Wedding dilemma - would this be rude?

[Anonymous]

One of my cousin's kids is getting married this spring, also holding a no kids wedding. It's only 90 minutes away, so I am going and leaving my kids at home with my DH. I'll carpool with my mom to the wedding and enjoy spending time with her. Not a big deal.

If I had to travel further, I would have said no entirely. Unless my siblings were both going, then maybe I'd go with them and again leave my family at home.

It's fine to say no. But I suspect your DH might not agree, since this is his family.

[Anonymous]

Op here, reporting back. Thanks for the responses.

Home, wedding and desired vacation spot are all on the east coast but not near each other.

Surprisingly, spouse readily agreed to skip the wedding. Yippee!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH's extended family is very close. A cousin's child is getting married in the fall and the wedding happens to fall over a rare 4 day weekend for my kids. We'd planned on taking a long weekend trip together as family when the wedding invite arrived.

The dilemma - wedding is adults only. Can we skip the wedding and still go on a trip or would that be rude?

1) You already had plans by the time the invitation arrived. That's life.

2) This is your husband's family so it's his decision as to whether or not he wants to go. Whether you go is a separate question. (I'm assuming you haven't already booked nonrefundable flights/hotels for your trip. If you have, see #1).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If they slid no kids, it is fine to decline. You should not have find a stranger to watch them.?It’s rude to be be angry at people who won’t travel without kids or hire strangers to watch them.

What must it be like to live in such a binary world where those are your two options?

Spoiler alert - my husband and I are going to the Caribbean for 10 years with two other couples and no kids and yet a stranger isn't watching our children! (Neither is family, for those who want to complain about how it's so easy for those who have family who live close by - we do not).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Same scenario but it’s parent’s weekend at my youngest college her first year there? I do not want her to be the only freshman with no parent there. Cousin’s wedding. No kids. Is it rude not to go to wedding?

No. You have other plans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Same scenario but it’s parent’s weekend at my youngest college her first year there? I do not want her to be the only freshman with no parent there. Cousin’s wedding. No kids. Is it rude not to go to wedding?

Here's the thing - if they really wanted you to be at the wedding, they would have cleared the date with you ahead of time. Because they didn't, and you aren't free, you just don't go. It's not that hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids only weddings don’t work for families with kids, especially if it’s out of town.

It’s OK to decline, just send a good gift depending on the relationship.

A few years ago we declined a kids only wedding. Since it was family (and family we like), we sent a $3000 wedding gift. Fast forward 4 years and 2 kids later, the bride and groom completely get it now.

We still jokingly give them a hard time about a kids only wedding, though. I think they get it. Lol

Except, you know, for all of us who actually do attend weddings without our kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Send regrets and a nice card with check. If anyone asks (in laws, parents of bride, etc) say apologetically that the kids have a 4 day weekend and you had planned a family getaway, and you respect that their wedding is no kids.

This has nothing to do with it. They have another trip planned. No need to mention the kids or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH's extended family is very close. A cousin's child is getting married in the fall and the wedding happens to fall over a rare 4 day weekend for my kids. We'd planned on taking a long weekend trip together as family when the wedding invite arrived.

The dilemma - wedding is adults only. Can we skip the wedding and still go on a trip or would that be rude?

They’re “very close” to you guys but they aren’t inviting everyone in your nuclear family? That doesn’t scream “very close” to me and of course you should decline if you don’t want to leave your children behind. Very normal!

You people are so freaking dramatic. It's like not people who travel without their children are leaving them tied up at home with a bowl of kibble for a week or something.

[Anonymous]

Adult only weddings are fine.

Declining to go to adult only weddings because you don’t want to leave your kids behind is fine.

Declining a wedding because you already have other plans (or otherwise don’t want to go) is fine.

All of this is fine. None of it is rude. It just is what it is. Sometimes the stars don’t align to make it to every wedding you’re invited to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can always skip a wedding if you already have plans. It's not rude at all.

For all you people who get enraged by no-kids weddings, do you do anything without your kids? Are they allowed to go to sleepovers alone or to overnight field trips or camps? Do you ever go out to dinner without your kids? Why all the rage towards an adults-only evening?

+1,000

And surely you homeschool, right? You don't ever let your kids out of your sight?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Send regrets and a nice card with check. If anyone asks (in laws, parents of bride, etc) say apologetically that the kids have a 4 day weekend and you had planned a family getaway, and you respect that their wedding is no kids.

This has nothing to do with it. They have another trip planned. No need to mention the kids or not.

They don't have a trip planned yet, they just wanted to go that weekend. And turns out the husband doesn't care anyway. This family isn't that close so it makes sense the kids weren't invited and they just got a courtesy invite anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can always skip a wedding if you already have plans. It's not rude at all.

For all you people who get enraged by no-kids weddings, do you do anything without your kids? Are they allowed to go to sleepovers alone or to overnight field trips or camps? Do you ever go out to dinner without your kids? Why all the rage towards an adults-only evening?

You are projecting, no one is enraged in this thread. Weddings are a social obligation with bland food, bland music, expensive and a hassle. I try to minimize time without either parent, or a trusted family member, for my kids. A concert to my favorite band, i'll make an exception. An amazing weekend getaway to Napa, ok. My husband's cousin's kid's wedding, nope not prioritizing that over my kids - the B&G didn't so why should i?

You are completely incorrect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH's extended family is very close. A cousin's child is getting married in the fall and the wedding happens to fall over a rare 4 day weekend for my kids. We'd planned on taking a long weekend trip together as family when the wedding invite arrived.

The dilemma - wedding is adults only. Can we skip the wedding and still go on a trip or would that be rude?

They’re “very close” to you guys but they aren’t inviting everyone in your nuclear family? That doesn’t scream “very close” to me and of course you should decline if you don’t want to leave your children behind. Very normal!

You people are so freaking dramatic. It's like not people who travel without their children are leaving them tied up at home with a bowl of kibble for a week or something.

How in the world did you infer the phrase leaving your kids behind means people are suggesting leaving them locked up with kibble.

It means leave them behind while you travel. Sometimes you may want to do that. Sometimes you might not. It’s okay to not want to leave them. It’s okay to leave them. You’re not a better or worse parent either way.

Some of you on this board really take offense at any and everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If they slid no kids, it is fine to decline. You should not have find a stranger to watch them.?It’s rude to be be angry at people who won’t travel without kids or hire strangers to watch them.

What must it be like to live in such a binary world where those are your two options?

Spoiler alert - my husband and I are going to the Caribbean for 10 years with two other couples and no kids and yet a stranger isn't watching our children! (Neither is family, for those who want to complain about how it's so easy for those who have family who live close by - we do not).

I know this was a typo but I’m laughing at you coming back home to your kids a decade older. 😂