraged by no-kids weddings, do you do anything without your kids? Are they allowed to go to sleepovers alone or to overnight field trips or camps? Do you ever go out to dinner without your kids? Why all the rage towards an adults-only evening?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can always skip a wedding if you already have plans. It's not rude at all.

For all you people who get enraged by no-kids weddings, do you do anything without your kids? Are they allowed to go to sleepovers alone or to overnight field trips or camps? Do you ever go out to dinner without your kids? Why all the rage towards an adults-only evening?

I’m not raging I just wouldn’t go. I posted that 4 day weekends with my kids aren’t common. I do all sorts of things without my kids- for example I work. I go on dates with my husband. I see friends. But for a weekend long event billed as “important for the family”, I’d not believe it was actually important for the family if they weren’t actually inviting my entire family so I would never let the “but it’s family!” line make me feel guilty or really feel anything other than amusement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can always skip a wedding if you already have plans. It's not rude at all.

For all you people who get enraged by no-kids weddings, do you do anything without your kids? Are they allowed to go to sleepovers alone or to overnight field trips or camps? Do you ever go out to dinner without your kids? Why all the rage towards an adults-only evening?

You are projecting, no one is enraged in this thread. Weddings are a social obligation with bland food, bland music, expensive and a hassle. I try to minimize time without either parent, or a trusted family member, for my kids. A concert to my favorite band, i'll make an exception. An amazing weekend getaway to Napa, ok. My husband's cousin's kid's wedding, nope not prioritizing that over my kids - the B&G didn't so why should i?

[Anonymous]

To add- I have absolutely gone to adult only weddings with just my husband. Usually local ones. If out of town it’s easier for one of us to go and the other to stay home with the kids. But none of these weddings were being sold
To us as “this is close family and it’s important to the family that you come”.
That’s the part I find kind of funny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can always skip a wedding if you already have plans. It's not rude at all.

For all you people who get enraged by no-kids weddings, do you do anything without your kids? Are they allowed to go to sleepovers alone or to overnight field trips or camps? Do you ever go out to dinner without your kids? Why all the rage towards an adults-only evening?

You are projecting, no one is enraged in this thread. Weddings are a social obligation with bland food, bland music, expensive and a hassle. I try to minimize time without either parent, or a trusted family member, for my kids. A concert to my favorite band, i'll make an exception. An amazing weekend getaway to Napa, ok. My husband's cousin's kid's wedding, nope not prioritizing that over my kids - the B&G didn't so why should i?

I agree. I see weddings as the joining of 2 families and think it’s silly to make it difficult for family to actually attend, or not invite all members of your family no matter their ages. (I think it’s different to include children who are in the family and invite only adults outside the family , for what it’s worth). If the couple doesn’t see their wedding the same way that’s fine, but it shows me they don’t prioritize their event as the joining of 2 families and the celebration of those 2 families, so I don’t feel any obligation to attend as a distant family member.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can always skip a wedding if you already have plans. It's not rude at all.

For all you people who get enraged by no-kids weddings, do you do anything without your kids? Are they allowed to go to sleepovers alone or to overnight field trips or camps? Do you ever go out to dinner without your kids? Why all the rage towards an adults-only evening?

You are projecting, no one is enraged in this thread. Weddings are a social obligation with bland food, bland music, expensive and a hassle. I try to minimize time without either parent, or a trusted family member, for my kids. A concert to my favorite band, i'll make an exception. An amazing weekend getaway to Napa, ok. My husband's cousin's kid's wedding, nope not prioritizing that over my kids - the B&G didn't so why should i?

I agree. I see weddings as the joining of 2 families and think it’s silly to make it difficult for family to actually attend, or not invite all members of your family no matter their ages. (I think it’s different to include children who are in the family and invite only adults outside the family , for what it’s worth). If the couple doesn’t see their wedding the same way that’s fine, but it shows me they don’t prioritize their event as the joining of 2 families and the celebration of those 2 families, so I don’t feel any obligation to attend as a distant family member.

Oh and the couple also probably could not give 2 sh*ts since they prefer an adults only formal party, they probably prefer to have mostly their fun friends to dance and drink with and could not care less about their moms cousins wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Rude

Wedding invites do not = command performance.

PP you are responding to. I agree with you in principle, and I probably wouldn't use the word "rude" if not for OP formulating the question that way. In this case:

1. The extended family is genuinely close.
2. OP hasn't formulated a specific plan or destination for this particular weekend; there is no prior commitment made, no bucket list item to check off, no deposits/tickets involved, etc.
3. There is nothing special about this particular weekend other than that it's 4 days long. There isn't an event/concert/birthday/seasonal highlight, etc. that requires this particular weekend.
4. The wedding/weekend is months away, so there is plenty of time to make an alternate plan.
5. OP's children are young, so there is plenty of time in the future for many family trips.
6. Because OP and her husband live far away from his family, the opportunities for him and their children to spend time with that whole side of the family, bond/build memories with them are not frequent and will become less so as time goes on.

So, it's not rude but just strikes me as an unfortunate choice.

4 day weekends with school aged kids are not common! I would be sad to miss a rare opportunity for a 4 day weekend staycation or short trip with my kids. If it is to attend a family wedding of a supposedly close extended family- that would be amazing. But if this supposedly close extended family is hosting an event where the kids in the family aren’t welcome, then I’m going to spend the weekend doing something else with my kids, and that’s fine? And neither party should feel bad or mad about this.

Umm, most kids are home from school all summer and get multiple breaks throughout the year. Do what you want, but claiming a four day weekend as some precious thing that must be used for a trip with the kids instead of a wedding seems a bit disingenuous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can always skip a wedding if you already have plans. It's not rude at all.

For all you people who get enraged by no-kids weddings, do you do anything without your kids? Are they allowed to go to sleepovers alone or to overnight field trips or camps? Do you ever go out to dinner without your kids? Why all the rage towards an adults-only evening?

You are projecting, no one is enraged in this thread. Weddings are a social obligation with bland food, bland music, expensive and a hassle. I try to minimize time without either parent, or a trusted family member, for my kids. A concert to my favorite band, i'll make an exception. An amazing weekend getaway to Napa, ok. My husband's cousin's kid's wedding, nope not prioritizing that over my kids - the B&G didn't so why should i?

You're def mad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Rude

Wedding invites do not = command performance.

PP you are responding to. I agree with you in principle, and I probably wouldn't use the word "rude" if not for OP formulating the question that way. In this case:

1. The extended family is genuinely close.
2. OP hasn't formulated a specific plan or destination for this particular weekend; there is no prior commitment made, no bucket list item to check off, no deposits/tickets involved, etc.
3. There is nothing special about this particular weekend other than that it's 4 days long. There isn't an event/concert/birthday/seasonal highlight, etc. that requires this particular weekend.
4. The wedding/weekend is months away, so there is plenty of time to make an alternate plan.
5. OP's children are young, so there is plenty of time in the future for many family trips.
6. Because OP and her husband live far away from his family, the opportunities for him and their children to spend time with that whole side of the family, bond/build memories with them are not frequent and will become less so as time goes on.

So, it's not rude but just strikes me as an unfortunate choice.

4 day weekends with school aged kids are not common! I would be sad to miss a rare opportunity for a 4 day weekend staycation or short trip with my kids. If it is to attend a family wedding of a supposedly close extended family- that would be amazing. But if this supposedly close extended family is hosting an event where the kids in the family aren’t welcome, then I’m going to spend the weekend doing something else with my kids, and that’s fine? And neither party should feel bad or mad about this.

Umm, most kids are home from school all summer and get multiple breaks throughout the year. Do what you want, but claiming a four day weekend as some precious thing that must be used for a trip with the kids instead of a wedding seems a bit disingenuous.

Ummm I work outside of the home so I am not home all summer with my kids. YMMV.